knoqturne

[knoqturne]

Get a Clue

My fiancee and I have a watchlist devised for October this year: a set of movies, specials, shorts, and other things we want to take in before the spookery ends. Last night we bagan to make our way through that list. We had talked about doing a double feature, but after a surprisingly hectic trip to Salem the previous day, we decided instead to do a solo movie: 1985's Clue.

Surface level thoughts: It's a great film. There are a few gags that now feel outdated and unnecessary, like the treatment of the chef's weight in one scene, or the fact that all the men are leering at most of the women and nothing of the reverse sort is even hinted at. But I find these to be a few small age spots on an otherwise excellent murder comedy. It's a snappy, fast paced thriller with jokes, physical comedy, and multiple endings. I believe most versions include all the endings, though I won't spoil them.

The premise, in case anyone doesn't know and can't take an educated guess from the board game, is that six colorful personalities are invited to a dinner party. Each one has government connections (with five of them living in DC), and each one is being blackmailed. Guest #7 turns out to be their collective blackmailer, Mr. Boddy, so it's no surprise that when the lights go out, he turns up dead. From there, we follow a madcap set of antics as the six (alongside the butler, played by Tim Curry) race around to investigate the mansion and discover the true killer's identity.

Even today I find the movie fantastic. Tim Curry, ten years after his other most iconic role as a weirdo in a mansion, gives an excellent performance, as do Madeline Kahn, Christopher Lloyd, and the rest of the ensemble cast giving it their all. However, one idea we kept coming back to was what a modern reboot of the movie would look like.

The first thing we agreed on was that Rian Johnson (of Knives Out and Poker Face fame) should write and direct. While Communism is slightly outdated as a theme, playing with the idea of what is and isn't "American behavior" would be up his alley. The reasons everyone is being blackmailed would have to be updated, and he'd have plenty of material to pack the script with in that space.

Then we turned to the board game's latest yassified revamp for casting ideas. We'll keep our specific ideas private, but feel free to look up the new faces (they're not bad on the eyes) and try to cast it yourselves.

This all reminded us as well that a Battleship movie had been made with terrible reputation, and that Margot Robbie is attached to a Monopoly movie. The latter also feels like it has interesting potential to become an examination and criticism of society, particularly showcasing the disconnection of the super rich and their recklessly egotistical pursuits from the average people whose lives are affected by their actions on a greater scale than it often feels like they will ever know.

I don't think I have many regular readers at the moment, but those of you that have come this far, I'd love to know what board or card game you think could be translated well to screen. Dreamworks' Candyland? Guess Who as a spy thriller? Or maybe you have a great pitch for Scrabble?

[knoqturne]

Monster Cereals

For me, it wouldn't be the Halloween season without General Mills' monster cereals. For the uninitiated, the monster cereals are a set of cereals with the same basic setup, but a variety of flavors each corresponding to a kooky monster mascot. The best known is Count Chocula, perhaps the friendliest vampire this side of Sesame Street. Frankenberry is a gestalt zombie, or as the public might call him, a Frankenstein monster. Either way, his deal is strawberry. And predictably, Boo Berry is a ghost whose cereal tastes like blueberry.

The original trio aren't alone, though. Yummy Mummy and Fruit Brute, a mummy and a werewolf, have both had a few trial runs, under differing flavors. I'm a big fan of the most recent Fruit Brute, a cherry cereal that I thought was quite tasty.

And in 2023, General Mills made history with America's most prominent female cereal mascot since the Honey Bunches of Oats lady and a revolving door full of Wheaties sportswomen. Everybody give a hand to Carmella Creeper, who not only got her very own (and very seasonally appropriate) caramel apple flavored cereal, but also became the spotlight character of Monster Mash, a limited edition cereal that combined elements of all six! Sadly, I haven't had the chance to try Carmella's concoction yet, but it was high time a lady mascot got on a box.

But as much as I could mindlessly gush over this bare minimum of representation that looks like she dropped out of Monster High, the thing that gets me writing is this year's line, which gives each monster a pet. Take a look.

You can tell I'm a cereal fan bc I have these displayed in my window (partially to keep my cat off the windowsill so he doesn't play too agressively with the blinds). But the point is... why, if they're going to have a bat, doesn't it go to the vampire? A spider makes just as much sense for Frank as a bat does, but a bat just makes so much more sense with the Count. It baffled me. It inspired me to write, which is good, because even thought I love it, I don't do it enough. And I love Boo Berry's cat. Carmella's snake is good too.

Anyway, don't know how to wrap up. Don't diss adults for liking kids things. Good luck and have fun!