lanadoll

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why am i actually insane

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oh joe goldberg and love quinn how i am your child

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two years later and im back to this messy ass tumblr page

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i'm power hungry

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you lost.i moved on, i have a job, i get good grades, i have good friends, i read, i'm healing - i'm feeling whole again <3

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my dream was like honey, so sweet, my favourite taste, yet sickly sweet the moment i realised it wasn't real...

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why you shouldn't be ashamed of being a light weight:

it's cheap.

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i'm doing my best at healing

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im vengeful to my ex - there were so many better options who i missed for his greasy ass

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i was out but i didn't drink - i had raw fun, raw laughs, i felt the universe - i felt raw love, all the hurt i was put through felt like nothing because it was ok - i had my friends and a warm night

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i felt euphoria again - i'm all for the chase

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i felt alive again just last night

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i don't want to go out and party tonight - like i want the rush but i'm getting tired, and people are starting to think i'm messy - i can't be messy

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i'm being reckless as i finally have freedom, but when the alcohol wears off, when i take my makeup off, i'm back to sad - i'm back to being who you broke, and i can't escape.

no matter where i run to separate our names, i can't escape - they all view me as your bitch, your puppet, your little carved doll - you took my identity away from me and that is unforgivable.

how many more women will you hurt? how many more women will lose themselves to your narcissism and lies? how can you kill me everyday with memories? you are pure darkness - you are poison.

you made me dependent on validation, you made me care for what i shouldn't - YOU are the darkest, most poisonous, most dangerous man i have ever met - and as much as i want to scream and 'win' against you, at the end of the day i'm still scared.

i'm scared of you. i'm scared of what you can do - you're manipulative. i look behind me when i walk to make sure you haven't snapped and want to kill me physically rather than just mentally.

you made me a bitch, or at least one mentally. i'm constantly comparing myself to other women, wanting to be the best - to prove myself, i don't want to be your used goods. please i don't want to be used goods.

if i am used goods, how can i truly be viewed as human? lovable? 'her'? i want to wrap my skin in shining latex and pearls so i can be viewed as desirable.

it's not fair - none of this is fair, why do women have to become 'used'? we are not used - we are human. why do men idolise the 'untouched'? it hurts. it always hurts. you made me live in pain.

i was a doll, i was used, i was manipulated, fed lies like dog food from a bowl. i was emotionally abused.

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i could've been loved - i could've had a fun love - but you took that from me, you broke me, you made me nothing

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i just can't stand to think about all i missed and lost thanks to you