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jussanotherbeautifullie · 5 years

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“I’ve always felt like if I wasn’t extremely careful I could fall into this dark abyss that resides beneath my feet

Day in and day out the battle continues me against me neither accepting defeat

I fight with myself about this and then fight about that

I fight about taking a back road or staying on the right path

Blind leading the blind neither having a clue

Taking the scenic route but never opening my eyes to enjoy the view

Half of me is shy and polite The other outspoken ready to fight

Half of me is calm and confident

The other scared/nervous when given a compliment

From a young age I knew I wasn’t like the rest

The knowledge of this left me scared and stressed

I silence the thoughts that reside inside my head

Respecting the fact that if I listen I could easily end up dead

Careful with myself and with others

Learning to especially be careful with them 2 face fuckers

Careful with my thoughts and the words I speak

If someone hits u always hit back don’t ever turn your cheek

Careful of them wolves wearing sheeps clothing

Figure out the fine line between love and loathing

Dearest “friends” with bad intentions

The leaches that dwell to feed their addictions

Careful with my emotions even more so with my actions

Careful when being tempted by devils distractions

Always looking up trying to balance heart, mind, logic, and emotion

Unfortunately I have found no elixir or magical potion

Continuously reminding myself to never look down to never give in

Regardless how very still I stand my head continues to spin

Look up Look up these 2 words carved into my brain

Stuck on repeat I think I may be going insane

Only when the wind picks up I think to pray

Back and forth beneath my feet I feel the tightrope sway

Get a grip

Open your eyes

Know the difference between truth and lies

Pull yourself together

Stop being a little bitch

It I only came with an instruction manual and an off switch

Wake up from this dream

Things aren’t what they seem

Learning to place one foot in front of the other

Walk away from the voices of another

It’s hard to decide to whom you will remain true

Remember I’m split down the middle I’m cut in two

I do know the difference between good and bad right and wrong

I’ve danced my entire life to this same damn song

A song bird sings in the distance with lyrics trying to persuade me to change my mind

Promises to put an end to all the confusion if I Just sign on the dotted line

Buy the ticket take the ride

No longer in the drivers seat I’m on the passenger side

Sometimes looking down is the only way to quench my thirst

Staring into the eye of the abyss and jumping in head first

At times I feel nothing but I want to feel the pain

Does that make me a little crazy possibly insane??

I want to do the right thing and for the most part I think I do

But sometimes I want to make wrong decisions and be bad does that make me wrong and a bad person too?

So many days or like the one before

I want something different I need something more

I want to experience pain as much as I want to experience pleasure

Rainbows only come out to play after bad weather

I want to embrace the bad as much as I want to embrace the good

I want to understand but I want to be misunderstood

I want to speak my mind but I bite my bottom lip

Some days for no reason I’ll scream I sunk your battleship

I want to be an open book and remain true to myself

My biggest fear is once you start flipping through my pages you will put me back on the shelf

I learned long ago not to fear the monsters under my bed

The ones needing to be feared are the silent ones whom reside in my head

My monsters and I are one in the same

I have voices in my head and that does not make me ashame

I will never be an angel nor do I want to be

I like the person I am and that includes the devil residing in me

Every day I am better than the one before

Still careful with my thoughts and actions

Learning to think before I speak holding of on my initial reactions

Never forgetting that I’m split in two

Never being anything to myself but true

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#poetryportal

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