keenbasementstarfish-blog
keenbasementstarfish-blog
just a lost girl
3 posts
my name is cheyenne im 20 years old, and im just trying to find my way to neverland to be with my sweet little haven, this is my outlet.
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keenbasementstarfish-blog 8 years ago
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keenbasementstarfish-blog 8 years ago
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He鈥檚 back
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keenbasementstarfish-blog 8 years ago
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well...
this is something im doing so that maybe i can start to heal a little bit. my name is cheyenne im 20 years old and i just recently moved back to my home town to live with my dad(he has raised me since i was 4 years old) and my step mom and my amazing baby brother,聽
since i was about 4 years old i have had a hard time dealing with anorexia and bipolar disorder and anxiety and depression i have tried to commit suicide only once in my entire life and i thank heaven for not succeeding i have never had innocence not since i was 5 years old no one knows who he was only me and i hate having to see his face constantly.
i got help and i was put on medicine for everything so fast forward to last year , i moved to a small town and i got a job and i started classes to become anurses assistant it was all amazing i got it and now i feel great and i feel so proud of myself but a few months ago everything changed one of my best friends killed herself while sleeping right next to me.
i turned to partying and i quit my job and i slept with someone and i thought everything was good i finally got my wake up call when i woke up in a hospital with a feeding tube and i couldnt remember the last 4 days. i realized i couldnt act like a scared child anymore iam a grown adult i can not run and hide from my problems so i stopped partying and i decided to come back home well 2 months ago i found out some of the most terrifying yet amazing news i was pregnant.聽
a little bit of background on me is that i was born with aortic stenosis and i developed endometriosis when i was about 9 years old so ive always been told i can never have children like at all so when i got the pregnancy test results i was so excited i was due december30th but when i told the father he told me to get rid of my baby that he didnt want a child so i was prepared to do this on my own with the help of my dad and step mom but it was as if his wishes were granted i went to the doctors in the middle of june and when they told me they could not find you i just wanted to crawl into a hole and just dissapear the world was nothing but darkness to me.
on june 17th i lost my beautiful baby haven gray, i never got to feel you kick or to hear your heart beat i just sit and imagine what you would be like how big you would be right now and i just break down a little more each day.
this blog is a way for me to try and heal from eveything that i have caused to happen in my life this is my way to try and find my way to never land.
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