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I bet the criminals in Gotham city freak the fuck out when the Batman shows up without Robin.

Because, yeah, you’re going to get the shit kicked out of you either way—but when the kids’ around, Batman’s more… merciful. He’ll knock you out instead of breaking both your arms. He’ll round-house you but not stab you in the gut with a bat-a-rang. There’s less blood and gore, like Batman’s trying to spare the kiddo from the more unsavory aspects of vigilantism.

I bet when the goons see Robin, they breathe a sigh of relief. Cause Batman’s gonna fuck ‘em, but he isn’t going to fucking annihilate them—not in front of his kid.

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*Stuck in their civilian identities trying to stop a villain*

Clark: *whispering* Bruce what do we do?!

Bruce: *whispering back, stuck in Brucie mode* I dunno man, usually I just flash my tits and all my problems go away

*Clark’s eyes dart down to Bruce’s unbuttoned shirt and a blush takes over his cheeks*

Clark: Oh, erm, *cough* y-yeah I could see that…

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can i get a hell yea if you’re still gonna be wasting your time on this website in 2014

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Jason is that one unemployed sibling who texts you weird shit at 3:27 pm on a Tuesday.

Like, Dick, sweating his ass off in his police uniform getting a text from Jason, which btw, extremely rare- and it's just a Twin tomato (two tomatoes grown as one ykwim) and captioned w "ur ass"

or Tim is in the middle of his board meeting and he gets an email from Red Hood and hes like stressing out chcking it only to find a pic of his apartment's kitchen's pantry asking "why dont you have salt?"

and then damian coming back from school to see his phone full of texts from Jason and it's all pics of ugly animals and every pic is captioned with "u" "u again" "wow u"

Bruce getting a morse code going "check phone" and it's a video of Jason flying away on an alien helicopter contraption with Roy yelling after him asking him to get down and jason saying he doesnt know how this shit works.

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Tim, sprinting into Jason’s room, sticking in all directions, looking around with wide eyes.

Jason, on his bed reading a book: What the fuck are you doing?

Tim, quickly looking behind him and back at Jason’s bed: If he asks I’m not here.

Jason: What?

Tim, sprinting so fast he trips back and slides under semi under Jason’s bed. He doesn’t quite make it all the way through, instead having to awkwardly shuffle under: I’m. Not. Here.

Jason: What the fuck.

Dick, dressed in a suit but with a long worm-on-a-string around his neck: WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?

Jason, immediately pointing under the bed.

Dick, grabs something and yanking it out: FUCKER. WHERE ARE MY TIES.

Tim, already struggling: YOU GAVE ME PEPSI. I ASKED FOR COKE.

Dick: I HAVE A MEETING TODAY.

Tim: SHOULDVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT SOONER BITCH.

Jason, turns another page.

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The justice league sees Batman periodically updating a database of his, at the oddest of times, and naturally they think it's got something to do with his contingency plans or a dataset about the Gotham rogues, but in reality it's just him keeping record of his many children's changing tastes

Superman: Woah, he's writing down with such concentration, wonder what could be in there, maybe a new villain in Gotham?

Bruce, writing: "Dick has refused his favourite Pb&J five mornings in a row. Delete from favourites. Ask for new favourite food."

"Jason didn't seem as Eager to read the new book by his favourite author, put it in neutral category."

"Tim chose a green shirt instead of a red one at the mall today. More research needed."

"Cass listened to arctic monkeys on repeat this week. Update to favourites."

"Duke expressed an interest in slam poetry and called band practice lame. Put poetry in favourites and band in neutral."

"Damian watched Bluey for a total of 50 hours this week. Update to favourites."

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Okay. New thought. Hear me out.

Jason with motorcycle.

Jason, motorcycle AND 'white girl' music.

A little like this:

Goon 1: Hurry up guys! We don' want boss waitn' to long!

Goon 5: Uh.. hey lads? What's that music? I ain't never hear California gurls playin' down h're.

Goon 1: ...

The sound of a motorcycles engine becomes louder, as well as the very noticable and very known lyrics of California gurls as well as a distinct voice singing it.

Goon 2: SHIT SHIT DUCK DOWN

All of the goon scramble to duck down and hide.

Goon 5: What? What is it? The goon whispers

As the sound becomes louder and louder, the engine of the motorcycle pauses for a while but soon continues on. The goons all let out a heavy breath, that was a close one.

Goon 6: Oh thank the Lord. I thought he found us for a second..

Jason standing like right behind them whispers into one of the goons ears: California girls-

And that's why if you hear California gurls playing in Gotham, you should run because it's the Red hood.

Now. You must be wondering, if Jason is with the goons.. where is the motorcycle? Well let's just say Tim had a fun time scaring the shit out of people.

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Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!! I bring my followers a longish comic with some Damian feels, I hope you like it :)

Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)

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Jason: wow demon brat, the replacement was right about you.

Damian: ?

Jason: well earlier we were talking and he said the reason you're so aggressive is because you lack battle sense and never have a decent plan apart from 'stab and hope for the best'

Damian:

Damian: oh, Drake said that did he? well we'll see if he still thinks that after i've carefully destroyed his entire LIFE.

Dick and Jason, watching Damian angrily storm away to plot:

Dick to Jason: why the everloving FUCK would you do that?! Tim didn't say shit, and they JUST started getting along.

Jason: exactly, dipshit. do you even understand how terrifying it is when those two work together? do you really want the real 'worlds greatest detective' and B's demon brat 'blood son' to team up against everyone else? do you really want the two youngest to focus their sights on the two oldest? do you really want that, dickface!?

Dick:

Jason: remember last year, when they started bonding over that human trafficking case B paired them up on? they declared themselves 'besties' and almost took over half of Bludhaven before i paid Alfred to pit them against each other during monopoly

Dick:

Dick: oh my god you're right. they'll turn against us and we'll be dead by the end of the week.

Jason: exactly. it's our job as their elder brothers to make sure they don't get too chummy.

Dick: ...just don't tell Bruce.

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"Do I look like him?"

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Jason (breaking into titians tower to kill Tim): square up

Tim (who holding a mug and the coffee pot): Hold on.

Precedes to chug the whole coffee pot then chucks it at Jason’s head.

The fight that ensures is the most feral, intense fight any of the Titian’s have ever seen.

Jason: You missed an opening there. You could have hit me when my chest was exposed.

Tim: Look at your foot work, I could have knocked you over.

Jason: Nice hit, if you commit more with the follow through then you’ll have more power.

The Titian’s are watching trying to decide if they should step in or sit back and enjoy the show.

Jason (is through to the ground and has Tim’s staff pointed at his neck): I’m impressed. You are pretty good for a replacement.

Tim: Well I have big shoes to fill.

Jason: Breakfast?

Tim: Pancakes?

Jason: Have strawberry syrup?

Then they get up, move to the kitchen like nothing happened and just start making pancakes.

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obsessed