jxmis

[jxmis]

🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

midnight rain

synopsis: sana and y/n used to be the top celebrity couple in the entertainment industry. over a decade after a nasty break up, they meet again at a jimmy kimmel show

w/c: 5.2k

warnings: mentions of drug use and overdose, read at your own risk, angst with a happy ending

a/n: first story in ten years, creative brain’s a bit rough these days, haven’t been on tumblr since its golden days. also not proofread. hope ur all well and enjoy this one :)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Your heart was beating out of your chest, each thump pushing you further you into a downward spiral as your clammy palms tapped against your bouncing knee. Leaning against the chair, you refused to make eye contact with anyone — the worried look on your face was enough to push them away, anyway. In a situation like this, it would be strange to not feel anxious.

After all, it had been over ten years since you let the love of your life go and agreeing to see her on live television was a decision that you have been regretting since the day you said yes.

Two minutes, you blew a breath out as you stared up at the monitor in front of you.

"Welcome to the Tonight Show!" Jimmy trailed off with a smile, the audience in front of him clapping as they yelled in excitement. "Thank you for being here, tonight we have two very special guests —"

A staff member tapped your shoulder, pulling you out of your messy thoughts with his apologetic face. "Y/N, it's time."

Uncrossing your legs, you nodded your head with a shy smile. The fact that you could hear your own heartbeat amongst all the noise made you uneasy, so you stood there for a moment longer; wondering what Minatozaki Sana looked like in person.

You haven't been this nervous since the world found out about your relationship with her.

Taking a deep breath, you walked out with your heart in your throat. You bowed your head at Jimmy and waved your hand at the audience members, screaming can be heard from the other end; your name being chanted, their anticipation shining through from seeing you on television again after what seemed like an eternal hiatus.

It would be a lie to say it didn't feel good to relive what was once your life like, but you don't regret disappearing from the spotlight.

You were happier now, away from all the awards and glory, you think.

As if you were in a movie, time suddenly stopped as she emerged from the other side in the black Yves Saint Laurent dress you bought her all those years ago — brown hair flowing freely past her shoulders as she mirrored your gestures towards the crowd. Watching her fondly, you were reminded of the moonlight that illuminated the surface of the endless ocean; truly God's masterpiece in its purest form. You were frozen in your spot as you stared at her with the utmost adoration and respect.

Then, she finally settled on your eyes and suddenly you felt like a kid again.

"Hello stranger," she said with a sly smile, taking the seat next to yours with the crowd going wild at your first interaction. "Hi Jimmy, thank you for having me."

"Yeah, I'm gonna pretend that you didn't acknowledge Y/N first," he teased, making her and everyone else chuckle. "Anyway, wow, you look wonderful. And so do you, Y/N!”

You grinned, nodding as you try to remember the rough script on how the conversations would go in your head. "Thank you for having me back here, Jimmy, I appreciate it."

"It's the both of you this time," he raised his eyebrow suggestively. "Which is amazing, the world hasn't seen you together in twelve years. Am I right?"

"Yes," she looked at you, heaving out a breath as she laughed. "Sorry, it just feels so weird to see you again."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Suddenly, you were pulled back into past; during the last time you ever saw her in the alleyway behind Stanley's; your favourite getaway restaurant during midnights. Every now and then, you remembered it; the pain from losing her always came back like it just happened and you wonder if you've really moved on.

"We can't keep doing this," she said with tears welling in her eyes. "It's so hard, Y/N, and as much as I love you, our relationship is mentally breaking me."

You shook your head in desperation, cupping her cheeks with both of your hands. "That's what they want, you know that, our fans want us to break up. You don't have to do this, baby, I'm sure there's another way. We can talk to both of our managements —"

She sighed, pulling away from you. Both physically and emotionally. "I've spoken to mine and they respect my decision.

You paused, repeating the words in your head to make sure you heard her right. It felt like she just stabbed you in the back as you gawked at her with defeat in your eyes, shoulders slumping while piecing everything together. "The last time you spoke to them about our relationship was over a month ago, and you're only talking to me about this now? Is that how you've been feeling this whole time?"

Her tears rolled down her face, understanding the betrayal you felt. "It's not just the fans, Y/N, it's literally everything. I barely get to talk to you and see you. How can we both work it out when we can't even create time for each other?"

"I'll do anything for you, my love, just say the word and I will cancel everything - you know that! Every project, every interview, every shoot, literally anything —"

"No, I stand by my decision," she said firmly. "Perhaps, when you and I have achieved all our dreams...then we can work it out. This isn't the right time for us —"

"Four fucking years, Sana," you bellowed angrily, fists clenching. There was pain written on her face from hearing you call her by her name. "From the very beginning, we have been there for each other. What the fuck am I supposed to do without you?"

"Let me go — we'll both be happier without each other."

"No," you shook your head, tugging her closer towards you. However, she resisted. "Please, please don't do this. Don't leave me like this. What happened to forever?"

Her tears rolled down her cheek at the sound of your defeated voice. As much as it hurt her, she had to make up a lie on the spot. "I don't love you anymore. I — there's someone else."

Just like that, all of your hopes and dreams for the future shattered. Without her, the life you built meant nothing.

She really wanted you out of her life and there was nothing you could do about it. Shoulders slumping, you looked down - the thunderous roar of the oncoming storm startled her whilst it had no effect on you. "Okay, I see what you're doing. It's going to start raining, you should go."

She doesn't know whether it was the coldness in your voice or the wind, nonetheless, she shivered. "Y/N -"

"Leave, that's what you wanted, right?" you looked up at her, eyebrows furrowing. "I don't understand what I've done to you to justify what you're doing. I know I don't deserve any of this. If you're going to leave, leave now and never come back. And when I say never, I mean it, Minatozaki Sana."

She nodded her head, turning on her heel with a sob. Tiny specks of rain began to pour down on you, the rest of your world going down with it. You watched her walk away from you as if it were the easiest thing - did she ever really love you?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"I can't pinpoint whether that's a good thing or not, but considering I'm your ex, I'd say that's a bad thing," you joked, rolling your eyes playfully.

She laughed once more, shaking her head at you. You swear that sound never failed to put you on a pedestal. "It's just surreal, I haven't seen you in so long. You look younger than I can remember."

"You never reply to any of my messages," you put your hands up at her as Jimmy bursted into another set of laughter. You didn't know where the confidence was coming from, but you were relieved you were feeling something else other than being constantly nervous. "I'm joking, I don't have her number. I'm sure you don't mind giving it to me after the show, right?"

"God, get a room," Jimmy whined, turning you into a blushing mess. "Before you both propose to each other, Sana, let's talk about the dress you're wearing tonight. Somebody may or may have not told me that you're wearing something very special."

"We'll talk about my number after the show," Sana turned to you, winking; making the heat rise on your face. "Yes Jimmy, this dress is probably my favourite one out of everything - I don't wear it very often, obviously, but this beautiful Yves Saint Laurent piece was a gift from Y/N thirteen years ago."

You stared at her in awe, the way she spoke with so much grace never failed to impress you. The years had done her a favour - life always seemed easier on her than it was on you.

She left you behind, after all.

"Look, I'm just glad you kept it because this archival piece cost me a lot back then," you admitted with the biggest grin on your face as you looked at anyone but her. You couldn't place what it was about her that struck you so forcefully, but you simply couldn't take your eyes off her and you somewhat needed to feel in control of your emotions. "It was our first anniversary, I had just gotten a pretty decent check from Little Women and I wanted to give her something special."

"You got a big check in twenty-nineteen and the first thing you thought of was a dress for your girlfriend instead of a Lamborghini to flaunt on Instagram?" Jimmy scoffed as you and Sana giggled at him. "Get out of here!"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Your anniversary was coming up and frankly, you wanted to give her the world. You were panicking inside; with the amount of things you've gotten her, none of them felt special. You hummed as you sat in Chou Tzuyu's kitchen, patiently waiting for her to acknowledge you.

"You know, if you weren't my friend, I'd have you sent out of my house already," she grumbled in a playful way. "Seriously, I'm telling you that she will love that Saint Laurent dress by Tom Ford."

You sighed, shaking your head. "It's our anniversary though, it's special. Do you think giving her a dress and taking her to Hawaii are good enough?"

"Jesus Y/N, that woman looks at you with stars in her eyes — she will love anything you get her. If you ask her to marry you right now, I believe she will say yes in less than a heartbeat."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The show was going very well, you felt relieved as time went by, and you were actually enjoying the things you found out about Sana after you had broken up.

She went on to become a successful solo artist and fashion model after Twice's disbandment, and you couldn't be any prouder. It had always been her dream and you always knew she was made to be a superstar - you prayed for her to achieve it, even if it meant she would be harder to reach.

You were able to open up about your past; the dark hole you fell into after the breakup — all the women, the legal troubles and the projects that failed because of your behaviour; it wasn't easy to talk about, but somehow, the way she intensely listened made all the fear go away. It would be an understatement to say you haven't felt this comfortable in years — just watching her talk about her passions put you in awe.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You were barely conscious in a suite at The Ritz in Paris, an unlit cigarette resting on your mouth as you scrambled to find the lighter in your pocket. The only thing illuminating the room was that stupid lamp on the office table. And you hated it, you really did, because it was the same model she broke the last time you were here with her.

You felt so warm - breathing heaved and beads of sweat forming on your forehead. And you laughed to yourself because it was pathetic, really. You were all alone in the city of love because the love of your life decided she wanted to move on from you.

And suddenly, the door opened with Jongin appearing from behind it.  "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Kai..." you could barely mutter his name as the world spun around you. "You're here!"

He knelt in front of you, forcing you to sit up. He tapped both of your cheeks worriedly. "Look at me, open your fucking eyes!"

You cupped his face back with a chuckle, everything seemingly softer around the edges. "Eyes open."

"I need you to tell me how much of these pills you had and when," he dangled the two bags in front of you but all you could think of was her face; the way her eyes lit up whenever you told her you loved her and that smile of hers that never failed to put you in a spiral. "Momo, I need you to stop freaking out and call an ambulance right now."

You were lying against Jongin's chest, your vision blacking in and out.

"We're at the Windsor suite at The Ritz, we have called the hotel medic and they're coming," you heard someone frantically say. "Y/N looks really unwell. Please hurry, please!"

There was buzzing all around you, and you smiled to yourself before giving in and closing your eyes. "Happy 27th birthday to me."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"But how are you doing now?" Jimmy asked with a sympathetic look in his face.

"I..." you looked down, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. "I don't think I know who I am anymore after everything. I regret everything that I've done - all the fame and the money, I don't think it was worth losing myself over the superficial things. Then again, rehab and lots of therapy helped me a lot, you know, I always thought I wouldn't make it past 27...but here I am. All thanks to everyone who held me together."

Everyone began clapping in the audience, your cheeks reddening at all the attention. Despite being a nervous wreck, you managed to let out a small smile. You could feel her eyes on you, yet you refused to look again.

"Would you change what happened in the past?"

Deep down, you were aware of the answer to his question. It'll always be a yes. Everything that you have now wasn't worth more than her.  As ridiculous as it sounded, you would've given it all up for her; without her in your life, it always felt like you achieved it for nothing.

It was supposed to be her and you against the world. As much as it sounded wrong, your love for her will always be greater than your dreams.

"Yes, I would've," you pursed your lips, looking down at your roughed up running sneakers. Compared to her look, yours was too casual. If you were younger, you would've been on the same level as her. You didn't belong to each other now, what else was different about her these days? "For most of you who didn't know, the world hated that her and I were together. Everyone criticised each move we did. We were young...really young, it felt suffocating to hear the same things from the public but god, I loved her so much. To this day, I'm firm on my decision that I would've given up on my dreams for her if it meant I could keep her."

You were truly not over what you had, but with everything that has happened after that, you don't think you could let her in again. Not now.

Not when you were still a mess.

She placed her hand on top of yours, gently squeezing it. "If I knew that letting the world find us would ruin what we had, I would've kept you a secret," she paused, looking at you with pure adoration plastered on her face. "For as long as I could have."

Jimmy nodded his head, satisfied with your answers. "Well, that's it for tonight's show everyone. Please give a huge round of applause to our dear Y/N and Sana!"

You stood up, stepping closer towards Jimmy as you wrapped his arms around him, whispering. "Thanks heaps for having us tonight, never thought we'd cross paths again."

He was smiling as if he understood how it felt. "Anytime, Y/N, my wife and I were big fans back in the day."

You didn't respond, eyes following her instead. There was a sudden sharp ache in your chest as you watched her walk away from you, not bothering to look back.

Jimmy noticed the change in your emotions, squeezing your arm in comfort. "Hey, she'll be backstage for another half an hour. Don't let this chance slip away."

You heaved out a sigh, a defeated look on your face. Perhaps, her actions were all for the show, but god, her face said it all — she missed you as much as you missed her. "I can't, Jimmy. I'm a mess. I think I'll always be a mess. Do you think I could leave without her seeing me or knowing about it?"

There was surprise written on his face at your question. "I thought you guys did great out there, don't you wanna rekindle it?"

"No," you frowned. "I still love her...but its been over a decade and a lot has changed. She rejected me the last time I saw her. She seems happier - I'm still working on myself. I can't risk it."

"I understand," he smiled at you with sympathy. "Come, I'll get one of my producers to show you out."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"Sana is here with her rumoured girlfriend," Lisa rasped out, closing the door behind her as she leaned against it - eyes wide and all that. "How are we gonna hide her from Y/N? She's literally sitting outside."

Jennie had horror written all over her face as soon as her eyes landed on your messy face - wonton soup smeared all over your mouth. "Actually...Y/N is here."

Lisa gasped at the sight of you. "I thought you went to order more drinks at the bar!"

You shook your head, standing up. "No, I ordered it through a QR code like I said I would. Where is she?"

"Y/N," Jennie held your hand to stop you. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"I'll be fine, Nini," you smiled reassuringly, rubbing your thumb against her skin. "I just wanna see what she looks like now."

"It's been seven years, Y/N," Lisa deadpanned, arms crossed and still blocking the door out of the private dining area. "She has moved on and so have you."

"We all know that's a lie."

With a mask of disappointment in her eyes, she took a step ahead to get out of your way, her shoulders slumped as she shook her head disappointingly. "This is going to pull you back a hundred times worst."

And it did. You wished you had listened to Lisa because as soon as Sana's eyes landed on yours, her smile faltered and turned into a worried frown. "Not now, Y/N, talk to me when you're sober. And in private."

"I am sober, Sana," you whispered frozen in place, a pang of pain rushing through every nerve end in your body. “Can we talk, please?”

She wouldn’t even look at you. “If you have anything important to say, I don’t want to hear it.”

You felt sick, stomach twisting in more ways than one and a sudden onset of frustration washed over you. “How could you be so cruel?”

She was once the constellations you admired, now the moon weeps at how she dimmed the brightness within you.

“We’re in public!”

“Nobody fucking knows us here,” your frail attempt at choking up your anger was visibly failing. “You know what? Fuck this, whatever. Have a nice life.”

“Y/N, wait,” she seemed taken aback at your outburst, quickly standing up to trail behind you.

“Fuck you, Sana.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The days that followed after your first public appearance became a blur. You were all over the news again, this time, they were all positive things about you (according to your publicists). Many old friends from the industry have been trying to reach out, some wanted to meet up for their own good - however, most were just glad to see you alive and well.

Since your hiatus, you have been away from the public eye; all of your social media accounts remained stagnant. Even the sleaziest paparazzi companies couldn't figure out where you were.

After all, you were and still are one of the biggest names on the industry.

"Here goes nothing," you said as you tapped on the 'share' button. It was a selfie of you in your bedroom - your bookshelf and art collection on the background. The caption was a simple 'this is 34'.

You closed your eyes as you inhaled a deep breath; it was your first post in nearly three years and you feel absolutely terrified. They were definitely going to judge the way you've aged, the books you read and a lot more other things that you should be prepared for and be used to - but you weren't.

Not long after, your phone rang; interrupting (thankfully) you from your dilemma. It was your mum on the other end. "Hey ma," you greet with a grin.

"Your dad, siblings and I wish you the happiest birthday today, my darling. Will you come and see us this year?" she asked with hope in her voice.

"Ma, I was just there last week," you playfully rolled your eyes. "Besides, if I come now, they will figure out where our family home is. And eventually, the public will find out where I live too."

"I know, I know," she hummed. "But you've been celebrating your birthday alone for years now. Why can't you invite your old friends? I'm sure Jongin and Momo and Lisa and Jennie and Jisoo and Jimin and Jungkook and —"

"Okay, okay," you chuckled. "I'm sure they all miss me too but I don't think I'm ready to let people in again. They're all living very busy lives. I enjoy my solitude right now and —" the sound of ringing from your front door cut you off, startled, you moved the phone away from your ear to make sure you weren't hearing things (again). "Uh, there's someone at the front. Must be one of my book deliveries — well, I hope."

"Aren't you gonna open the door?"

"No, why would I? Then they'll find out I live here." However, the doorbell rang once more. "Oh god, what if I accidentally put my location on my Instagram? Ma, I'll call you back."

"Y/N, it's —"

"Bye, I love you!"

You quickly hung up and turned your phone off before padding across your camera room to see who the person on the other side of the door was.

Your breath hitches at the sight of your ex-girlfriend patiently standing outside with a birthday cake on her hand. After a month of not seeing her, your shoulders slumped into a more relaxed state as you take another deep breath; pressing the red button.

"Sana?" you said with hesitation through the speaker. "You have red hair?"

"Hi Y/N," she waved at the camera. Damn that smile. "Happy birthday, please let me in before anyone sees. And yes, I had to dye it for a shoot."

You cleared your throat. "Uh, I'm coming," you walked towards the front door with your lips tucked behind your upper teeth. You pull the wooden door open, revealing the fiery-haired beauty on the other side. Your heart hammers against your chest and your fingers visibly shake as you step away to let her in. "It suits you."

"Thank you," she smiled shyly, looking around your place. "This is a lovely home, Y/N."

"Come," you took the cake off her hands as you walk towards the open kitchen with a view of the forest surrounding your house. "Pretty bold of you to assume caramel is still my favourite."

She frowned. "Is it not?"

You laughed. "No, no, it still is." As soon as you set the cake on the counter, you looked up to meet her gaze. "How did you find me?"

"Your parents," she quickly tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, awkwardly wrapping her arms around her loose cardigan. "I called to see how they were doing."

"And why's that?" you curiously raised an eyebrow, attempting to kill the assumption that she missed you in your head.

She took a step closer towards the counter — the only thing separating you away from her. "Because I wanted to find you," she paused, biting her lip. "After the interview, you disappeared. Just like that. No goodbye, no nothing. Why?"

"Why not?" your tone made her flinch, reminding her of the same coldness you showed her in that alleyway.

"We were doing so well...the interview, I thought you would maybe want to catch up —"

"I did, then I remembered how you broke my heart and then many other thoughts came along after that. Remember when you told me there was someone —"

"An obvious lie, Y/N, there was only you."

A sigh escaped your lips as you avoid her eyes. "For years, I made myself believe that it was true just so I could hate you. And not even a year later, Sana, not even a year, you began dating someone else. A fucking CEO out of all people — a guy who was probably busier than most of us combined; that was such a massive slap in the face considering you told me it wasn't working because of our schedules."

"It was —"

You raised a finger, stopping her. "No, I told you to leave and never come back. I told you that, do you remember?"

"I do," she tilted her head carefully, gaze holding that same familiar hurt all those years ago. "I do, and that's the sole reason I refused to knock on your door again for a decade - no matter how much I begged myself to. I couldn't bring myself to, anyway, not after I hurt you."

"So why are you here?" you asked, voice strained.

"Because I'm still deeply in love with you after all these years, because I believe you're the love of my life and I still want to grow old with you. And I want to love you again if you'll let me, Y/N, please. I love you, that's why I'm here.”

You looked up to find tears pooling in Sana's eyes, she turned away before wiping them away with her fingers. All you could hear was the drumming coming from your chest, your head all over the place once again.

You remembered it so vividly, the moment you wanted to marry her...the cherry red box that was sitting untouched in your safe after all these years. And it hurt.

"Say something, please," she sniffled, pleading you with her eyes as she placed her hand on top of yours - her cold skin against yours now lingering for a moment too long.

"Look at me, Sana," you exasperated, arms flinging wide open. "Look at the mess I am. I've been to rehab more than I can count my fingers. I ruined my own reputation and I hurt so many people along the way. There were days where I could barely breathe, days where I wanted it all to stop. And those days still come every now and then. I have pushed everyone away - even my own family. There's a barrier between me and all of the people I love, the gap will always remain because of the things I've done. And you say you want me?"

"I want you, chaos and all. I have loved you all these years...what's so different about now?"

"Do you know how long has it been since our break up?" you scoffed, pinching the bridge of your nose to stop the tears from coming. "You are in love with the idea of me, not who I am."

"Then let me unravel you once more, Y/N, this is all I'm asking for. I know I walked away when you needed me the most and I'm so fucking sorry, I live with that guilty everyday - god, I was so worried. I didn't sleep for a year when we were 27 because I didn't want to wake up to find out you were dead like everyone else would say. I should've reached out then because I knew that I couldn't live this lifetime without you. I didn't want to, not if you weren't in it. I ask myself why I didn't, but I can never find the right answer. All I know is I'm here now, and I'm never gonna let you slip away ever again."

Your walls began to crumble at her intimate confession. This time, you took both of her hands under yours, unable to stop yourself now. "I was going to marry you but you didn't stick long enough for me to do that."

"W-what?" she stammered, her voice breaking. "You were?"

It felt as if there was a knot wrapping your heart and your chest together, squeezing in a way that it almost hurt to breathe. There were so many thoughts flying through your mind, a million of what would've, could've and should've beens.

She unexpectedly collided her body against yours, making you stumble in your feet. Your hands luckily gripped the edge of the counter, balancing her and you together. Her arms snaked around your waist, engulfing you in a tight embrace as she whispered a million apologies.

"I'm so sorry," she cried, pushing you away with her hands. "Oh my god, how did I fuck this up so bad? I love you so much, why?"

"We both were fuck ups, weren't we?" you chuckled through the tears flowing down your cheeks. "Too young to know how cruel the world was."

"Will you please let me in again, Y/N? Let me fix this. I want you and I want us again. I don't care what they all think.”

"I don't deserve you, Sana, I think I'll only end up hurting you. I've been alone for so long now that if you asked me what love was like, I would only be able to mutter your name and remember what ours was like."

"Like the way I hurt you?" she croaked out, intertwining her fingers with yours - thumb rubbing gentle circles against your cold skin. "We'll work through it, together. I know what I'm walking into, I'm not as naive as I used to be. It won't be easy, but I love you. And I can't let this go - I'll never love again if it's not you."

You braced your hands on her hips, pulling her again. You welcomed her in, arms wrapped around her body - never wanting to let go. You stayed like this for a while; the comfortable silence filling all the missing puzzle pieces in your life. "I'm scared."

"I know," she sighed, rubbing your back with her palms. "I'm here now."

For years, you were lost. But not anymore. She was here now and you were home. Again.

[jxmis]

Wish You Were Sober

Pairings: Rosé Park x Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Roseanne Park have been best-friends for years now. Having finished wrapping up your show before blackpink's last performance at Coachella, you decide to show your support and fly out to LA and watch them. But maybe that wasn't such a good idea. Not after the events that had happened after the afterparty. Everything has changed. (sorry i suck at doing summaries)

Warning(s): angst

A/N: a lil inspiration by Wish You Were Sober by Conan Gray. Soooo I'm having major pcd after seeing BP last saturday soo decided to write for my bias wrecker. I literally just thought and wrote of this a few hours ago. Same with the picture T_T. I also have been writing jennie, lisa, and chaewon fics. Posting whichever I get done first after this one! Enjoy! :)

Rosanne Park isn't usually one to party hard. She isn’t the usual person to get wasted either. It's rare for that to happen.

But as they wrapped up their final night headlining Coachella, a party was thrown for their successful two shows. Being the first k-pop act and girl group to headline, making history! Of course, she had to live it up.

However, one shot became two, three, and even taking a couple sips of margarita. Those who are close to Rosé know that she doesn't have a high tolerance when it comes to alcohol. She's a lightweight.

You being a lot more responsible and smart, only took a few sips of your alcoholic beverage. You handle your liquor pretty well.

You see Rosé's manager trying to talk some sense into her but it seems as Rosé is being stubborn. You sigh, you approach them. Jane looks at you with a pleading look, you nod and gesture for her to go. She silently thanks you, softly patting Rosé's cheek before leaving.

"C'mon, Chae, you've had too much to drink." You carefully and softly put hand behind her back. Rosé shakes her head in protest.

"Y/N/NNN!!! Nooooo 'm havin sooo much funn!" She slurs. She leans against your shoulder, resting her head on it. She looks at you a smile bright on her face, bringing the glass close to you. "Have some! It's sooo good!" You take the beverage away from her hand causing her to pout.

"We're leaving, Chae. You've had your fun. Time for you to rest." Despite her protest, you drag her out of the party. She eventually quits whining and resisting. She sulks instead. "You'll thank me in the morning for this." You offer her support which she gladly takes as she's walking. She's so drunk to the point that she can't even walk straight.

You thankfully arrive back to Rosé's place safely. You did your very best to cover up Chae from the horde of paparazzies as you leave the party. Your bodyguard and Rosé's, as well as her manager using flashlights to ruin their photos.

--------

You look after Rosé. Even when the aftereffects of drinking so much alcohol led her to throw up. You help sooth her by holding her hair and caressing her back. Letting her know you're there and not going anywhere. As soon as you saw her hand on her stomach and a grimace on her face, you knew. You’re quite thankful you were able to get her to her room and rush her into the bathroom.

"It's okay, Chae. I've got you," you say softly. A minute goes by after Rosé seem to have let it all out. You clean up her face and begin her night time routine. You've slept over a good amount of times to have memorized it all. You help her brush her teeth and awkwardly had to help her change into pajamas. It wasn't easy doing that second part with your eyes close. But to your surprise, she was very compliant.

You are so focus on helping her, making sure she's okay that you didn't notice how quiet she's been. "Hey.. you okay?" You say as she settles on her bed. That's when it hit Rosé. Tears starts to pour down her eyes. You panic. You forgot how emotional she gets after everything when she gets drunk. It's been awhile since you've done this. You quickly sit next to her. "What wrong? Don't cry, Chae. It's okay! You're safe."

She sits up and clings onto you. You wrap your arms around her, rubbing her back. First, she repeatedly apologizes. "Thank you for always being there for me and taking care of me, Y/N/N." She says in a hush tone still clinging tightly onto you.

Even though she can't see you, you smile. "Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong. You were just having fun and you deserve to have fun. You know I'll always be here when you're in need." You pull away, bringing your hands on her cheeks, wiping her tears away. "Even if it's having to watch you throw up and clean you up after." You both laugh at that. You smile triumphally at your success on making her laugh.

You move a strand of hair out of her face. Wiping the tears that still remain on her cheeks. Meanwhile, Rosé's eyes remain on you. You notice. The mood suddenly changes in the room. The way Rosé is looking at you... it's different than usual. Maybe you've seen it once in a while whenever you two hung out before. But you always thought you were being delusional. A look that holds so much feelings, unspoken ones.

You see her mouth move but nothing comes out. She closes it and suddenly you see her eyes move to your lips. It catches you off guard. Trying to take it all in, you then feel her lips touching yours. It takes you a minute to process everything. Coming to your senses, you quickly pull away. Rosé opens her eyes. She can see the shock and confusion on your face.

"Chae... what are you.. what are you doing?"

She swallows the lump on her throat. What is she doing? It felt right though. "I- I don't- I don't know." Rosé manages to stutter out, trying to keep her tears at bay. "I just- I thought- Oh god, I'm so sorry." She covers her mouth, surprise with her actions as well.

You get up from her bed and run your hands through your hair. A million thoughts going through your head. Rosé watches you just standing there, stressed out. Now, she's really full on crying. What had she done? She ruined everything. You let out a deep sigh, "Its okay.. it's okay, you're drunk. Under the influence. It was the alcohol in you. Just- Just get some rest, Chae." You hesitantly approach her and kiss her head. "Good night."

"I like you!" Rosé calls out as you're heading towards the door. You freeze. "I like you so much, Y/N. For so long now. The alcohol coursing through my veins just gave me the courage to finally do something about it. So, please stay." She begs.

Silence fills the room after Rosé's confession. There's no way all this time, Roseanne Park, your best-friend has had a crush on you. You sure would've notice if she did... right? She'd never showed any signs that she had romantic feelings for you. You know her like the back of your hand! This is all because she's under the influence. That's all. She's just saying crazy things.

Without looking back, You bow your head down. "That's real sweet, but I wish you were sober," you whisper out. With that, you leave the sobbing blonde's room, silently hoping she heard you. Maybe even remember all of this in the morning. You doubt it.

"But I really do," Rosé says softly, the tone of her voice so sincere... fragile.

[jxmis]

❚ ❚ ❚ ❚ ❚ ❚ ❚ ❚ 𓍢 CAUGHT IN BETWEEN kim chaewon & huh yunjin

prev. masterlist . next

📼★ ͘ ⴰ GETAWAY CAR , the best night drive

yunjin’s eyes stay focused on you when you and chaewon enter the dorms, you both seem in a good mood, well you’re always in a good mood so she should say chaewon seems in a good mood.

when the scandal first came out, yunjin can’t say she was surprised when she saw the video, it’s classic chaewon to her, but definitely not to everyone else, so she understood why people were so shocked.

what she didn’t understand is why you kept making up excuses, ever since that video and photos came out, the first thing she did was come to your room to talk about it but all you did was ramble about chaewon not being like that or there has to reasonable reason for it.

yunjin was hoping that the media would get to yn’s head and she would distance herself from chaewon, but it didn’t, you were so confident that this was a big misunderstanding, sometimes yunjin thinks you’re too much of a sweetheart cause even eunchae knew that chaewon had been glaring at you and yunjin all night.

but yunjin knows she can’t blame you, for making excuses, your relationship with chaewon isn’t an ordinary relationship, you both have so much layers and history, so she’ll just have to make the best out of what she can get.

so she did.

let’s go back to the night that the scandal let loose.

yunjin groaned when her phone went off multiple times during the night, she was trying to get some sleep before an early practice.

she tried her best to ignore them, but then her phone started ringing, she let out an annoyed groan before picking up her phone.

“what.” she said harshly into her phone.

“why aren’t you answering your phone.” her friend said into her ear.

“because I was sleeping.”

“okay sleepy head if I were you I’d check twitter like right now.” her friend then hangs up the phone and she takes her phone from her ear and looks at it confused.

she went into the app and mouth dropped at the first thing that popped up.

it was a video of you and her laughing to together, then the camera panned to chaewon who was staring at the both of you before rolling her eyes.

yeah this wasn’t a good look at all, how could she be so unprofessional ?, is all yunjin could think, she knows her and chaewon have some problems when it comes to you but she would never act like this in the public eye where cameras are on them at all times.

I’m gonna talk to her.

yunjin opens her room door and walks down the hallway to chaewon’s room only to see sakura at the door.

“she won’t open her door.” sakura says letting out, an annoyed sigh, “this is really bad yunjin, they’re already creating false narratives.” she says turning to the taller girl.

are they really false? yunjin asks herself, before completing disregarding the thought.

“I know.” she sighs, “I’m gonna go talk to yn.” she says putting a hand on sakura’s shoulder and walking down the hall to your room.

yunjin knocked on your door, waiting for you to open it put you don’t all she hears is a soft “come in.”

she opens the door and slips into yn’s room, she scans over it for a second, it’s like the colour pink attacked over yn’s room, the soft music from yn’s pink record player filling the room she gets lost in the feel until she sees yn’s photo bored on your wall a photo of you and chaewon catching her eyes, and she’s snapped back to the task at hand.

yunjin finds you laying on your back on your bed staring up at your ceiling.

“so…” she trails off before sitting at the edge of your bed, “how are we feeling about this situation?” she asks you.

you sit up on your elbows and look at her confused, “what situation.” you ask.

it’s yunjin’s turn to look at you confused, “um, chaewon’s situation, the one that has us trending all over social media.” she says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

yn stare’s at nothing for second, like she’s trying to to dig into her mind to find what yunjin is talking about.

yunjin let’s you do that for a little while, completely used to it.

your gasp fills her ears.

“oh, yeah that!” you say finally sitting up and crossing your legs, “I don’t know how to feel about it.” you say shrugging your shoulders.

“what do you mean?”

“I mean, I honestly don’t think chaewon would do that,.” you say sitting closer to yunjin, “and the stuff they’re saying about her are completely untrue, she hates us ? are you serious chaewon loves us.” yn says ranting.

she loves you. yunjin thinks to herself.

“this whole thing is stressing me out.” yn says leaning on yunjin’s arm, “that’s why it took me so long this remember what you were talking about as soon as I saw it I turned off my phone and shut it out of my mind.”

“I don’t think that’s healthy yn.” yunjin says looking down at the girl that leans on her shoulder.

“you know what else isn’t healthy, break outs from stress.” yn says in a pretentious tone.

yunjin laughs at your sass, “yeah, that’s true.” she responds softly.

you guys sit in silence for a while, and this is what yunjin loves, everything that involves you and chaewon is such a rush, if she could describe chaewon and yours relationship she would say adrenaline.

you’re chaewon’s person but she wants to be yours, if chaewon is your rush she wants to be your calm.

she looks at your face and even if you try to hide it she can see how much conflict this situation is causing your mind, she wants to take that away.

“alright.” she say’s getting up from your bed and opens your closet and takes out your pink crocs, “let’s get out of here.”

you look at her confused but pick your crocs anyway, “where are we going?” you ask as the taller girl takes your hand.

“anywhere, somewhere.” yunjin says dragging you out your room and taking you down the hall, she takes notice that sakura isn’t at chaewon’s door anymore.

after yunjin locks the door of the dorm she smiles at you and grabs your, before running down the hallway with your hands interlocked. “let’s take the stairwell.” she says.

a smile spreads on yn’s face as her and yunjin run the down the stairs, yunjin making all sorts of funny noises as they trip over their feet.

the run into the parking lot and yn comes to stop when yunjin runs to car, “who’s car is that?”

yunjin smiles mischievously, “that’s classified information, pretty girl.” she says getting into the drivers seat. “get in.”

yn looks back at the building and the back at the car, before letting out a small laugh and rushing into the car.

yn let out a squeal as yunjin zoomed down the empty road, she lifted her arms in the air, the midnight breeze over taking her, she lets out a laugh when yunjin lets out a yell into the night.

for something so impulsive, it felt so peaceful, this is exactly what both yn and yunjin needed, yunjin takes a peak at yn who still has her hands up in the air before leaning down to switch through the radio stations.

to yunjin it felt like it was only them in the world, like they weren’t idols that were in a big scandal at the moment, it was just them.

“wait, hold on!” yn shouted as she turned up the radio both her and yunjin looking at each in the shock at the song playing.

“you were driving the getaway car.” both yn and yunjin sang more so shouted into the night, you going back to your original position lifting your arms in the air and singing your heart out.

“we were flyin’, but we’d never get far.”

the night breeze overtook you and yunjin and she drove down the road, the only thing you guys could hear was the wind and the music.

yn and yunjin looked at each other with smiles on their faces before yn leaned in and kissed yunjin on her cheek, before whispering a “thank you.”

It wasn’t the kiss yunjin wanted but it would have to do for now.

“no problem, pretty girl.”

[jxmis]

Birthday Girl

Pairings: Kim Chaewon x Reader

Summary: You go all out for your leader's birthday. When Chaewon finds out it was all your plan, she can't help but feel confuse and astonish. You two aren't as close with each other like how she is with the other members. Would your act of service finally get Chaewon to notice you?

Warning(s): none

A/N: Sorry, I'm terrible at summarizing. I wrote this all today. This is my first KPOP Idol related story!! I wanted to get a story out on Chaewon's birthday. Thanks for reading!

You and Chaewon were never close. You'd both consider yourselves friends and groupmates. However, your relationship with each other aren't like her relationship with the others. It's not like she has anything against you or you with her. You both just never had a chance to connect with each other. Chaewon is a busy person and when she isn't Eunchae or Yunjin usually has all her attention. Let alone, Chaewon is known to be hard to get close to.

Nevertheless, you're closets with Yunjin. Not only are you both '01 liners, but you're the only person in the group who speaks English proficiently. Along with that, you both share a common interest in songwriting.

Your closeness with Yunjin led her to finding out your special interest in your leader. She noticed how you stare at her, it's a different type of gaze than how you'd look at the others. How you're a lot more shy when around her. She can make a whole list to prove how whipped you are for Chaewon! In which you caved and admitted to. Oh how you wished you never confessed to the raven-haired girl. The constant teasing is making you go crazy, afraid your leader will discover your secret.

-----------

Today is August 1, 2023, the day you've been longing for to come. Unfortunately, Chaewon is unable to spend her birthday with her family due to a busy schedule. With the tour preparations and all. You knew she had meetings to attend and some personal shoots today. So, she'll be occupied for most of the day. You felt bad that Chaewon has to spend her birthday working.

So, with the help of the other members, you have it all planned out. In hope this would make your hardworking leader's day better. You, Sakura, and Yunjin were in charge of the food. While you gave the maknaes the task of decorating the dorm.

You mainly focus on making the cake. You trust Yunjin and Sakura enough cooking the food. "Wow! The cake looks good Y/N!" Sakura says. You give her a quick smile, then proceed to make sure the cake is perfect. Yunjin can't help but chuckle at your behavior. Yet finds it sweet how you're doing all this for Chaewon.

You finished the cake awhile ago and everyone was admiring your work. You had to keep an eye on Eunchae afraid she'll eat it before the birthday girl gets home. You all finish up everything up and lastly got into decent yet comfortable clothing. You're proud of the work the maknaes did, they did a great job decorating the place. "I just got a text! She'll be here in a bit!" Yunjin yells out.

You all get into positions. Anticipation building up in the room as all eyes were on the door. A few minutes passes by and finally you all see the door nob moving. "Surprise!" Everyone shouts and series of "Happy Birthday!" echoes in the room.

Chaewon stands there in shock yet a huge smile then forms on her face. "Thank you, thank you! Wow, all this for me?" She says with such joy as she looks around the room.

"Unnie, you're getting old!" Eunchae shouts as she rushes to her pulling her into a tight embrace. Everyone shakes their head yet laughs at their maknae as they too make their way hugging their leader. You however, made your way to the kitchen preparing the cake.

"I can't believe you guys did this for me," Chaewon says still in disbelief.

"All thanks to Y/N. It was their idea!" Yunjin voices out, refraining herself from smirking. Chaewon raises her eyebrows not expecting to hear that information.

"Where is-" Yet before Sakura can finish her sentence, you make your way out of the kitchen holding the cake as you start to sing happy birthday. The others following along as well. Chaewon looks at the cake in admiration, tears starting to form in her eyes.

Chaewon can't help but just stand there speechless. All she manages to get out is "I- It's beautiful."

"Y/N made the cake too!" Yunjin says putting her arm around your shoulder smilling at you "innocently". You shrug her arm off of you. Again, Chaewon can't help but be surprised yet confuse.

"Well... make a wish and blow out the candles!! I've been waiting all day to eat the cake!!!" Eunchae yells out making everyone chuckle at the impatient maknae.

The night went on well, you're proud of yourself and your members for pulling it off. From the looks of it, Chaewon seems to be really happy as well. You're glad, she deserves to enjoy her day. However, You can't help but notice how Chaewon glances at you once in awhile. Maybe that's just your mind playing games with you. The exhaustion is probably catching up on you.

As everyone is in there own conversation with each other, Chaewon whispers to Yunjin. Wanting to ask her a question that's been itching her mind for awhile now, "Y/N really planned all this for me?"

Yunjin really took all her will power to stop herself from rolling her eyes at her leader's obliviousness. "Yes, unnie."

"But... why?"

"Y'know it's really starting to annoy me how naïve you are sometimes." Chaewon is taken aback by her member's response. "Just ask Y/N herself. Y'know... finally have a full on conversation with her." With that, Yunjin leaves Chaewon deep in thought, and joins Sakura's and Kazuha's conversation.

-----------

As you were cleaning up, one by one, the members call it a night greeting and hugging their leader once again. You thought it was just you now, but that wasn't the case. You hear someone clear their throat making you turn around. Your eyes widen seeing Chaewon standing there looking at you. And it seems that she's... nervous?

"Hey... uhh need some help?" She says breaking the awkward silence.

In which you respond with, "It's alright." You look at the time seeing it's an hour before midnight. "It's still your birthday, not going to let the birthday girl clean up. You've had a long day, go rest unnie." You turn back around continuing to clean the dishes. Yet of course, knowing Chaewon, she's one stubborn lady. She starts to put away the left over food.

"Unnie..." you say disapprovingly. Yet before you can continue, Chaewon speaks out.

"Y'know... there is still one person who has yet to greet me today." As you carefully turn around after putting the last plate away, Chaewon is already facing you with a slightly teasing smile.

You look at her with a sheepish smile scratching the back of your neck, "Oh.. uhm.. sorry it's just everyone was trying to grab your attention. And I already know trying to compete for it would lead me nowhere. So I didn't get a chance to greet you." Chaewon can't help but frown. She never realized until now how ignorant she's been towards you. She moves slightly closer to you, making you nervous.

"Well, you've got my attention now." That sent chills down your spine, your only hope is that she didn't notice your reaction. But that small yet quick smirk she made before it disappeared says otherwise.

You clear your throat, "Happy Birthday, unnie." She smiles at you.

"Thank you," you nod. As you begin to turn around and walk away, Chaewon speaks again, "Thank you for doing all this. Thank you for making today memorable. But can I ask why?" Her last sentence makes you look at her with a confuse look. Though you see the genuine curiosity on her face. Wow, she's really in disbelief that all this was my plan? You thought to yourself.

You shrug, "Why not? I mean, I know we aren't close like you are with the others. So I get why you're surprised that all this was because of me. Nonetheless, I still consider you as my friend not just my leader or group member. Besides, I... love admire and respect you, you're one of the most hardworking people I know. You deserve to have some fun and relax on your special day. Especially since I know you probably wanted to spend it with your family but couldn't. I thought this could make up for it." You stand there feeling uneasy as you see the look on Chaewon's face. Her just standing there looking at you silently doesn't help either. Seeing how her eyes show the range of emotions she is currently experiencing. Did you say too much?

Chaewon snaps herself back into reality as she sees you slowly and awkwardly back away. Without thinking, her hand reaches for yours making you freeze. Now it's your turn to be in-shock. "Let's fix that then," Chaewon says softly. You look at her confuse wordlessly asking her to elaborate, "Let's get to know each other. I'd like to get to know you more." Chaewon clarifies, looking at you with a nervous smile yet her eyes hopeful.

It seems as if there is more meaning to her words than what she's implying. Fortunately, knowing Chaewon, you're aware it takes time for her to let people in. Baby steps and you're more than fine with it. You're willing to wait. You smile at the older woman, "I'd love that."

[jxmis]

Any ending from you will be a good ending dear! If people don’t want a sad ending they don’t have to read it 💙

You’re right 🥺 Maybe i’ll be able to get started on it later! 😌

[jxmis]

Will there be a second part to the second choice fic with Spencer? I absolutely adore it, if not it’s okay! I’ll be here to read the rest of your work💙 much love

Thank you so much!! 🥹 Tbh I thought about creating a second part buuutttt I don’t see it ending with a happy ending 😬 Soooo if you guys wouldn’t mind that, I def could write a second part for it cuz I do have an idea 👀👀👀

[jxmis]

i have so much JJ stories in mind… someone motivate me to do it. if i could finish that spencer reid story within like two hours, i should be able to finish one of the like 8 ideas i have for JJ 😭

[jxmis]

Do not republish my work elsewhere, please! You do NOT have permission to repost, copy or translate my works on any platforms even if credit was given!!

KPOP IDOLS

Blackpink

Jennie

Rosé

Wish You Were Sober

Lalisa

Jisoo

Le sserafim

Chaewon

Birthday Girl

Yunjin

(G)-idle

Miyeon

Minnie

Yuqi

Criminal Minds

Jennifer Jareau — masterlist

Spencer Reid — masterlist

[jxmis]

fluff = ♡ angst = 💧

One Shots

Second Choice 💧

Summary: You're tired of always being the second choice... even in your own relationship you were the backup.

[jxmis]

Second Choice

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: You're tired of always being the second choice... even in your own relationship you were the backup.

Warning(s): Angst with no happy ending

Word Count: 1.5k

A/N: Inspired by the Little Women scene of Laurie and Amy but with my own twist <3

(gif not mine! credit to the owner!)

You knew what everyone thought of you. Oh poor Y/N, always the second choice. Her being the second choice in her family, her brother always being the first and favorite. Always being the second best in her class in the Academy. And even her boyfriend’s second choice. How pathetic of you. You know that. 

Of course, he’d rather be with the beautiful blue eyed dirty blonde haired woman. She’s not only beautiful, she’s smart, amazing at her job, a great friend, and everyone loves her. You on the other hand, you’re just… you. You will never compare to Jennifer Jareau.

It shocks you how Spencer Reid even noticed you at all. Sure, you work with him, but you never would’ve guessed that he'd ever want a romantic relationship with you. You’re not blind or naive, everyone practically knows how Reid is in-love with JJ. You witnessed it from the very beginning when JJ had joined the team as the media liaison. But they never really happened, to your surprise. 

You knew what you were getting yourself into when you agreed to go on a date with Spencer. That one date turned into two… three and eventually, he had asked you to be his girlfriend. You thought that maybe… just maybe he could love you the way he loves JJ. That he’d look at you the way he looks at her. You thought that you could help him move on. However, that wasn’t the case.

It’s been almost a year since you two have been together. It never even feels like you really had all of him. That's because… you never did. Unlike JJ, who always had all of him, she has his full respect, trust, and most of all… love. 

You can’t help but see looks of sympathy from others. Even they notice the way Spencer would sneak glances at JJ, how he looks at her, hugs her, how his smile would grow brighter and bigger because of her. You’re tired. Tired of competing for Spencer���s love. You should've known this was a battle you’d lose. Of course, you have no resentment towards JJ. She’s with Will, you know how much she loves her husband and Henry. You know her love for Spencer will always be platonic. The only one to blame is yourself. Though, you can’t help this burning anger towards Spencer. For- For leading you on, making you let him in when he couldn’t even do the same. Mainly, for making you fall for him. 

You’re sick of being the second choice. Today will be the last day and you vow to yourself that you’ll never let anyone make you feel that way again. You deserve better. This ends today. 

 ———

You had told Spencer earlier how you wanted to talk after this case. Well, the case was over, it was a tough case and as much as you’d like to be comforted by Spencer’s arms you know alcohol will be what will comfort you tonight instead. However, you all had landed almost 20 minutes ago and most are preparing to leave. Instead of Reid doing the same thing, he’s rather smiling and laughing with JJ. 

“Spencer, let’s go,” you called out. To no one’s surprise, you were ignored. You see JJ motioning for Spencer to go but resulting in the opposite. 

“Give me a sec! I’ll meet you at the car!” Spencer responds back. The urge you had to yell, but instead, you took a deep breath to calm yourself down. You put on a fake smile and indeed go down to the parking garages. Tears started to run down your face as you head to the car. Instead of waiting for Spencer, you drove off. 

Right as you had arrived in your shared apartment with Spencer which was originally his until he had suggested you move in with him. You had honestly thought this act of his meant he’s finally moving on, but it was another misleading act of his. 

You began to pack all your stuff as fast as you could wanting to leave this place as soon as possible. When you open the door to leave, you’re surprised to see the person about to knock. 

“Derek? W- What are you doing here?” You ask very confuse. 

He raises his eyebrows, “You goin somewhere?” You look down, your eyes becoming filled with tears dying to fall. 

“You got a place to stay tonight?” Your head snaps at his question. Your mouth opens and closes but couldn’t get a word out. “C’mon, you can stay with me till you find a place.” 

———

You and Morgan arrive at the BAU the next morning together. You both were bickering about the movie you two had watched last night. Watching a movie and drowning both yourselves with ice cream was a way Morgan hoped to make you feel better. It honestly did help along with him listening to you. There was not a single moment did you see or even feel judgment coming from him. He’s a great friend. You’ll miss him. No, you’re going to miss everyone. 

Unfortunately, your bickering and thoughts were interrupted by the one person you wanted to avoid. “Y/N!” Spencer calls out as he speeds to you. “W- What happened last night?! You- you left me! A- And all your stuff… they’re gone!” Spencer’s reaction genuinely shocked you. It actually seems like he cares.

You snap out of it and scoff, “I’m surprised you even noticed.” You walk past him and head to your desk. Now, all eyes are on you both, but they don’t forget to eye Morgan. All he does is put both his hands up, not giving them anything. 

“What’s going on with you, Y/N!” That was the tipping point for you. You turn to the brunette and drag him to Hotch’s office, closing the doors. You were so angry, you didn’t even think to close the blinds. 

The rest of the team couldn’t help but watch you both obviously having an argument. They’ve never seen you so angry… so full of rage. They’d be lying if they didn’t think it was bound to happen at some point, they’re profilers for god sakes! JJ is standing there and can’t help but feel guilty as she watches the scene. Morgan sensing this, he puts his hand on her shoulder and whispers, “Don’t go blaming yourself now, JJ. It’s not your fault.” 

“I’m tired, Spencer! I’m tired of us, I can’t do this anymore. We- we’re… We’re done.” Spencer stands there in shock whilst you head to the door so close to heading out. 

“That’s it? You’re just going to give up on us?” You couldn’t help the laugh that erupted from you. 

“Give up on us? Are you serious right now, Spencer?” You turn facing the clueless brunette. “I had done nothing but hold on for dear life!”

“Well, you breaking up with me with no explanation really shows you holding on to us, huh?” At this point, you didn’t have it in you to yell and fight anymore. He wants a reason, you’ll give him one. 

“I’ve always been the second choice in everything in my life. My family, past relationships, even the academy! You knew that… I told you.. Trusted you with that information. God, you even promised that you wouldn’t make me feel like that.” You sigh, “The problem is that you did, Spencer… you did.” 

The tone of your voice… so broken… so fragile breaks Spencer’s heart. The door being open, the team could now hear the conversation and it kills them to see you in such a state. “Y/N…” but before Spencer could say anything, you raise your hand up not wanting him to interrupt.

“I will not be the person you settle for just because you cannot have her. I won’t. I won’t do it.” Tears now escape your eyes much to your dismay. You didn’t want Spencer or the others seeing you cry. You start to back away, “I won’t- not when I’ve spent my entire life loving you.” With that, you leave Hotch’s office, sadly, only to be met by looks of pity from the rest of the team. 

You wipe your tears. You head to your desk grabbing your belongings and walk past all of them, not once daring to look them in the eye knowing what their facial reactions already look like. Even though you hear your name being called out by some of them, you continue your way not once ever looking back.

You thought you could stay at least the rest of the week to say your proper goodbyes to the team. You’ve been with most of them since the beginning. They were basically your family, it was only fair to have a proper farewell. But now, it’s too late for that, you can’t bring yourself to step foot in there anymore. Maybe someday, but for now, you’re okay with how things were left. You’re left with only sending them a letter as your goodbye. Your only hope is that they’d understand. You grabbed your stuff at Morgan’s and got everything in your car. You email Hotch your transfer request. You don’t know what’s next for you, but you couldn’t wait. This time, it’ll be different, it’ll be better.

[jxmis]

fluff = ♡ angst = 💧

One Shots

Unconditional Love - 💧

Summary: You can’t help it, your love for a certain beautiful blonde will always be unconditional. No matter how much it hurts you.

[jxmis]

Unconditional Love

Jennifer Jareau x Fem!Reader

Summary: You can’t help it, your love for a certain beautiful blonde will always be unconditional. No matter how much it hurts you.

Warning: none

Word Count: 943

A/N: Ahh!!! Never thought my first story would be about JJ! This quote is none other than said by Ms. Taylor Swift. My fyp has been filled with sad edits of the audio plus I'm rewatching CM which gave me this idea. Also, sorry I suck with writing a summary!!! Feedback is very much appreciated!

(gif not mine! credit to the owner!)

There is a saying that you once heard, “I think true unconditional love is like… do you love someone so much that even… you would even love them if they didn’t love you anymore. That is unconditional love.” 

Who would’ve thought you’d relate to such thing. Here you are, loving someone from afar. Someone you can never have… Someone you can never be with. 

Here you are today, attending the wedding of the woman you have been in-love with for so long. Your only wish was that it had been you who she is marrying. However, as always, ever since New Orleans at least, that’s when everything changed between the both of you. You had to pretend like nothing happened between you and JJ. As well as, for five years, convince yourself you had no romantic feelings for the blonde.

It took a while for the rest of the team to notice how the dynamic between you and JJ had changed. It was just like how it took them some time to realize that there was something going on romantically between you and JJ. Well, before the New Orleans case happened anyways. Before she met him, William LaMontagne Jr.

You surprised the team though, JJ included. They assumed you’d be requesting a transfer. They were all quite relieved with the way you handled the situation maturely. They love and care about you, they were all glad you remained part of the team.

You are so busy caught up in your head, you didn’t realize a figure had been eyeing you for a while now and is now standing by your side. “I don’t know how you do it,” Morgan whispers to you. You turn to him, confusion written all over your face. “You know what I mean Y/N/N. How can you just stand here as you witness the woman you love marry someone else?” He questions you, genuinely curious. 

You stare at Derek shock all over your face. Your mouth open and closes multiple times before you sigh and give in. You turn your attention back to the beautiful blonde again. “She’s happy. That’s all the matters to me, even though it’s not with me.” 

“Wow, I-,” Morgan looks at you unable to say anything. You can’t help but chuckle at his speechless state. 

“A wise woman once said…” You smile a little before continuing, “I think true unconditional love is like… do you love someone so much that even… you would even love them if they didn’t love you anymore. That is unconditional love.” When you get no response from Derek, you turn to him seeing his eyes fill up with unshed tears. A sad smile appears on your face, “That’s how I feel about JJ… We were never meant for each other. But I’m glad that even for a sheer moment, it felt like we were.” 

Suddenly, Morgan wraps his arms around you, hugging you tightly. You return it, just as tight. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out as you’d hope. But I know damn well that you’ll meet your person soon Y/N. And they’re going to be one lucky human being because they get to experience what it’s like to be loved by Y/N Y/L/N.” 

A tear manages to escape from your eye. You were frightened of what would happen if you said more, so all you could manage to say was, "Thank you, Derek." With that, Derek kisses your forehead and looks at you with his signature charming smile. “Anytime, lover girl. Anytime.”

Garcia interrupts both of you and orders you both to enter the dance floor before you could continue talking with one another. You are slightly thankful of the interruption, not wanting to further talk about your failed love life.

After what felt like hours of dancing, you find yourself inside Rossi’s mansion waiting at the open bar. “Thanks for uh being here.” The woman who appeared next to you says nervously. It seems as everyone likes to sneak up next to you today. Though, you never would have guessed that one of them would be her.

You smile at her, “Of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” However, she looks at you with a questioning look which leads you to believe that she doesn’t believe you. You raise your eyebrows, “You know, when I promised to be there for you always, I really did mean it. Truly, Jen, I'm happy for you; otherwise, I would have left a long time ago.” As she maintains eye contact with you, she sees nothing but pure honestly. She extends her hand and squeezes it tightly as she smiles at you.

“Besides, I meant it when I told you that I want to be there to bare witness you on the happiest day of your life. I’ll always support you, J.” You say softly, meaning every word. JJ couldn’t help herself and hugs you tightly, tears streaming down her face. 

She speaks softly in your ear, "You know I'll always love you, Y/N." Unfortunately, not the way she had once used to in both your early days in the BAU. However, you’ve come to accept the situation you’re in. She’s happily married now with a child and you’re finally ready to move on. Jennifer Jareau has finally set you free.

You smile though refuse to shed tears in her presence. “I know, I know… and you know I’ll always love you too.” You both hold each other for a few more second before JJ pulls aways. You both continue to stare at each other for a few moment until JJ walks away and attaches herself to her now husband. Finally allowing the tears to fall, you mumble to yourself, "Maybe in another life."

[jxmis]

only make you cry

pairing: florence pugh x fem!reader

synopsis: flo isn’t ready to be in a new relationship after her last one ended by means of public scrutiny.

word count: 2.6k

a/n: hello. um, ik it’s been a while, but school and work has just been so hectic that i barely even have time to rest. i was also dealing with some things too, but alas am back. i hope y’all haven’t forgotten abt me and i’m hoping to get back into writing again soon because it’s fun and not because it’s sth i have to do. so ya, enjoy this angsty, kinda smutty but not rly fic i whipped out :3

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She remained untouched.

By the responsibilities she had to bare as a price of only doing what she loved to do.

By the lousiness of the world waiting to gouge out any imperfections so that it may discredit her just for the sake of it.

By the mask-like cynicism she had come to develop just to survive and not get swallowed whole.

She remained untouched by you.

Yet, the desire to reach out and touch her, despite her serene appearance—face pressed into the pillow, eyes comfortably shut, lips slightly parted—was beyond any reasoning that you could muster. You simply desired her, to touch her, to feel her, the way you did merely hours before.

The sky was beginning to brighten, signaling another day. You didn’t want to leave, you only wanted to reach out and touch her, to kiss her, and tell her that you were here to stay. But you knew you couldn’t.

She stirred, finally. Florence was a quiet waker, with a sharp inhale and a purse of her lips, eyelids slowly peeling open to reveal two emerald gems, that usually start out more hazel and golden in the morning. You gave her a small smile. “Good morning”.

“What time is it?” She asked.

You hummed, reaching back toward the stand for your phone. “8:37”, you had checked ten minutes prior too.

You watched her as she willed herself to rouse, hunching over the side of the bed, like she was putting the weight of the world she left by the bed back on her shoulders. You reached over, and brushed her spine with the back of your hand. You thought you felt a split second in which she found comfort in it, but it was gone too soon when she stood up and headed for the bathroom.

You always observed Florence. You liked to admire the person that she was, watching this phenomenon of a human being do the most mundane tasks, like cooking an omelette or watering a plant. It made you feel special, being able to be in her presence made you feel phenomenal. She tended to have that effect on people, not just you. You were just lucky you got to witness it behind closed doors.

“Could you feed Billie, please?” You loved when she included you in her routines. You would give her a kiss on her jaw and a gentle caress of her hips in gratitude in passing her.

Sometimes when you’re lucky, like now, she would grab you, and kiss you deep with a sigh, her eyes lustful and sultry when they gaze into yours after.

It started a few weeks prior, the sex, and the mingling, months earlier than that. It was at an after-party you were expected to attend, that Flo also happen to be there. There was a certain glow to her, something that made her seem more mature than the last time you saw her whilst shooting Black Widow. The short brunette hair, the nose ring, it was different, but it all suited her.

“Y/N?! Christ, is that you?!”

You started hanging out again, just like you did whilst shooting the movie and a little while after that before your respective schedules pulled you apart. It was as if no time had passed.

She cooked for you the way she did, a drink on the side and occasionally dancing to music that hyped her up. Then one day, she confided in you. She told you that she and her boyfriend had broken up.

“It was a few months ago,” she said with a sad smile, “the pressure just got too much. We’re friends, though.”

“I’m sorry.” Were you an asshole for leaping on the inside? You couldn’t tell her how you felt three years ago because she was already in a relationship, especially when Zach was a good man, and she was happy too.

Then one night, she kissed you.

It was after a bottle of wine (or two), and you both were on her couch. You felt bold, and your hand ended up over her thigh, feeling the softness of her skin. Her laughter had died down, only breathy giggles now from her plump lips, her intense gaze lighting fires in the pit of your stomach. And before long, she was straddling you and desperately attempting to pull your shirt off.

“I’m going on a trip next week with some mates,” she told you, tickling the back of your neck with her arms resting around it, “come with me?”

You could never say no to her, never when she holds you like this. But alas, you were just messing around.

Ibiza was a nice change of pace from the bustling city; it was sunshine and blue sky as far as you could see during the day, then parties and drinks until the early hours in the morning.

You liked that she knew when to have fun, but not too much to let herself go. She always seemed in control. Her friends were welcoming of you, but you weren’t free of the teasing comments.

“She seems lovely,” one of her friends said, once you had left to the bar. You’d just make out what she said. “Where’d you find her?”

“We met on-set,” Flo answered.

“Good for you, mate. She’s always following you around like a lost puppy, it’s cute.”

A small laugh erupted from Florence’s chest, and you felt something churn in your stomach. You took the drinks from the bartender with a small ‘thank you’, and returned to the group.

You handed Olive her drink, then Flo hers before kissing her cheek. “Your dry martini.”

It was only after you had come back from another party that night, that you thought about it again.

“You okay?” She mumbled, peppering kisses on your bare shoulder, her hand roaming your body.

The thing was, you didn’t mind being her lost puppy. You were too devoted to care.

The media was started to catch up. Pictures of her and you during your sun-soaked holiday started to make headlines, at first because two Marvel stars were seen vacationing together. But then fans began to speculate when more handsy pictures began to surface (a failed attempt by your publicist to keep things quiet), and you suddenly felt the pressure. It was in particular the pictures of you and her splashing each other in the water that did it.

“People need to get a job, christ,” you sat by the island scrolling through Twitter on the private account you made for the sole purpose of lurking.

Florence let out a small laugh as she chopped a bell pepper in half. “Let them talk, hm? We don’t need to concern ourselves with it.”

“It’s a bit difficult to mind your business when it’s shoved in your face every time you open your phone,” you huffed through your nose, extending your foot toward where Billie had chosen to sit by your side to taunt the pup.

“It’s not like you to care about what people think. What changed?”

“I don’t know, I just don’t like people butting into my relationships, that’s all.”

“Well,” she said so casually, “we’re not exclusive or anything, so . . .”

You didn’t know what to say. Billie seemed to have picked up on the awkwardness too, and trotted away to find her bed for a nap.

“Y/N,” she said, but you didn’t look up, “you know we’re just messing about, right?”

“Of course,” you said, shrugging, “it’s what we agreed upon the first time. What? You think I’m in love with you or something?”

“You better not be,” she laughed as you made your laugh over to her side.

“Why not?” You mirrored her laugh, and snaked your arms around her waist.

“‘Cause it’ll complicate everything,” Flo said lowly, “and I don’t like things to be complicated.”

“Alright,” you nodded, taking her chin in your fingers. “Well, I’m not, so.” You pecked her lips.

You didn’t know you could feel the kind of isolation like what you felt when Flo went away. She had gone back to England to be with her family, leaving you all alone in this god-awful town, in Los Angeles, the city of liars and pretenders. You thought you might have become one too.

It was easier said than done, and you thought you could do it. You thought you could be content with just being a fuck, but it was never that easy. You stopped seeing anyone properly ever since you started knowing Flo, and that was three years ago. You knew it was a futile effort to wait, but you waited anyway.

“My nan just gave me this amazing apple pie recipe. I’m gonna make it when I get back,” you let her ramble on FaceTime as you attempted to do work on your laptop.

“Y/N.”

“Hm?”

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Your nan’s pie recipe,” you replied, turning towards the camera, “can’t wait to try it.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” your voice was started to growing harsher, “‘s fine.”

“Doesn’t sound like it,” she said, “Y/N, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you said firmly, “please leave it alone, Flo.”

You didn’t like the way you sounded. You were so harsh to her. A quick glance towards the screen told you she was taken aback by your response, maybe a little hurt too. It was a mistake.

“I have to go, got some work to do,” you sighed, swallowing the lump in your throat, “I’ll call you later.”

“Okay,” Flo said, so quietly you almost didn’t catch it. You ended the call before you or her could say anything else.

You sunk back into your chair, and finally let the tears flow and you held your face in your palms.

Hours later, you were clutching your phone, staring at the screen showing your messages with her, trying so hard to say something, anything. The silence was brutal, but it was one you caused yourself. You didn’t want to bother her, but you couldn’t stand it any longer.

Please don’t be upset with me, I was an asshole.

I can’t stop thinking about you all the fucking time.

I think I have feelings for you.

Sorry about earlier. Work is stressing me out.

Mere minutes later, you received a photo message as a response. Your breath gets caught in your throat when you opened it to see what it was. “For your troubles ,” it read, and it was a picture of her in her underwear in bed.

You leaned back and exhaled a heavy breath, as your hand slowly crept down your body underneath your pants.

But it wasn’t the same. You needed her with you, under you, above you, close to you. You wanted to hold her as you came, as you have been lately, hoping she would feel the affection in return.

You counted down the days that you would be meeting her in New York. She had to do press there for a couple of days, and you agreed to spend some time with each other before she returned to the UK for more press. Your manager wasn’t happy when you decided to book your own ticket after she had refuses to book you one because it wasn’t for ‘professional purposes’.

The hotel you booked was close to hers, just by accident, but you decided to hire a cab to bring her over anyway. You had been waiting patiently when she knocked on your door at around 10 at night.

“Hi,” you said softly, walking backwards to let her in.

“Hi,” she replied, tugging at the back of your neck and kicking off her boots, “I missed you.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, couldn’t stop thinking about you, and this,” you let her explore your body because you had been waiting for her to do so for so long.

You collapsed next to her with a heavy sigh, looking over. Her hair was disheveled, her eyes closed and lips parted, her chest rose up and down. She looked so pure like an angel, but also sinful like the devil. Her eyelids peeled open, and her eyes had turned a deep green when she looked over at you.

She was perfect, and you were enraptured by her in every way.

So you captured her lips in a slow kiss. Low hums bubbled in her throat, as she snaked an arm around your waist.

“I love you,” it came out as the fainted whisper. You froze. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“What?” You breathed out.

“I said I love you,” she repeated, locking you in with kisses along your jaw.

“No,“ you pulled away, shaking your head vehemently, “no, you don’t, Flo. Don’t say shit like that.”

“What the fuck?” Why was she offended? “Y/N?”

“You can’t just say stuff like that without any consequences,” you didn’t mean to snap, but you were pacing around too, “we agreed to just fooling around.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. Why are you so pissed about this?”

“Because you’re being unfair!” You exclaimed. “You don’t love me, but I love you, Flo! I love you. And this, all of this is so unfair.”

“Then why did you agree to it?” She frowned.

“Because—“ there was a lump growing in your throat, “because having some of you is better than nothing.”

“God, Y/N,” Flo sat up, and put her hand in her hands, the sheets barely covering her bare chest. “We should have never done this.”

“So you regret it?”

“No, but I wouldn’t have agreed to it if I knew it was so agonizing for you. Like shit, what the hell do you want from me, Y/N?!”

You stood at the foot of the bed, your fists clenching and relaxing. You felt so small. The light from outside the window scarred her face.

“I want you,” you said defeatedly, “I want you to love me the way I love you.”

She looked at you incredulously, “how long have you had feelings for me?”

You looked away. “I don’t know, like ever since we met I felt something. I just never said anything.”

You heard her grumble under her breath. “I-I can’t right now, Y/N. There are things that I still need to work on. It was really hard where I left off with my last relationship.”

“I know,” you took a seat at the edge of the bed, “I’ll wait for you, until you’re ready.”

“I can’t ask you to wait for me.”

“I’ve been waiting for three years,” you smiled sadly, “I can wait a little more.”

You watched her as she wordlessly got up and gathered her clothes to put them back on. You wanted to speak up, but you could only watch like a ghost.

“Thank you, Y/N, for everything you’ve done for me,” she held your hand, and stroked your cheeks tenderly. “I have never taken you for granted, ever. And yes, I do love you.”

She leaned down to kiss your forehead before heading for the door. You felt the tears welling up, but you spoke anyways.

“When you’re ready, you know how to reach me.”

There was a hint of a smile before Florence turned to the door. When it closed, you felt the stillness of the room, void of the rustling of the sheets when she would turn to the side, her quiet hums of a melody she couldn’t get out of her head, the click of her lighter as she goes to light her cigarette. It was you, and your own sounds now, devoid of bliss, devoid of her.

[jxmis]

The Effect You Got On Me: From The Vault (No. 6)

No. 6: The more we stay quiet, it gets loud

No. 1 // No. 2 // No. 3 // No. 4 // No. 5 // No. 7 // No. 8 // No. 9 // No. 10

Summary: Kate has trouble sleeping. Drabble collection based on the events of The Effect You Got On Me.

Pairing: Kate Bishop x Reader.

Song: Don't Wanna Be Your Friend (feat. Katie Pearlman) by ayokay

Warnings: None for this one, just fluff. However, 18+ for previous and future parts, minors DNI.

Word count: 856

Read on AO3 // PLAYLIST

AUTHORS NOTE: I was gonna update next week but I'm leaving for a trip tomorrow and I will be off the grid until maybe Thursday, so I decided to give you a small one. This is just fluff that would have gone between part 3 and part 4. (If anyone wants to be tagged, lemme know) Enjoy!

You flinched in your bed, startled by the soft knock on the door that woke you up. You reached for your phone on the nightstand, clicking on the home button to check the hour. 3:45 AM. Who in the hell would be knocking on your dorm room at that hour? 

You lifted your chin to look across the room, America completely passed out in a deep slumber, even snoring softly. There was no way in hell she would get up. You sighed, grumpily throwing the blankets off your body and walking to the door, rubbing the sleep off of your eyes. You heard another knock, a little louder this time.  

"What the–" You started as you swung the door open, only to stop mid-sentence when you saw Kate behind the door, confused. "Katie?" 

"Hi," Kate greeted you with an anxious smile, before quickly looking down at her shoes. She seemed fidgety, playing with her hands. "Did I wake you up? Of course I woke you up, it's late. Did I wake America? Does she want to kill me? Oh, no. I should go. I shouldn't have come in the first place. Go back to sleep, I'm so sorry for–" 

"Katie, darling," you interrupted her, placing your hand on hers. She shut up immediately. "What's wrong?" 

She licked her lips. "I couldn't sleep and I just–" she trailed off mid-sentence, running her fingers through her hair, exhaling heavily through her nose. Almost like she didn't want to say what was going through her head. "Can I–can I stay with you?" 

Kate was looking at you with big doe eyes, the crease between her eyebrows knitting them together. She looked so lost and vulnerable–you wanted nothing more than to kiss her worries away. 

You grabbed one of her hands, intertwining your fingers with hers. "Come on in, just be quiet, okay?" 

Kate nodded, a deep feeling of warmth flowing through her body at your touch. She closed the door behind her, following you into your bed. You laid on your side to look at her while pulling the blankets over the two of you. God, she was so beautiful. The moonlight coming through the window made her skin glisten like porcelain, enhancing all of her facial features. You brushed her cheek with the back of your index finger, butterflies furiously fluttering in your stomach with the way her blue eyes glimmered. 

"Do you wanna talk about it?" You asked her in a whisper. 

Kate sighed, shaking her head no. "It's nothing." 

"I have seen you fall asleep standing up, Katie," You cackled. "It has to be something."

Your gaze inadvertently fell to her mouth, watching her chew on the pink flesh of her bottom lip. Silence reigned for a moment while Kate pondered her answer. You ran your fingertips across the side of her neck, waiting for her to speak. 

"Have you ever wanted something so badly that it just…" Kate sighed, looking down at her hands. "Freaks you out how much you want it?"

She looked back up at you, your eyes still fixated on her lips as you said, "Yeah, I have." You saw her eyebrows rise in a silent question, and you cleared your throat, grateful that she wouldn't be able to see the pink flush on your cheeks in the dark. You shook your head, your gaze finding hers. "But I am a firm believer that if you want something bad enough, it will find a way to be." 

"Well, I really hope you're right." 

"I know I am. Besides, you're Kate Bishop. You can get everything you want." 

Kate huffed. "Not everything." You furrowed your eyebrows and you opened your mouth to question what she meant by that when she continued saying, "I don't know, maybe it's just the competitions." Kate breathed out. "Semi-finals are around the corner." 

"Come on, you have nothing to worry about. I've told you before. No one's better than you." 

The corners of Kate's mouth tugged upward. "Do you really mean that?" 

"Of course I do. You're the world's greatest archer, remember? They won't know what hit 'em." 

Kate chuckled, scooting over, resting her chin on your shoulder, your bodies brushing together as she tangled her legs with yours. Your arms reacted on their own, circling her waist. 

"Thank you for letting me stay. I promise I'll leave before America wakes up." 

"Nah, don't worry about it. I don't care what she has to say as long as you feel better." 

"I do," Kate mumbled, her lips against your skin. "I always do when you're with me." 

Her words unleashed a rattling zoo inside you. You kissed the top of her head and held back the three words that wanted to come out of your mouth. Instead, your grip on her tightened, and she scooted closer, taking little to no time for her chest to rise and fall rhythmically, a clear sign that she had fallen asleep in your arms. You pressed your cheek to the top of her head, focusing on her breathing, wishing to stay like that forever as sleep took over you once again.

TAGLIST: @sunshadesnrainbowz @imlike-so-gaydude @hopingforromanoff @ittynyte @girlssnrosess @assgardangod

[jxmis]

HAILEE STEINFELD via Tik Tok

[jxmis]

Read the other parts here!

A/n: guys…it’s here. the last part. thank you so much for staying with this. shoutout to my amazing betas: @mrscromanoff @natashalovers i love ya’ll <333

Word Count: 7k

so, there are a few warnings for this chapter! take care of yourself, please. if you want to skip a part feel free to message me. warnings: drowning, homophobia, dads, angst, past trauma, light kissing, cold

Taglist: @mrscromanoff @timmyslover @fayhar @username23345 @natashalovers @tasteslikeicedcoffee @hoeforwandanat @angie-1746 @steveharringtonisadisasterdotcom @whore4nat @romanoffswrld @marrymemcgrath @pawiie @sapphosclosefriend @fabgronsky @tastingcevans @kawaiitoga @xxsekhmet @natblackwidow2 @silver-lotus @m-zne237 @imnotslouching @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @wildnightadventures @m4ddie3 @natflough04 @losethetimewqr @rebel-author-chick @333hhm @mrscromanoff @imobsessedwithmilfss @unexpected-character

The Proposal Part Six

The boat cuts through the icy waters like a knife, deep blue rushing underneath you. Beside you, Natasha is sitting in one of the front seats, hair whipping around her head, red strands flying everywhere. After your realization on the dock, the two of you decided to just head home. Neither one of you is emotionally equipped for such deep conversations today, and the temptation of doing nothing is too much. Somehow, you even convinced Natasha to come on the boat with you in a matter of seconds.

You want to memorize the moment, and keep it with you forever. You don’t know how to do that, though, so you resign yourself to making it the most memorable you can. This won’t be just another magical, supposed life-changing memory that you forget the next day. No, this will be with you. It’s a plea, a dedication you tell yourself instead of accepting the inevitable bad ending of this all.

“Do you want to learn how to drive the boat?”

“Fuck no,” laughs Natasha. “I’m not an advocate for water sporting.”

“Obviously I know that,” you say. “But isn’t it better to face your adversary and take control of the situation? Show it who’s the boss?”

“I can literally show you that I’m your boss and don’t have to listen to a word that you’re saying right now,” suggests Natasha helpfully, raising an eyebrow at you. You choose to ignore the butterflies in your stomach at the way she’s looking at you. For now, at least.

“Very funny. Sounds to me like you’re just scared.”

“Obviously I’m scared. The ocean is fucking terrifying. We know more about space than we know about the ocean. Even shallow parts are mysteries to us, not to mention the bottom where fish bigger than your house live. So, yeah, I’m scared.” Fortunately, you know Natasha well enough to know when you can push her further. Now is one of those times, especially since you two have opened up to each other so much recently. Maybe you can have another, albeit minuscule, effect on her life. She will not forget you or this if you have anything to say about it.

“You don’t seem like the person to let a little bit of fear control you.” The taunt does the job. With a perfected glare and an overdramatic sigh that might have worked as a fear tactic for someone else, she gets out of the passenger seat.

She sits in the seat and you stand behind her, slowing the boat down to a learner's pace. Then, slowly, you take her through the steps that you’ve known your whole life. It’s strange to be teaching them because they’re embedded so far into your nature. Things you do naturally you now have to explain and think about. Now you understand why Natasha always went so slow when she was helping you improve your editing skills. What you thought had been her underestimating you really had been like this. Teaching something so closely aligned with your heart isn’t easy. She’s always been trying to help you, even when she didn’t use the best words or tone.

Predictably, Natasha is a fast learner. She quickly picks up the details, which shouldn't surprise you as much as it does. You know for a fact that she has at least three different types of licenses for motorcycles, helicopters, and, for some reason and despite her fear, planes.

“I’m doing it! Look!” You’re pulled back out of your thoughts by Natasha’s voice, clear and cutting through your distracting haze. The excitement in her voice is enough to make you cry. Honestly, you can’t really believe that she’s even doing this. For an unexplained reason, one that you hope to learn at some point, she’s never gotten close to any large bodies of water without you forcefully dragging her across them. Her hair is flying across her face hiding the huge grin you get glimpses of.

“Natasha, keep your eyes ahead,” you laugh, reaching over her to straighten out the wheel. She looks forward again, and you miss seeing her joy, but you’d rather not crash the boat today.

Everything is going smoothly when another boat comes up beside you. With horror, you realize that it’s someone you know from high school. This particular person never appreciated your honesty or, well, anything about you, not that you ever cared. People always talked, you just learned not to listen. Unfortunately, that gave the impression of over-confidence or superiority, a blatantly false perception of you.

All to say, he holds a bit of a grudge against you and is the type of person to hold said grudge. So, it shouldn’t come as a surprise when in true asshole fashion, he swerves in front of your boat. Running on pure instinct and survival, you grab the wheel and yank it to the side roughly. For a moment, you feel suspended in the air, and then there’s the rushing feeling that nothing is beneath you. Everything else returns with a crack of your head against the inside of the boat. There’s a ringing noise in your ears that fades with his laughter. With dulled senses, you look around for Natasha, hoping she didn’t get hit any harder than you.

Things come crashing back down when you realize that she’s not on the boat. You don’t see her red hair anywhere besides you or across from you, not even dangling on the side. If your hearing wasn’t so messed up you probably would have heard the calling of your name or the frantic crashing. Stumbling around to get to the wheel, you stop the boat abruptly and lunge over the side of the boat, looking for Natasha. A few meters away, you see her, fighting with water with everything she has.

“Shit, Natasha get in the boat!” It’s not the calmest thing to say, or the most helpful. In fact, it might be one of the worst things you can say, but it seems like all rational thinking has left your brain.

“What the fuck do you think I’m trying to do?” she sputters, arms flailing. Without a second thought, you fling your sweatshirt off and throw it to the side, hopping out of your shoes. You dive into the water, the cold hitting you a moment after you tell yourself to brace for it. With practiced movements you swim over to her, your arms hooking around her chest and pulling her back to the boat. She’s flailing wildly, trying her best to help.

“Natasha, stop moving. I can’t help you if I’m getting kicked and punched constantly. Please, come on, help me out, please,” you beg, voice breathy and shaking. It works, though, because she goes still in your arms as the water slides by you and you finally feel the smooth material of the boat behind you.

“Climb up.” You try to help as best you can, but you don’t really have too much leverage from treading in the water. As long as she gets in the boat and you aren’t sitting idly by. Or, rather, swimming idly by. You follow up after her and flop onto the deck of the boat, breathing heavily. Natasha is right beside you, just as wiped out as you are.

She’s wet all over, the cold water soaking into every part of her. You know the feeling well, but you’ve had your whole life to get used to freezing waters. Natasha doesn't even swim at the beach, where the water is warm and inviting. You’re not sure she even takes baths. You can’t even feel the cold seeping through your own skin, being too focused on her.

You don’t hesitate to take her sweatshirt off of her and give her yours that you took off earlier. The soaked one hits the floor with a satisfying noise.

“Try to stay warm. I’m driving us home.”

“You aren’t cold?” Natasha asks. It doesn’t contain her usual menace, though, because her teeth are chattering loudly. “I mean, I almost drowned and all, but you were in the water as well.”

“Why are you worrying about me right now?” you reply incredulously. “Natasha, I grew up falling off the dock at my house at least twice a year. I’ve had my whole life to prepare for things like this.” While you’re talking you set up the boat to go back home as soon as possible.

“You remember I grew up in Russia, right? One of the coldest places?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Still, I’m not taking any chances. Who would want frostbite the day before their wedding?” Natasha hums and curls tighter around your sweatshirt. Despite her words, you don’t believe for a second that she’s actually okay. You don’t know the reason behind her fear of the water, or her fear of planes, but you can’t imagine it steps from nothing. She hasn’t had the easiest life, as you’ve learned, so there’s probably an amount of trauma behind her fears. You want to give her the shortest opportunity possible to think about what just happened before you distract her with warm clothes and a scalding hot shower.

You arrive back at the house in a few minutes and do exactly that. Of course, you two fight about who goes first, being more concerned about the other person instead of yourselves. In the end, you convince Natasha to go, claiming that she’s the guest and it’s your high-school misgivings that technically led you here. Her counter that her bad driving was the cause is unheard by you as you push her into the bathroom.

While she showers you collect the warmest and comfiest clothes you have, rustling through sock drawers. You hear the water turn off and knock on the bathroom door gently.

“Natasha, I know you didn’t pack any warm clothes so I got some of mine out for you.” The door opens enough for you to pass her the items and shuts back closed. After some time, she comes out, dressed in your hoodie and sweatpants, wet hair lying across her shoulders in loose waves.

“Your turn,” she smiles. You nod and go into the bathroom.

The shower helps you warm up as well as clear your mind. Steaming water runs down your back and you think about everything that’s happened today. The intense high of talking with Natasha before getting on the boat, and then the terrifying moment when you couldn't find her. Followed by seeing her in the water, struggling more than you’ve seen her before, knowing that she can’t swim. She was powerless for the first time, and you were right there beside her, just as powerless for a second. A second that seemed like it lasted forever before you jumped into action and saved her.

It’s impossible not to think about all the other ways it could have gone today. You could have crashed the boat, or capsized. Natasha could have gone too far under, far enough that you can’t be there to save her. You couldn’t swim with her. The water was too cold. Ice in the water hit one of you. The scenarios run through your head rapidly, and you shake your head, trying to clear them away. It works well enough, but you can’t get rid of the emotions.

Natasha can help. Just seeing Natasha will help, you’re sure of it. There’s nothing like the comfort Natasha provides.

You get dressed quickly and make your way back into the bedroom, towards where Natasha is sitting in one of the large armchairs, legs curled up underneath her. Her face is still pale, and you can see her shaking, but you know it’s not from the cold.

“I know you won’t talk about it if you don’t want to,” you start. “But if you do want to talk, you know I’m here. Whatever you need, Natasha. Even if it’s hot cocoa or extra blankets.”

Natasha nods and looks at you where you’re seated across from her. “I never had anyone teach me how to swim. I don’t think Alexi knows how, and Melinda hates the beach. So I already didn’t really like being by the water, but then when I was with Yelena one day she fell into the water. I couldn’t help her, so I ran and found someone else. After that, I never wanted to be by any water. I guess I thought I would grow out of it, but I never did. Couldn’t get that image out of my mind, my baby sister so alone and helpless.”

“I’m so sorry, Natasha.” It feels like you’ve been saying that a lot to her, and it still doesn’t seem like enough.

“It’s fine,” she says, standing up. You mirror her, not wanting this to be brushed aside like it doesn’t matter.

“No, it’s not,” you protest quietly.

“Right, it’s not,” she agrees. “But it’s not something anyone can fix except for me, which I don’t really need. Not in the midst of everything else.”

You’re hesitant to ask, but you can’t help yourself. “Are you okay, though?”

“Probably, or at least I will be eventually. These things get better.” You don’t know what to say again. All words seem insignificant at the moment. So, in two steps you reach out and hug her tightly. After a moment of internally debating, she wraps her arms around you, locking them tightly.

You don’t know how long you stay like that. At some point, Natasha rests her head on your shoulder, her neck craned at an awkward angle. You can’t feel the telltale shaking of her shoulders to know if she’s crying, but you don’t think she is. This feels more relieved and calming than that.

“Honey, can I talk to you?” Your dad is knocking on the door, talking through it without opening it.

“Now’s not really a good time, dad,” you call, holding Natasha tighter. She does the same to you, her arms around your waist

“It’s important. We need to talk.”

“You should just go,” suggests Natasha.

“Yeah, but I really don’t want to. Are you sure you don’t need more hugs to warm yourself up?” Reluctantly, you let go of Natasha and flop onto the bed. Natasha follows you and lays beside you, pushing you off to the side.

Natasha laughs. “I’ll be fine, I can just ask your mom. She gives the best hugs, I’ve heard. Good try, though.”

“It was worth a shot.”

“It was a pretty lousy shot,” fires back Natasha.

“Are you coming?” calls your dad. “We really have to talk.”

“He’s persistent, I’ll give him that. Reminds me of someone,” notes Natasha. You glare at her and roll off the bed dramatically.

“Yeah, I get it. I’m just like my dad. Very funny.” With that, you walk out of the room and greet your dad.

“What’s up? Something you wanted to talk about?” He puts a hand on the small of your back and guides you to the back door, where he keeps going to the barn. He doesn’t say a word until he opens the barn door.

“I believe you two know each other,” says your dad, gesturing to a person in the shadows.

“How are the wedding plans going?” he taunts. You recognize the voice from that terrible meeting. It’s Mr. Smith.

“This gentleman has been telling me all about your situation with Natasha. How she’s going to be deported very soon, and how this marriage to her is nothing more than a ploy to keep her in the country. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“Dad, why are you believing a stranger over me? I’ve told you that I love Natasha and she loves me. Nothing about this is fake.”

“Well that’s simply not the truth,” scoffs Mr. Smith. “And your father asked you to be here. He said there was something slightly off about the way things are going on around here. Just a few calls, and then he finds out everything he needs to know. The deportation, your job is on the line, the fact that not one person thought of the two of you as romantic partners.”

“Obviously we had to hide it. You don’t date your boss and not keep it a secret, for reasons I don’t need to explain.” The lie slips off your tongue easily. “And you can ask anyone in the office. Natasha and I spent more time with each other than with anybody else. At some point, all those late nights can’t be explained by new books coming in. No one’s that busy.”

“You go through with this, and we can’t secure your safety. Just admit to what you’re doing and we can figure out the best-case scenario for you. Don’t waste your position in the world for her. I can assure you, you can find someone better who’s not your boss and not-“

“Not a woman?” Your dad has the decency to look abashed at that. “I hate to be the one to break it to you, but my homosexual tendencies aren’t going anywhere. And neither is Natasha. You can believe what you want to believe, but I’m marrying Natasha because it's what I want. She’s the one I’ve chosen to spend the rest of my life with, and you can process that by accusing us of lying to everyone I love, or you can accept the fact that someone loves me for who I am.”

“I find it hard to believe that Natasha is that person. Kiddo, she doesn't love you. At best she’s just using you. You’re a smart girl, so I don’t need to explain to you again how dire the consequences of, this can be.”

“I don’t need you to explain anything to me. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me to know that you don’t think anyone could marry me because they love me, but here we are. I thought you were trying to make things better between us, but I suppose that was fake too.”

You need to get out of this room as fast as possible. There’s nothing by danger in here. Danger and pain, which isn’t a combination you particularly enjoy.

Making up your mind, you shove past the two men in front of you and slam the door behind you, which is way more satisfying than it should be.

Immediately, you run into someone, stumbling, losing your balance, and landing ever so gracefully on the ground. Looming over you is your mother, who sees you and says, “There you are! We’ve been looking all over for you. I have a surprise for the brides to be.”

“Mom, you’ve already done enough, there’s no need for anything else,” you protest, knowing full well that it will get you pretty much nowhere. Your mother is nothing but stubborn, in the best way.

“Nonsense. If I can’t spoil my daughter on her wedding weekend, when can I possibly spoil you? Plus, I think you’ll like this surprise.” With that, she takes your hand and drags you off the ground, pulling you behind her.

Before you can enter through the porch door, your mom stops you and puts her hands on your shoulders. “Now, I know you don’t want to hear this, but from my experience, the best way to proceed in a situation like this is to just be yourself. There’s no need to be nervous at all, I’m sure she’ll love you.”

“What are you talking about?” you ask skeptically. “You aren’t making any sense.” She sighs and takes your hand, opening the door and pushing you in.

“It’s easier to show you.” Still confused, you dutifully let her guide you into the living room, where a woman you don’t recognize is sitting on the couch. She’s well dressed in an oversized brown corduroy jacket and matching pants, with chain jewelry and long blonde hair, half up in a clip. She looks vaguely familiar, but you can’t place from where. She stands and walks over towards you, looking you up and down. There’s something that reminds you of Natasha in the way she walks, the same confident and calculated walk.

The woman smiles and holds out a ringed hand for you to shake. “I’m Yelena. I’ve come to be at my sister’s wedding.” You stare at her for a moment, looking like an idiot, before you take her hand into your own. She’s wearing an array of rings, and her bracelets jingle as you introduce yourself to her.

It makes sense now that you thought she looked familiar. While you’ve never actually met her, or even seen a picture of her, she has the same air as Natasha, The killer smile and noticeable glint in her eye area a dead giveaway of her relation to her sister, and the idea that you can identify her simply due to her likeness in spirit to Natasha is a scary thought.

“Hi,” you finally respond, trying to regain your footing. “I’m Natasha’s fiancė.”

“Yes, I know who you are. Natasha has been telling me all about you for a while.” Yelena puts her hands on your shoulders and holds you away from her, looking you up and down. “I see why she chose you. From what I’ve heard you’re very much her type.”

“I am?” you ask warily. This is not what you were expecting when your mom said there was a surprise.

“Yes. You are very accomplished, I know that. Natasha has always been drawn to people that whom she can argue. That’s why she’s such a perfect sister for me.”

“What exactly has she told you about me?” You’re genuinely curious, especially if Natasha’s been talking about you for “a while” as Yelena said.

“Everything and nothing,” shrugs Yelena. “She says you’re a pain in her ass and you talk back too much, but she couldn’t get anything done without your help. You’re scared to stand up to people you think are smarter than you, but you do it anyway when they insult something you love, which takes courage. Even I’ll admit that. But most of all she talks about how all you want to do is guide other people to reach their dreams, and how that is your own dream. It’s quite a noble thing to do, isn’t it?”

“Not if it’s something I love,” you answer simply. “It’s not really a noble thing because it makes me happy beyond anything else.” That’s always been true for you, but when you say it a thought crosses your mind, unwelcome but true. Natasha makes you happy in the same way. Like it doesn’t matter that your dad doesn’t approve or there are a million ways for it to go wrong. All that matters is the story ahead of you, the pages yet to be written, and the mistakes that you made on the way to get there.

Before Yelena can answer, the front door opens and Natasha walks in. “Yelena? Сестра, is that you?” Natasha’s voice cracks at the end, and she doesn’t wait for an answer before she takes a few bounding steps and envelopes Yelena in a bear hug.

They don’t stop hugging for a long time. When they do, you see tears in both of their eyes. It doesn’t seem like a moment you want to be in the middle, so you excuse yourself politely.

“I’ll be right back, I just need to grab something in the room.” Of course, you don’t really have any intention of coming back soon, but you know Natasha won’t let you just leave.

“I’m coming with you,” says Natasha.

“No, you don’t have to, I'll find it on my own.” Natasha shakes her head defiantly and looks at Yelena, who shrugs and gestures to you. Natasha follows you down the hallway and fear sets in. Was it overstepping? While you were the one to make the decision to bring Yelena here, you did bring Natasha here. Family, as you know, isn’t something to mess

with, and it seems like you’ve done exactly that.

You have yet to get a real reaction out of Natasha, her face unreadable. That does nothing to calm the raging anxiety inside you, so you start talking, saying words that probably mean nothing, “I’m so sorry, I had no clue that they would be here for this. My mom has done some surprising things in the past, but nothing like this. Shit, Tasha, I’m so sorry, I-“

“Stop talking,” Natasha orders softly. “Stop talking before you make me do something I’ll regret.” She closes the door to your room, facing you fully.

“What?” Of their own accord, your eyes drift down to her lips.

“You brought me my family, something I haven’t been able to do on my own. You gave me a whole new family. You’ve saved my life. You think I’m mad at you?” With every declaration, she steps closer to you, slowly, like she’s approaching a scared animal.

“The things you’ve given me this weekend- -I can’t thank you enough. I don’t even know where to begin.”

“You don’t have to,” you whisper. “It’s nothing less than you’ve given me.” She’s even closer to you now, and you’re pretty sure you’re breathing her air now. You’ve never been this close to her without fighting. Your eyes glance down to her lips, lighting fast and hopefully unnoticed by Natasha.

Then she takes another half-step closer. And it makes your whole world tilt on its axis, overtaken by the presence of Natasha. You can’t be imagining this, not the way her head tilts ever so slightly to the side and her hand comes up to cup your face, so gently.

“Tell me to stop,” she urges. You don’t say a word. You don’t think twice about your silence, accepting whatever Natasha wants, because it’s what you want too. You’ve wanted this, with her, ever since these feelings came crashing down over you, at some undefined point this weekend.

Then she’s leaning in, and her lips touch yours in a hesitant kiss. You’re surprised to see that you don’t want it to be anything more than that. Natasha is fire, is passion, she always has been, but like this it's different. Impossible to control, unthinkable to stop.

You pull away from Natasha to just look at her. There’s a flush high on her cheeks that you want to memorize and be the cause of again.

“Girls, come out for dinner?” sing-songs your mom. Your family seems to have a special sense for when you’re having a moment with Natasha so they can interrupt it.

A second person shuffles outside the door and bangs on it loudly. “Hurry up. I’m hungry.” Natasha breaks apart from you with laughter, her head going into your neck.

“That would be Yelena.”

“Yeah, I figured. She has the same charm as you. It really shines through when you’re together,” you joke back.

The dinner passes with relative ease, with light conversations, and jokes bouncing back and forth between you. Your father chooses not to make an appearance, which just makes it all the easier.

Afterward, Natasha decides to stay up and talk with Yelena while you clean up in the kitchen and then go to sleep. Your mom graciously reminds you that you have a big day tomorrow and need sleep. You choose to ignore the insinuations about the wedding night.

When you climb into bed, somehow, you fall immediately to sleep, mind at ease. It’s the best night of sleep you’ve gotten in a long time. The only time you stir at all is when you feel Natasha slip into bed next to you, whispering goodnight.

The morning comes a lot faster than you want it to. Natasha isn’t there when you wake up, but there’s a note taped to the mirror that tells you she’s off getting ready. You guess you should probably be doing the same.

It seems like there’s no one else in the house, or at least you can’t find anyone. You assume your dad is keeping his distance still, and you don’t blame him. While you make coffee you get a text from your mom giving you a list of chores to do around the house like she did when you were a teenager. It fills you with a strong sense of nostalgia, one that you figured you would get today anyway, just not so early in the morning.

The wedding preparations go by with a blur, and time passes quicker than it ever has before, but at the same time, it feels like you’re waiting forever. You haven’t seen Natasha the whole day, and it’s driving you crazy. The chores pass in mindless busyness, but the moments of rest are almost unbearable. Your mom’s constant chatter fills the silence well, though, so you listen to her ramble about where the flowers are going to go and which guests can’t sit next to each other because of a petty fight. If you weren’t so distracted you would be much more interested and your mom would be a lot less forgiving the third time she has to tell you to stop staring off into space.

“This is a big day, for all of us. Are you sure you want to do this? We didn’t rush you into it too fast?” It’s almost comical, the idea that your mom was the one to rush this.

“No, mom. We did plenty of rushing on our own. If you hadn’t pushed us to get married here it probably would have been a courthouse wedding with someone we pulled with us after work. Really, I should be thanking you. This is way better than anything Natasha and I could have pulled together.”

“It would be a lot better if you had given us a little heads up before,” dismisses your mom with a wave of her hand. She continues stringing lights to the rafters of the barn while you hold the ladder underneath her.

“Come on, mom. Give yourself a little bit of credit, this is gorgeous. Who knew a barn could be so romantic?”

“I did. That’s why I suggested it.” You laugh at her bluntness, being used to it by now, and help her off the ladder. Before you can get another word in, she’s being whisked away to go help someone with something. Then, Grammy is taking your arm and leading you into the small room at the back of the barn. Your hair is brushed roughly, your makeup is applied by someone you don’t know, and the dress is shoved into your hands, the others leaving so you can change.

Grammy is the only one who comes back in after you announce you’re done changing. She takes one look at you and clasps her hands in front of her, the universal Grammy signal for something beyond words. You can count on your hands the number of times you’ve seen it.

“Oh, honey,” she gasps, “you look beautiful. I can see why that other beautiful bride fell in love with you.” There’s a characteristic gleam in her eyes.

Everything else passes without any drama, which is unsurprising for your family. In a short time, you’re at the back of the barn, surrounded by fairy lights and swinging ivy. It’s more than you ever dreamed of yourself, and definitely a lot more than you imagined in a barn, of all places. Your hands are shaking, the dress you're wearing is heavy, and your hair is uncomfortable with styling products.

The music starts.

The lights dim.

Grammy gives you a huge grin and two thumbs up from her spot in the front row.

And Natasha starts to walk down the aisle.

If you thought Natasha was beautiful the first time she tried on the dress, she’s nothing short of angelic now. You can’t ignore the hope in your heart, or the butterflies in your stomach, and you can’t remember why you ever tried. It’s so much easier like this, to accept your feeling for her out front, as they come. There’s never been an escape from the overwhelming atmosphere that is all of Natasha Romanoff, and fighting it was probably just making it harder. She’s inescapable at the worst of times, and immensely present at the best of times.

In her hair are small white flowers that you recognize from your parents' front yard, years of growing up with them in front of your house making them recognizable from anywhere. You’re elated to see that her hair is down around her shoulders, burning red strands a contrast to all the other white colors she’s wearing. With the alterations, the dress fits her perfectly. She looks like royalty. Angelic. Perfect in every conceivable way.

And she’s about to be yours. Maybe it won’t last, but maybe it will. Maybe the two of you can work this out, and find some way to keep the momentum you've started building on this trip moving forwards.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the marriage of these two people.” The ceremony starts, and to be honest, you don’t listen to anything the officiator says. That’s not the important part. You only start listening when he says our name.

“Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, until death do you part?”

Your answer comes off your tongue before you have to think. “I do.”

“Natasha Romanoff, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, until death do you part?” Natasha looks at you, then at the officiator. There’s an edge to the way she’s glancing, something tinged with a little bit of hysteria. You don’t like that look on her.

“Natasha?” You look into her eyes again, hoping to show her that there’s no need to be nervous.

“I can’t do this. I’m sorry, I thought I could pretend, but I can’t. You don’t deserve this.” She turns to the rest of the crowd, at your family, and at hers. “None of you deserve this.“

“What are you doing?” you ask, hating the broken tone in your voice.

“None of this is real. This marriage, this wedding, this isn’t real,” she confesses. “It’s basically a green card. I’m so sorry to put you all through this, so I won’t put you through hearing the whole story, but I can’t do this to you. I really thought I could, but it’s so much harder than I thought it would be. You all welcomed me and I lied and lied and lied.” Natasha takes a single unsteady step away from you and towards Mr. Smith.

“You can take me to New York, I’ll accept the consequences. Don’t put anything on the rest of them, though. They just did what I asked them to do. I’ll get my things and go.” Her voice is void of any emotion, and she walks out of the church, Mr. Smith following behind.

“What just happened?” asks your mom, tears in her voice. You don’t want to see the tears you know are on her face. “Why did Natasha leave?”

“This is very unlike her,” agrees Yelena. “I don’t know why she’s doing this.” You don’t have it in you to explain everything that’s going on to them. Slowly, you turn to your dad.

“Are you happy now?” you ask, pained. “You got what you wanted. She’s gone, and now you’ve hurt everyone else here.” He stands up and starts to speak. You cut him off before he gets the chance to try and justify. “Don’t.”

You try to follow Natasha out the door, try to push past the stares, but you end up stuck in that room for ten more minutes, calming other people more than you’re calming yourself. Any hope of catching up with her is gone.

When you finally get an excuse to leave, you pull up your skirt and try to get out of there as fast as you can. You lose your shoes on the way running to the house and almost pull the door off of its hinges when you rip it open. It’s a miracle you don’t fall when you’re running through the halls, and even more of a miracle when you don’t start sobbing immediately upon seeing Scarlett the dino laying on top of your bed and her wedding dress laying on the center pillow.

You stand there in the middle of the room for a long time, staring at the lack of Natasha in the room. It must be a while because the next thing you know there’s a weathered hand on your shoulder and someone hugging you.

Your mom is the one hugging, effectively giving you a shoulder to cry on while Grammy tries her best to find the right words.

“I really liked her, mom,” you admit, hiding in her embrace.

“I know you did, sweetie. I know.”

“If you liked her that much, then why are you letting her go?”

“Mom!” reprimands your dad, who’s standing in the doorway

“No, you got us into this mess in the first place. You don’t get a say in this. I’ll have to deal with you later,” snaps Grammy. She turns back to you. “If you love her, fight for her. Love isn’t something you give up that easily. I know you don’t want to go through it again, don’t want to go through the pain, but there’s so much left between you. Don’t let that go to waste.”

“What do you want me to do? She’s gone!” you say, gesturing wildly around you.

“You’re right,” says Grammy solemnly. “There’s no way we could possibly find any way to follow her to one of the biggest cities in the world. I guess we should accept defeat now.“

“There’s someone I know who can get you in the air,” adds Wanda. You look up and see a whole group of people in the room, apparently rooting for you and Natasha.

“I knew I liked you,” says Grammy, hitting her on the shoulder. “You should go to New York, that’s where all the girls are, apparently. Well, they might bail at your wedding, but the rest will be fun.” You glare at her and Wanda beams.

“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go.” Someone grabs your hand, muscling people out of the way. You don’t even know who it is until you pass the doorway, and then you still don’t know the name of the person.

You’re followed out by most of the people in the room, who have started whispering and cheering you on. The airport isn’t too far away, and you’re followed by a whole parade of boats. Once the plane is loaded with all available seats, meaning you and Yelena only, the same group of people screaming in unison for you to go get your girl. It’s nice, to see that they all actually do support you. Even your father was there, although he wasn’t quite as loud as the rest of them until Grammy hit him upside the head and told him to.

You make it to New York, hopefully not too far behind Natasha. It only occurs to you at the airport that, in the whole city, you have no idea where she is. She could be at her apartment, at the park, or at work.

“Shit, Yelena, do you know where Natasha is?” Yelena raises an eyebrow at you, an expression you’ve seen countless times with her sister. She sighs and taps a few buttons on her phone

“She’s at work.”

“I’m not going to ask how you know that, I’m just going to thank you.”

“I wouldn’t tell you even if you did ask,” replies Yelena. “Now go find your future wife.”

You do exactly that, even though it seems like everything is fighting against you. It’s impossible to hail a cab, first, and then you realize that you don’t have your work badge with you. After what feels like an eternity of waiting at the door for someone to walk out, you finally make it into the building. The elevator takes forever, and the hallway to her office is busy like it never had been before.

And there she is. Standing tall, in ridiculously high heels, a cardboard box in her hands. Even in the circumstances, your heart jumps at the sight of her, apparently unaware of the stakes.

Then, Natasha looks up and sees you, mouthing your name, her brow furrowed. You can’t help your reaction. You run to her, ignoring the stares of everyone else.

“Natasha, I need to talk to you. Don’t-“you hold up a hand”-say anything until I’m done. There are some things I need to say.”

“Is that Yelena here?” Natasha asks, surprise written all over her face.

“That’s what you’re surprised about? I just flew across the United States to convince you to marry me, and you’re asking about your sister?”

“Well, I mean,” she starts, then pauses to take a break. “Did you say you want to marry me?”

You sigh and throw your hands up. “This is why I told you not to interrupt. Look, there are a lot of things I could tell you. I could say that your laughter is the sound that makes me the happiest above everything else. Your smile, though rare, gets me out of bed in the morning, even when it’s aimed at torturing me. When I’m not with you, I see a flash of red hair and go a little bit crazy thinking it’s you. You are my north, east, south, and my west. You guide me home because you are my home.” At this point, pretty much everyone is looking at you, and Yelena is videoing on her phone, a grin on her face.

“So, Natasha Romanoff, will you marry me so that you can date me?”

A moment passes. A terrible, long-lasting moment where you’re sure that she’s going to say no. The truth that you’re going to be alone forever, pining after her seems imminent. Fear that you’ll use your job is a crushing weight, only for a tortured second.

But it passes and you make it back to the reality where Natasha is standing in front of you, tears in her eyes, hand covering her mouth.

And then she’s nodding her head furiously and jumping into your arms. “I would love to.”

[jxmis]

The Effect You Got On Me (Part 5)

PART V: I won't hesitate for you

PART 1 // PART 2 // PART 3 // PART 4

Summary: You're sulking around and Kate's not at her best. It's time for America to intervene.

Pairing: Kate Bishop x Reader

Warnings: Smut 18+. MINORS, DNI.

Word Count: 6.5k

Read on AO3

Author’s Note: So here it is, the final part. Thank you all so much for all your comments, reblogs, and likes, it was my fuel to keep on writing. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. The title for this one is based on Hesitate by the JoBros.

America closed the door behind her, unable to contain a deep sigh when she saw you curled up in your bed with a blanket thrown over your head. Again. You were still wearing an oversized purple sweatshirt that you had worn for days, and she was sure you hadn't moved from your spot since she last saw you in the morning. It was heartbreaking and, honestly, a little ridiculous. She walked over to you, your bed dipping as she took a seat by your feet, trying to snatch the blanket from your grasp. 

"Okay, that's enough. We need to talk," America grunted, and your grip on the blanket tightened as she failed to take the fabric from you. 

"Leave me alone, Mer," you groaned, turning on your side facing the wall. "I'm fine." 

"I've been doing that, but I'm starting to worry, cariño, you barely leave this bed." 

"It's the weekend. I should be allowed."

"It's been more than just the weekends, though," America whined as she finally freed the blanket from your grasp, pulling it completely off you and throwing it to the floor. 

Another groan escaped you, covering your face with a pillow. Your voice came out muffled as you said, "Ugh, America, it's nothing. I swear." 

"I'm not dumb, Y/N. I know this has something to do with Kate," America huffed.

You glanced at her from under the pillow, absentmindedly pulling at the strings of your sweatshirt, the faintest scent of lavender and musk lingering in the fabric the only comfort you had. 

"Why would it have anything to do with her?" 

"First off, I'm pretty sure that's Kate's," America shrugged, pointing at your sweatshirt. "You seem to be avoiding each other, and you even skipped on our last game night. Something must have happened."

You laid on your back, staring at the ceiling. Kate's words still echoed in your mind, feeling like a thorn stuck in your heart that you couldn't get out, no matter how hard you tried. You couldn't think of anything else but how Kate looked at you as she broke your heart, confirming your deepest fears that what you had truly had meant nothing to her. That sensation only heightened when you saw her across campus flirting with random chicks again a few days after, the details of her latest escapades reaching you faster than any other time before. The girls were bragging, and they wanted you to know that Kate Bishop didn't need you, as if you needed the reminder. 

You were angry with Kate's stupid fan club for treating the archer like a prize to win, an object to have fun with when they would never scratch the surface of what Kate really was. You were angry with Kate for the words she said. For hurting you and throwing your friendship into the trash without a second thought. Most importantly, you were angry with yourself for falling in love with her when you knew you would be just another name on Kate's endless list. You hated how sad the silence between you and Kate made you and how difficult it was for you to carry on with your life while Kate had gone back to her usual activities as if nothing had changed. Like the months with you never even existed. 

"We tried to coax the information out of Kate, but she wouldn't budge," America continued at your lack of response. "So what's going on, cariño? Talk to me."

You sighed, moving the pillow off your face. You sat on the bed, throwing the hood of your sweatshirt over your head, your back resting on the wall. America moved over to sit next to you, her hands finding one of yours and lacing her fingers together with yours to show her support. You sank your teeth into your bottom lip, preparing yourself for the conversation you were about to have. 

"Kate and I had a thing going on for a few months." 

America squinted her eyes, bewildered. "A thing as in…"

"Sleeping together, yes." 

"Oh, I knew it!" America exclaimed triumphantly, startling you a bit. She grinned. “I told Yelena and she didn’t want to believe me, it was just so obvious!” The smile on her face faltered a little when she registered all of your words. "Wait. You said 'had'?" 

You inhaled deeply, nodding your head. Despite feeling slightly guilty for sharing the story with America after promising you would keep it a secret, you told her everything, a huge weight lifting from your shoulders as you got it off your chest. America listened attentively and although she was a little scandalized that all that had happened right under her nose without her noticing, she shifted into her understanding best friend mode and kept her facial expressions to the minimum. She was only unable to stop herself from rolling her eyes when you told her about Sharon and her quarrel with Kate, unsurprisingly taking Kate’s side. 

By the time you finished your story, your head was on her lap while America soothing scratched your scalp as she would always do when you were upset. 

"... Kate said we just fucked and she didn’t have to explain herself to me and I didn’t know how to respond to that so I just… left."

America grimaced. “Ouch. That had to hurt.” 

“Yeah.” 

"Can I ask you why you went with Sharon? It's genuine interest; I'm not trying to shit on your ex!" Your best friend quickly clarified when she saw the hesitation on your face. "You spent the entire week worrying about Kate, and you still ditched her to go talk to Sharon. Why?" 

"Because I'm an idiot, Mer," You replied, looking down at your fingers playing with the strings of your sweatshirt. "I thought her interest could mean something, as stupid as it sounds, and I only confirmed that part of my life is over. I'll never fall for Sharon's lies again." 

"Finally, some common sense!" America chirped, and you glared at her. "Sorry, continue." 

"And I needed Kate to know that in case she…" you trailed off, covering your face with your hands. "The whole thing was a mess because I'm such an idiot." 

America's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "In case she what?" 

"It's stupid," you mumbled. 

America gasped, pulling her hand from your hair and pushing your own off your face. "Y/N Y/L/N, do you have feelings for Kate Bishop? Is that it?" 

You chewed on your lip, looking everywhere but at America's grinning face. Your silence was all the answer she needed.

"Oh my god, you do!" She squealed. "This makes so much sense, why didn't I see this before? You wouldn't have sat through hours of boring practices if you didn't." 

"Well, it doesn't matter anymore because Kate doesn't want anything to do with me and her fan club is enjoying her so very much." You squinted your eyes, venom spewing off your every word. "And even if she did, Kate Bishop does not believe in love or romance or anything like that. It's a lost cause either way." 

America shook her head in disagreement, her fingers returning to your scalp. "I don't know, Y/N, what if she got so angry because she was jealous?" 

"America, why would Kate ever be jealous of Sharon? She could literally have anything she wanted." 

"'Cause she wants you, and you went with Sharon instead of her," America said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Maybe she has feelings for you, too." 

"That's not possible." 

"Why?" 

"Because–" You breathed out. "It just doesn't make sense. I'm just… me. I'm nothing special." 

"You did not just say that," America uttered in disbelief. "You are the most special. It amazes me how incredible you are. Anyone–and I mean it–absolutely anyone would be lucky to have you." 

"You're supposed to say that, Mer. You’re my best friend." 

"Well, let me tell you this then." America adjusted in her seat to look directly into your eyes. "The way Kate looked at you, Y/N… she'd light up whenever you walked into a room. Yelena constantly teased her about it and she would just smile. And have you seen her social media? Pictures of you, everywhere. I know she said she was just messing with the masses or whatever but come on. Hell, the fact that she was so chirpy and talkative at the ass crack of morning when she came to pick you up for breakfast?" America scoffed. "You and I both know Kate Bishop is not a morning person. If that isn't love, I don't know what that is." 

"Friendship?" 

America crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't see her taking me out for breakfast!" 

"Well, she is no longer taking me either, so…" 

America rolled her eyes. "So you're gonna do nothing? Just let it be over?" 

"What can I do? Kate was pretty clear last time we spoke. I’m sure she was just waiting for the opportunity to get back out there.” 

“So nothing I just said stuck with you?”

"Mer, as much as I'd like to believe your perfect fairytale, I have to look at the facts. And the fact is that Kate looks happy flirting and probably fucking her stupid fan club." You sighed. “I think the best thing I can do is just walk away with whatever dignity I have left. Move on. The semester is almost over, and Kate and I weren’t even that close to begin with, anyway. I’ll get over it.” 

You could see in America's eyes that she didn't believe a single word you said, but she knew better than to push it. You were stubborn, and that idea was clearly deep in your heart. She wouldn't talk you out of it. The brunette pushed you off her lap, sliding off the bed and clapping her hands. 

"You are not going to get over it sulking in this bed so let's go, I'm taking you out." 

"But Mer, I–" 

"No buts! You're gonna shower, change into something that isn't Bishop purple, and I'm gonna crack a window open because it smells rotten in here. And then we are gonna get junk food, and crash at Peter's to watch those crappy old movies he likes until you feel better, alright?" 

You smiled sadly. Even if the heartbreak was killing you, at least you wouldn't have to deal with it on your own. 

—

Kate wouldn’t stop glancing at the stands. Her archery semifinals were about to start, her bow was anxiously shaking in her grasp as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, the arrows strapped to her back rattling with her every move. She could see some random chicks she wasn’t even sure she knew sitting on the bottom bleachers, holding signs with her name written on them. She saw a few of her professors not far from them, which she invited out of courtesy and never really expected them to show. There were also her teammates from other sports a few wooden planks up, chatting amongst themselves while the competition started. Right up front and center, Yelena, America, Peter, and MJ were deeply enthralled in a conversation that had Yelena mindlessly shoving popcorn into her mouth with her eyes wide as saucers, and Peter and MJ giddily smiling. No sign of you. 

Kate tried to follow her own advice. Get you out of her system, cleanse her palate. She went to the first bar she stumbled upon, hit on the prettiest girl she could find, and made it to a hot and heavy make-out session with that girl in a dingy bathroom stall when it became clear she just couldn’t do it. The more she kissed the girl, the more she wanted it to be you. Kate paid the girl’s tab for wasting her time, went home, and stared at your contact name on her phone for a while. She tried for a few more nights, hoping for better luck, but the results were just the same. Kate wanted you, and she had no desire to touch anybody else. 

That didn’t stop the rumors from flying around. The girl from the bar didn’t keep their encounter quiet, and soon enough, there were far too many women claiming to have slept with Kate in the course of two weeks. The brunette didn’t care enough to disprove the rumors, especially not when she was convinced you didn’t care, and in everyone’s mind, the balance had been restored and everything was back to normal. 

But things were far from normal. Before every competition, you would hug her tightly and whisper in her ear she had nothing to worry about because she was the best. You would kiss her cheek, remind her you'd be right where she could see you, and wish her luck before walking back to your seat. None of the other girls knew what each competition meant to Kate but you did. You never told Kate she was the best because it was what the archer wanted to hear–you said it because you believed it. It was your unwavering belief in her that gave her the confidence to snatch that first place medal every time. 

Now, she didn't have that and Kate hated it with every cell in her body. 

The archer took a deep breath, the air hurting as it entered her lungs. You weren’t going to show. Kate knew that. She had repeated it to herself all morning, and yet she still could feel the disappointment settling in her chest. A part of her wanted to run to America, beg her to say you were just running late and you’d be there any second, but she couldn’t. It was over. 

"Come on, Bishop, you've done this on your own plenty of times before. You've got this." Kate said to herself, gazing at the stands one last time. "You don't need her." 

The competition started. Her team started with iffy numbers, six, sevens, and eights across the boards, but fully confident in Kate’s skills with a bow, their coach didn’t panic. Kate did, however. When it was her turn, her hands trembled a little as she lined her arrow. She breathed in and took her time to shoot, annoying whispers rising immediately. Kate Bishop was always sure, fast, and precise. She fired and her first shot resulted in an eight. 

Damn it. Kate inhaled the fresh air deeply, begging her body to relax. She took her position again, focusing on the basics. Everything she told you to do that the day she taught you to shoot. It came rushing to her–her chest pressed to your back, her chin on your shoulder as she gave you instructions, her hand on your elbow, the way you relaxed when she wrapped her fingers around yours. Kate pulled the arrow and bowstring back, focusing on the happy memory. She exhaled and released the arrow. Bullseye. The cheers were loud and the corners of her mouth rose slightly, only to disappear entirely when, out of habit, she turned to the stands and saw MJ on your usual seat instead of you. 

The rest of the competition went just the same. Kate couldn’t concentrate completely, scoring more nines than tens, and the occasional eight. She still came up with the best score, and her team moved up to the finals of the state championship, but everyone seemed concerned that the usually perfect and self-proclaimed world's greatest archer Kate Bishop couldn't score perfect numbers throughout the day. Something shook her ground, and everyone noticed. 

Kate faked a smile through all the formalities. She apologized to her team, promised to be at her best for the championship, and thanked her professors for attending the event. She walked past the girls and straight to her friends as fast as she could. Yelena, Peter, and MJ cheered and congratulated her, but the archer could see in their eyes they were just as confused as everyone else. America only eyed her curiously with a teasing smirk. 

“Come on, we’re having dinner at my place to celebrate,” Yelena announced, throwing her arm around Kate’s shoulders. “You need to relax until the big one.”

Kate stared at America, the question so clear in her eyes she didn't have to say it out loud. America knew. The brunette shrugged, giving the archer a tight-lipped smile that screamed sorry. 

Kate sighed. "Thank you, guys. I, um, need to go check on some things. But I'll catch up with you guys later, yeah?" 

"Kate, come on, it wasn't bad! You literally had the best score!" Peter was quick to reassure her. MJ instantly elbowed him in the ribs, saying I thought we weren’t going to mention it under her breath. 

Yelena glared at them both. "Yeah, you have nothing to worry about; let’s just go eat." 

"You’re absolutely going to kill it at finals; I just know it," Peter added. 

“You’re the best archer on the team.”

“The team? Best archer in the world.” 

"Guys," America interrupted their ramblings, keeping her soft chocolate gaze on Kate. "She said she'll catch up with us. Let's give her some space, okay?" 

Peter and Yelena protested, but MJ ultimately pulled them away. Yelena patted her best friend's shoulder before walking past her, and Peter gave her an awkward side hug. MJ grabbed his hand and made him follow her, giving the archer a small smile. America didn't move, and Kate looked at her once the rest was a bit far away. America smiled, extending her arms towards the archer. 

"I know I'm not her but I can give you a hug, too." 

Kate raised her eyebrows, placing her bow between her feet and letting America engulf her in a hug. Kate rested her chin on America's shoulder, blinking back tears. 

"She told you." 

America's arms tightened around her, nodding. "Yeah, she did. And for what it's worth," America pulled away, searching for Kate's blue gaze. “Y/N misses you. And I can tell you miss her, too.”

“I can’t, she wants Sharon, and I–” Kate shook her head, wiping her tears before they fell. “I can’t. It’s better this way.”

“Is it, though?” America rubbed her arm, tenderly. "Love is not a bad thing, Kate. You're allowed to want it." 

"But I don't want to want it, Mer," Kate let out with a teary laugh. "Look where it's gotten me." 

“And you’ll never know where it could take you if you don’t tell her how you feel.” America smiled. “Talk to her, get it off your chest. Trust me, you’ll feel better.”

America gave her one last hug before heading in the direction the rest had gone. 

—

With the semester ending soon, you had a small mountain of assignments to keep your mind away from how wrong it felt to skip Kate’s competition. You turned off your phone as soon as you woke up, not wanting to deal with Peter and Yelena’s guilt-tripping and insistence, which had increased in the last few days. You weren’t sure if America had told them anything, but you weren’t going to find out. You were going to focus on your degree and nothing else. You’d have all of the summer to sulk around and move on. 

By the time the sun was coming down, the words on the book pages started blurring together. You exhaled heavily through your nose, closing the book and stretching. You got up from your seat and walked to your closet, searching for something more comfortable to change into. Without even looking, you picked up a pair of sweats and the first sweatshirt you found, stripping out of your jeans and shirt when there was a loud knock on your door. You huffed, annoyed, deciding to ignore it and continue changing. Whoever was outside would have to get the hint and leave you alone. You pulled the sweatshirt over your head, the faint smell of lavender hitting your nose. Of course, you grabbed the other piece of clothing you had stolen from Kate’s closet.

"Why am I like this?" You mumbled to yourself under your breath, pulling the black and purple fabric to your nose, smelling it again. Another knock on your door, more insistent this time. "Ugh, I'm coming."  

You begrudgingly put on your sweats and walked to the door, swinging it open to shoo whoever was behind your door. Standing there, in a high ponytail and still wearing her archery suit, Kate Bishop stood right before you.  

"Hi," she said, nervously, and the bags under her eyes told you that, much like you, she hadn't slept well in days. Unlike you, probably from all the fucking around. 

She opened her mouth to say something else and without thinking about it, you slammed the door shut in her face. 

You heard Kate sigh behind the door. "Y/N." 

You shot your eyes closed. "You got the wrong door, move along. I'm sure there's one or two girls you haven't fucked down the hall." 

"Y/N, please. I need to talk to you." 

"No, I don't think you do." 

Kate rested her forehead against the door, closing her eyes, her heart in her throat. "I'm sorry, okay? Please, just let me explain." 

"There's nothing to explain, Bishop." You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes and you would be damned if you shed one more tear because of her. It wasn't going to happen. "We fucked, you got bored, and moved on to the next new thing. It's what you've always done. I get it." 

"That's not at all what happened. Please, just let me–"

"No." 

"Fine," Kate said, pushing herself off the door and crossing her arms over her chest. "Don't open it." 

"I wasn't going to." 

"But I'm gonna stay right here and I won't go anywhere until you do." 

"You'll have to use the bathroom at some point." 

"I'll hold it, I don't care. I'm not leaving until I talk to you." 

No one said anything for a moment. You could see her shadow under the door, and you wondered if she actually would stay there all night. 

As if she was reading your mind, she said, "I've never turned down a challenge, you know this." 

Huffing and puffing, you decided to get it over with. You had so much to get done, maybe yelling at Kate Bishop to leave you alone was just what you needed to move on with your life and crush your finals. You opened the door slowly, and she looked at you with those damn blue eyes, the same look of determination she would save for archery glowing in her irises. You opened your mouth to tell her off when she just surged forward, grabbing your face with her large cold hands and kissing you squarely on the lips. 

It took you a moment to react. You blinked a few times, unsure of what was happening, but the pressure of her lips against yours felt so familiar and oh-so-heavenly your body relaxed, your hands finding a resting place on her hips as you closed your eyes and returned the kiss. Kate hummed in satisfaction, tilting her head a bit to the side and deepened the kiss, the urgency evident in her movements. It felt like a well-rehearsed dance only you and Kate knew the steps to, breathing life back into your body. For the first time in weeks, you felt complete. Kate only pulled away when her lungs begged her to but even then, her mouth ghosted over you, taking her time to breathe you in. 

Finally, she half-smiled. "I'm sorry, I couldn't spend another second without doing that." 

"Kate, what the–" 

"I panicked, okay? I started having all these feelings I never had before and I didn't want to deal with it so I ran away. Then Sharon said all these things that got to my head and I thought you still wanted her and I couldn't handle it. So, I just… didn’t.” Kate’s heart was beating loudly in her ears. She didn’t mean for the words to just burst out of her, but she couldn’t stop now. She needed you to know. “It wasn’t just sex, I don’t think it ever was. You are my favorite person in the world and it’s so scary, all these things you make me feel.” Her blue eyes glistened like sapphires with the tears welling up in them. "I've never wanted it, you know? To feel this way. To want someone so much that I feel like I'm gonna explode. I never wanted to give anyone the power to break me but here I am, giving it to you anyway because–" A shaky breath left her lips. "I've never wanted anything the way I want you."

Kate's gaze locked with yours. You saw different emotions in the blue of her eyes, the most prominent of all a level of adoration that made your knees tremble. Her thumb gently caressed your cheek, waiting for you to speak. You were stunned. Your heart was wildly beating in your chest, your voice stuck in your throat. Your brain was working overtime to process Kate's confession, fully convinced it was all a dream. There was no way this was true, it made no sense. It couldn't be.

"Please, say something." Fear was evident in Kate's voice. You opened your mouth but nothing came out. Maybe she was too late. Maybe she had ruined it. Maybe you never felt the same at all. 

Finally, you sighed, a smile drawing on your lips. "Kate Bishop, you're such an idiot." 

She furrowed her eyebrows, prepared for the worst, but you wrapped your arms around her, flushing your bodies together. "I don't want Sharon." You saw a glimmer of hope swimming in the stormy waters of her eyes, and you wanted nothing more than to dive in them. “That part of my life is over, it has been for a while." You pressed your forehead against hers. "I only want you." 

The archer pulled you back for another kiss that felt like coming up for air after drowning. All of the hurt and sorrow that you both had carried from that last bitter encounter instantly disappeared, finally back in the place you were meant to be. Her tongue brushed your bottom lip, asking for permission, your mouth parting open automatically at the touch. Her lips were gentle against you, moving in a slow motion, unlike any other kiss you had ever shared. It felt like the first kiss. The right kiss. 

Kate's lips attached to your jaw and down to your neck in a trail of soft kisses. A mewl of satisfaction vibrated out your throat, igniting a wildfire within the archer. Kate slammed the door closed with her foot, removing her lips from your neck and losing no time in pulling the sweatshirt off of you. Her mouth met yours in a messy kiss, your fingers finding the zipper of her suit, desperately trying to pull it down. You pouted when it got stuck midway, giving you a peek of her perfectly shaped breasts. You pulled a little harder on it and Kate chuckled, amused, helping you undo it. Your eyes immediately fell to the swell of her breasts as she slipped the purple fabric off her body, licking your lips in anticipation. 

You raised an eyebrow, smirking. "Really? No bra?"

"Too tight." Kate smiled, her hands returning to your waist, emanating goosebumps with her gentle touch. "Comes in handy sometimes."

"Couldn't agree more," You mumbled, grabbing her face and kissing her again. She moaned at your eagerness, pulling off your pants and underwear with a swift motion. Your eyes closed and your hands fell to her shoulders, breathy whimpers leaving your throat as her mouth covered your neck in sloppy kisses. You clumsily searched for her pants, sliding your thumbs at the sides of the fabric and slipping them off, along with her underwear. You gripped at her hips and pushed her towards the bed, immediately straddling Kate. Bright blue eyes looked up at you, each of her hands falling to your thighs. 

"God, I missed you," she muttered, unleashing a rattling zoo inside your belly. She kissed your collarbones, and trailed her way to the valley of your chest, her fingers ghosting over the skin of your back to free your breasts from their restraints. "Tell me you want me again." 

You pulled at the hair tie keeping her hair up, a cascade of black curls falling onto her back. You brushed a few stray strands off her face with a gentle smile. 

"I want you, Kate, I only want you. I want you so bad." 

You kept on whispering how much you wanted her as you peppered kisses all over her face. Kate closed her eyes, thoroughly enjoying your touch with a dopey grin. Your kisses traveled down to her neck, her breathing hitching when you found her sweet spot. She drew her head back, giving you access to more skin. You rolled your hips on her thigh, moaning loudly against her skin at the friction. Kate groaned, still trying to contain herself and failing miserably. 

"Lay down, Katie, let me take care of you." 

You lifted your gaze from her abdomen, without tearing your lips from her skin, meeting furiously blown blue eyes. "Who knew you were this impatient?" 

Kate barely had time to do what she was told before you took on her lips again with a newfound passion that made the archer grateful she was laying down. Painfully slowly, the brunette felt your lips travel to all the right places in her body, from her neck to her collarbone, passing by her breasts, taking her time with each one of them and increasing the frustration building up inside her with each stroke of your tongue nowhere near where she needed it most. Kate pulled on your hair and practically begged between heavy sighs and intense moans for you to direct your attention to the right place but you were enjoying watching her squirm under your touch in anticipation a little too much. Just as you were running your tongue through her well-defined abdomen, you captured Kate's hand on your own, stopping her from going directly to the place you were knowingly neglecting. 

"Y/N, I swear to God," Kate groaned. "If you don't touch me now, I'll–" 

"I'm getting there, just gotta wait a little longer." 

"Fuck, I need you, Y/N," she whimpered, feeling your fingers between her thighs but not quite where she needed them to be.

"Oh, I know, baby." A small gasp left Kate when she felt your fingers exploring her folds, still ignoring her throbbing clit. "You're drenched." She grunted in desperation, pulling a bit at your hair. "Have you missed my fingers inside you, stretching you so good, Katie?" you didn't know where that came from, only that you couldn't stop. "Or did you want my mouth making you cum so hard you forget what day it is?" 

"God, yes," Kate whined and she sounded desperate, lost in a place she rarely let herself be in. She liked to be in control, in charge of when and how her pleasure took her. Never at the mercy and the teasing of someone else. But she could let go of all of it with you. "Just fuck m–" 

Kate stopped mid-sentence as soon as she felt not only your tongue but your fingers on her begging core, giving her more attention than she expected. A stream of profanities found its way out of Kate's mouth, euphoria coursing through every inch of her body. Her hips picked up a pace of their own as you pumped your fingers faster, curling them inside, thoroughly enjoying every reaction you received with every flick of your tongue. 

"Oh, you taste so good, baby," You muttered with your mouth still toying with her sensitive bud, making her whine. "Bet none of the others ever got you like this, dripping all over, huh?"

Your question surprised both of you, but it surprised you even more how fast she answered. "No, baby, only you. This is all for you." 

"That's my girl. I'm gonna take such good care of you. I always have, haven't I?" 

Kate couldn't even think of any words to answer you and you were not expecting her to. Unlike all of her stupid one-night stands, you had taken your time memorizing every inch of Kate's body, and your knowledge of what made her tick ran so deep you didn't need much time to push her over the edge. Even when every bit of Kate's legs was twitching and trembling uncontrollably, you kept your full attention on Kate's center, greedily collecting every drop coming out of her with your tongue. Kate felt in another dimension, completely over the moon. When the contact started feeling like too much, she pulled at your hair and moved you away from her core. You kissed your way up her body, leaving small purple marks in the shape of your mouth under her breasts and over the skin of her collarbones. Her chest rose and fell with her hitched breathing, still whimpering softly as she came down from her high. Blue waves of ocean locked into your gaze, pulling you towards her mouth in a bruising kiss immediately after, tasting herself on your lips. As things slowed down, the kiss turned achingly sweet and steady, the kind of kiss that felt like comfort and safety and filled up your stomach with butterflies as if you were a teenager in love.

“I’m gonna need you to be gentle with me,” Kate whispered when the kiss broke away naturally, her nose bumping with yours. “I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

"Um, I'm pretty sure you do. I’ve done it with you a few times, actually. Enjoyed it, even."

"No, not that," Kate chuckled. "I mean…" Her eyes met yours again. "This. You and me. I've never���" she trailed off, a deep blush tinting her cheeks. 

You grinned, swiping your thumb over the pink hue. "You’re doing pretty well so far, Katie. And we don't have to call it anything if you don't want to." 

"No, no, I do. I just–I don't kn–I don't–" 

You stopped her stuttering by kissing her gently, your heart feeling warm and full. "Kate Bishop, do you want to be my girlfriend?" 

Kate beamed, her grin matched yours. "I want nothing more." 

—

You were on the edge of your seat, gripping Yelena's and America's hands with all your strength as you watched Kate prepare for her last shot for her final competition. Peter and MJ held onto each other anxiously. The competition had been tied up to the last minute when the best shooter from the other team scored a 9 with his final shot. If Kate got a 10, it was over. Your school's team would be state champions again. 

Kate took her position, the picture of concentration. Even from the bleachers, you could see the little smirk on her face. She had been perfect for every set–this wouldn't be the exception. In a split second, she looked your way and winked, before releasing her arrow. 

You and your friends jumped from your seats, the cheers immediately erupting as soon as her arrow landed perfectly on the bullseye of the target board. Kate's team ran to her, making her laugh as they lifted her over their shoulders and chanted her last name. Yelena threw her arm around your shoulders, and America wrapped her arm around your waist. 

"Three-time state champion. She's going to be unbearable." Yelena said, her smile refuting the annoyance in her voice. 

"We must destroy her next game night," America said, playful determination in her tone. "We must not let it get to her head." 

"MJ is vicious at UNO." Peter pointed out, looking at his girlfriend with a smile. "She could totally take Kate down." 

"And Pete has gotten so much better at Battleship," MJ added. "We have options." 

"Hey, watch it." You warned them with a smirk. "That's my girlfriend you're talking about." 

"And your point is?" Yelena laughed. "We still need to humble her." 

"Here she comes!" 

Everyone cheered, a grin overtaking Kate's face as she trotted towards you with a gold medal around her neck. You squealed, running to meet her halfway and immediately jumping into her arms. Kate cackled with difficulty when your body collided with hers, placing her arms under your legs as you wrapped them around her waist. You grabbed her by the cheeks and kissed her, ignoring the teasing laughter and loud gagging sounds coming from your friends. 

"You did it, baby!" You cheered after the kiss, pressing your forehead to hers. "I'm so proud of you." 

"We did it," She beamed, looking at you adoringly. "I wouldn't have done it without you, my love. This medal is yours." 

You gasped. "Just the medal?" 

Kate rolled her eyes, playfully, her smile never wavering. "I am yours, baby girl, always."

"That's what I like to hear." You giggled, pecking her lips again. "I love you." 

"And I love you." 

"Ugh, can we go back to when it was a secret?" You heard Yelena say with a whine, making you both turn to her. "I don't know how much more I can take." 

"For real! I knew Y/N was all lovey-dovey but you, Kate? Who knew you were this gross?" America asked, scrunching up her nose. 

"I think it's cute," MJ said, watching you chuckle while Kate put you down, throwing her arm around your shoulders right after. 

"Believe me, it took me by surprise, too," you said, snaking your arms around her waist. "I'm not complaining, though." 

"What can I say?" Kate shrugged, kissing your cheek. "That's just the effect you got on me, baby girl." 

"Ugh, that was terrible, Kate Bishop," Yelena groaned, visibly cringing. "Even Peter here wouldn't say that, and he's pretty bad, too!" 

"Hey, I'm not!" Peter whined, looking at MJ with furrowed eyebrows. "Am I?" 

Everyone burst out laughing, already on the way to celebrate at Kate’s apartment, your heart ready to burst with happiness, as it had for the last few weeks. Kate interlocked her fingers with yours, immediately launching into a long recount of her every thought during the competition, adding emphasis to her story using her free hand. Her eyes glimmered, her smile beamed and you could have listened to her talk forever. You hoped with all of your heart that you would. 

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