kaspbrackluvbot - Tumblr blog

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I made this really fast in 4 hours but I know I won’t make a clean version of it so I just show it to you like this qwq

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+ bonus

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So, I finally figured it out… the reason I don’t like Stan.

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the skeleton twins (2014, craig johnson)

the national - the pull of you

jandy nelson - i’ll give you the sun

brenna yovanoff - the replacement

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stanley uris is the first person richie tozier comes out to. he’s fifteen and terrified of the whole thing but he’s not scared to tell stan because he trusts stan and he knows stan will accept him and support him and he’s right because he tells him and stan says “okay richie thank you for telling me now we’ve made popcorn and cookies do you want to watch fresh prince or what?” they go to the same school and share a dorm room and eventually an apartment and richie never complains when stan spreads a puzzle out on their coffee table and stan never complains when richie spends an hour in the shower practicing various voices where he thinks nobody can hear him. richie gets out of the shower and goes in the kitchen and stan is making a sandwich and he says “the british guy is getting better” and richie grins and shakes his wet hair all over stan and steals half his sandwich, but it’s not really stealing, because he knows stan and he knows half was for him anyway. richie is the first person stan tells about patty and richie’s eyes well up with tears and he claps stan on the shoulder and says “hell yeah staniel always knew you were a lady killer” and stan rolls his eyes but it means something to have richie be proud of him. stan is the first person richie tells about eddie and stan says “okay richie i support you i think he’s nuts and i think you’ll kill each other someday but you’ve been stupid gone for him since third grade so i support you” and richie laughs and knows stan’s being dramatic but it means something to have stan’s support. they are the best man at each other’s wedding. richie is the fourth person to hold stan’s firstborn son (because the doctor, patty, and stan himself are the first three) and he nearly cries when stan says “his middle name is richard”.

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a reluctant demon eddie + a mischievous angel richie 🥀✨

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richie tozier (stephen king's it, 1986)

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I keep thinking about how they forget about each other when they leave

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Gay Excellence! Will and Robin outsmarting the enemy.

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alt death scene

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I AM UNABLE TO BREATHE 

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don’t worry, I’ll just throw myself off a cliff

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the losers + polaroids: stanley!

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your wife called me a week after you died. she must have had my number from when i called her after (somebody had to tell her, and i almost threw up saying the words but it had to be me, it had to be) and she must’ve not known who else to call. she was cleaning out your things, she said, and found a dusty box shoved in the back of the closet, bunch of kid’s stuff inside, and did i want to take a look through it? 

i wanted to ask why she was throwing you away after only a week, but i kept silent.

i went, of course. it was yours. i was on a flight that night and in new york by morning. when i showed up at your door and your wife welcomed me inside i almost burst into tears. i couldn’t find a trace of you anywhere. there was your sweater on the couch, and a wedding photo on the mantle, but nothing said “yes, eddie was here. this was his.” it was obvious you had lived there, but it didn’t feel like you had been alive. 

the box had been opened, momentos from childhood moved around in an attempt by your wife to figure out who you used to be.

(i didn’t have to search. i remembered everything. i loved you completely.)

your favorite comic book was sitting on top. and farther down, the mixtape i made you the night before you left. i still remember how you teared up when i handed it to you and how you whispered “thanks, rich” and how my heart broke. and there, that silly poem ben wrote for you that you had loved so much you kept it in your wallet. and there, the red string bracelet bev made you that you wore every day. and there and there and there. memory after memory.

(and you loved me the same.)

and at the bottom, shoved into a book, was a stack of polaroids. the one bev took of all of us boys at the quarry. the one of mike and bill on silver, mike standing with his arms spread out and bill grinning ear to ear. me, my face twisted as i did some stupid voice and you, head thrown back in laughter that i could hear, all those decades later. stan, binoculars to his eyes, sticking his tongue out at the camera. beverly squishing ben and bill’s faces, both of them with stars in their eyes. you, in the background of that one in the club house, glaring. stan, smiling and eating ice cream with bill in the corner of another.

and the last one, the one that made the tears finally come. you and stan, arms around each other, you so much shorter and stan so much sterner but both so young, so happy, so carefree that it made my heart ache. the water in the background shines and the walls of the quarry glow with afternoon light, even in the old film, and i wonder who’s behind the camera, who made you smile like that and who made stan glare like that, and i want to step into it, go back in time and wrap my arms around you both and just stay for a while. i can’t though. i know that. 

and i thought about you carrying this box around each time you moved, never opening it and never remembering what was in it and only knowing that you had to keep it with you, that your heart was inside. 

and i thought about our initials that i carved into the kissing bridge. and i thought about stan’s letter, folded over and over into a tiny square and nestled in my wallet. and i thought about your hoodie that i kept when i was packing up your things, the one that still smells like you. and i thought about the photos patty had sent all of us―after we got the letters and called and told her who we were―the ones of stan completely focused on his puzzle and of stan, laughing, glasses sliding down his nose and of stan holding a mug, eyebrows raised and of stan at their wedding, the happiest richie can ever remember him looking. 

(that’s all.)

and i slid the polaroid of you and stan into my wallet, right next to the letter, and i thought that neither of you are really gone. you’re in those photos. you’re in that bridge, that sweater, that letter. there are pieces of you everywhere. i can’t turn around without seeing you both.

(the rest is confetti.)