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langstylanceylance · 7 years ago

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Song are Sung Sweetest in Tears

Ok, so, this fic was requested of me over a year ago. I am actually the worst??? So this is for you @bluelancerobin, you sweet bean. Thank you for being so patient with me and also not hating me guts oh my god

After being thrown down by the level 16 bot for a third time, Keith decided that his training had come to an end for that night. A quick look at the ticker Coran had given him, and the rest of the crew, told the boy it was late at night. It was half past whatever the hell the castle’s simulation of one was. ‘If I don't get to bed soon, people will be able to tell I went to bed late. No way do I want to get heckled by Lance about skincare again.’

It wasn’t so much Keith didn’t like Lance. Don’t get Keith wrong, sure, he could be loud, and his rivalry with Keith could get annoying. It also rubbed Keith the wrong way when Lance was avidly flirting with Allura, but that felt like it was something different. What it was? Keith didn't know. That was the real trouble of Lance to him. There was something about Lance that had Keith’s subconscious nagging him. It had a rosy, sweet feeling to it and that’s what made Keith uncomfortable. He just wasn't used to it, he’d never experienced the feeling before so he didn't know what to classify it as.

Keith shook his head and grabbed his towel off the bench before gathering his bayard and exiting the Training Deck. The ship was so peaceful at night, it relaxed him. After being alone for several months in the desert being around so many voices could get real overwhelming real fast. A factor in Keith’s short temper if he was being honest. But the soothing quiet calmed Keith and gave him space to breathe. It cradled Keith and held him without smothering him. That’s exactly why he immediately homed in on the oaky chords of a guitar coming from a room somewhere down a hall he had never had to walk down before.

Curious, the raven haired boy started down the unfamiliar hallway. He looked around and saw many empty rooms with open doors, it was slightly intimidating. The music was getting louder and as it did he realized that someone was singing along with the sweet notes of the strings. Keith made his footsteps quieter as he approached the end of his hallway into another one horizontal to it. The music was coming from the closest room across the hall to the left. ‘That voice… is that? That’s Lance’s voice!’ The pale paladin pressed himself against the left wall before slowly looking around the corner and peering into the room.

***

Lance had a place he went to when the dark of his room got too suffocating and the biting voices in his mind got too loud. When they first arrived at the castle, Lance spent a lot of time wandering the castle just looking around for cool alien shit. Despite the fact that the paladins had sleeping quarters close by each other, there were other personal rooms. They were far enough away from the main gathering places of the team that Lance didn't have to worry about the others hearing or finding him, at least, not easily or without sharp-ass hearing. This was Lance’s safe haven. The room was large enough to not feel cramped but cozy enough to calm his nerves. He had found some weird alien light strings and hung them up around the room. They radiated in a range from soft blues to warm, cozy creams and they made him feel more safe. He gathered tons of the extra pillows and blankets found in the other extra rooms of the castle. Everything was perfect and there to comfort him. It was his safe place. That meant it was also the place he ended up for most of his breakdowns and the darkest nights in the months that dragged on through space.

When they went back to the space mall, with GAC this time, he and Pidge had made a beeline to the human goods store to find more video games. They found them, but Lance found something far more precious. An old acoustic guitar. It was a dark oak and the bottom had faded waves painted on it, like it was made for him. Lance immediately put back whatever trivial game he had wanted to spend his GAC on in favor of buying the guitar.

As a kid, Lance had always loved the songs his older brother played on his guitar. Even as a toddler, Lance would doddle over to Luis and climb into his lap to listen to him practice his guitar. The day Lance turned eight, he had been upset because he wanted his older brother to play just one song on the guitar before he went off to college. Luis had been gone all the time during the day over the summer so Lance had barely seen him at all, let alone heard him play the guitar. That was, until Luis burst in the front door and made a beeline for Lance, who had been pouting in the corner, consoling himself by shoving his face with the cake his mama had made him. “Hey, Alejandro, I’m sorry I’m late, but I have a surprise for you!” He pulled out a beautiful acoustic guitar. Lance gasped in awe and had tentatively touched it. “I worked all summer to save up and buy you this. I got my guitar on my eighth birthday, so, i figure it was high time you got your very own, hombrecito.” That was the best birthday Lance had ever had. He would skype Luis to learn when he could, and practiced until his fingers were burning every day. It was his favorite hobby, aside from self care. But self care wasn’t really a hobby, it was a lifestyle as Veronica had always said.

Lance reminisce on that day a lot in space, even more after he had gotten the guitar he had swiftly refurbished the second the team had returned from the space mall. After that trip, more often than not, when sleep finally found Lance, the guitar was securely in his arms.

Music was a coping mechanism. As a kid Lance had just liked the pretty notes, but as he got older and experienced more Lance realized how much emotion someone could pour into every corner of music. When Lance was bullied by those asshole kids because he was tall and lanky, music was there when mama and Veronica were at work. When abuela got sick and the whole family thought it might be her last night, music was there to softly strum her to sleep and there to wake her the next day. When Lance had been diagnosed with depression, music quieted his turbulent mind and gave him something else to focus on other than what a worthless son he was. When he was beaten out by one space for fighter pilot by some mullet-headed asshole who refused to even introduce himself when they had been assigned seats next to each other in Calculus II, music had been there to keep his hands off the razor blade in the bathroom medicine cabinet. When Jenny Shaybon rejected him and he was a laughing stock at the garrison for months music had smothered the sound of his sobs and caressed his aching heart.

There was one song that Lance had loved since he was twelve. It perfectly encapsulated his feelings and insecurities that constantly nagged him every waking hour of every sluggish day. It was a song whose lyrics often found themselves slipping past his lips in the otherwise silent night, from his room in Varadero, to his dorm at the garrison, to his safe haven here, now, on the castleship. It was one of the first pop rock songs he put the effort in to wholeheartedly learn. And it was what he sang now as his fingers effortlessly found the chords and slid up and down the frets with a practiced perfection.

“My ship went down in a sea of sound, when I woke up alone I had everything,”

“Lance stop goofing off! We need you up here, not performing stunts for the girls on the planet.” Lance, for one, would love to stop this “stunt” he was pulling. ‘Blue, come on girl, please work for me.’ Blue growled and the controls started flickering back to life, but not before Lance was submerged in an orange soda ocean. When he had managed to get back up to space, there was nothing there but the remnants of destroyed galra battleships.

Cringing, Lance flew back to the castleship and landed blue. When he stepped out the team was waiting for him. “Gee Lance, thanks so much for the backup.” He opened his mouth to explain himself but closed it. His team was right, he should’ve done better. “Whatever,” they turned away from him, “I hope that got you everything you’ve ever wanted.”

“A handful of moments I wished I could change, and a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade,”

“Real mature, Lance.” Pidge shot him a glare as he held her laptop high above where she could reach in an attempt to get her to go to bed. It sliced hot against him as they maintained eye contact until she huffed, “Whatever.” and walked away towards her room.

“Come on, Lance! Would it kill you to take ONE training session seriously?” Lance rubbed his eyes and grimaced as the bot went in for a hit at Keith. Lance did his best to aim but he couldn’t sleep the night before and everything was a bit fuzzy. The shot missed the bot by inches and left Keith to take the blow. “Ugh, seriously, Lance?”

“Hey, princess! I was thinking that maybe after the briefing today we could-”

“Lance, please! I do not have time for your silly antics and flirting! How many times have I told you I am not interested?” Lance dropped his head and hid the facemasks he had spent the better part of the day before mixing sheepishly.

“Sorry, princess. I’ll leave you in peace…”

“He started it-”

“Lance! Stop blaming everything on Keith. We all know you’re the one responsible for this mess.” Shiro pointed to the scented, slippery oil spreading over the hallway floor. “Honestly, your tongue is too sharp for your own good.” Lance bit his lip, he had liked that hair product. It was the closest thing he could find to Veronica’s homemade hair serum back on Earth. It wasn't his fault Keith had been studying a blade and bumped into Lance while he was arranging the goods in his arms to carry back to his room. He was on the verge of tears. So, he rushed back to his room.

“In a city of fools I was careful and cool but they tore me apart like a hurricane,”

“Mario is red, Sonic is blue, press start to join and be my player two.” Lance winked at Keith as they walked back from their lions. Keith’s face flashed with an unreadable emotion before his face screwed up and he started turning red.

“First of all, that was terrible. Second of all, Mario was a murderous, sociopathic, animal abuser so if that was your idea of a complement or whatever then you’re crazier than Slav. And, third of all, who would want to be your player two?” After his little tyrade Keith rushed off like he was trying to escape from a thunderstorm, leaving a confused and dejected Lance in his wake.

“A handful of moments I wished I could change, but I was carried away,”

“Lance, dude, I don’t have time for this right now.” Hunk was staring very intently at some sort of alien ingredient that looked like a strawberry except real spiky and also yellow.

“Ah, sorry Hunk, I just thought we could hang out like back at the garrison. It’s been so busy that we’ve barely gotten to hang out at all-”

“Sh sh sh-! I finally found it in the ingredient index! Maybe some other time Lance.”

“Look guys! You’ll never guess what I just found on my computer…” Pidge raced into the commons room and skidded to a halt. The rest of the team looked up at the short girl in interest. “I have the complete Back to the Future trilogy set up and just ready to go. All we need to do is break out the space popcorn and blankets and it’ll be a regular old team movie night!” The rest of the team shared looks of mutual excitement.

“Oh hell yeah!” Lance cheered pumping his fists in the air.

“I’ll get to work on that popcorn right now!” Hunk rushed out of the room.

“Keith and I can go collect the pillows and blankets to bring them to the observation deck.” Shiro stood up and exited the room, Keith trailing after.

“Perhaps I’ll don my evening clothes so as to be extra comfortable for this ‘movie night’ as you called it!” The princess smiled and glided out, Pidge exited behind her to make her way back to the observation deck and hook up her computer. Lance got up to follow Allura’s idea and get into more comfy clothes only to feel a gloved hand grip his shoulder.

“Now hold up there number three, you said you’d be helping me clean the cryopods again tonight. I’m sorry. But, if we get on it maybe we’ll be done within six varga!” Lance was dragged away by Coran. ‘Six varga? But it’ll all be over by then…’

***

Lance’s singing was ethereal. It sounded like the embodiment of every comforting and wholesome family scene Keith had ever witnessed. That is to say it cut down to Keith’s heart and made it ache. He was singing a song the Red Paladin had never pegged him to know, taking Lance for a Beyonce and Rihanna type of guy. So when Keith finally recognized the song as “Therapy” the already nostalgic feel of Lance’s voice combined and made him feel like he was back at the garrison, the same night Shiro had been announced as missing. It was enough to make Keith’s eyes mist up.

However, the emotion in Lance’s voice was far more powerful than Keith was expecting, just listening to it made Keith want to swallow away the lump forming in his throat. It was emotion that he hadn’t thought Lance to possess. A deep, sore, ballad that washed over Keith’s senses. He could feel anguish poured into every word. Keith felt his heart crumbling and splintering apart a little more at each note played. The raw emotion was enough to prevent Keith from being able to look in Lance’s eyes until the chorus.

“Give me therapy, I’m a walking tragedy,” Keith finally looked into the orbs that seemed to be windows into the depths of the sea, only to find them swimming with tears. “But I'm smiling at everything,” They spilled over Lance’s cheeks and raced down his face. His voice broke a bit as he swallowed a sob in favor of continuing to sing. “Therapy, you were never a friend to me,” the lanky boy laughed wetly and without humor as he continued to softly strum the guitar. “And you can keep all your misery,” It was only after this line that the tears in Keith’s own eyes finally fell too.

How long? How long had Lance felt this way, sung by himself in a isolated part of the castle away from his team? When had Lance’s eyes stopped shining with mirth and playful vitality? God, how had none of them noticed. Keith could feel the waves of hurt and hopelessness radiating off the brown-haired boy.

God, he took his frustration out on Lance. Again. He knew it wasn't the tall boy’s fault. He had seen a glimpse of him the day, or rather, night before wandering around the castle clutching his jacket and murmuring in Spanish. Had seen him struggling to keep his head out of his food goo that morning. Was watching him now as he frantically rubbed at his eyes and apologized to Keith, who had just snapped at him for something Lance was doing his best to fix. Why couldn't he just say what he meant? He had to apologize to Lance later.

Keith watched Lance book it away from him and Shiro. “Shiro, what the hell?” The older man looked at him in tired surprise. “It was my fault, I hadn’t been looking where I was going. Why didn’t you let him explain himself?” Shiro’s eyes widened as his face shifted into a a look of abject horror.

“Shit, I… It’s usually him and I just… I was tired and. God, I messed up didn't I.” He ran his hands over his face. “I need to go apologize.”

As Keith hurried away from Lance, he felt,that THING again. Well, that, and embarrassment. He had not handled that well. But would bringing it up again be weird? His insides felt hot and squirmed, remembering the silly pick up line Lance had used. Fuck, this was weird, he should just avoid Lance for a while. He could’ve sworn he heard a whimper from behind him, but it was probably just his mind playing tricks.

Keith stretched, groaning as his joints popped. That had been an entertaining trilogy but he had been sitting around for too long. He got up to go to his room and get ready for bed, only to catch a glimpse of olive jacket. Where had Lance been? He had seemed really excited to watch movies with the rest of the team. But Keith had kept an eye out for the boy and hadn't seen hair nor hide of him all night. “Lance!” Keith called, jogging up to the boy who had turned to face him. “Where’d you go? You missed all three movies man!” Lance scratched the back of his neck and laughed awkwardly.

“Oh, Coran and I had to clean the cryopods. It's fine, I don't really like movies anyway… Uh, I’m kinda tired though, so I'm gonna go to bed. Night, Mullet.” Keith watched him walk away, and couldn't help but notice the way his feet dragged on the floor.

Fuck, how had they been so blind. No, not blind. How could they have ignored how Lance had been feeling for so long. The tears wouldn't stop. Lance continued to sing while Keith watched him from the shadows. “Arrogant boy, love yourself so no one has to,” Lance threw his head up and wailed out they lyrics, his shoulders shaking. “They’re better off,without you, they’re better off without you…” he paused while his sobs racked through him. Fat tears plopped onto the guitar.

Keith couldn't stand this. Every strum of the guitar sliced into his flesh and every and every piercing note he sang stabbed Keith in his heart. “Arrogant boy, cause a scene like you're supposed to, they'll fall asleep without you, you're lucky if your memory remains…” Did Lance think that? Keith thought about every interaction Lance initiated with the group, it was always full of life, like he was cheering them on. Telling them, “Just a little more! We’re a team, we can do this!” Then, did Lance think that they’d all just… forget him if he died? Keith felt sick.

Lance finished the rest of the song, “Therapy, you were never a friend to me! And you can choke on your misery.” Lance’s beautiful singing voice cut out into a anguished shout before he finally gave into the tears. Keith’s legs moved on their own. He turned the corner and walked into the room. Lance looked up, alarmed and futilely swiped at his eyes, finally settling for covering his face.

Keith climbed onto Lance’s nest of pillows and blankets heaped on top of the bed and gently removed his hands from his face. Lance risked a glance up to see Keith’s amethyst eyes overflowing with tears like his own. Keith drew Lance into his arms on instinct, resting his chin on the other boy’s head. Keith had never felt such a strong urge to comfort and protect anyone, except maybe from Red towards him.

Lance stiffened for a few tics and then melted into Keith, wrapping his own arms around Keith’s middle and holding onto his shirt like a lifeline. He continued to softly sob, but now it was muffled by Keith’s shirt. Keith’s hands hesitantly started to make comforting circles into Lance’s back, to which Lance nuzzled a bit into Keith. Oh. Oh. So that’s what it is.

“Hey Lance?” Keith murmured into the tan boy’s hair. Lance made a barely perceptible nod. “I'm so sorry we didn't notice. I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner. We need you, man. You’re a wonderful guy, even if you can be a bit loud sometimes. I-If you, god, if you died? We’d be a mess. I don’t think Shiro could take losing another teammate. Or Pidge another brother. And, I think you can envision how Hunk would react. Dude cries when he stubs his toe! If his best friend died? We all love you Lance. I-I love you.” He swallowed nervously. “Listen, I know I'm not going to fix everything with one shitty speech. B-but, you’ll, uh, never be alone. You have me. O-Oh and the rest of the team too.” God this was a disaster. This is why Keith didn't like sharing feelings and shit. Except? Oh, Lance was chucking wetly into his shirt. The reverberations curled in Keith's chest as warmth spread through his body.

“Thanks, Samurai. I’ll keep that in mind in the future. And, uh,” Lance buried his head further into Keith’s chest, “I love you too.”

Things weren’t going to magically fix themselves, but it was a start. And it was so much better than it had been just a few minutes before. They stayed like that until eventually they fell asleep, leaving the future for the future and letting the two boys to savor the present.

#langst #langst fic #insecure lance #klance #vld lance #vld keith #song fic #this is so late oh my god #tw mentions of self harm #homesick lance #mine

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langstylanceylance · 7 years ago

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Isolation Complete

So, uh, hi! This is my first langst fic on this account and um. I hope y'all like it? Sorry if it’s bad. The prompt came from @spoiledspine so yeah! This takes place before S3 so we still have Real Shiro™ and they have found 0 family. Keith is known to be galra and Allura has stopped being The Actual Worst about it.

Once again, Team Voltron had won. It had been hard, and long, but they’d won. “Hell yeah another win for us!” Lance cheered over the coms. ‘That was stupid, they think you’re stupid, and you are.’ A small voice needled in Lance’s brain. The others whooped in an adrenaline-induced fervor as they landed their lions around the castleship and stepped out onto the foreign planet.

Similar to the Olkari these aliens, the Phearo, were very tech-oriented. However, the tech they were developing was significantly less leafy. According to Allura, it was amazing technology that would grant the Alliance a significant upper hand in gathering galra information. The specifics were pretty blurry but it was enough to get the entire team excited. Everyone gathered together before they were taken by an alien to lead them to the Government building to discuss the alliance.

The people of planet Phearia were best described as land octopi with obelisk like legs and a very jello-y midsection. “Incredible! Their multiple arms allow them to be far more efficient and the pliancy of their limbs makes it easier to get into small spaces!” Pidge’s excited muttering was easy to pick up. They passed by several rooms, all save one were locked with what looked like patient names on the fronts of the doors. The last one had a window that they used to look in. The room was illuminated in soft purple and fuschia glows that seemed to be originating from the ceiling. There was something that looked like a couch and several chair-like contraption, but other than that the deep grey room was empty.

From Lance’s other side, Hunk excitedly whispered, “I’ll bet that’s the thing!”

“I wonder how it works, I’ll bet it’s super cool!” Pidge looked up at Hunk with stars in her eyes.

“You think they’d let us check it out?” Hunk could barely contain his voice to a whisper. From the front where the princess had been discussing the local fauna with one of the government officials, she gave a rather stern cough. Hunk and Pidge both shrunk a bit but none of their enthusiasm had left their faces. Lance laughed a bit and threw a look back to the room. ‘I wonder what it is exactly. Whatever it is I’m sure it’ll be super neat and useful to us!’ Lance smiled a bit before an equally sure voice chimed in, ‘Unlike you.’ The small smile not a second after it had arrived and Lance went back to watching the world around him. Keith and Shiro were discussing possible ways to combine the recently unlocked upgrades each of the lions had gotten and Coran was enthusiastically inquiring about the supposedly legendary animal that was native to Phearia.

In the conference room, the team finally met with the Chieftain, Chief Wraz, and introduced themselves. As usual, the aliens eagerly accepted the offer to join the alliance and soon they had not only worked out the details but had also planned a celebration in several quintants, giving the team time to explore the planet of their newest ally. Just as they were finishing up the arrangements two Phearo dressed in sterile jackets that were assumed to be lab coats came in to the room and started whispering something to Chief Wraz to which he nodded intently before noticing his guest’s curious stares. “Ah yes! Well, seeing as you are both fighting the galra and saving people all over the universe, I am of most certainty that this technology will benefit you! I believe I gave you a vague idea of it when we first spoke, princess?”

“Yes, and several of us, myself included, have been very interested in what exactly this mystery technology is.” Ever the diplomat, Allura’s answer rolled smoothly off her tongue.

“I’ll allow my lead scientists to explain.” The two in question nodded nervously before one cleared their throat.

“Well, you see,” the left one warbled, “we have been developing a machine that projects the user’s logical and emotional processes as holographic forms of the user. This is so if gesturing and/or nonverbal communication is needed. We’ve tested on many of our people and we’re proud to say that it’s pretty much complete! Unfortunately, we have yet to try it on anyone outside of our race so until we have done that we cannot truly say it is finished.”

“If it’ll help you guys out I could give it a whirl!” Lance spoke up before anyone else could say anything. ‘This seems neat, and I can help people out for a change! Score!’

“Blue Paladin! We- I- that would be wonderful! We humbly accept your offer!” The two Phearo turned to a pleasant, warm orange. ‘Pathetic. You’re just a guinea pig. Hopefully this kills you, then you won’t be burdening the team anymore. Double score.’ Lance shook his head as Pidge and Hunk shared a look and nodded at each other.

“Do you think we could join and check out the tech? It’s amazing what you’ve done!” Hunk took a step forward and asked.

“Yes, I too would like to see this extraordinary technology, if I may.” The princess joined in.

“Count me in as well!” Called Coran, who was twirling his mustache with an excited fervor.

“Why of course! You of all people should be witness to it if you are to understand and use this on future missions!” The secondary Phearo’s warm orange had deepened to a tangerine.

“In that case, why not make it a team activity! Keith, you come too.” Shiro added over his shoulder as the group made their way to the door. Keith just shrugged in response.

On the way to the test room, the first scientist was explaining more about the “Splieophorbe” as it was called. “We first had the idea for this technology as a method of working through mental trauma. But we realized after we could also use it to get enemies to share intelligence easily!” Allura and Shiro’s eyes lit up with the revelation while Pidge and Hunk shared excited looks with each other. Even Keith looked visibly impressed.

Upon closer inspection the walls were textured with soft protrusions and dips, similar to a sound blocking sheet one would find in recording booths back on Earth. The scientists had Lance sit in the middle of the couch-looking thing which was surprisingly plush, like someone had mixed cashmere with stuffing. The others sat in the other chairs facing towards him. The source of the soft light that was now illuminating on all of them was in fact the machine. It was built into the ceiling and looked seamless until the scientists pushed some buttons on a panel located next to the door at which point several cords descended. Keith looked a bit nervously at Lance as the Phearo scientists began hooking Lance up to the machine. He nudged Shiro and whispered something to him, prompting Shiro to speak up, “Are you sure that this is safe? Lance isn’t in any danger is he?”

“Oh no, I assure you, this is completely safe! The most the Blue Paladin could experience would be heightened emotions.” Tension that no one had realized was there released itself from the bystander’s limbs. ‘They don’t want to have to take care of a pathetic good-for-nothing like you. You should consider yourself lucky they’re even willing to do that much for you.’ Lance winced, to which the the Phearo fretted and apologized over until he had assured them he was fine.

Eventually Lance was all hooked up and they initialized the program. Suddenly, the fuschia and purple focused, and sitting on either side of Lance were holograms of him. The purple hologram to his left sat with an alert but expressionless face while the fuschia one to his right was jostling his knee and looking around the room with a jubilant smile on his face.

Lance for one was feeling weird, but it wasn’t entirely unwelcome. For the first time since he was twelve, that voice wasn’t nagging him! But he was having trouble really enjoying it, with both his logical and emotional sides out and separate, he couldn’t think. The most Lance could do was keep his regular functions going, blinking, breathing, the works.

“Alrighty then, we’ll start off with some basic questions. Left, right, who are these people?” The purple boy surveyed the group with impassive eyes and shrugged before pointing to the person furthest left.

“ Wise and medically educated teammate, Princess and diplomatic teammate, parental figure and leading teammate, second-in-command and natural born warrior teammate, chef and engineer teammate, and genius technology-oriented teammate.”

The team all started in different ways, hearing how great even the logical side of Lance agreed they were.

“Okay, Right, same question.” The boy who had been vibrating in his seat waiting for his turn jumped up at the indication that it was his turn.

“Oh boy!! Ok, that’s Coran, the most awesome space uncle ever! He always tells me tales and he reminds me of my Uncle Cortez! Allura is so awesome too! She’s not only a princess but also a diplomat and just gorgeous!! She reminds me of my older sister Veronica! Oh geez and that’s Shiro, my childhood hero and dad friend!!! He’s so cool and is an amazing leader I’m so lucky I know him!! Oh and there’s hot ass keith-y boy!! Fiery, perfect, knife nugget who could actually fucking step on me oh my god. And Hunk!!!!! My best friend!!!! Chef extraordinaire and brilliant with mechanics.” Right Lance puts a hand up to his mouth like he was trying to whisper, “He gives the best hugs. Literally just a hunk of angel! Finally, Pidge! Last but never least, tiny, brilliant genius!! It’s only thanks to her amazing tech we’re even still alive! Thank you for that, I love you!! In fact,” He spread his arms wide so as to encompass the entire team. “I love all of you! So! Much!!” The boy finishes with a squeal. The team was flabbergasted. To think that Lance thought so highly of all of them. Keith was definitely blushing at the hologram’s choice in words while Hunk looked like he was trying to rationalize not hugging the electronic boy.

“Well then, what is Voltron?” The scientist prompted.

“A large, powerful, alien robot created from the formation of five lion robots.” Left stated pragmatically.

“A kickass alien robot that defends the universe because it and four of it’s paladins are just that awesome!!” Was Right’s enthusiastic reply.

The team shared a look, clearly intended to mean ‘what does he mean, four?’

“Lance, how many paladins are there in Voltron?” Shiro piped up.

“Five.”

“Well, I mean, technically five…”

The team shared another concerned look before the Phearo asked another question. “To get the last of the preliminary questions out of the way, who are you?”

Amidst the haze, Lance collected just enough thought to understand now what he’d done was dangerous. His teammates could find out anything and everything and he couldn’t stop it. However, he could only muster a flash of horror over his face before Left spoke up.

“I am the logical side of Lance, Blue Paladin of Voltron, Weakest Link of Voltron, and Replaceable Paladin.”

Everyone’s jaws dropped.

“Come on, Left! We have more fun titles too! Like Useless Boy, Lazy Ass, Dumb Fuck, Stupid Good-For-Nothing Shit-For-Brains, Goof-Off Paladin, Worthless Son, Inept Soldier, Keith’s Shitty Replacement, Just a Boy from Cuba! To name a few. I’m the emotional side of Lance, the fuckup who burdened the people he loves most with his presence just because he’s too selfish to kill himself and let the real Blue Paladin take his place!” Right’s smile slowly dropped as he continued his tangent but his enthusiastic voice remained. It was the same voice the real Lance used when he was talking to them too. The team wondered how much of what Lance did was an act. Recognizing that the group was going to need some time alone, both Phearo slowly backed out of the room and bolted to run diagnostics in the meantime.

For a little while everyone just sat in a dazed stupor. Pidge was the first to snap out. “Lance, holy shit!” Right flinched at her exclamation. “How long have you been thinking like this?”

“Oh wow, well, for as long as he can remember, but it started getting real bad when we got up here in space! Didn’t have my meds, y’know?” Right chirped as though this were still a normal conversation.

“Since the age of twelve. It’s been five years. On Earth he had Depression Medication to regulate our hormones and his family for extra support where Right needed them.”

“Oh, thank God, at least it’s a hormonal thing, that we can fix. I thought that we’d done something to cause it. Still! Lance, please don’t keep things like that to yourself!” Hunk’s ramble fluctuated in intensity.

The Lance in the center flinched. “Yes it is a hormonal thing, however it is a fact that Lance is useless on this team. Right is constantly fucking things up and I can’t make up for it with my meager presence. I have become attuned to these facts from extensive interaction with you all.” Left stared passed the team as he spoke. “Essentially, both Right and I were affirmed that everything we thought was correct.” Right finally seemed to drop the act, he looked tired and worn. A broken smile played on his lips as he surveyed his friends- his family.

“Who would like themselves when the person they love like their uncle thinks so little of them that he doesn’t value their concerns and fears? Who would like themselves when just trying to greet someone they see as their older sister scoffs and brushes them off? How could he ever look himself in the mirror and not hate the reflection when his hero and role model thinks he’s just a goofy clown that is a threat to his real favorite person?” As he said that, Right threw up a hand gesturing to Keith. He was sobbing now as he continued wetly, “And how could he ever smile a genuine smile knowing the guy he respected and loved thought him nothing more than a stupid nuisance? Knowing that he was only ever going to be a shitty replacement for that guy at most? Who would still think they were worthy of speaking when the first thing their best friend did after he was released from a cryopod was to groan and inform them that their arrival- the very fact that they survived- had ruined what the team was doing.” Hunk whimpered and winced at that. “Why, pray tell, would he or I ever be truly happy when someone they recognize as a little sister constantly called him stupid and excluded him from things because ‘oh you just wouldn’t get it Lance.’ Like that made it hurt any less.”

Right looked like he was going to continue when Left cut him off, “It’s your fault for giving them that impression of him in the first place. If you would just stop being so needy and pathetic all the time, maybe they’d actually want to be around him. If you’d stop being annoying for ONCE in your goddamn existence. Just shut up and been quiet and had let me handle it maybe everyone wouldn’t hate him.” The typically apathetic Left had begun to seethe.

“I’m sorry, Left! I know I’m pathetic, why do you thing I hate myself so much? I know I’m awful and weak, you tell me that every fucking day how could I ever forget?” Right had jumped up from the couch up and was gesturing wildly. “You make me watch those clips of the teachers at the garrison and the aliens we’ve encountered and my family and even my goddamn space family citing all the instances where I’ve fucked up like you’re a fucking lawyer presenting evidence for a case! Over and over and over and over. The looks of disgust from the princess whenever I tried to complement her. Iverson yelling about how I only made it to fighter class because of Keith. Hunk and Pidge’s groans whenever I made a joke…” He was sinking to the floor now.

“Well someone had to keep you in check, and since your teammates,” Left gestured across the room to Lance’s team who was looking shell-shocked and absolutely horrified at the exchange, “are too generous to spell it out for you. You’re the reason he’s like this. YOU did this to him. If you had left it up to me maybe he’d actually be fucking useful and not a waste of space. Like you are.”

That final sentence bounced around the room, passing through their ears and continuing to ricochete around. Left let out a final snort of contempt before he glitched away, leaving Right a messy puddle on on the floor and Lance with more cognitive function. With his emotional side still out, Lance was comfortably numb. The harsh words were back, but he was apathetic to it all. ‘So what if they know how I feel about myself now. They feel the same way as I do.’ Right glitched away after a few more moments too. You could hear a pin drop in the room.

With the assimilation of his emotional side back, the fear and self-loathing overwhelmed him. ‘Waste of space. You’re a waste of space.’ The team all at once shook themselves from their stupor, but not fast enough, Lance was already bolting from the room.

#langst #vld lance #klance if you squint #my baby boy is sad #mine #vld #voltron #again im sorry if it's shit #depression tw #suicidal thoughts tw #insecure lance #depressed lance #langst fic

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