kuromispoon - Tumblr blog

[kuromispoon]

sometimes I just get so sick and tired of fighting just to survive.

[kuromispoon]

Crazy how I thought that it'd be my last night yet for you it was just another Sunday

[kuromispoon]

Please tell me i'm not as forgettable as your silence is making me feel.

[kuromispoon]

The moment you actually start thinking about suicide again after being okay is so painful

[kuromispoon]

A shortish poem I wrote called forever

A poem about losing the only person who was there for me through everything and that I thought wouldn't leave me

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You said You'd be with me forever and that You'd never leave me no matter how bad things got and that You'd still love me the same even after witnessing me experience a full on rage episode and I remember how scared you looked and I remember apologising so much afterwards and I remember how you kept saying that you still love me and that you wouldn't leave me and you always used to be there for me, during the countless hospital visits and admissions you were always there, you were the only one there, the only one who still brought joy to my eyes and made me laugh like I had just heard the funniest thing ever, but where are you now? I need you now, it's been almost 2 weeks and you haven't said a single word to me, haven't sent a single text, not even looked at any of my texts, what happened to forever? What happened to 'I'll never leave you'? It's like you just vanished out of my life, it's like you died and I'm mourning you but I know that you're still alive because you still post on your various different social media's, I just want to know what happened to 'forever'.

[kuromispoon]

“I don’t know how to do this anymore. I don’t know how to get better. My head is a dark place and it only gets worse, day by day. and I have no idea how to stop the darkness from coming in. I have no idea how to save myself anymore.”

—

[kuromispoon]

Sensory issues are so draining. It's hard to function when everything you see, hear and feel is so overwhelming. Every sound is too loud, every light is too bright, every fabric is too rough, every smell is too strong, every taste is too intense. It's all too much, too much to handle. It's exhausting, and it makes just going about daily life so difficult. It makes me want to curl up in bed and never come out.

[kuromispoon]

When people think of suicide

They think of a hanging rope,

A drug overdose,

A slit on the wrist.

But a rope does not kill you

And neither do pills or a cut.

You see,

Depression kills what matters most,

Leaving only the physical part of you to finish off yourself

[kuromispoon]

how can someone feel so much and feel so empty at the same time?

[kuromispoon]

‘You’re not trying hard enough’

I’m literally only still alive so that I don’t hurt you

I’m dragging myself through every day, just existing not living, dealing with the screaming thoughts in my head all to spare you from hurt

And you’re telling me that I’m not trying hard enough?

[kuromispoon]

my struggles seem so insignificant.

maybe I'm not sick enough. not scarred enough. not skinny enough. not fat enough. not sleep deprived enough. not failing enough. I'm not visibly struggling enough.

I'm. not. sick. enough. for. you. to care.

[kuromispoon]

I thought things were getting better. I truly did… what an absolute idiot I am.

[kuromispoon]

Everything feels so exhausting and pointless.

I'm trapped in this suffocating emptiness, where even the things I used to enjoy bring me no pleasure anymore.

[kuromispoon]

I'm starving myself and my thighs are cut up

my body hates me

I hate me too

[kuromispoon]

jokes on you, you can’t fix me hahaha

[kuromispoon]

[kuromispoon]

I want sh best friends. We send sh pics, talk all night and watch movies- and I want it now!!! Give each other tips and stuff <3