kookoomahgoo

[kookoomahgoo]

So, as sad as it is, I'm on basically every dating app there is, I have had no luck what so ever. I don't know if it's because I'm too picky, but I also don't know how to start a conversation when I do match with someone. Like for example, if you meet someone in person for the first time, do you say "Hello, nice to meet you", or do you start with a witty pickup line that may or may not land?

I go with the polite greeting when I match with someone, unfortunately I don't get a reply if I open with that. Is there something I'm missing? It seems as if being polite gets you nowhere these days. I don't get it.

[kookoomahgoo]

I really struggle with having a normal conversation with someone, it always ends up being a big ol' Downer or I just being socially awkward which makes things quite uncomfortable.

I've been too scared to even attempt to create a friendship or even a relationship with new people. I've developed abandonment issues which is a killer! I've been mainly playing video games and distracting myself with various unfinished projects because at least they won't leave me. How sad is that?

Anywho, I'm not dead so I'll keep moving forward. Hopefully someone thinks I'm atleast somewhat entertaining enough to stick around.

[kookoomahgoo]

So I'm in a weird place in my life. I'm not sure if I'm happy with how it's going, and I feel I'm in a limbo state of mind.

I went through a breakup which I did not handle very well, I had been cheated on then ghosted. A terrible act that cannot be taken back. I know because I've cheated on a partner in the past and I tell you, the guilt never goes away.

I tried moving on with my life, tried moving somewhere out of my comfort zone. Unfortunately with the small time I gave myself to move, I ended up moving into a very small studio apartment. The fact my state was in lockdown also did not help with the situation.

I pushed through the year, having some breakdowns and horrendous days and nights. I came out the other side, just recently moved into a new place, much larger than the last and I'm happy with the home I'm in now.

Recently, I've heard that the same girl that cheated on me, is now getting abused her new relationship. I'm guessing it's the fact I still love her, but it hit me hard hearing that it's happening to her. I wish I could be there for her, but I know I should be looking out for myself and my future.

I wish things were the way they were, I wish nothing went wrong, be it me or her, I just wish we were happy together.