kennetteletters

[kennetteletters]

2 Reasons You Should (Not) Get Married

We all want a beautiful, well-planned, perfect wedding in Barbados at sunset. The gold-lit sand beneath us; lilies stuck behind pearl-painted chairs; the fake altar on the wooden plank raised till your wrinkly ankle, and your friends standing by the edge of the altar with their eyes going Nile seeing your perfect dresses. On the other side, you smell freshly baked gourmet being seasoned by one of the best chefs who you paid a thousand dollars a ticket to bring him here. Happiness drizzling down your throat can be tasted until it reaches the colon. The feeling of finally ending up with the person you always wanted to be with keeps your heart warm for the evening.

Feels nice, right? Are those tears?

The wedding industry is not a 57 billion dollar industry for no reason. There must be something humans gain from them if they are keen to spend thousands of bucks for a single party. The answer is simple: Happiness.

Is marriage considered a white mistake? You may say marriage can be the best mistake you will ever make. But yes, some ended up in divorce. Statistics say that married people are significantly happier than those lingering for their mates. Why is that?

I have a theory. If you are safe with the person who loves you, you feel much better about yourself than those seeking the same. Trust me, you have the feeling of happiness & gratitude on one side. And on the other, you are miserably alone, and unfortunately, both sides feel awful.

When you are in a committed relationship, you constantly need to keep the other person happy, which is the base of a relationship. If you don’t keep them happy, you’ll end up unhappy. You don’t want that, yeah? So you struggle to do whatever triggers their dopamine, secretes serotonin, and orgasms the oxytocin. In short, to keep them satisfied. Satisfied means happy.

The solution to this unpleasant feeling is, of course, wedlock. In marriage, we Homo Sapiens sense that these feelings will disappear once you marry the person you love. For instance, let’s say you are married to the love of your life. What about after that? You should make the marriage work, yeah? You have to bring flowers every day, share everything with them. That won’t be the problem when you are in love, but what about when you cannot do anything your partner expects from you. Simple thing. What if your sweetheart wants you to take her to dinner, and you fail to make it because you are busy making money. Of course, she would understand, but still, she feels bloody painful if these small things don’t happen, right? On the other side, you feel like shit because you could not make it to the restaurant. Awful feeling and inevitable. If you don’t keep your woman satisfied, you end up with an unhappy marriage in five or ten years. It does not matter how obsessed you were with each other; this still hits you like a bitch.

This feeling is not so distant when you have no partner. You are alone in your room, scrolling through Instagram, skimming through the lovely posts posted by your friends with their girlfriends all over their miserable profiles. You giggle at the sight of their life and presumably feel better that you are safe and free from all those responsibilities. But deep inside, you know you really want all that. You need a person to love you. At that moment, you will do anything to get a girl. But you know you can’t, even if you try. It should happen by itself, but it never does. The constant lies you tell yourself slowly begin to fade under your brain. The only something that satisfies you at this moment would be love. Even a phony expression of loving words would do the trick. You don’t bother if it is real or genuine; you just want to feel what being in love feels like.

Getting married might make this go away? You don’t know, so just to take a chance, you agree with your Indian parents to look for your bride. They fix the marriage and plan a budget-friendly wedding outside the city. You get married. So now what? Do you feel good? No way marrying a stranger feels good, let alone sleeping together. Awful, right?

Then why do both feel awful? Now we begin to wonder whether we are in hell. Cuz, both side is equally lovely and equally miserable. The only explanation I can give is that humans are never satisfied with anything. We want more in everything. If you are single, you want a lover. If you get a lover, you want a relationship. If you are in love (fake or real, it does not matter), you want to get married. If you are married, you want… well, what more can married people wish for? More sex? I have no idea. But the point is, we always seem to want more.

So, all you ought to do is to decide for yourself. On which side of torment do you wish to be? Married and awfully grateful? Or single and happily miserable?