ktlsyrtis

[ktlsyrtis]

how many things need to go wrong before you decide the universe is trying to tell you something

[ktlsyrtis]

one of my favorite things in the world is when i am excercising Extreme Self Restraint about something, and i want to give in and just do it but i can't, and then my wife just waltzes in and doesn't even pretend that she's gonna resist, she just Does The Thing immediately and i get to be like. ah. as eve, so adam.

two apples please.

[ktlsyrtis]

why is asking for what you're worth so terrifying 😬😬😬

[ktlsyrtis]

automated text reply that just says YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON I AM LETTING DOWN

[ktlsyrtis]

[ktlsyrtis]

Sometimes it is your fault.. Sometimes you don’t listen well enough, you’re selfish, you’re rude and you aren’t always right. Sometimes you fucked it up and tbh that’s okay. It happens, learn from it, apologize and keep it moving. Just because you fucked up doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Don’t dwell on it

[ktlsyrtis]

love starting the day watching an old comfort series and getting side swiped by one of the most devastating hours of tv ever made 🙃

[ktlsyrtis]

(lays back all sexy for u on the bed) (bangs my fuckign head on the headboard)

[ktlsyrtis]

The thing about a really good ship is I need it to be equal parts sweet and fucked up. It's like a lemonade. you want it half sour and half sweet because the two flavors are complementary. The love needs to be there so it can wreck their lives or they need to be wrecks so they can fall in love

[ktlsyrtis]

Incorrect text posts Picard/Crusher themed

[ktlsyrtis]

To all my friends melting in the UK, Ireland, and parts of Europe…

I’m sending air conditioned thoughts.

Just imagine how Serena is handling this heat.

[ktlsyrtis]

Some Berena Jurassic Park/World AU ideas

Jurassic World Berena AU: Serena is the corporate dinosaur park lady (a.k.a. Bryce Dallas Howard), Bernie is the the army vet/skilled velociraptor trainer (a.k.a. Chris Pratt). Serena goes out of her way to avoid Bernie after she has a very intense sex dream about her. But then Hanssen insists she go see Bernie to consult about their new dinosaur, so she has no choice. It's unbearably awkward at first, but once the dangerous dinosaur business starts amping up, they don't have time to hide their feelings.

Jurassic Park III Berena AU: Serena is Alan Grant, Edward and Liberty are the Kirbys and drag her along to the dinosaur island as part of a special graduation gift for Elinor that quickly goes very wrong. Serena hates it. Leah is Billy (a.k.a. Alan Grant's assistant with the queer-coded vibes. Except she's not cool like Billy). She kisses Serena and steals a velociraptor egg after explicitly being told not to, because she sucks. Bernie is Laura Dern. Bernie will head to the island as soon as she gets Serena's phone call and finds out Leah is there. She is very jealous.

Jurassic World Rebirth Berena AU: Serena is the paleontologist dude played by Jonathan Bailey, and Bernie is Scarlett Johansson. At some point they will hook up in a cave. Or in the bathroom at the abandoned gas station. Let's say both. They will probably hook up at least 3 times before they get off the island. Because gay.

Jurassic Park Berena AU: Serena is Alan Grant. Bernie is Jeff Goldblum. They have sex at some point, because gay. Guy Self is a less jovial John Hammond. Hanssen is the lawyer, but cooler. Cam is Nedry. Bernie is furious when she realizes she was invited not because of her expertise, but because Marcus works for Guy Self and arranged the opportunity as a last-ditch effort to keep Bernie close. (He also got Cam the job.)

You might think that Guy Self would be BD Wong in some or all of these. This is not possible. BD Wong cannot be replaced. He must always be himself. He and Serena will hate each other, but have a sexual history. Every time he tells her he can't reveal information about a dinosaur's genetic composition because it's "above her pay grade" she looks like she wants to kill him, and they somehow wind up having sex in her office 10 minutes later.

[ktlsyrtis]

mutuals what perfume or cologne do you use? 👀

[ktlsyrtis]

req'd by @cemeterygrace

making the state sound like an isekai destination

text: Wisconsin, the land of cheese and gay sex

[ktlsyrtis]

Series 19 GOAT 🏆

[ktlsyrtis]

fuck it, i'm curious. reblog and tag with the first fictional death to ever rewrite your brain chemistry and/or make you cry like a baby. mine was ares from the underland chronicles (who, for context, was a giant bat.) to this day i will weep if i think too hard about it. okay, go.

[ktlsyrtis]