kellyinverse

[kellyinverse]

My mind

Is in 1000 places

I’m dizzy

Is it grief

Rage

Perimenopause

Tip toeing along a strip

Of waxed dental floss

Hoping to dislodge

The rancor

Of dystopia’s

Breath

[kellyinverse]

You’re back and saying hi

Like maybe I’ll see you again soon

But maybe that was just a dream I had

While

You ponder your second thoughts

About me in your world

It hurts and I try to shake it off

But my heart aches today

For something you’ve decided not to give me

Mourning nothing but a something I created

Wondering if it’s my ptsd or the reality

That I’m a crumb you keep on the counter

Just in case

An urge for my brand of intimacy

Overwhelms you

No postcard

No details of your trip

Academia pending

Why tell me if you

Don’t really want to be here anymore?

This lack of care is boring

And sad

Wanting to matter to someone that

Can’t be bothered to mindfully reply

Again…

Breaks my fucking heart

And you know it which makes it even worse.

[kellyinverse]

The billionaires bludgeon us into

The infinite whirl of consumption

Eat eat eat

Starve

But if they don’t eat

She will starve

But we can’t borrow like they do against the whole of a half

Of nothing they’re willing to risk

Shame on us for not paying our debts

Just one more tax break and you crusts

Can lick our crumbs

Thief!

Not that piece

Here’s your number

And an orange jumpsuit

With 3 square meals

help help!

Even on your knees they’ll call you combative

If only you just kept consuming to feed the dragon’s hoard

But dragons get a bad rap

(They’re all about freedom)

Just not yours or mine

[kellyinverse]

smutty funny, me

I’m Kelly, from LA

Moved here about 5 years ago,

People tell me I should do standup:::

I’ve slept with enough

Comedians

You’d think by now it’d just come naturally…

They didn’t have any trouble cumming that’s for sure.

And so here are some epic tales about

One or two such moments-

(Please channel Sofia Patrillo)

The Improv on Melrose

Late 2009

The home of comedy traffic school and legends

A dancer I worked with needed me to fill in for a dance off bit

A la WWEI was a plant in the audience

To take on the evil dance gang coming to repo the stripper pole

It was packed house

the stakes were high

And when the challenge to the audience came, I “reluctantly”raised my hand-

The host Rob asked me what song I wanted…

“the devil went down to Georgia”

Feigning nervous, then

Unsnapping my khaki Marc Jacob’s dress to reveal a red fringe bikini and skirt to my mega money jam-

The crowd loved it, despite banging my knee on the small stage…

I took the win on the pole

Hiding the hitch in my step,

Retreating to the bar for a bag of ice,

And a cocktail,

A famous face approached me-

His voice was sexy scratchy,

��I loved your set, where do you dance? are you an actress too?”

I was a little star struck.

“I am a lot of things.”

He bought me a drink and I slid the ice bag down the bar.

“Sorry, my knees a little wet..”

The next thing I knew I was pressed against a tree in someone’s yard.

The fringe skirt on the ground…

I asked if he Wanted to meet me back at mine?

A few hours later we were buck wild, doing 3rd date things

Afterwards, he told me he was in the middle of a divorce

We’d need to keep it on the DL

What was with me and married men?

The sex was great and my dog liked him so ya know…

I went to a few of his shows, he had a bit with a peach to a zeppelin tune,

It was hot…

we’d fuck and text, he even came to see me dance a few times…we did butt stuff and I don’t know, it made me think we were going places…(hey tending to planned debauchery takes preparation and care.

But I realized that was just my way.

-full radio silence, two weeks came and went,

I did a quick yahoo search and there he was

At a movie premiere with his wife.

Fucking comedians.

Speaking of heartbreak-

I went to Emerge Ortho

This week. I’ve spent the better part of year in there with my plethora of injuries.

The foot guy, foster, tall dismissive, he presses on my toe, and foot,

while dictating his notes.

I ask him what he thinks happened,

He says,

You’re Caucasian female over 40.

Oooh, is that it? Fuck me.

Wow, women’s health has come a long way

Not the diagnosis I was expecting when

I got an xray of my foot,

It’s refreshing to know it’s just me.

Anyone afflicted with vagina related foot injuries?

Megan?

Then get the vibe.

[kellyinverse]

Ghosts

Like sticky icky

Coming from the cracks

Of sidewalks

Getting on the sole of my good heels

then the dog eats the toes

But daddy I can fix them

The same

Him

Again and again

I’ve lost count

Anthony sticks out

Had it bad for him

Worked my way through his crew

To climb all 5’8 of it

Blew up my life to be at his beck and call

Until he a bought the ugly chick a store, cause she wouldn’t fuck him

While I waited in the dark for his love

And bought him whores

The lesbians never forgave me

Then I met

Steven, the accountant

It took me a year to figure out he was gay

And set our world aflame with an onion to the face

Ah

Mr Judge

Our mystic love triangle

The king of the circle of friends that ran

My circle of life

Mr. idiocracy, the one that got away

We had a good thing

His cock was great, bed beautiful, he could go for hours, and made me breakfast

he’d buy my adderall until he wanted name brand

Then he ate almonds…

My mouth blew up and he blew away

So I gave up on love and ran head first into sycophants and sex

Dane was the final straw

Suspended from the ceiling

Mad that his ass play got shit on the sheets

Flogging me to some wife swap porn

My dog Flo crying in the corner

“It’s okay girl.”

I was so numb to his fucked up foreplay

Weary from his love bombs

I played along until the end

With

my tail lights heading across the interstate was tearful, the stitches of me cooking on the 7th street bridge

I was free

A year later, I get a call from his kids

“Dad’s dead. Suicide. They can’t find his body.”

-a few months later, his ID showed up

Somewhere in NC

He faked his death

And I’m convinced he’s pressure washing in ASHEVILLE

for Jehovah again

Telling another woman that’s she’s not enough

Here I am 7 years later

In a phantom haze

Symphonies of historical humor

Laid out

splayed for your consumption

The regurgitated buffet

Of

My Sloppy seconds

…

BOO

[kellyinverse]

A blast from my past.

[kellyinverse]

Damn @taylorswift #blackdog got me up in my feels

“Old habits die screaming.”

Don’t I know it.

Gonna go scream in the shower now.

[kellyinverse]

Shattering my own heart

Is a

Fucking skill

But I will take the joys and pains

Feed the fountain of stories inside me

&

Stop feeling sad because

There are more important things for me to do

Than worry if I’ll hear from someone again.

It’s a horrible way to live…

Crying won’t change it,

The truth

May well be that he hung in

Afraid of my past tragedies

Rewriting an end to my futures

Bread crumbing isn’t your style

Not this majestic kind man,

He’s not basic

Or cruel…

Is he?

[kellyinverse]

Dear Djinn

It’s time to accept that never have you expressed a reason for me in your life

Despite my asking

It’s felt in our kiss, touch, but beyond that

- as a forensic rehashing has provided (based on facts only)

You’ve indulged me

My musings

And you enjoyed being the muse

A forty something Fabio

For my middle-aged fantasyland

I am grateful despite this epiphany,

My heart’s dismay.

Our paths intersected

When I stopped believing in love

Coming to terms with another toxic relationship

The shame I felt

How I tried to flippantly move on from my darkness

Trauma

Suffering from love bombers

And repeating the chase for attractive avoidance

ignoring the actions

Penning pieces begging for

Reactive lust

And after so many months

Even I have worn myself weary

…

The slow burn of getting to know someone

An infinite puzzle

Built on the flap of a butterfly’s wings

On what ifs,

the crux of any good story...

*

The art of escape

Your ability to keep so much hidden

Me fearing that if I pry you will disappear forever

Foolish really

I've no wish to grind you down

nor convince you I'm worthy

of something you don't wish to give me

I brave the night with strangers that could end me

And yet, I hide my curiosity from the one human I wish I knew more

So what now? Do I excuse myself and take a bow

Or do I keep guessing

Icing my bruised ego

Writing more to my own peril

Dissecting every moment until I break?

I wish I had the answers

But I don’t

I miss the warmth of him

You

Whoever that is

Accepting the idea that this

supernatural bliss is merely a fairy tale

I created to pacify my pain.

It's too small a town to just move on,

to free him from his obligatory weekly kindness

and the threadbare delayed responses

may be what's necessary

(in my innocence, I held hope that I mattered to him too)

What if this magician was the calm I needed

to embrace my fragility and find strength?

If only I put such efforts into other pursuits,

my journey.

But I see/saw him as part of that experience

a reason to be again.

In all fairness my mind does not operate like most people

I’ve been in survival mode since birth

I’m tired

But in my reluctance to see the truth

I hindered my chances to understand the man

By putting him in a bottle

With these words

I break the confines of my

curse

And

Set you free

Helping all and harming none

3x3x3

with love,

Kelly

(Context)

*It is not goodbye, but releasing the bare minimum expectations from you is what I need.

The silences hurt, despite me trying to explain them away. A real conversation would clear the air as I hope that we are friends regardless of the lack of part time touch. I miss it, there's been no-one else. That was my choice.

I won't make assumptions but maybe there is someone else and you're afraid to tell me just like not being able to open the songs.(I would’ve blindly added u to my account.)

Honesty is all I've wanted.

I am a lot and in my heart I found it miraculous that you've been here this long. I embraced the angst thinking it would make for better art.

The anguish is palpable and I know not why. I want to be celebrated by someone I rejoice in seeing and perhaps this is why it hurts. The imbalance of it all.

Your innocence in all things taboo has always been alluring and maybe we can explore those things in the future if it is just life keeping you at bay. It will require communication and preparation though.

p.s.

I'll be at Barzaare tonight, 7/8/2024.

The moment came and went.

There was a crowd and I was seen and heard but the only eyes I hoped to find were yours.

Like I’d done so many times before.

🖤

[kellyinverse]

BUMP (censored by meta)

One line

And

I know better

Never thought I’d see the day

That fascism was 4 months away again

Media clicks

Mean more than clean air

Heritage foundations

Aching for white supremacy

And

Beige institutions

Cheer lobotomies

Fuck education

Thoughts

These women have gone too far

The 19th is just a footnote

The gays and the blacks

Where’s that 13th amendment at?

Here’s the second from Candace

Whilst praising a canned ham named Charlie

More odes!!!

My gun

My truck

My dick

More chain gangs

Money for few

And bombs on hospitals

Fuck those kids

We didn’t like their genitalia

Louisiana gave them 10 commandments

& stole their lunch money

So I did a big bump

To feel less

The weight of the universe

And

Reconsidering my death note I wrote 4 years ago

Not today

Inhale, you aren’t starving but thirsty for one last fight

….

Cause I’m too old to be a handmaiden

But I ain’t no Martha

And

I look ghastly in teal and my anti-rape snowflakes will stain the sheets

Go ahead

try and hang me from your wall

Agenda 47 is no match for my demons

Or my words

Grab your chucks, no fucks,

Don your biggest pearls

Let’s fucking Go!!!

[kellyinverse]

HIGH TEA reboot

High Tea

Sev was a sophisticated

Producer

met him at a party

for Johns, with Dewy,

The House of Yes,

(a personal favorite)

And coming soon;

Slap her, she’s French

back then I was easily

seduced by the idea

of a role I could play,

pretentious airs

Was my vibe

(Ahh the scent of fuck you money was intoxicating)

"Meet me at the Beverly Wilshire

"Have you been to a high tea? We can discuss your future in film?”

(I wasn't a fool but ever game for new experiences, I agreed to meet him the following week.)

The morning of

my boyfriend of 2.5 years,

Henry, said, "be home late."

through the bathroom door...

"K"

he didn't even wait for my reply.

the late nights at the tattoo shop

were beginning to add up

but there was no time for tears,

(pause for hopeful ingenue moment)

I had an audition

for Toyota Japan

&

"High Tea" to think about…

So I painted on my cupid's bow

and unpinned my curls,

Freshly coiffed

donning my favorite floral chiffon

Bonnie Parker

inspired dress,

The nude lace trim

of my slip

the edge of my bare breast

Peeking out under

the petals of a daisy

Those

Dreamy wolford stockings

&

My new cream

Satin garter belt I picked up at Sears…

I gave myself another once over on the way out

"Not too bad kid."

In the waiting area, I could feel their

eyes on me,

the stockings I'd spent too much on,

I was nervous, and in the fiddling

popped one of my garters

it was in the fixing

that I felt the air shift

eyes fixating on my pale

skin...

Awash with confidence

& pheromones

I booked the job-

Feeling sexy,

Pulling up to the

Hotel that made Julia famous

in my old dodge coronet

Primer gray

No headliner

The valet startled me

In thought,

“I booked it.”

(Play it cool dammit)

Handing him

My keys,

I finger gun,

“take it easy on her, she's a .383”

Feeling my fire,

I Enter the hotel

Its opulence

the scent of greed

Chanel no. 5

Bentley leathered asses

Faces that don't smile anymore

or can't

The floor's mirror shine

reflected the me under the dress,

Well done ;-)

Making myself blush

ripe for the offering

Following the subtle arrows along the wall

I arrive;

The tea room was vast,

a gold trimmed

Austere version of Versaille,

How splendid!

In my 20s drop waist

dress, I feel like I'm gliding

despite my repainted Mary Janes

and their peeling edges...

I try to breeze by the maitre de

lest i lose my nerve...

But he taps me on the shoulder

this way please,

My escort in tow

My gaze shifts

To

the 1% tippling $20 earl gray

nibbling on crustless fare

their eyes

in awe of my audaciousness

& lack of diamonds

(when was the last time any of them had sex they

didn't have to pay for?)

(Oh to be 23 again)

There he was

With his arrogant nose

curly lips, that one eyebrow that sits a little higher

in judgement...

his zegna

Pink Custom button down

shirt so crisp & open one button too far

A little Chubby

for his pristine broken in jeans

and Gucci Belt

but he'll do

The waiter comes by,

"tea for two, please"

He looks into my eyes, with a cunning

confidence

“How charming, you are.”

(That’s rich speak for pretty fuckable pauper)

We banter over cucumber sandwiches

and

jammy cookies

I linger over the clotted cream a little oo long...

and he touches my thigh under the table,

tracing the edge of my garters

"Let's go for a walk"

"But my car is here"

"it's not far..”

"What's not far..?"

He grabs my hand

....

Henry’s late nights slide by my conscience,

It's only fair right...

Finding myself

a drift in

The pristine alley ways

of Beverly Hills,

I realize there’s no friend’s place

he kisses me suddenly,

deeply, not bad for a snob

His eyes locking into mine

No, I shouldn't but I don't resist

We’re up against a pink wall

by a dumpster

Am I into this?

As he bites my neck

his breath warm with the faint scent of bergamot

"I have a boyfriend."

"And I'm married..."

"wait, what?"

but I'm wet, fuck...

he slides my dress up

over my ass

the cold chiffon gives me goosebumps

and

I

Spy my thighs tensing

stretching the belt straps across my

Muscles

The stockings strain

as my legs widen

and my foot finds the edge of the dumpster

my calves curved up around his waist,

High on my own design

My eyes drift inward

but my ears

...a distinct sound of unbuckling

catching him tripping over the button of his trousers,

Giving me the look.

you know the one

just before they find the top of your head,

I giggle

stroking his cheeks gently,

before guiding his head,

I give him a kiss,

"How charming you are..."

and down he went

for

a closer look

At my new garter belt...

to be continued

[kellyinverse]

Mourning

Boxes of photos

a me full of

potential

fueled by dexedrine and literal daydreams

it's a pity about the narcolepsy

27 years later,

still a confused chameleon

who are you?

I used to believe I could be anything

ha, you've imagined but never fully committed

Survival is a bitch when you're hiding a disability that is mocked

and still wildly misunderstood

don't forget the trauma, it's charming, right?

48 standing in the kitchen

concerned that my insides are just as broken as my brilliant brain

willfully distracted by the hope that somebody I wish I knew, cared about me too

For all my artistic whims, I'm still searching, hoping life will come to me because I'm fucking exhausted

from chasing temporary joy

custom made disappointment tracks

Torn between giving it all another go

but you can't stand your face in photos anymore...

So I make myself disappear

don't forget that new gut you can't shake but it sure does jiggle

Nothing like being broke and out growing your clothes, drying up, and nobody cares

they say you look healthier, "you were too skinny."

I was happy though, I worked so hard and it's all gone

And it hurts to feel so sad, lonely, unheard and invisible

getting a taste of feeling seen is addictive

was it even real or just what I wanted to believe?

Then I say too much and I see that old hurt rise, snuffing out the last spark in me

is it so wrong to want to matter, to something or someone?

So many opportunities squandered and the last 7 years have flown by

I don't know how much drive is left in me

to lose the shadow of staying unseen

[kellyinverse]

New Light

When the eyes you've adored

see you

something shifts

it's quiet in my head

finally.

[kellyinverse]

Long ago I feasted on fairy tales

Dined on the angst

Gobbled up uncertainty

And overshot so much

There was no way to reel it in.

Now I, older, wiser

Am taking a patient stance

However nerve racking

To embrace the changing tide

Let go of the reins

I no longer wish to possess anyone

Or know their whereabouts 24/7

There will be unanswered texts

But they are seen

And he knows

When

No immediate answer is needed

We have all grown too comfortable

In our dire demand for what is perceived an easily attainable response

But in haste the nuance of waiting is lost

I’m no longer in a hurry as the fleeting days

Have me spinning just trying to get by

I shall not spoil the treasure I’ve uncovered with worry or want

But celebrate every page that is written

And savor the taste of

Our infinite transformations

[kellyinverse]

“Our Ton”

He calls me rainbow Bright

And kisses me

Firm with his soft lips

He’s heading to the dmv

And it’s America

The south

Bump stocks have more rights than women

Men of color

He’s just returned to this dimension

And I am the

Grateful catalyst

In our

Common cause

~~~~~~~~~~

After 40, the days fly by

Late night lamentations

“Take the training wheels off and now they’re in high school, it’s a double holiday, the 4th of July then Christmas.”

We laugh while the frailty of time

Ticks on

He delicately outlines the

Curve of my ankles

Subtle shivers warm my cheeks

Electric…

Fingertips over his seamless flesh

Rubbing his temples

“Ohhh, haven’t felt that since barber school…”

And the remnants of bridgerton season 1

On the sheets

He talks about how the next generation is lacking

An Uncle Knuckle

How he and his must take the helm

…

But he’s too handsome to reprise the role

Of Sam Jackson in Black snake moan

A long cigarette dangling from lips

Cussing at the cards

I’m no Christina Ricci

But

encourage the exploitation of branding

“Uncle Knuckle 2.0…Supreme will pimp the fuck out of it.”

Extolling his hairline and his overall fineness

I’m flush with joy

And worries present opportunities

To grow

Fuck fear

Inhaling the sweet funk of sex

Breathe in the high of our humanity

&

The vibrato of THC

Anxiety can fuck off today

Because we

Are worthy

of all the happy

Even if it costs a hard handshake to get there

….

[kellyinverse]

The Summoning

Caramel dream

Laying next to me so sweet

Smiling soft and sleepy

I take liberties with your solace

And touch lightly

little secrets of me

no longer so

….

And with every press and twirl

Delve deeper

You stir,

Will you

Catch me

Imagining you pushing me

Into the wall

Unearthing my darkness

The whore to your virgin Curiousities

I press deeper into myself

If only I had a cock

Equivalently stroking

My hangry pearl

The you in me

Sexy messy

I cum

Quietly and hard

you let out a little snore

And I put wipes out

Because tonight

We both got our

Hands dirty.

P.S.

It feels good to be seen. 🖊️

[kellyinverse]

The cruelty of our cowardice

Disguised as a spiritual detachment

Poses questions & vanishes

Within mutual riddles of fear

Over confidence

A psychological quirk

Sinister innocence caught in the

Karmic hamster wheel

‘It’s a gust of wind

Brushing the tide

Ebbing a heart from compassion

To the sword’s tip

Bleed out affection

For it is

Lost on a man

For he is not a fiction

&

if he is

No longer part of my story

Bury it with hope’s memory

Lay a flower

In the fire

my essence

Forever haunted

By

A muse

I’ve only begun to know