kirakkingkraz

[kirakkingkraz]

What has become of me…

[kirakkingkraz]

My mind isn’t where i want it to be….

[kirakkingkraz]

[kirakkingkraz]

Today is Makoa’s birthday, is exactly 11hrs n 38mins my youngest mini will have made his journey into this wonderful world. My youngest mini me, my last creation….

I dream of creating again…

[kirakkingkraz]

Hey I'm feeling overwhelmed right now, I feel happy like everything ok and there's nothing to worry about but every few minutes or so there this recurring flood of emotion that just drowns every bit of my existence... I need, I want, I just can't shake it.... then.... it drains bone dry, empty... I miss u I love u I want u I need u!!!!!

[kirakkingkraz]

Benjamin, it's been awhile since I've last missed you this much. This city holds a different feelz beginning again... or maybe it's my loving situation that makes this all feel different. I'm not sure which it is. Sleep is worse than before, now I find more feelz in the night that captivate me thru the morning binding me to the realm of dreams stronger and longer than before. The asshole has officially stop wanting to be worth a damn, though he does resurface from time to time. Personally I just want his money for the kids cuz there is no way I can manage this all alone, honest, I'm not mentally capable to run solo like this. Especially with so many other factors in play.... Fort worth I was alone but I turned to you when I needed to and you kept me going. Here I've neglected to hold you as close as I should be so here I find myself in a mental crisis fighting to stay afloat.... lunar new year is tomorrow, yesterday I made 30days clean... Benjamin my beloved, inside I'm at odds with myself with idk what exactly... I miss u I need u I luv u!! Please help me find what I so recently have lost...

[kirakkingkraz]

what is to become of me now that i find myself here today? inside there is such a yearning for all that i have loved... it stills me by day, restless at night. Sleep is no longer refreshing but rather a taxing endeavor....

oh fuck it i gotta stop playing the words so everyone has no idea what it is that im exactly talking about! man shit, all i know is that something inside me aint right k, straight up, it aint right! my dejavu hizznits made me! from beginning to now it has proven to me many truths but not the one i want.....

[kirakkingkraz]

Somehow I've found myself here in yet another new city. Just a little further away from where all my thoughts constantly return. This right here got me grasping for more than just the edge of reality. I'm not ready to let go, I'm not ready to forget, I'm not ready to say goodbye. My Whispers, My DejaVuHizzits......

[kirakkingkraz]

Ocean

[kirakkingkraz]

When at the end of the road, we find that we can no longer function as human beings, with or without drugs. We all face the same dilemma. What is there left to do? There seems to be an alternative: either we can go on the best we can to the bitter ends -jail, institutions, or death- or we can find a new way to live. Very few addicts ever had this last choice. Those who are addicted today are very fortunate. For the first time in man's entire history there is a simple way proving itself in the lives of many addicts. It is available to you of us. This is a simple spiritual -not religious- program known as Narcotics Anonymous.

[kirakkingkraz]

Treasures buried deep in my core, all the memories of before....

[kirakkingkraz]

May I never be without your love

[kirakkingkraz]

WARNING WARNING WARNING

By the way little one you be in sooo much trouble right now oooohhhh!! so you best be ready when they surprise you with a little sumthing sumthing later when you least except it!! better WAKE UP chica!

[kirakkingkraz]

Day 1 - January 3rd

Objective: Rehearse "We Do Recover" (handwritten)

[kirakkingkraz]

I would like to admit that I am a complete dumbass! Always fricken running away from simply being... it is a popular concept to numb the edginess, one way or another... I guess I still haven't learned that I'm fuckin weird with n without! 🤪