kangturu07

[kangturu07]

limewshen

[kangturu07]

Liu Qingge would be great and also terrible for shen yuan because he'd treat sex as a workout. Shen Yuan would be panting and dizzy and Liu qingge hands him a water bottle and says you're improving you lasted 2 minutes longer. Your stamina can still improve though. One more round and we'll do stretches.

Shen Yuan: please I can't keep going

Liu Qingge: what do you mean you can't keep going, I'm doing all the work?? You're just laying there. That's it, give me 20 bounces

[kangturu07]

the idealized version of my tomorrow self will fix this

[kangturu07]

The more I draw Liu Qingge the more feral I get I want that man carnally

[kangturu07]

liushen city

[kangturu07]

Unfortunately, Google (or Baidu) does not exist in xianxia. Shen Yuan cringes, thinking of all the questions the poor disciples peak wide should be able to look up in the privacy of their own laptops, free from embarrassment. Of course, there’s an obvious solution; Shen Yuan just needs to become the new google.

Leaving a sign and message box outside of the Qing Jing Library, Shen Yuan invites members of every peak to slip in their questions anonymously to be sorted and answered by Qing Jing’s scholars. What use is reading all those books if you don’t do anything with the knowledge?

Many of the questions are simple. What is the property of this beast, where does this grass grow, etc. Some are more…. Unconventional. These Shen Yuan saves to answer personally.

Here’s a spread from this week he’s yet to respond to:

How do you get your Shizun to acknowledge you more when you’re already a high ranking disciple? No matter what I do, my Shizun always favors the junior disciples over me… -🐜

I think I like girls (I’m a girl) and I don’t know how to ask out the girl I have a crush on. She’s from another peak, and like half of the sect wants to ask her out! What do I do???-🎀

How to subtly hint that you’re trying to court someone? -⚔️

How to convey the depths of your regret? -🐕‍🦺

I’m a disciple from Xian Shu, and I also only like girls, but I like to write stories about men in love. While my brother likes men, I don’t want to ask him about this sort of thing, and I have no other male friends. What is the sensory experience like to take it up the ass when you’re a man? -📒

How to ask someone to stop hitting you while conveying it’s actually hot and you would be into it if they asked? -🐹

One of my martial family members has an absurdly thin face, making it nearly impossible for me to do my duty as a member of Qian Cao. How do you make someone understand that they need to tell thier doctor everything, and there’s no need to be embarrassed? -💊

Are demons bad? Like, obviously we had that demon invasion, but are they all bad? Shizun says they have cultural differences to us, but those cultural differences seem violent and sinister. -🐑

There’s this one hookup I’ve linked up with for years, going on a decade. Usually it’s great, just fantastic sex and occasional fortune telling, but I think I want to marry her? What are you supposed to do when you catch feelings? -✂️

I love my wife soo so so much. She’s my world, my evrrytgibg I lorvve her. I want to make her a custom scalpel set but I don’t know what designs handle well for doctors? It need to be perfect she is my world I lobe herr. -⚒️

How do you propose to humans someone? -❄️

How to know if your are uniquely terrible -🐦‍🔥

(Once again pushing my mtf Mu Qingfang agenda)

[kangturu07]

Just lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, having realized that instead of Liushen, we could have had Cumwar.

[kangturu07]

Fanfiction so good you need another fanfiction about the said fanfiction

[kangturu07]

Au where binghes protagonist halo isint effective or as effective as it Should Be against Liu Qingge because hes suposed To have died.

So its a less one sided slaughter, I really just wanna give Lqg a fighting chance.

This however confuses the hell out of sqq before his five year long mudbath and sqh because what do you mean the protagonist is actually loosing?!

Its still a strugle dont get me wrong but it'll end with them playing an extreme version capture the shizun flag.

It really could go either way. So when sqq deins to crawl up from the ground he wonders if he ended up In some weird paraler universe where bighe wasen't the protagonist.

[kangturu07]

context (from here):

apparently, recently(?) on douyin, a housewife posted about her husband's unhinged reaction after she ate the last 2 swiss rolls out of a box of 8 when her husband and 2 kids had already eaten all the other swiss rolls. the husband's unreasonable response naturally outraged cnetizens. thus, one recent(?) douyin trend has been for women to ask their boyfriends/husbands the following, and then to record the answer: suppose that we get married and have two kids, and then obtain a box of swiss rolls, how should we split them?

anyways here are some of the provided responses from OP's post, put through the SVSSS filter (sorry OP):

[kangturu07]

Shen Yuan has come to the decision that the best thing he can do after transmigrating is to fake his own death of a qi deviation in the Ling Xi caves and disappear. No human stick necessary if the protagonist can’t even find him. And, Liu Qingge will survive if there’s no scum villain to kill him!

Fate was not on his side. It turns out Liu Qingge really did have a deadly qi deviation in the caves, and Shen Yuan can’t just leave him to die! He’ll stabilize his qi and bolt as soon as the other man is stable.

However, Liu Qingge is a freak of nature. Practically as soon as he’s stabilized and Shen Yuan is ready to go, he wakes up. Shit.

Liu Qingge is no more happy with this situation. He owes Shen Qingqiu a life debt. Fml

Once he can convince Shen Yuan to not immediately leave, Shen Yuan makes him agree to help him fake his death and run away. Of course that honorless letch would run away from his responsibilities, but it’s not like he can say no….

LQG leaves the caves briefly for medical treatment (and to get supplies for SQQ to flee). Upon his return, they sneak out. SQQ is….. different on the road. A lot different.

He’s happy, excitable, smiling. Was he always really like this, hiding it under a cool mask in the sect? Is he playing at something? Was his life that bad as a peak lord?

Eventually they find a town in need of an apothecary. Shen Yuan buys the cottage and takes over the garden. It’s the perfect job, he can quote every plant from PIDW and its properties backwards and forwards. And with his knowledge of modern medicine, maybe he can actually help people in this world instead of just making his disciples miserable.

SQQ takes to the post like a fish to water. LQG has never seen him like this with other people- mere strangers of nowhere. But SQQ is smiling, helping people, doing charity work…. Had he always been this kind? This enchanting?

LQG makes the trip to and from the sect many times to check on SQQ and bring supplies. He’s hardly repaid a debt of life, so it’s the least he can do. He’s finding himself more eager to leave the sect than ever before. All the time he spends hunting monsters, it’s to bring rate ingredients to SQQ and take care of the beasts plaguing the villagers. The villages have come to expect them together.

The sect did not buy that SQQ died of a qi deviation that didn’t leave behind a body, and LQG poor lies did nothing to help. YQY and SQQ’s personal disciples have been pulling their hair out over his absence for the past several months. Eventually they follow LQG on one of his many trips from the sect, coming to an unremarkable village LQG has dragged a shorthaired beast to. In an apothecarian’s cottage, they find the missing peak lords leaning against each other by a fire, sharing a meal and talking like old friends….. more than friends is YQY is being honest.

[kangturu07]

Calling the pairing 'LiuShen' and not 'CumWar' is a missed opportunity, just saying.

[kangturu07]

ehehehe been having thoughts about an au.....

[kangturu07]

Shen Qingqiu was doomed.

He stood still, fluttering his fan nervously and trying to avoid catching his counterpart's, the real Shen Qingqiu, glaring eyes from across the room. Instead, he idly observed the other Cang Qiong Mountain Peak Lords, trying to spot the differences between the ones he knew and their alternates.

Liu Qingge had brought back a strange artifact from one of his hunts to the monthly Peak Lord meeting. It was a mirror, rimmed an ugly tarnished gold, topped with a decoration that was shaped into an unidentifiable creature with ruby red eyes.

[Important Artifact Detected: Red-Eyed Sphinx's Mirror! Quest starting...]

Shen Qingqiu had been trying to remember where it might have appeared in PIDW when the surface of the mirror suddenly began to glow a dull yellow. It quickly brightened until it obscured everyone's vision.

And then, there stood another set of peak lords across the room, facing them down.

System, what on earth is going on???

[Quest started: Lost Long Spirit in My Reflection! Other characters have been transported to this universe. Host must find a way to send them back without revealing his identity as a transmigrator.]

WTF? I didn't agree to this!

[Good luck!]

System??? Get back here!

While the two Yue Qingyuans and Xu Qinglis conversed together to try to understand what had happened, the other peak lords had begun to mingle with each other, curious about their counterparts.

Shen Qingqiu tried to suppress his panic, sticking close to Shang Qinghua. His Yue Qingyuan occasionally flicked his softened gaze towards the alternate Shen Qingqiu, likely noticing that the other still acted as he used to before his qi deviation. In fact, several of the peak lords he had gotten to know over the years were sending some looks at the other Shen Qingqiu.

With the original goods right there, how long would it be before something exposed him as a fraud?? What if he was confronted about why he acted so differently?

[Host must avoid having his identity exposed. Being revealed as a transmigrator will result in Host being immediately sent back to his old body.]

Yeah, yeah, same shit as always!

Looking to his side, Shang Qinghua seemed to be experiencing the same threats, desperately looking away from the more dead-eyed Shang Qinghua across the room who, luckily, was barely paying him any attention.

Fuck, what do we do?

---

Shen Qingqiu continued to glare at the Other Shen Qingqiu in the room. The other Shen Qingqiu was so obviously a fraud, he could tell within minutes of being here. While his alternate seemed somewhat familiar, he didn't act like him at all, his mannerisms were all off, and despite the attempt at keeping a poker face, Shen Qingqiu could tell that he was nervous. Probably at being caught out.

His alternate self had likely been replaced with a bodysnatcher or some sort of spirt, if they truly were supposed to be the same person. Was everyone else stupid, or had they had their brains sucked out by a Heart Mouthed Lobster-Squid?

Or maybe they simply like the bodysnatcher better and didn't bother to investigate.

Shen Qingqiu's face became stormier, turning his glare to the Other Yue Qingyuan, wondering if he had felt happier once his precious Xiao-Jiu had vanished. The other Yue Qingyuan's face grew even more pathetic. Tch. Typical.

"That stupid System--" Shen Qingqiu nearly snapped his neck in looking at the bodysnatcher upon hearing his murmur. The fraud, upon noticing his sudden attention, clammed back up and looked away. But Shen Qingqiu knew what he heard.

Xi Tong.

He hadn't heard those words in years, not since--

He stepped forward, scanning the other once more. Upon a second, more thorough look, Shen Qingqiu realized that he grew more familiar. He wore his hair in the way that Shen Qingqiu wore it, but looser and less severe. His eyes were clearer and lighter, with hints of a smile, despite his nerves. He occasionally quickly glanced up and to his left, as if seeing something there, before bringing his attention back to the room at large.

No. It couldn't be. He was long dead, despite Shen Qingqiu's best efforts. Even if the fake had some similar things about him, that doesn't mean--

Shen Jiu had once had a brother, besides Qi-ge. Slightly smaller than him, despite the fact that Shen Jiu passed him along as much food as he could when on the streets. He smiled so much despite their circumstances, and was so kind despite Shen Jiu constantly telling him that he was making himself a target. But he looked so, so similar to Shen Jiu himself. They could have switched their clothes and looked exactly the same, if one didn't notice the difference in their demeanors.

His brother has also always been a little odd, talking to himself and arguing with an imaginary friend that only he could see named Xi Tong. One of the reasons that they survived as long as they did on the streets was due to the inexplicable knowledge that his brother seemed to have. Somehow, his brother knew about the various plants or small animals that they could hunt and sell for a pretty coin in the markets. Shen Jiu never asked, not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

But his brother was dead. He had died years ago, in the time during when they were in Qiu's manor. During a punishment for Shen Jiu's attempt to get them both to join Wu Yanzi; he had switched their clothes and taken Shen Jiu's place and died for it. That had been the final catalyst that made him set the manor ablaze and escape, mourning his brother's death as his fault for daring to be free. Cursing Qi-ge for not coming back for them.

Dazed and his vision dim, Shen Jiu took another step forward, and another. Hope, something he thought he had killed off long ago, slowly rose in his chest.

Had his brother survived in this world? Had he managed to escape alongside Shen Jiu? Or had Shen Jiu died in his place? Dimly, he can't help but think that the world would be far kinder if that were the case. If his brother had made it to Cang Qiong Mountain and became a peak lord all on his own and still managed to keep his smile. If he didn't have Shen Jiu dragging him down with him.

The other Shen Qingqiu, not having noticed his approach, laughed at something the other Shang Qinghua said ("Wonder if Shang Qinghua is a traitor here, too," Shen Jiu thought dimly). His laugh was the same. He rose his fan to hide his face, but Shen Jiu noticed how his nose crinkled, and his eyes nearly closed in delight, exactly like--

"A-Yuan?"

[kangturu07]

I just think disciple era binghe should walk in on shizun getting railed by Liu qingge. Just once. Need to see shen yuan pulling his robe on quickly and trying to act like they weren't doing That and go "haha Bighe, you're back already!? Um liu-shidi and I tripped and fell! On the bed!" While Binghe actually considers killing Liu Qingge or himself or both

[kangturu07]

Quick! Someone update a fic I’m following so i can procrastinate on my own!

[kangturu07]

In my mind I see Liu Qingge as someone who thinks a LOT but just has trouble putting it into words so he sounds like he's saying random shit

Liu Qingge: Shen Qingqiu looks sad today. I should take him out and help him feel better. He likes demonic beasts, so I'll take him along on my mission. Maybe he'll think I'm cool when I kill it, which would be a bonus

Liu Qingge: come with me.

Shen Yuan: ...hello shidi. Where would you like me to accompany you?

Liu Qingge: mission.

Shen Yuan: Oh I'd love to, but I'm a bit busy today...

Liu Qingge: he clearly doesn't want to go because he's too depressed. Why not just say so instead of lying? Does he not trust me? I should take the rejection with grace...

Liu Qingge: fine. *flies away*

Shen Yuan: why did he come all the way to Qing Jing to say five words??