kmn247m

[kmn247m]

warning: contagious content

As I sit in my comfy bed before I go to sleep and wake up and commute to my (somewhat-hanging-in-there) office for work tomorrow, I can't help but feel a sort of overwhelming sense of sadness and fear about the current condition of the world. Rumour has it that the infamous Coronavirus (or COVID-19 if we want to get all fancy) was caused by a bat. Or maybe several. Unconfirmed at this point although I'm sure I also saw somewhere it may have even been 5G network. Who knows. Anyway, I degress. For argument's sake we'll assume it was a bat. A virus effectively jumped from this bat and made contact with human skin because market standards were poor, it then jumped from said person to another, to another, and so on and now we have a declared, worldwide pandemic. I've always admired the concept of the butterfly effect - for those who aren't familiar, that a simple flap of a butterfly's wings can cause a tornado miles away several weeks later - but now I do truly believe this is the case. One bat (or maybe a couple more bats) have now caused a truly devastating and terrifying global catastrophe that has left thousands of people trapped in their homes in quarantine/self isolation or foreign countries and, at the time of writing this, cause 8,919 deaths out of a possible 217,436. Statistically that's 4%, which admittedly doesn't sound like a lot in the grand scheme of things, but if we consider that there are currently approximately 7 billion people in the world, and assuming they all contract this virus at some stage, 280,000,000 people will die. 280 million people. That's just short of the entire population of the United States. It does seem scary, and it should, and it will probably continue to spread for a long time, but the originating country 1 month later are already past the worst of it and have already begun to build their lives back up. Alongside the fear of contracting the virus itself is the mass hysteria that shortly follows suit. Naturally, people panic. The thoughts of losing jobs or family members or friends (or money on their Easyjet flights) sends people slightly erratic and and fretful. People assume the worst of every situation before it has even begun and refuse any sort of information that may result in them being knocked down a peg or two. The advice given thus far is to avoid social distancing, work from home where possible, self isolate if you display any symptoms, and wash your hands for 20 seconds or longer. There is a post in our bathroom at work which provides songs from the 90's that last for 20 seconds if you sing their chorus. It makes people laugh. It is so typically innate for us to search for humour or comfort in even the worst scenarios and that is what I love about people. Our local stores may be desperately short on bread and toilet paper but at least we can smile at a video of European citizens singing along to songs on their balconies whilst on lockdown. COVID-19 is not the only contagion currently in circulation. Here are a select few others: - Laughter - Love - Sensibility - Compassion - Care They have been around a lot longer than COVID-19 and will continue long after it ceases. They are a force to be reckoned with, will stand above all in the face of adversity and will never fail. Laughter is so contagious, and to find laughter in times of pain does relieve an awful lot. Love will never end, it is in all of us and will continue to spread. Sensibility, care and compassion have already been showed by so many (e.g. assisting those more vulnerable amongst us) and there are many life lessons to be learnt. We, as human beings, are an outstanding species who continue to defy odds and overcome obstacles on a daily basis. Some will be more difficult than others, and that's okay. I have faith in the people with whom I come into daily contact with that we, as a community, will all be fine. We take what life throws at us and deal with it as it comes.

[kmn247m]

reflection

A strange old year with the highest highs and the lowest lows I've ever experienced, along with some very important life lessons/curve balls thrown in. I would've said it's been an awful year; however a friend of mine said not long ago that "it hasn't been a bad year, it's just been a year where bad things have happened". True.

In reality, and despite the magnitude of said bad thing that and all that came with it, this year really has been for what of a better word... great. And so... reflection. Thursday 7th February I was at a charity quiz with a few of my work colleagues. I had a missed call that from 'Dad' that I couldn't answer during the quiz so left it with the intention of calling him back when I got home. "He's probably drunk anyway" I thought. Sure enough the quiz ran late, I got home and went straight to sleep. No call back. Friday 8th February I was out for a friend's birthday party. I still remember being sat on the bench in the smoking area of Outback when I received a message from Dad's best friend sending me their condolences. I remember thinking "I know I'm drunk but what is this guy talking about, surely he has the wrong person, Dad only tried to call me last night" but my mind wouldn't settle so I referred the message to family... suffice to say absolutely nothing and nobody could've prepared me for the call that followed. The next 30 minutes or so was a blur but I do remember inconsolably crying whilst two friends had to effectively carry me out of the door because despite my best efforts my legs just would. not. work. Cue the following morning which is met with not only a hangover but incomprehensable emotion, and the question "well what the fuck do we do now?" The week that followed was again like nothing I've ever experienced and nothing I could prepare for. A funeral I never expected to plan. A goodbye I only got to say once and it wasn't perfect because I wasn't ready. More tears and sleepless nights than I would ever care to admit. Guilt, overwhelming guilt for not answering the phone call during the stupid quiz, not calling him back, not speaking to him more often in general. What kind of daughter was I? Unanswered questions. Was he alone? Was he happy? Did he know he was going to die? What would I have said to him if I'd have known? Is it better that we didn't know? It's difficult to think about these things, but the only one certainty and saving grace that came out of such a horrible time is love. Love to and from my entire family. Relatives from everywhere that made every effort to be there. The hugs, the laughs, the tears, the countless cups of tea, the way that we managed to fill the entire pub for the wake and all stories and memories shared were ones of love. No hate. The love and strength shown by my sister in an attempt to shield my brother and I from the 'adult' details of planning a funeral - the expense, the undertaker, everything. The love shown by my friends. In the weeks post-news I felt so empty. They sent flowers, messages of support, love, ralleyed around me and made sure I was never unwillingly alone and that I could talk about it if I wanted. A few people in particular who I'm sure know who they are without being mentioned.. but I also found comfort in people I never expected, and in retrospect, lost it in people I would've expected it from. I came to the sad realization that time and life and people do not stand still because something bad has happened to you. Some days you forget you’re even sad and then you’ll receive a reminder in the worst way and that’s something you have to live with. Although sometimes you wish it wouldn't, you have to get up for work in the morning, you have to speak to people, you have to deal with your day to day life because it will not wait for you.

And with that came the following.... Success. A distinction in a diploma module that I typed up the coursework for on the boat on the way to Dad's funeral. I submitted it a day after my return not expecting anything from it, and landed the best marks I'd ever achieved. Shortly followed and largely topped by being awarded Young Achiever of the Year by the Isle of Man Insurance Institute. Easily my biggest achievement to date! Next... More love. In a very unexpected human that I didn't ever imagine I'd meet, but as fate would have it I decided to go out that night and there he was. Fast forward 7 months and he's been my boyfriend for 4 of those months. He is my best friend, myself in male form, knows me better than I know myself, is my voice of reason, my biggest fan and everything inbetween... Memories. I had the trip of a lifetime this July. I visited Rome, Nice, Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin, Prague, Krakow and Budapest. I experienced albeit sweltering heat, ate some of the greatest food, and witnessed some of the wonders of the world in these places. I discovered things about these places I would never have known otherwise, but also discovered things about myself. I hate to sound cliché in saying that I found myself while I was away, but I really really did. But the memories did not stop there. There have been fantastic nights in, nights out where we drank gin and stayed up dancing to stupid songs until 4am; my first ever trip to London; Christmas with Lewis and my family was incredible; and I'm looking forward to celebrating the New Year, welcoming 2020 with all its fresh ideas and plans and new memories....

Lessons. Before this year I'd probably cringe at any quote I saw relating to "don't take anything for granted" or "never go to bed on an argument" etc. you know the ones. But I've come to understand the true value of these statements and will never be ignorant again. If I were to give anyone advice based on what I've learnt this year, I would be this: - Pick up the phone call. Or better yet, pick up the phone. It may be an unknown number, it may be a nuisance call, it may be somebody calling in a crisis, or they may have just been calling to say hello. Pick it up. If you can't, call back at your earliest opportunity. Even if nobody calls you, call someone - a distant relative - or send somebody a message to let them know you're thinking of them once in a while. It goes a very, very long way. - Love unequivocally and whole heartedly. Every single person that you surround yourself with is worthy of all of your love - there are no limits to how much you can give. The world truly is a more beautiful place when there is love around. - Let go of the small stuff. So someone said something to annoy you that one time - so? Will you remember in a week? I'm not saying you shouldn't argue, and by all means if something offends you then please please make it known.. but to be blunt, ask yourself this - if they died unexpectedly tomorrow, would you hold it against them? If the answer is no, be in a mood with them for an hour or so and then just let. it. go. Say sorry even if you're not. Make peace and live in it. And last but not least, do not take anybody or anything for granted. Here I go, saying it. But it's true. If not for any other reason, so you don't end up like me, living life sad and full of guilt at the wastest opportunities I had to spend time with my Dad, when I would give anything in the world right now for 5 more minutes with him. Too often in life we mistake kindness for weakness and play on people to get what we want. We assume we have all the time in the world, when really it can (and sometimes does) end tomorrow. So, as a parting message, a rule for us all to live by. A beautiful day begins with a beautiful mindset. When you wake up, take a second to think about what a privilege it is to simply be alive and healthy. The moment we start acting like life is a blessing, I assure you it will start to feel like one. 2020, I am ready for you.