ladychasm

[ladychasm]

SIXTH SENSE LOVE

I was talking about my first published story the other day, right? Now, let me tell you about Sixth Sense Love.

Sixth Sense Love is a horror/mystery/fantasy story with a dash of romance. It was about an orphan named Siska who can see ghosts (or you can say spirits too). She lived in an orphanage for about sixteen years, until a single mother finally adopted her. When she was adapting with her new family--which consists of Ulfa (mom), Aiden (little brother)--she met a spirit of a teenage boy. He was following Aiden before he realized that Siska can see him. He introduced himself as Daniel, and started to befriend her, telling her things about medium, the other world, kinds of spirits, etc..

At first, Siska was not interested with Daniel and all of his stories about things only certain people can experience. However, she cannot help but to be dragged into a bizarre adventure of spirit hunting. From that event, her feelings and bonds towards Daniel started to grow. She, although unspoken, agreed to follow Daniel's instructions and become a medium. She started to realize that all of these spirits are actually asking for her help.

I forgot to tell you that beside Daniel, Siska was accompany with another guy (a living one!) named Samuel. He was a dentist at the local hospital, and met Siska for the first time when he was going home from his work and accidentally almost hit Siska with his car. The second time he met her was at a bookstore where he was almost accused as a molester by Siska's adopted mom.

Anyway, the story became a lot more interesting when Siska learned that Samuel was actually Daniel's older brother. She also learned that Daniel was NOT a spirit who were assigned to guide Siska in her journey of becoming a medium. Instead, he was actually a ghost, a wandering spirit who can't cross the border between the dead and the living because he killed himself and still had unsolved problems with his family.

Oh, also, there's this evil entity who were after Siska's soul, and Siska almost died, and Samuel almost died, and Daniel almost become the evil entity, but... Well, you get the point, right?

It was a very amateur and childish horror story, even though I already did my best to perfect it. Now, if I had the chance, I would love to really polish and perfect it..., turn it into a not-so-cringey story so a lot more people can enjoy it.

Still, it has a special place in my heart.

I hope one day you read Sixth Sense Love too! Because Siska, Daniel, and Samuel would love to be friends with you! <3

[ladychasm]

My First Published Story

Sixth Sense Love is my first published story. I finally had the courage to share my writing to the world when I was in middle school, I was about fourteen at that time. I use a random picture from Pinterest and did the editing myself (for the cover), then uploaded it on my Wattpad. At first, no one read it. I waited for months but it never surpassed 100 readers. I was so depressed. I feel like a total failure. My dream job is becoming a great writer but I can't even get an audience! I log out of Wattpad and went into a very long hiatus.

Thank goodness I was a stubborn little girl (still is!). I edited my first draft. I polished the story. I fill up the plot holes. And when I finally calm down and had the courage, I log in to my Wattpad account.

BOOM!

Hundreds of readers!  Along with votes and comments!

I was crying. I was shaking. I was in joy. I quickly expressed my endless gratitude to the readers. Thank you for reading my story. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for believing in me. After that, I posted the new version of my story.

BOOM!

Thousands of readers! The votes kept coming! The comment columns are going crazy!

People loving my story. They comment, criticize, sharing their opinions... I was ecstatic. I founded my confidence once again. I answer as many comments as I can, trying to build a good relationship with my loyal readers.

I am aware that Sixth Sense Love--as my first publish story--was lacking in many aspects. I am aware that it's not perfect at all. However, I will always love this story. With all of its craziness and flaws and impossibilities. It will always have a special place in my heart as my first ever achievement as a professional writer.

Sixth Sense Love was written in Bahasa Indonesia. You can read the snippets on Wattpad. For the full story, you can find it on Cabaca--an Indonesian reading-writing platform.

I hope more people will read and love Sixth Sense Love. I hope more people can share their opinions about it with me.

[ladychasm]

Valentine's Day

People say that Valentine's Day is not an Indonesian culture. That it is a sin to give someone you love a chocolate. That it is wrong to celebrate the day of love because as I quote we can love everyone, every day. I agree. We show our love, confess, spread love to everyone, every day, 24/7. We can give the people we love special gifts anytime we like. However, the world is more fucked up than before. It is not a rare case anymore to hear, or see, or read news about bullying, suicide, depression, hate, killing, etc... It is not a rare case anymore to shrug off someones feeling, to feel less emphatic, to care less, etc... It is not a rare case anymore to use, "I dont want to meddle too much in your problem." as a shield, a protection, a softer way to say "I dont give a fuck." And not only that. Mother Nature has given us warnings. Shes getting restless, angry, sad, and disappointed. We neglect her chop off the trees, cover the land with tall buildings, decorate the ozone with gas, poison the rivers and oceans. We only think about ourselves we eat without thinking about how much plastic wastes we produce a day, we laugh our head off without thinking about how much pollution we make from our vehicles, we have fun all day and night without thinking the dying animals. You said that we can love every day. We dont need a specific day to show it, to express it. Yet you never care about a single think. You fill your heads with useless things that slowly turns into hate, and anger, and sadness, and pain, and misery. Have you ever stop and think about how much you love your family? How much you love your friends? How much you love your lover? How much you love your plants? How much you love your pets? How much you love your home? How much you love your city? How much you love yourself? Have you ever done that? If you havent, be grateful that you have a reminder every year. One day to stop and think about all of the things Ive mentioned. One day to cherish your moment with your loved ones, or maybe just yourself is enough. Be grateful that in all of 365 days, at least you have one day to be more aware with your surroundings. To accept your loved ones loves. To realize how much your life is precious and you want to spend every single second with the people you love. Be grateful we have Valentine's Day. It is the day when you get up from your bed and make a very special breakfast for your mother because youve been busy with work and this is one of your chances. It is the day when you text your best friends and spend all morning just to have a heart emoji war with them because youve been busy with school and forgot to say how much you appreciate their existence. It is the day when you bake a failed chocolate cake for your siblings because they love your cooking even though it had burnt parts. It is the day when you take an early walk with your dog and play with them until noon because they never complain even though you left them alone almost every day. It is the day when you water your plants and give them the best compost because theyve been giving you food when youre penniless. It is the day when you write a love song for that special one because you never good at speaking. It is the day when you buy a new dress, paint your nails, eat a hearty breakfast, and just enjoy your day because you never had the chance to pamper yourself. Be grateful we have Valentine's Day. It reminds us to always spread love wherever we go. It reminds us to always believe that something good will happen at some point in our lives. It reminds us that it is not bad to express our love once in a while. It reminds us that love can conquer all. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! Remember to always spread love wherever you go. I love you!

[ladychasm]

This is a black hole

Full with rage and pain

Useless tears

With no place for light

This is a black hole

A torture place for myself

To break every bones along with dreams

And shred every flesh along with hopes

This is a black hole

Made just for me

To mourn and drown

In the thoughts of you

This is a black hole

A dark endless tunnel

With no way out

of this misery

-Lady Chasm

[ladychasm]

I ask too much

and forgot every boundaries

I want too much

and forgot the priceless

I hope too much

and forgot to stay ground

I remember you

The look on your face

The white cloth around your body

So innocent, so pure

I kissed you softly

lightly

And then fiercely

Hoping you will come back

with all of my sorrows and regrets

But I hope too much

and the time is over

-Lady Chasm

[ladychasm]

And I'm loving them secretly, quietly until they never realize my suffers. https://www.instagram.com/p/B8P9lkagh51/?igshid=fmtkurt4kkjx

[ladychasm]

It seems I forgot how to talk verbally. Can you just read my mind?

Lady Chasm

[ladychasm]

You hurt me beyond repair. But I can't let myself drift away.

Lady Chasm

[ladychasm]

In the night I whisper to you the words of encouragement that seems to flew away to heavens

Lady Chasm

[ladychasm]

I'm drowning in your thoughts. So dark yet I can't let you go.

Lady Chasm

[ladychasm]

These broken wings can't even weep anymore not even in the pouring rain.

Lady Chasm

[ladychasm]

Him : Do you believe in love?

Her : Not anymore

Him : Why?

Her : I don’t know. I just feel like had enough with this love bullshit.

Him : It’s not bullshit. And I can show it.

Her : Well… Okay… Be my guest :D

Him : I love you. I love the vulnerable side of you. I love the strong, independent side of you. I love the cheeky little girl side of you. I love the wise old woman side of you.

Her : Old woman? What a way to swoon a girl, eh? :D

Him : I love your eyes, your smile, your laugh, and your small button nose. I love you when you’re reading and there’s a crease between your eyes. I love you when you cry noisily and your tears mixed up with your snouts. I love you when you cursed like a sailor because your favorite snack was out of stock. I love you when you smile slowly until your eyes light up like a Christmas tree.

Him : The point is, I love every single inch of you. Every side, every mood, every single detail. I love you unconditionally.

Him : I love you so much.

Her : I love you too.

Her : But you’re only my imagination.

[ladychasm]

It’s already January 5, 2020!!! Again, happy new year, guys!!! I already forgot about 2019 and trying to focus more on what’s in front of me. I have to achieve more this year! I have to be better!

A few days ago, my mom and I went to a friend’s house. And while my mom having a chit-chat with her friend, I played with the daughter. She’s a cute nine years old girl, with big doe eyes and long hair. At first, she was shy. But when I asked her about school and everything, she started to warm up, and in a minute she talks about literally everything to me. She talked about her favorite TV show, her hobby, her drawings, her school, her friends, her family… Everything. Watching this amazing little girl talking, I can’t help but wonder…

Was I like her when I was her age? Was I talk happily about everything? Was I open up to a new person easily? Was I spoke up my mind without having any care of what others will think about me? Was I ever being a cute and innocent little girl? These thoughts made me go through all of my old diaries again. And after a few days of contemplating the right answer, I come up with the conclusion that…

I was like her. I had so many stories that I want to share with the world. But I am more sensitive than her. At nine years old, I already learned which story I can tell and which one is not. I was super aware of others’ feelings and pick my words carefully. I preferred to hide my thoughts and emotions rather than talk about them. That’s why I love writing. It’s the only way I can be open and truthful – not to anyone, but to myself. In my diary, I pour all of my heart out without hesitation. It’s where I keep my darkest secret, and not even my mom knows about it.

Now, I was thinking about the “what-ifs”. What if I was like my mom’s friend’s daughter? What if I was a cute and innocent little girl whose only problem is which game I should play today? What if I talk more openly and without any fear? What if I was always happy and cheerful?

I wonder…

[ladychasm]

This Is Me, Trying To Be Positive

It’s almost new year. I can’t believe I got through another year. I guess I have to be grateful. It’s been one hell of a roller coaster ride for me. So many things happened that affect me in so many ways. I don’t think I really did a great job this year. Too many dark thoughts, too many mental breakdowns, too many suicidal thoughts for my liking. 2019 made me realize that I really need professional help. The emotions that I’ve been bottled for years finally starting to bursts, and I don’t like it at all. This year, I had two mental breakdowns in front of my mom, which made her really mad and scared at the same time. To be honest, her reactions only depressed me more. I thought she would understand and did everything in her might to calm me – not yelling at me like I’ve been possessed by a demon and need exorcism ASAP. I thought she knew me… My relationship with my dad was not going so well either. He kept calling me an ungrateful child that only taking advantage of him. Not to mention the drama with his now-ex girlfriend. Oh, and don't forget my relationship with my friends. Yeah, that one going down real hard too. I got into a fight with one of my close friend and it really bump me up. And the fact that she looked unbothered afterward not helping the intense feeling of unwanted inside me. I joined two competitions this year and I won neither. It's really stressing me out because I feel useless. The reason why I went to those competitions was the prizes – the money. My brain was clouded by the thoughts of greens – that finally I can help my mom handle our economic issues. But, no. I had to be the idiot I am and didn’t win. Not only that, I also spent too many money. My dad’s money. If I have to describe this year in three words, that would be: CHAOTIC, STRESSFUL, and DEPRESSING.

But, despite all of that, I realize that it is time for me to accept my ‘darkness’. It’s time for me to stop calling the voices inside my head ‘demons’. It’s time for me to embrace all of it with shame. Just because they’re not as lovely as sunshine or as colorful as rainbow, doesn’t mean they mean any harm to me. And accepting them doesn’t make me a bad guy. I realize it is time to make peace with myself in order to create balance. I’m not a girly girl, but I’m also not a tomboy. I don’t spend all of my time in spa, but I also love skirts and heels. I’m not hopelessly romantic, but I always enjoy a got romance story. I’m not a straight A’s kind of student, but I always try my hardest to achieve the best. I am not all light, nor am I all dark. I am the combination of those two, and it’s time for me to realize that. No one can judge my yin, and no one can truly fall in love with my yang. And it’s time for me to realize that.

With that final thought, I’m not scared anymore to face the next year. Instead, I can’t wait to see what God has for me in 2020, and what can I do to get through it all. I can’t wait to be more mature, wise, and thoughtful.

Happy new year, guys!

May God gives us the strength to face another one hell of a ride! ^_^

Let’s get through it together!!!

[ladychasm]

Me when the credit roll started

#post-TROS mood

[ladychasm]

*tin-foil post #63738382993* Let’s talk about Rey’s yellow saber.

Most Jedi sabers are blue or green — colors that represent the two biggest schools of thought within the Jedi Order. Green is most commonly chosen by the Consulars, who focus on their mental knowledge of the Force. Blue is most often seen in the hands of the Guardians, who focus on learning combat and becoming warriors. Yellow sabers are attributed to Sentinels, who seek a balance between the Consulars and the Guardians, they recognise that the Force isn’t actually the solution to everything.

HOWEVER, in the Expanded Universe, when Jedi Jaden Korr purified a red lightsaber crystal, it turned yellow. Here’s what I’m thinking — Rey went back to Yavin (moon of Endor? wherever the fuck the Death Star remains were on) and found Kylo Ren’s red, unstable saber and purified the kyber crystal, making her own yellow saber, so she can have a piece of him with her, always.

Listen, if Rey is ‘all the Jedi’, she can damn well go and find her not-dead boyfriend’s lightsaber.

[ladychasm]

I've been like this since three days ago

Me when we got the reylo kiss vs me 10 seconds later