just-eat-something

[just-eat-something]

Ramen are one of the best confort foods.

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[just-eat-something]

mom's tater gloop

ingredients:

half a package of instant mashed potatoes

shredded cheese

cream cheese

meat of some kind (canned chicken, fish, bacon, ham, anything)

make the taters (keep the package for the unused half)

dump in cheese, meat, and a scoop or two of cream cheese

stir; microwave if necessary to melt stuff

FEAST

[just-eat-something]

I totally forgot that eating a meal can improve your mood dramatically. I was depressed a minute ago but now I'm literally having a good time. what a concept

[just-eat-something]

but on the real though, here is your guide to assyrian rice preparation from your friendly neighborhood assyrian:

start wanting rice. (or, if you are traditional, simply recognize your constant desire for rice.)

measure out two cups of rice. then one more. then two more. then another. this seems fine. you love rice. there is no way that this will backfire on you.

remember that your great-great-uncle’s recipe says it should be soaked overnight.

become consumed with despair.

decide to soak it for half an hour instead, acknowledging that the final product will be inferior and anger your ancestors but will still satisfy your now almost-overwhelming need for rice to be inside your body much faster.

remember that you should have set the water to boil when you soaked the rice. goddammit. 

once the water boils, put the rice in until it is half-cooked. the eyeballing or intuitive method is less effective than a timer but that’s how your aunt does it so you feel compelled to meet her standards.

now that the rice has fluffed up, realize how much rice six dry cups really is. holy shit. you’ve fucked up immeasurably. 

take a minute to dwell upon your failings.

grease a baking dish with butter. this will never be as elegant as you want it to and your fingers will get greasy, but the slightly shameful, self-indulgent joy of licking your fingers afterwards will make up for it.

pour the rice into the dish. wonder immediately if you actually buttered the dish beforehand and if you’ve just fucked up. 

melt approximately one thousand pounds of butter in the microwave and pour it over the rice, pondering your imminent death from rapid-onset arterial clogging. put a small pat of butter on the top to properly gild the lily.

put your pan into the oven, which you have absolutely preheated after your previous lack of foresight. shake the rice once or twice while it bakes to make sure the butter is well distributed. resist the impulse to climb into the oven with the rice. for the last ten minutes, sit next to the oven and count the seconds until it’s done.

remove the dish from the oven. shed a tear or two at the perfection laid before you. if you are dining with others, this is the time to serve the rice while making passive-aggressive statements about how oh no, you don’t need any help, you just made dinner all by yourself, you can serve everyone as well. (this is still fun if done alone, but optional.)

CONSUME THE RICE.

realize that you have eaten half of the dish in one sitting. no matter how much rice you made, this will always happen. 

put the leftovers away, if there are any, and enjoy a cup of chai while marveling at the amount of food you have just eaten. if possible, fall asleep in an armchair, sitting up, head tilted slightly back, like a grandpa.

for the rest of the evening, think fondly of how much rice you have in the fridge now and how many meals it will supplement, refusing to acknowledge that you will almost certainly eat the rest of it in a few hours for a midnight meal.

[just-eat-something]

req'd by @vinceaddams

make sure your foods are mealful folks!

ty to @pterribledinosaurdrawings for this one lol

text: Scrembly Egg

[just-eat-something]

what are you supposed to do on the days that absolutely no food sounds appetizing but youre sitting there hungry and getting a headache but everything does not sound appealing

[just-eat-something]

lo, I am a God of Patience And Science

id: the inside of a large non-stick pan, wherein resides a big pile of caramelized onions that have been scraped up on one side by a grey spatula. end id

[just-eat-something]

ID: the phrase “I love you. I want us both to eat well” scribbled on a ceramic spoon. the spoon color is a natural beige with dark brown flecks on it, the letters are in black. there’s other two spoons showing only slightly on the edges of the image; a dark green one, and another beige one with “I love you” written on the top. End ID.

[just-eat-something]

If you needed a reminder today that it's okay to eat food:

Food doesn't want to hurt you. Food wants you to live.

[just-eat-something]

Calling for aid

as summer approaches, so does the most evil of my Symptoms: inability to eat because it is so hot and humid that I cannot contemplate food without feeling like dying. So, as a simple American whose family culture revolves almost entirely around cold-weather foods, I am putting out this call to folks from the following areas or who have experience with their cuisines:

Southeast Asia, particularly India because I know I like a variety of Indian foods

Pacific Islands

Central America and the Caribbean (I had a Jamaican classmate last summer but I never got to ask him for recipes and I kick myself for that often)

Central and coastal Africa

Mediterranean (cliche but Spanish rice dishes do kinda slap)

I know I like foods from these regions, so if you have suggestions for cold recipes or foods that need minimal prep, or if you know of websites with tips and recipes, please do add them to this post or message me! I would like to learn how to Survive from people who know what they're doing.

as a sidenote: things like shrimp and oysters are incredibly expensive and not very safe in my area. I'll eat fish, though. there's plenty of cheap fish around here.

[just-eat-something]

If you needed a reminder today that it's okay to eat food:

Food doesn't want to hurt you. Food wants you to live.

[just-eat-something]

diet culture translations I have inferred over the years:

calorie bomb = a satiating snack that is not enough to actually nourish you

intermittent fasting = self-harm through starvation (a method of "earning" food)

willpower = self-hatred that can and will traumatize your mind as well as your body

empty calories = food that isn't trendy at the organics store, but usually something with starch or gluten

moderation = see intermittent fasting

health concerns = fatphobia

"I'm feeling so much healthier now that I've lost weight!" = "People treat me like a human being now and for some reason that doesn't make me want to bite them in rage!"

[just-eat-something]

kill the shift manager in your brain

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but what if.

what IF.

I fry some potatoes in the sausage grease tomorrow morning?

[just-eat-something]

oh my god i figured it out

okay so it took an accident of me not checking on it, but I FINALLY figured out why I wasn't getting enough loft on my bread:

I was NOT giving enough time for yeast/bacteria production.

So if I do my other bread recipe's 4 hour levain development, then follow the pullman's recipe and do about an hour and a half initial rise (with stretch and folds) with a one hour final rest and rise, I get something like this:

okay that rose in the oven but like. not a whole lot, yknow?

tried again, a little longer on the levain, but this time I tried to do the final rest/rise in the fridge overnight like when you have an overnight ferment on a classic sourdough

oh that's a lot better! but the recipe is for a PULLMAN'S loaf, it should be square as possible, am I using enough ingredients?

NO I WAS. I JUST WASNT GIVING ALL THE TIMES ENOUGH TIME

this time I let the levain (40-50g starter, 35g whole wheat flour, 35g AP flour, 70 mL water) develop for like six and a half hours in a proofer or a slightly warmed oven.

pour levain into a stand mixer if you've got one, bowl if you dont. Mix in sugar (35g) and warm water (400mL). Let that sit for the usual half hour in proofer.

add flour (600ish grams total, i often do about a third whole wheat to two thirds AP), 5g salt, 80-90g fat of choice (butter, margarine, etc). I put it in the stand mixer for around 10 minutes on low. (this is a REALLY old stand mixer so it CAN go real slow- do 7-8 min on lowest setting on a modern mixer, 15 min if you wanna do a hand knead)

cover and put in proofer. As usual I did 4 stretch and folds at half hour intervals, but on the final interval I forgot about the timer- it was left in the bowl for around a full hour after the last fold rather than the planned half hour.

by the time I checked on it, it rose WAY more than i was expecting it to. Decided to roll with it (lol), greased the pullman's pan (butter if no one's allergic, margarine otherwise), flattened, rolled up the dough, plopped it in and slid on the lid.

Did the final rest for two full hours in proofing temps, then baked at 350-60ish for a half hour with the lid slid on, 15 min with the lid off.

so, all in all: the ideal loaf of pullman's sourdough starts when you wake up and comes out around dark lunch.

not practical but hey! an interesting study to be sure

[just-eat-something]

this is genuinely a very very good recipe. Just drain your meat well, otherwise the muffins will be very very damp.