kellytravelsjapan

[kellytravelsjapan]

December 11th

A year ago you committed suicide.

One of the last times I saw you, my brother and I played a co-op game I never beat with you. The antagonist is a god that consumes people's memories. And it's true. He's real. One of the times I cried was months later when I realized I hardly remembered what your voice sounded like. I tried to conjure it in my mind but I couldn't and it hurt.

It still hurts.

When someone so close is suddenly gone, everything changes. The ideas I had seemed dull (because anything exciting I shared with you). The things I did lacked importance (because I wanted to tell you about them). The friends I made vanished (because no friends are as good as you). I stopped writing.

I'm still not writing.

You were the first person I shared my first completed novel with. I didn't want to share it with you but you bothered me until I got annoyed and finally did. I don't think you liked it. I wasn't a good writer. And you made me so mad because you called my favorite character I created a "little bitch". Why? Because he was weak and cried while my main female character was strong. I remember that. And now I make it my goal to have every male protagonist I create show weakness and cry just to spite you.

I'm still not writing because how am I supposed to keep writing a novel you started but will never finish?

A year ago you committed suicide and I can't remember what your voice sounds like.

But I remember that day vividly.

My mom called me and told me. And I asked, "Why?" as though she somehow could produce an answer. I had just been about to go to a study group for my Japanese final but I told them I couldn't make it. Instead I spent the next hour studying the tiles on the bathroom floor and crying with Nicole on the phone. I called Nicole because I had no idea how to talk to Courtney. But eventually I had to call Courtney. She was already crying because she talked to her mom first. She said people were looking at her but she didn't care.

She said, "I wish he had known he could have talked to me. About anything."

I did too. I texted you that day to show you a kpop song because you were the only one who pretended to care about kpop for me. We talked about something stupid. And then you were gone.

And I had my finals and went home for the holidays. I hated it. The holidays used to be when I saw you because I was home from school, and I did see you but not the way I wanted to. I saw you at your funeral through teary eyes. The first day I did nothing but cry. If I ever stopped crying, I'd see your dad and start crying again. I couldn't stop crying. The second day Courtney was there and I held her hand. Nicole, Courtney, and I said a final goodbye but I didn't really. I didn't want to look at you. I wanted you to come back.

I still want you to come back.

But unlike my novel I'm struggling to start writing again, people can't be brought back when they die. I can only hold onto the memories of you because that's all I have. Outside my house there's a stone my mom got from someone when her best friend died. It says, "When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure."

All I know is I would have rather made a million more memories with you than have to treasure any of them.

[kellytravelsjapan]

(written) November 6th

My trip to South Korea has come to an end. I'm sure the manager at the donut shop I went to for breakfast every morning will miss the random white girls in his store, at least that's what I'd like to believe. I'm a breakfast person; food in the morning is my version of coffee, and even though weird people who don't eat breakfast (like my travelmate, Maria) exist, I must eat breakfast even in Korea (and even while living in Japan).

Before talking about all the things I did in Korea, I figured I would talk about some differences between the two.

The first has to do with my "favorite" transportation: trains. See, in Japan, even when you're packed together like the poor spider crab outside the seafood restaurant in Korea... Anyway, in Japan, no one talks on the train. I mean sometimes you will hear people talking but not loud, and definitely not on their cell phones. Not in South Korea. There, you can do whatever you want in terms of talking. Loud, drunk phone calls your thing? That's perfectly okay on Korean trains, even if you're basically screaming in the white girl's ear next to you. Needless to say I like trains better in Japan.

Though let me clarify. I like the INSIDE of the train better in Japan. Korea, even though they also don't talk about the mental health problems of their country, has barriers at many stations that make it physically impossible for people to jump in front of the trains. And in Japan, I hate to say that I've already heard about two (make that three now) suicides by train, and I hate it. I wish, so much, that Japan would make their stations like Korea.

On to a less sad note! I like fashion in Korea more. In Japan, it's all about cute which I'm not into when it comes to clothes. I had to embrace my foreigner status and wear my short shorts despite the oogling from men and oh-my-goodness-what-is-she-wearing eyes from women. But how, Japan? How do you not die wearing literal layers in the summer???? Thankfully it's starting to be colder, though this still isn't fall weather like it was in Korea.

I have to say, living in Japan for me seems better. I can read a little (unlike with hangul where I have no idea what's going on with those boxy characters). And people just speak Japanese to me which is nice. In Korea, everyone, even in stores will say things to you in English. In Japan, they're all, I'm going to speak Japanese regardless of if this person can understand me. Unless, of course, someone is trying to practice their English. "Oooh English??" Yes English, but go hire a tutor, I didn't come here to teach you English, I came here to study Japanese.

Now onto my adventures!!

We went to Myeongdong where there's skin care shops for days. The same day we went shopping and eating in Hongdae. (We went to Hongdae three times which kind of annoyed me because we only had 6 days but should definitely travel without Maria if I want to be able to wake up early and go to tons of places).

We also went to Gangnam while we were there and saw the little statues of Psy lol. We went to Lotte World mall which is a giant mall with very expensive stores. They had lights ready for Christmas already.

On a day Maria went somewhere alone, I went to the Gyeongbokgung Palace. It was beautiful and I think my favorite part of the trip. Maria even lived in Seoul for awhile but had never seen the palace. It's one of the first ones you see if you google things to do in Seoul though. You got in for free if you wore traditional korean clothes (hanbok). I didn’t rent one to wear, but there were tons of Korean girls dressed up to go take pictures there.

The next day we went to the traditional styled village, Ewha where there's a bunch of cheap street shopping, and that night we went to see the pretty LED roses in Dongdaemun.

And that was about the extent of my adventures. I'll try to write more and edit faster next time 😄

[kellytravelsjapan]

#2: September 25th

I hate the trains. I know they’re super useful and make getting places easier, but for a country that loves its personal space, that’s too many people for one train! Rush hour is more like the hour that humans become sardines on the train. In other words, classes started, and my first class starts at 9 which means my commute to the university is during rush hour every... single... weekday. And there is no avoiding it unless I want to get up and ready and leave so I’m in the station before 7. I’m still experimenting, so maybe I’ll find a Local train that works well to get to Ikebukuro in time for class without having to wake up any earlier than I already am (6:30).

Speaking of classes, I’m taking Japanese at the J2 level (the lowest above the beginner classes -__- ), Literature and Society, and Japanese Society 2. Japanese is 5 classes a week at 9 a.m. until 10:30. Each class is focused on a different topic; reading & writing, listening & comprehension, grammar 1, grammar 2, and on Friday you review all the topics. Each Japanese class has a different teacher with different grades and different midterm and final exams. Because of this, I’m not able to take too many courses. At Kent, 5 finals is already a lot. Not to mention, many of the classes here do not transfer well to America. I should be okay once I go back and hopefully I can get all the credits I need without needing to go an extra semester or anything.

Japanese class seems hard, but not any tougher than classes at Kent. I’m a little bummed I need to interact with more Americans in the class. I’ve been avoiding my own kind and immersing myself in all other cultures until now and they’ve ruined my plans by being as bad at Japanese as I am haha. Today the girl in my class from Austria sat next to me since we talked the day before, and hopefully we’re friends now or something since I don’t have a friend in Japanese class yet! It would be great to do homework together!!

My literature class is all about robots and taught by a professor from Texas. I’m the only American in that class. Rikkyo apparently hadn’t told the teachers teaching the special “pre-registration” classes that some international students might be in their class. He said he apologizes since he made the class with Japanese students in mind. I’m fine if it’s easier than literature classes I’m used to since my advisor told me it will transfer for my English major at Kent!

My culture class seems like it will be interesting although… the article we had to read for class was almost entirely about men’s privates because it’s a culture class and apparently a big part of hip-hop culture and racialism being incorporated into Japan has to do with men’s feelings of inferiority. In Japan in (around) the 90s, people would dress in hip-hop style, including makeup to make their skin darker; and it was fashionable for a Japanese woman to have a black man on her arm. Racism towards black people exists in Japan as well, and it was intriguing to read about how it was different compared to America.

Since the last time I made a post, I’ve gone on a few adventures. Nga, Valma, Maria and I went to Harajuku again to get crepes. Apparently, Angel Crepes is a pretty famous crepe place. Though personally, I wouldn’t go again. It was a tad expensive and once you ate the first inch—the fruits and other toppings—it was mostly just crepe and whipped cream.

Valma, Avril, and I returned a third time to Harajuku to go to the Meiji Shrine. The architecture was beautiful, but it was a very sunny day and the temperature was in the 80s with 70%-75% humidity. None of my pictures have really been edited yet because I haven’t had time!!!

Maria, Avril, and I went to the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building in Shinjuku. You can see the view of the surrounding area. Apparently when it’s a nicer day you can see the mountain in the distance, but we went on a rainy day (for some reason).

Another day, Avril, Nga, and I went to Sunshine City to visit the cat café there. It wasn’t very expensive and there wasn’t a time limit, so we could stay with the cats as long as we wanted. If I were alone, I definitely would have stayed longer because the cats were just getting playful after napping when the others wanted to leave ☹

And just recently, Avril, Maria, and I walked through Bunkyou and Ueno. We visited the Nezu Shrine and then walked through the park in Ueno before having dinner at a Soba place.

Another interesting thing that I did was hunt for tampons. I’m sure not everyone wants to hear about my experience shopping for feminine hygiene products, but too bad! To begin with, Japan is definitely a pad place. Finding tampons took looking at three different stores and playing I Spy with the shelf of pads. Finally, I found them though, and they were at the drug store near my dorm. What I thought was the most interesting was when I bought them, the cashier put them in a black bag so that no one could see what I was carrying. When I asked Maria what the point was (since if you’re carrying a black bag can’t they assume you’re carrying tampons?) she said that they will also sometimes put alcohol in a black bag too. Feminine hygiene products and alcohol are apparently supposed to be kept secretive.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being here for almost a month, it’s that you should learn the heck out of kanji. Almost everyone that learns Japanese complains about kanji, but if I knew the more readings, shopping would be much easier. Just this week I was finally able to buy milk that didn’t taste weird to me with Avril’s help because she can read many more kanji than I can.

Maria and I are going to try to use the post office tomorrow, so we’ll see how that goes with our minimal Japanese.

[kellytravelsjapan]

#1: September 12th

It's been a little over a week since I arrived in Tokyo to study abroad at Rikkyo University. I'm currently writing this on the train from Ikebukuro to Shiki, the station near my dorm. Surprisingly, this is the first time I'm riding the train back alone.

My dorm is small. The size isn't an issue since I'm only there to get ready to go out and to sleep. My dorm is the Rikkyo Global House. There are about 80 people living there, all foreign exchange students besides the resident supporters (what we call RAs). There are quite a few Americans in the dorms, but instead of making friends with the other Americans or native English speakers, I've been adopted by Finnish students.

Maria has been to Japan many times before so she's been showing me around and helping me get used to taking the trains. The two of us have gone around Shibuya, Harajuku, Ikebukuro, and Akihabara. The first picture is Shibuya, the second is Harajuku.

Valma is another Finnish student I've become friends with. And recently, we met a girl named Nga from Vietnam, who is living in Finland with her boyfriend. Tomorrow the four of us have a plan to go to Harajuku and get sushi and then crepes later for dessert. They asked what the difference was in pronouncing crepe and grape and I assured them I definitely don't want to go to Harajuku to get grapes. (Though Valma mishearing Yale and thinking I said my dad went to jail is another funny misunderstanding we've had.)

Other than walking around and exploring various things, I've been doing the Rikkyo University orientation for international students. They tell us about class scheduling, wifi, sim cards, etc. Today I had an orientation about the JASSO scholarship and opening a bank account in Japan. There was also a safety orientation where there was a VR (virtual reality) earthquake simulator. This was designed to help students feel what an earthquake would feel like. Apparently there was a 5.0 earthquake within the first couple days of me being there somewhere somewhat nearby but I slept through it. There was also a typhoon the second or third day after I arrived. It missed where I am in Tokyo but we still got rain and high winds from it.

That's about it! Not much has happened so far besides boring school things and making friends, but I wanted to write so my family could get an idea of what I've been up to.