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I don’t know how or if I’ll even do it, but I really want to move. I live in a town where no one wants to stay. I feel so incredibly isolated. I have no community, no friends. I want a thriving (and particularly gay) life that I’m not getting here in my hometown.

If anyone remembers that podcast called S-Town. It kind of terrified me. I felt like that could be me someday. I don’t want to end up like that.

I feel so trapped by my head, by my circumstances, I feel so trapped by maybe I’ve waited too long and I’ve missed the opportunity to get what I really want.

The end goal seems so simple but the path there feels like anxiety-filled static. I kind of feel like I’m just daydreaming and maybe I’ll get over it.

Times like these when you wished fairy godmothers were real. Just someone who could help or lead the way. If I’m to do this, I’ll have to do it all myself and that’s really scary.

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I just really need to express this so it’s not just in my head

My mental health really dipped this week, my loneliness and self esteem issues have sky rocketed. I am tired of being by myself all the time. I have no friends, no social life.

I didn’t really want to be at home doing nothing today so I was going to see if my parents needed any help at their house because I just wanted something to do. But once they learned that I had a day off today, they decided to go out of town (not maliciously, they just give me rides to work, I didn’t even get the chance to ask if they needed help at home).

I just really hate my life right now. I’ve been trying dating apps but it’s been going nowhere. No one is interested in more and/or nowhere near me. I don’t really want to hook up.

And I have no idea how to fix any of this.

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Wow did this one age poorly.

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Finally thought of a new username (this is fofomazuzu/gaysquib), even though I would have preferred to it have been just one word lol

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Dropout is like where all my interest seemingly converge and yet I’m too lazy to subscribe because of all of my other subscriptions lol

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I hate my uncle. He can’t be fucked to help himself with his many issues and expects everyone else to do stuff for him. He’s been harassing my mom and dad, texting nonstop, saying awful shit to them, making my mom cry. I never want to see him face to face because all I want to do is say awful things to him.

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I’ve been doing workout videos on YouTube and I choose the videos based on if I find the guy hot or not.

The one I did today, the guy was so fine.

It’s a visual distraction to all the awful exercises these videos expect me to do.

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I’ve been thinking of changing my username again because it doesn’t really mean anything, it’s actual gibberish, I made some sounds and typed out what I said. I didn’t really want to use to again but I also didn’t want to use gaysquib anymore so I needed to go back to it.

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Someone died that a lot of people I follow on Twitter was friends with, and they’re all remembering him and sharing a lot of pictures and it just makes me think about what I’m leaving to the world.

I don’t have a lot of friends, I haven’t really made a lot of memories. I’m just sort of living just to live. I need to work on that.

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I hope this year I have something to look forward to, I just don’t want to live my life being lonely all the time.

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Why did I think Fellow Traveler was a time travel show lol

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Neopets update:

No one cares about the Seasonal Attack Pea anymore (actually that’s a lie but not the point) because they just released a new petpetpet (which is a pet for your petpet, which is a pet for your pet, whats so hard to understand here?) called Pebble, which is based off the petpet, Rock (literally just a rock, therefore Pebble is just an even smaller rock).

They have fun over at Neopets.

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I mod a subreddit that has 50k members and I just found out that I am the only active mod on it lol

And Reddit is like, you should probably have like 4 active mods so yeah

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Some context and some juicy developments:

Context:

This item is called Seasonal Attack Pea (SAP), super expensive and super rare.

Neopets during the month of December does the Advent Calendar, every day they give away items, usually holiday related. This year, they added an extra element to it, where if you find the hidden Christmas Aisha located on the page, you'll get a random prize.

Neopets staff has been doing stuff to combat inflation which has become a major issue with the general user base. Randomly giving out rare and expensive items to lower the price. For Halloween, you could go around the site and collect goodie bags that contained hard to get Halloween-themed stamps.

JellyNeo is a fan-run site all about Neopets, they are highly regarded.

Neopets has users called Ambassadors, these are users that are like official liaisons between the general user base and the Neopets team.

The Tea:

So back to the Seasonal Attack Pea, once it was known that you could get this super expensive item, the price started to drop. ALLEGEDLY, JellyNeo staff (who have a close relationship with Neopets staff) and Ambassadors started buying up a bunch of deflated SAPs, then JellyNeo reported that Neopets staff had removed the item from the prize pool because people were unhappy with the deflation, which caused the price to shoot back up, and then once the SAPs were sold with the inflated price, JellyNeo reported that the prior claim was false and you could still get it.

A lot of people are pissed, but its not the Neo-billionaires.

Neopets discourse is always funny to me because whenever drama starts up 90% of the time it’s over something that’s just objectively really silly

For example, right now there’s neo-billionaires threatening to quit the site over a rare item being released, which wouldn’t be funny except the item in question is a tiny pea wearing a Santa hat

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I decorated for Christmas today and for some reason when I plugged in the Christmas lights I got emotional and just started bawling.

Who knows why? Probably for the same reasons that I get randomly emotional for the last two years lol

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I’m really insecure about dating because I feel like the other person is just going to think I’m a loser because I don’t have a car and I manage a fast food restaurant.

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So many AITA stories are "Hey, I yelled at my partner/friend and made them feel bad, am I the asshole?"

How do you lack the awareness to recognize that you shouldn't/people don't like getting yelled at.