lacieandoz

[lacieandoz]

Let's talk about how we all forgot that Percival is actually a prince who was a part of a royal family of 7 children and that he was the youngest of the seven children and that he got separated from his family as a young child and got raised by Vargnese who took him in.

Ans let's talk about how Nasiens is also actually a prince of a royal family of seven children, that he was the eldest of the seven and that he got separated from his family as a young child and got raised by Ordo who took him in.

That's crazy.

[lacieandoz]

Better Call Saul is a story about a man undergoing multiple identity crises, selling out his morals in order to get ahead in a world that’s always kicking him down, but in doing so destroying so much of his soul that eventually he decides to become this clownish caricature of himself not only because it’s too painful to live as his real self, but because he no longer knows who the real him actually is anymore.

Breaking Bad is a show about a man who gets cancer and then develops the worst Main Character Syndrome of all time.

[lacieandoz]

run then, child, you can’t hide from me forever

[lacieandoz]

BLUE VELVET (1986) dir. David Lynch TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME (1992) dir. David Lynch

[lacieandoz]

Birthday boys~!

And Merry Xmas to you all

[lacieandoz]

stargazing ⭐

happy [late] laven week!

[lacieandoz]

i think it is time to bring them back

[lacieandoz]

Recently I reread Mater arc and wanted to make post about Kanda and the ways he shows his care about others. It can also be counted as yullen post because in this arc lays foundation for their future dynamics.

Okay, I’m starting from the scene in mess hall, when Kanda confronts Finders about how their mourning for lost comrades ruin his appetite. (He is being asshole here, let’s be honest). Notice what he said to them:

While sounding harsh it’s actually sincere advise coming from Kanda who, unlike them, can’t leave Order out of his own free will.

Continuar lendo

[lacieandoz]

Stunted Love. Or: The Theme of MaoMao's little finger.

Maomao's little finger is a recurring motif in the Apothecary Diaries, and it receives even more emphasis in the anime's first season - it represents her belief that romantic love leads to pain and destruction. Spoilers primarily for the anime, but also the epilogue of light novel four and Chapter 15 of light novel six below.

Love In A Cage

The motif is first introduced in "The Unsettling Matter of the Spirit" - Concubine Fuyou's story. Maomao has already noted the parallels between the red light district and the Inner Palace, but here we see what happens when romantic love is introduced into the mix. On paper, Concubine Fuyou is a literal object of pity. Her personhood is being gifted to an officer who recently distinguished himself on the front lines, discarded after having failed to please the Emperor. It's telling that this is one of the first times we see Jinshi interacting with a consort where he is completely serious, without bringing his charm to bear. We never hear him say anything, but it's clear that he's communicating the Emperor's order with respect and understanding the gravity of the consequences for Fuyou.

As the events of the episode unfold, the parallels between courtesans and consorts get stronger as Maomao introduces the concept of having a contract bought out - if a man wants a courtesan enough, she is also an object to be purchased, albeit at potentially astronomical price. At first glance, it would seem like these women have absolutely no power in these scenarios - but by the end of the episode, Maomao shows us the feminine side of this transaction - how a woman can manipulate the system she is trapped by in order to get what she wants. All she has to do is lower her value - a rather counterintuitive measure that can go horribly wrong all too easily, as we see later.

And what Concubine Fuyou wants is to escape the Inner Palace to be with the man she loves - a task that she succeeds at. She has played a long, patient game in the service of freedom. Trapped in the cage of the Inner Palace herself, Maomao holds her scarred finger against the freedom of the sky and wonders what kind of medicine love would make.

Devotion

We see further flashbacks to Maomao's past through multiple episodes, but the next time the concept of love is brought up is when Fengming is confessing her role in the death of Consort Ah-Duo's baby in "Honey" (episode 11). Maomao is brought up short by Fengming's confession - she flat out says to the audience that she's never loved anyone with that depth of devotion Fengming displays toward Ah-Duo, so she doesn't know how Fengming feels. But if she doesn't have empathy to offer, she does have a rough kindness. Another person might have said that Ah-Duo deserved to know why her son died, that the knowledge might have provided closure. Maomao, however, believes that knowing the baby's cause of death would only cause more pain (it's never the crime and always about the cover-up) without providing any actual benefit.

With these two episodes framing her early character development we see that, whatever Maomao's natural inclinations are (and I will leave discussion of neuro divergency to those better qualified to discuss it), there is a certain distance between Maomao and her emotions most of the time. It is implied that this distancing from her emotions is a trauma response as the image of a woman holding a knife above her head while kneeling on a bed is shown but not explained (it is the only recurring image during the montage before the discussion about her potential execution with Jinshi).

Lakan and Fengxian

In "Lakan" (episode 18) the motif begins recurring more often as Maomao's parentage is revealed. We've caught glimpses of the sick woman in the annex before, but as the camera pans over the bed, it's clear that this is Maomao's mother (as always in anime, the hair is a dead giveaway). We've seen Maomao in this room, always curled in a fetal position, staring with blank eyes, but here we see Maomao actually caring for a woman who she describes as driving her out over and over again. The camera's focus is on Maomao's eyes as she watches her mother continuing to deteriorate - they're blank yet again, echoing her earlier line of "This is stupid. She's gone."

This is not the look of a girl who genuinely doesn't care about her mother. The image of her mother with the knife upraised is straight out of recurring nightmares that wake her gasping with terror and continue to haunt her after she's returned to work. While there is no AFFECTION involved, there are certainly very strong emotions here. Later, in the bath with Meimei, Maomao wonders if Meimei's in love - and immediately shies away from the thought, insisting that "love is an emotion I'm sure I left behind in the womb."

Interestingly, this is immediately belied as the Three Princesses (the women who took on the maternal role that her mother discarded) begin to pamper Maomao in the bath, and she relaxes into their touch, flushed with belonging and pleasure at their attention.

Confrontation

In "Blue Roses," (episode 22), everything has built to a head. By hiding Maomao back into the Rear Palace, Jinshi is acting as her shield - and Lakan responds with a power play. Both he and Jinshi are aware that Lakan knows his true identity, so Lakan provokes Jinshi with a political test. "Nothing is impossible" for a man with Jinshi's power - so providing some blue roses at a garden party in early spring should be simple, right? It's a near impossible task and Lakan knows it - even if Jinshi were to figure out how to dye the roses to be the appropriate color, they're still out of season.

Up until now, Maomao's response to Lakan has been to hide. But, with Jinshi's reputation on the line and seeing how worn out he is, Maomao has finally had enough. So she takes Lakan's challenge on and, while she's in the process of growing the hothouse roses so that Jinshi can best Lakan, she diverts unwanted attention from the Crystal Palace's handmaidens by showing Xiaolan how to do a manicure - something that draws attention to the deformed pinky on her hand and changes her perspective of the damage to the finger.

The art should be paid attention to here - we see close up shots of two other people's hands after having the manicure done - Xiaolan and Consort Lihua. In both of these shots, there's some subtle detail paid to their little fingers as well - Xiaolan's is ever so slightly crooked rather than perfectly straight, while Lihua flexes her fingers so that the pinky is extended as she looks at her hands. In the next shot, Maomao has done her nails as well - and when Jinshi draws attention to the fact that he's surprised she would do her nails (like Hongiang, Maomao usually prefers work over fashion), she looks at the finger and remarks that, even though her little finger is twisted and scarred, it looks better than it did before - an acknowledgement that the finger is not actually a hindrance, but a piece of her identity.

Healing

Giving Lakan the opportunity to finally do right by Fengxian is the most grace and forgiveness that Maomao can extend to either of her parents. Their romantic love is certainly sympathetic to an outsider, but Maomao was shaped by the consequences. Lakan's carelessness and Fengxian's willingness to break the rules of the pleasure district in order to deliberately lower her value so that she could be with the man she loved, is the guiding cautionary tale of her life.

But Maomao has also grown over the season. She is neither the terrified little girl, abandoned by mother and father alike (however unintentionally on Lakan's part) nor a teenager full of fear fueled rage at Lakan's persistence. She is Luomen's daughter and proud of that fact - she has found her family and a place in the world. It is with that more adult understanding of the world around her that she dances atop the wall of the Rear Palace, giving her parents the only thing she can, which is her blessing and best wishes for their short future, as she sends her mother off.

Sure enough, who is watching her as she takes a step toward a more mature identity but Jinshi? Other characters have provided a shield between Maomao and Lakan - Verdigris' madam, Meimei and even Luomen. But it is on Jinshi's behalf that Maomao decided to face Lakan herself. She loves her adoptive dad and granny and sisters with all the affection she never received from Fengxian, but Maomao's actions have always spoken much louder than her words - Jinshi protected her and she, in turn, chose to face her childhood bogeyman to help him.

Is it stating the obvious that Maomao tripping and Jinshi catching her is an obvious metaphor for falling in love?

As she dances on the wall, we see the two seemingly disparate sides of her identity coalesce into a whole. The moment she lets down her hair is a uniquely Japanese moment of eroticism (this is why maiko and geisha use the oshiroi that bare the nape of their necks), even as she's also deliberately reapplied her freckles.

The moment she realizes that Jinshi truly sees all of her in a uniquely emotional moment, she trips and is made terrifyingly vulnerable as she nearly goes over the edge - only to be caught safely in Jinshi's arms.

Safely back atop the wall, the little finger comes up one more time - except that this time, instead of looking at the damage inflicted and seeing the scar, Maomao looks at her pinky and shows it to Jinshi, telling him what sounds like a strangely gruesome medical fact. That a fingertip can regrow if cut off. For all the trauma that her biological parents caused her, for all that her pinky will be scarred for the rest of her life, the wound did heal. Maomao has healed - she is capable of friendship, loyalty and love that can inspire devotion - even if she rarely displays open affection.

Love Creates Fear

This motif comes back again, at the end of light novel 4 (what will be the end of Season 2, if the studio continues to stick to two light novels a season for pacing, which I expect they will). Jinshi has officially cast aside his cover as a eunuch and stepped into the political limelight as the Imperial Brother. Maomao, as a result of their adventures, has returned home, to her apothecary shop and, as she works she thinks about how everything has changed.

"Jinshi must have finally gone back to being whoever he really was. Maomao didn't know his real name: she couldn't have used it even if she did. The worlds they lived in were simply too different…Anyway, now that Jinshi was no longer a eunuch, he couldn't get away with keeping some lowborn girl around him…So it was for the best, really, that Maomao had come back to the apothecary's shop in the pleasure district."

As Maomao ruminates to herself about how she will never see Jinshi again, she retreats to what she knows best - medicine. She's got her emotions under lock and key and she's begun experimenting, working on creating a more potent painkiller. However, her pain tolerance is too high to work with her previous methods.

Or, to lay the metaphor bare, Maomao has dealt with abandonment before, but not like this. Her usual methods aren't working - so it's time to up the ante. What she does next is extremely telling.

"'Got to cut deeper if I want to be sure'. Maomao looked at her left hand, then tied some string firmly around her pinky. She stood and took a small knife from a cabinet. 'Here goes!'

Just as she was about to bring the knife down, a beautiful voice interrupted her: 'WHAT are you doing?'

Without a word, she turned to see a man in an unusual mask standing in the entryway of the shop…'Done with all your work?' Maomao asked, undoing the string around her finger and putting the knife back in the cabinet."

The thought that she and Jinshi are now living in such different worlds that they will never see each other again is painful enough that cutting her finger off in a thinly justified experiment is preferable to feeling her own emotions. What Maomao wants in this moment is a return to the emotional numbness of the past - only this time, she will do the damage herself.

But Jinshi is not Lakan and abandoning Maomao for any reason is simply not an option. Just as he caught her on the wall, Jinshi catches her again. A prince is standing in an apothecary shop on the edges of the red-light district, a place where he should not be - except for the fact that it's where Maomao is.

Connection and Communication

Finally, as a callback toward the end of light novel six, Jinshi and Maomao are beginning to reconnect after Jinshi screwed up and lost a lot of emotional ground in light novel five's epilogue, and he does the following.

"She reached out for the package, which Jinshi had put behind his back, but he planted a palm on her belly to keep her from sitting up and she couldn't reach it. She kicked her legs from sheer frustration and this time he grabbed her ankle. She was just trying to decide what he might be planning when he brushed the tip of his pinky finger along the back of her foot.

'Hrk?!' Maomao choked, squirming...The back of her foot, and her back as well, were hopelessly vulnerable to a gentle brush of the fingers.

'M-Master Jinshi...That's...not...fair!'"

While Jinshi is still the instigator in this scene, this is the the first instance of romantic and sexual contact that Maomao accepts, eventually bursting out laughing - and when he gets that laughter, Jinshi also immediately backs off, accepting that he has pushed her as far as she can go right now. But that first contact was via that tiny fingertip representing love.

His hard-learned patience is rewarded when Maomao is finally willing to speak to Jinshi about how she's feeling about his desire to marry her, first obliquely as they discuss the plot of a very familiar tragic romance, before she addresses the issue directly.

"Instead of answering, she murmured, 'I don't want to be an enemy.' Jinshi gave her a sidelong look as if to ask whose enemy she meant. 'To Empress Gyokuyou,' she said.

Would Jinshi understand what she was saying? If not, that was fine, Maomao thought. There were things even he didn't know.

'You - '

He seemed about to ask her something else when a horse whinnied outside..."

Maomao may be hesitant, she may feel very confused, but she finally gives Jinshi something to work with here - communicating to him not that she simply doesn't care about him that way, but that she has a very real, concrete fear about what a romantic relationship with him would mean, not only for them, but for everyone else around them.

That's a lot to balance on the tip of a pinky.

[lacieandoz]

Reward for hard work

[lacieandoz]

Isn't the view better from here, my dear?

𝓸𝓞𝓸 𝓚𝓾𝓼𝓾𝓻𝓲𝔂𝓪 𝓷𝓸 𝓱𝓲𝓽𝓸𝓻𝓲𝓰𝓸𝓽𝓸 𝓸𝓞𝓸

[lacieandoz]

I THINK WE'LL GO AND FIND THE TIME OF WHEN YOITE REALLY LIVED ⋆｡°✩

[lacieandoz]

traveling together

[lacieandoz]

Returning to one of the core anime’s that shaped me for warm ups🫶 Yuhki Kamatani I’ll never forget what you and Yoite did to me

[lacieandoz]

guilt and loneliness.

[lacieandoz]

Coping with Loss in Kekkaishi and BIRDMEN

ohhh but you can really see the first echoes of the themes of loss of humanity in this scene... sazanami and masamori are discussing soji's memories (or lack thereof), and masamori responds with pity to the fact that soji's memories from earlier in life have been completely erased. in a sense, soji "cannot be saved"— there is no returning him to his previous state. and yet, even so...

...despite the fact that he can't get back what he's lost, he can still gain new things, new experiences, and new memories... and so even in the wake of this devastating loss, isn't that something beautiful?

and really I think that's one of the biggest things that karasuma has to grapple with in birdmen. karasuma has a similar mindset to masamori here, especially at the beginning of the series, where he so desperately wants to return to being human regardless of the cost. for him, someone like takayama, who can barely remember a time when he was human, whose parents are both dead from a plane crash, is an object of pity. oh, the poor boy.

but takayama doesn't pity himself in the least. to him, there's nothing to feel sorry for, nothing to mourn for. it's just his normal life, and that's just the way he is. sure, he has to deal with blackouts, but everyone has their own problems they have to cope with.

karasuma's awakening is a huge turning point in the series, because while yeah he does awaken in the sense that he unlocks his bellwether ability, it's the catalyst for his mental awakening as well.

his first gut reaction is as it's always been— maybe if we're careful we can find some way of stopping our evolution, of preserving the status quo.

in a sense he's already come a pretty far way from the beginning of the series— he's no longer wallowing in self-pity, but instead worrying about how he can help the others. but kamoda and sagisawa both shoot him down, telling him that what's meant to happen will happen anyways, and that in order to protect the things that are important to them they'll need power to do that.

the clincher, in my opinion, is karasuma's conversation with tatsume. Tatsume tell Karasuma about his hypothesis regarding choosing to evolve when the time comes, and he can tell that Karasuma isn't really taking it too well...

Fig. 1: Guy who is not taking it too well.

...which is probably why he follows up with this:

"Don't think of it as an unfortunate fate."

What Tatsume says succinctly summarizes what Sazanami drew Masamori's attention to, whether Sazanami meant to put such a sympathetic spin onto that or not. Don't think of it as an unfortunate fate; yes, it's awful that this happened to Soji, but isn't it a blessing that he's now under the care of your family? Isn't it good that he'll be loved and cared for by Shuuji? Isn't it good that his suffering will end here? Isn't it good that he can finally start becoming his own person, now? Even despite everything?

And Tatsume's words hit extremely deeply with Karasuma especially because it appeals to his core desires the most. What he desires— even if it ultimately isn't a great thing— is control. He wants agency and control over his own fate.

Part of the reason he was so disgruntled in the prologue was because he felt like he had no control over his life at all— which yeah, manifested as "why do we all have to go to school anyways? because society said so? fuck society!!!" and other such edgelord thoughts, but underlying desire for control is there. We see it yet again when he blows up at his mother during dinnertime, when she tries to convince him that Kamoda's a bad friend and that he ought to spend less time with him. It's my life and my relationships with my friends!! Why don't I get control over even that?!

So when Tatsume tells him, "Yes, you may think what's happened to you is a tragedy. And maybe it is, and maybe it isn't. But the key point is, looking forward, you will be able to choose. You will be able to have control over your own destiny, what you've wanted all this time, what you've always dreamed of. Don't lose sight of it now," he can't help but move his feet forward of his own will for the first time.

[BIRDMEN meta masterpost]

[lacieandoz]

Facts about Nana.

Nana O was kicked out of school after being accused of prostitution. Though false, she never disputed it.

Nana K has two kids with Takumi. Their names are Satsuki Ichinose and Ren Ichinose.

When Ren saw Nana at Trapnest's show, he didn't visibly react but it's noted that he messed up a few times likely from the surprise of seeing her.

Nana K and Satsuki live in Japan while Takumi and Ren Ichinose live in London. It's implied that they secretly got a divorce and Takumi got remarried. (citation needed)

Ren died on Nana's 21st birthday after crashing into the first apartment they lived in together.

Nana O was born March 5, 1981 which means today she would be 41.

Nana K was born November 30, 1980 which would make her 42.

Reira is half American.

The anime ends with Nana and Ren together, however in the manga he was already deceased at that period. Whether this is an error or not is unclear.

Ren and Shin would often kiss in front of Nana Osaki because it annoyed her.

After the anime, Shin spent time in jail for marijuana possession.

Yasu studied to be a paralegal but gave it up to persue music.

Nobuo is was the only non-smoking member of BLAST.

Shin saw himself as unlovable which is why he saw his career as a prostitute fitting.

Ren and Yasu met in the adoption system and became close friends even after Yasu was adopted.

Nana K knew she was pregnant with Takumi's baby because Nobu only had sex with her while wearing a condom.

Nana O admitted that she wanted Nobu and Hachi to end up together for a selfish reason. It was because she was afraid of her leaving.

Both Shin and Nobu come from wealthy families.

Before his death, Ren tried to quit doing drugs cold turkey which would have prevented it.

Reira's name is actually Layla. She's named after a famous Eric Clapton song.

Takumi has rejected Reira/Layla several times but ultimately ends up giving in and cheating on Hachi with her.

Nobuo was the only person in high school who tried to befriend Nana.

When Nana was 4, she was abandoned by her mother to be raised by her grandmother. Her grandmother was extremely strict and wouldn't allow her to wear black so she wouldn't "tempt men and become like her mother".

In August of 2022 Ai Yawaza says that she plans on eventually finishing Nana. She took a hiatus after being hospitalized for an undisclosed illness.

It's hinted that Hachi and Shoji may have lingering feelings for each other when they meet at the Jackson hole.

Satsuki (Hachi's daughter) wishes her family lived together.

After Ren's death, Nana suffered severe panic attacks. One in particular was bad enough that Hachi had to give her mouth to mouth.

Yasu had to carry Nana to Ren's funeral as she was near catatonic.

The members of BLAST encouraged Nobu to inherent the family business but he declined because he wanted to make music.

Ren and Yasu were formerly in a band called Brute.

Yasu's baldness is OPTIONAL. He opts to shave his head.

Nana didn't want her relationship with Ren to be public originally because she didn't want people to think she was riding off his success.

Shin's stepdad raised him as a second son after his mother committed suicide but never felt any warm feelings towards him.

Nana was often shown being jealous of Hachi having other friends and could be possessive over her at times.

Shin met his pimp, an airline stewardess named Ryoko Kawashigi, after he moved to Japan.

The members of Trapnest didn't want Shin and Reira's relationship to be public due to him being underage.

A trapnest, according to the band, is a mother's love that turns into a trap where she refuses to let go of her child no matter what.

Takumi's controlling behavior stems from his childhood which was unstable at best.

The strawberry glasses were the first things Nana and Hachi bought together.

Shin once stated he would never be connected to anyone by love.