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[knee615]

I’ve already seen discourse on Twitter about Keanu Reeves and his girlfriend bc apparently, 46 ISN’T age appropriate for a 55 year old man or something and I’m starting to think some people don’t understand the discussion about age gap relationships….it’s not about age gaps themselves, it’s about adults dating people who aren’t adults (usually teenagers). But also, 46 and 55 is age appropriate jfc

[knee615]

Fandom is for everyone (except people who don’t respect unspoken fandom rules)

As someone who was on the internet at a stupidly young age and watched social media begin to form in the way we know it now (more specifically, fandoms on social media), and someone whose parents didn’t do a great job at making sure I was being safe on the internet (even now, as people who have had iPhones since 2012-ish, they don’t understand technology very much), I feel pretty qualified to talk about this topic.

For as long as I can remember, I have been a "fangirl." My first real concert was the Jonas Brothers when I was 6 and I showed up in a head-to-toe Jonas Brothers outfit. All of my school supplies had their faces on them, I owned like four of the same shirts because they came in different colors. My walls were covered in posters. This translated to Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana, and later to Big Time Rush, Youtubers, and now, for the most part, TV shows and actors. I'm someone who gets hyper-fixated on things, so it's easy for me to let my life become engulfed in fandoms. But fandom spaces on the internet have transformed from something I loved to something I avoid at all costs. It's pretty obvious that at some point within the last few years, fandom has become less about community and more about weird hive-mind behavior, performance activism, and pseudo friendships with the people the fandom is for, especially when the fandom centers around real people. Now, I think that the rise of content creators as "celebrities" is the point that flipped the narrative. The close connection these CC's created with their community, typically beginning when they were small enough to be able to do that, created this weird sense of entitlement within fandom spaces. This is especially true in streamer spaces, as there is a lot of interaction between the fans and the creators. They lost the sense of community when self-entitled bullies took over. As someone who has been in fandoms for as long as I can remember (seriously, I had Dance Moms Instagram/Twitter fan pages. I’ve been here for too long), I obviously understand how it feels to be acknowledged by your favorite people, whether a singer, creator, actor, etc. It’s validating and it’s special. But it’s important to remember that they are real people and deserve respect as all people do. And it’s also important to remember that fandoms aren’t about validation, they’re about celebration and community. I met my best friend on Instagram through our Big Time Rush fan pages when I was 12. I’m 21 now. I still follow people on twitter that I met three fandoms ago. I bonded with my irl friends over fandoms. Does it feel great when my faves recognize me or acknowledge me? Yes, absolutely. But that’s not the reason I’m in fandoms. I don’t interact in fandom spaces much anymore; there’s too much negativity and I just don’t have the energy to sift through it anymore. What once was a space that celebrated everything and had intelligent discourse became a high school cafeteria, loaded with "popular" bullies who put down anyone who has a differing opinion than them. I remember when fan accounts first started to appear on social media. It was something we did our best to hide from the people it was about because we were terrified to accidentally make them uncomfortable. We did the work to find a healthy balance, and now all of that work is being ignored because people feel entitled to their faves attention… and that’s weird. Some basic rules I think people need to be reminded of: 1. Fandom is for everyone, whether or not you have the same opinions. Fandom is about respecting everyone and celebrating the beauty of perspectives 2. Privacy still exists. Even if something is “public knowledge.” If the person involved didn’t put it out there, its none of your fucking business 3. Stop tagging people in things they may be uncomfortable with. 4. People are allowed to have opinions, and as long as they’re keeping those opinions in their little fandom bubble, leave the alone. If you don’t like it, block them. You’re not going to get a cookie for defending your fave from something they probably don’t even have a problem with 5. It’s okay to call your fave out for problematic behavior, and it’s okay to allow your fave to learn and grow from their mistakes. They’re not perfect, stop putting them on a pedestal. 6. For some people, fandom is about escapism. Respect that. Stop forcing performance activism on people. More often than not, fandoms focused on real people are about grown ass adults. I promise you, they don’t need an army on the bird app defending their honor. If they have a problem, they have a voice and they can use it. You’re causing more problems and putting more attention on things by throwing a hissy fit. I don’t know what you expect them to do. This isn’t 2010 Wattpad fanfiction—they’re not going to see you defending them and fly to your house to marry you. There’s a difference between someone doing something extremely damaging (i.e., leaking personal information) and having a different opinion than you. The bottom line is that everyone is going to experience a fandom in a different way. People have different experiences and lives and views. All of those things will shape how a person sees others. And that’s a good thing. If everyone had the same fandom view, it wouldn’t be interesting. You would be able to follow one account and get all of the content you need. But that’s no fun. It’s so much more fun to have a well-rounded experience that is shaped and full of various views and ideas. Expecting everyone to have the same fandom experience as you and condemning them when they don’t is ruining the fandom experience for everyone. Treat people with kindness. Tailor your fandom experience by blocking/muting/unfollowing people you don’t want to see. And mind your fucking business. I promise you, you’ll have a better time in a fandom if you stop being so concerned about everyone else and just dive into your love and enjoyment of something. To conclude, stop ruining fandom spaces with your sense of entitlement and brown-nosing and just let people enjoy something while the world continues to implode on itself at an alarming rate.

TL/DR: mind your fucking business and leave people alone (as long as theyre being respectful and keeping discourse out of tags/mentions

[knee615]

911LS 2x12

after watching 2x12 multiple times, i have some unpopular opinions about that scene that i want to bring up. i’ve seen a lot of anger, and while i understand and i am not going to justify it (at all... it wasn’t okay), i wanted to put my thoughts out there. 

tw: addiction, overdose, abuse, emotional abuse, toxic family dynamics, brief (very brief) mentions of suicide scene in 2x11, gun violence, anxiety/depression (if i’m missing anything please please please let me know so i can add it)

this will be broken down roughly into the following sections

family dynamics

mental health

addiction

terrible parenting

work

final thoughts

~~~~~~~~~~~

family dynamics

tk: its very clear that tk has a lot of issues when it comes to his father, especially when his father is being put at risk. his family, especially him and his dad, have a weirdly close relationship (example: when owen came in after getting the hair treatment and tk asked if he got laid, when he woke up from the coma and they immediately started talking about zoe/carlos like they were best friends not a father/son). they talk about things (read: tk talks about things and owen acts like he does). they’ve struggled but they're typically open about a lot of things most parents wouldn't be with their kids. 

carlos: carlos was raised in a very traditonal household where his father was, in a lot of senses, emotionally stunting carlos. he taught him that he wasnt allowed to cry and that he was too soft to be a police officer. he was scared to lose his parents, but they werent the best role models when it came to sharing emotions with them. he wasnt ever allowed to show emotions and he always had to be strong and protect those who he cared about. (this is what makes me, and a lot of other fans, think carlos has siblings, particularly sisters)

mental health

its obvious that both boys are struggling with mental health. tk has separation anxiety with people he loves because he thinks theyre going to leave him, he struggles with depression (”everything is gray”) and he has a lot of trauma that he hasnt ever worked through. not to mention the tension between his parents, him constantly being in terrifying near-death experiences at work, the pandemic, and his entire life changing. tk has shown this kind of aggression in the past, and people ignoring that and saying its out of character for him to do this is just a way to excuse this as shitty writing and infantilizing tk. he has shown this type of aggression in the past. he got in a bar fight, he shoved judd, he stormed out of owen’s intervention. when tk feels threatened, he pushes people away (physically and emotionally) carlos also clearly has unresolved trauma from his childhood and struggles with anxiety. this is clear by him not wanting to tell his parents he has a boyfriend, seeking his fathers approval and getting emotional/doubting himself when he doesnt get it, etc. 

addiction

as someone who has grown up around every type of addiction possible and seen people overcome it and people being destroyed by it, tk’s reaction was normal. his father was being threatened, he feels like his sobriety and his life (owen saved him) is because of owen. he constantly seeks his fathers approval and love because he never got it as a child. 

in the past year+ (the timeline of the show is relatively unclear) tk has 

-proposed to his “soulmate”

-gotten rejected

-found out his boyfriend was cheating on him

-relapsed after years of sobriety

-almost died

-was saved (again) by his father

-moved across the country from NYC to texas (a big culture shock)

-tried to have a casual fwb situation that turned into more

-found out his dad has cancer (and told other people before him)

-fought with judd

-got shot (by a child)

-was in a coma

-didnt know if he wanted to be a firefighter anymore

-decided he wanted to save people

-almost died (again) in the bus

-tore his stitches

-got in a new relationship

-his parents were fwb

-the pandemic hit

-his parents were pregnant 

-his parents were together again

-”im gonna be a father” (genuinely fuck owen for that)

-his parents fought and involved him

-carlos told his parents they were friends

-the baby wasnt owens

-a year of sobriety

-he got kidnapped/pistol whipped

-his parents broke up and his mom was moving back to nyc

-his dad is depressed

-judd and grace car accident

-owen playing amateur detective

-owens surgery

-he moved in with carlos

-owen got “arrested”

idk about you, but i felt anxious just writing that list. now imagine tk, fresh off a year of sobriety after almost dying, and going through all of that. its a lot. tk is clearly stressed and is dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil. theyre clearly setting up for a storyline about tk’s addiction, so instead of just having his addiction reappear one day, theyre setting it up. as someone who has been around addiction their whole life, these stressors and triggers are going to limit tk’s emotional control. (i’m not DEFENDING tk’s actions, just explaining why they make sense). 

as a police officer, carlos has obviously dealt with addiction before, and knowing the kind of person carlos is, the night tk got in the bar fight and ended up in the police station and telling carlos he was an addict, carlos absolutely went home and did the most research he could to ensure tk was comfortable around him. (he probably even sneakily asked michelle what he could do to make an addict more comfortable). he and tk have probably dealt with tk having cravings/talking about his addiction/etc in the past. carlos knows how he gets. 

terrible parenting

we knew owen sucked as a father, we knew gabriel wasnt the greatest (though i was rooting for a redemption arc for him tbh), but this was irredeemable. they both put their jobs above their sons and their relationship. owen especially, as hes aware of tk’s addiction and his lack of emotional control when it comes to his father. (can we please talk about how it took billy saying he thought raymond was talking to gabriel when he said hed take the most important thing from him for his to realize he was talking about tk and not the firehouse because what?????????) ((also can we talk about owen, billy, tommy, and judd fucking around and joking in the back of the ambulance while tk and carlos were outside traumatized because no ones talking about that and it makes me so beyond angry???)

i have a feeling andrea gave owen and gabriel a piece of her mind after this because genuinely wtf. 

work

the situation ultimately sucked. but its important to note the setting and their jobs. when carlos walked in to the firehouse, he walked in as a police officer when tk approached him as his boyfriend. you can tell by their posture and their tones. yeah it sucked that judd told carlos to leave and he was left alone, but they were at work. they couldnt just turn it into a couples therapy session and the firefam couldnt just stand up for carlos. im willing to bet judd ripped into tk when he was calm enough, but they had to maintain the peace because they were at work. 

final thoughts 

obviously tk shouldnt have pushed carlos. you should never put your hands on someone else (especially in a romantic relationship) and it was wrong. yes, tk should've apologized and the show shouldn't have brushed over it. but, i firmly believe they had a conversation about it. 

also, going back to mental health: tk has anxiety. carlos shut down the conversation when tk tried to apologize before dinner. carlos shut it down. he probably shut it down during the original conversation as well. this probably has to do with his upbringing and his hesitancy to show emotion. it also makes sense that tk would back down when carlos shut it down because he doesnt want to annoy carlos and make him angry. thats how anxiety works, it manifests as your worst fears and causes you to react accordingly. 

to make it clear, im not justifying tk’s actions and think it was wrong. but people saying its out of character is just excusing the behavior as bad writing and, again, infantilizing tk. infantilizing grown men, especially gay men, is a very common occurrence and its not okay. tk is not a child, hes not some perfect baby golden retriever. hes flawed, he struggles with addiction every day (even if hes sober at the moment) and dismissing his past actions and struggles and saying this is out of character is wrong. 

he was wrong. and its okay that he did something wrong. hes human. the writers need to do a better job at taking these serious topics and their possible outcomes into consideration when theyre approving the episodes (the suicide scene without a content/trigger warning), but the fans need to be better at understanding the nuances of mental health and addiction. i understand its frustrating but its NOT out of character for tk to act like this. 

~~~~~

tl;dr: tk was wrong to shove carlos, but it makes sense in terms of his character and his past. also carlos doesnt know how to talk about emotions so he shut tk’s apology down.