jupiterinmars

[jupiterinmars]

Cameras.

Taurus: Guys, I went to ask for a job at a 7-Eleven.

Taurus: They didn't even give me the interview, but they told me I couldn't ask for a job there.

Virgo: Why?

Taurus: They showed me a video of me stealing fries.

Taurus: They told me they could not employ me for that reason.

Taurus: And then they charged me for the fries.

Libra: Aw, poor ugly little thing.

Gemini: HASDHSAHIHDSJKHAKH.

Yeah, I'm still alive... see you in five months ✌️😘.

[jupiterinmars]

“I’m not afraid of Tuesdays or Friday 13th, to me it all comes out like hell any day.”

— Cancer, Virgo & Capricorn.

[jupiterinmars]

Extra consideration.

Gemini: Hello baby boy.

Gemini: Can I call you that?

Aries: No.

Gemini: Come on, boss, I just need a day off.

Gemini: Please.

[jupiterinmars]

Reflection.

Virgo: Isn't it weird how we pay to see other people?

Scorpio: What do you mean? Dating, going out with friends, or prostitution?

Virgo: Glasses.

Scorpio: Oh…

[jupiterinmars]

Delibery.

Sagittarius: Hey, what happened to my order?

Sagittarius: It said on the platform that it would arrive in 10 minutes, and it's been half an hour.

Virgo: Calm down, sir, just because the delivery man is 20 minutes late doesn't mean the world is going to end.

Virgo: Cancel the order if the delay bothers you so much.

Virgo: And stop throwing a tantrum.

Sagittarius: NO, I will not cancel the order.

Sagittarius: I PAID FOR A COLOSSUS DONUT, AND I WILL GET MY COLOSSUS DONUT!

Virgo: You don't scare us fatso.

[jupiterinmars]

Threat.

Cancer: Look, dude, I'm not trying to scare you, but my aunt knows witchcraft and she taught me a few things.

Cancer: So, let's do this the easy way, and pass us the f*cking answers if you don't want me to do you evil.

Capricorn: Are you serious?

Gemini: HAHAJHAAHAHS *dies*

Libra: Oh God...

Taurus: Um... u ok?

Scorpio: Was that sarcasm or something?

[jupiterinmars]

Average student.

Capricorn: Good evening, Sagittarius.

Capricorn: I know it is late, but I have come to inform you of something.

Capricorn: If you want to present your work correctly, then change the introduction.

Capricorn: And remove those images that have nothing to do with it.

Sagittarius: Why?

Sagittarius: I thought it was okay.

Capricorn: Is this okay for you?

Capricorn:

(The image belongs to a friend, credits to her, I do not name her because she does not have tumblr).

[jupiterinmars]

Importance of Bees.

Gemini: In conclusion, take care of the bees.

Gemini: They are very important for the planet.

Gemini: They are the means by which plants fuck.

Gemini: And without them, human beings would become extinct in an average of four years... That's all.

Capricorn: [Resigned to the possibility that his students will give him good work].

[jupiterinmars]

The big sad.

Capricorn: Taurus, I already read the report you sent me.

Capricorn: You can't expound that eating doughnuts saved you from depression.

Taurus: Why?

[jupiterinmars]

Survey.

Libra: Hey, time for a random survey.

Libra: Where would you be if you had done everything you wanted?

Scorpio: In prison.

Virgo: In a worse situation, possibly.

Cancer: Buried ten feet under.

Taurus: Okay, I guess.

Pisces: Maybe in a mental asylum.

Capricorn: I’d really be the same shit.

[jupiterinmars]

Song.

Aquarius: So... have you listened to the song yet?

Aries: Yep.

Aquarius: So, what'd you think?

Aries: I loved it so much that I can't stop repeating it.

Aries: How did you find it or know it?

Aquarius: It was thanks to a bird.

Aries: What?

Aquarius: Yes, it was literally thanks to a bird.

Aquarius: I was bored looking at my phone, sitting on a park bench when a bird poop landed on my phone.

Aquarius: Then, trying to clear the screen it typed in a random word and that's how I found the song.

Aries: Hahaha, it was literally random shit.

[jupiterinmars]

Crave.

Leo: I crave fried chicken.

Leo: But I don't like chicken.

Leo: Is there a substitute for chicken?

Libra: Turkey.

Leo: I don't like turkey either.

Libra: And how come you're craving fried chicken if you don't like it?

Leo: I just craved it.

Leo: Don't look for an explanation or logic.

Leo: It just happened.

[jupiterinmars]

Alert.

Aquarius: GUYS, HELP.

Leo: What happened?

Capricorn: What did you do now?

Virgo: Why?

Cancer: What?

Aries: ?

Aquarius: The security system I have installed in my house detected a baby crying.

Aquarius: I DON'T HAVE BABIES AT HOME.

Capricorn: Uh…?

Leo: Panic.

Taurus: Fear.

Virgo: Ok, bye.

Sagittarius: Whoa, bro, that's it, you died, you went to shit.

Gemini: Run.

Aries: Oh, shit…

Libra: Go deal with the demon in your house.

Pisces: GET OUT OF THERE.

Cancer: What the…

Scorpio: Start praying.

Pisces: MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE.

[jupiterinmars]

Body parts.

Taurus: Hey.

Taurus: Can you help me with my homework?

Scorpio: Hmm… Okay, fine, just this once.

Scorpio: What's the homework?

Taurus: Anatomy, body parts.

Taurus: First question.

Taurus: How many parts is the human body divided into?

Scorpio: Well, that's a little tricky.

Scorpio: Depends on what cuts you want to make and where.

Taurus: Okay, that's enough.

Taurus: I'll go get help elsewhere.

[jupiterinmars]

Horror story.

Aries: Want to hear a TRUE horror story?

Aries: Well, let me tell you one that almost made me pee my pants.

Leo: Go ahead.

Taurus: Let's see, I'm interested in that one, since I've never seen you scared.

Libra: Actually, I'm interested in that story too, so tell us about it.

Aries: Yesterday, as I was about to fall asleep, I heard my guitar strings start to play by themselves.

Aries: And I said "great, the spirits have put together a little band and have come to dedicate a concert to me," so I turned on a flashlight and…

Leo: And what?

Taurus: WHAT!?

Aries: There was a giant fucking mutant cockroach on top of my guitar, THE WORST THING WAS WHEN THE THING STARTED FLYING AT ME.

Aries: I screamed like a little girl and then I died.

Leo: AH!!! GROSS!!!

Taurus: Fuck it, gross!

Libra: Inspiring.

[jupiterinmars]

Winnie the Pooh.

Sagittarius: Hey.

Sagittarius: Can I ask you something?

Virgo: Sure, man.

Sagittarius: Well, you're a psychologist, so...

Sagittarius: You see, I was doing a test on the Internet.

Sagittarius: About which Winnie the Pooh character I am.

Sagittarius: And I got Eeyore.

Sagittarius: Am I that depressive and pessimistic type?

Sagittarius: I mean, it's just that I wanted to be Tigger, to tell the truth.

Sagittarius: So, couldn't you give me some therapies to see if I'm really like Eeyore?

Virgo: HAHAHAHAHAH, are you serious?

[jupiterinmars]

Nap.

Pisces: Don't assume things that are not.

Pisces: I was sleeping.

Pisces: Now that I'm up, I'll ask him.

Leo: Oh, I woke you up.

Leo: Hahaha, sorry.

Leo: It's just that since it's three in the afternoon, I thought you were already wide awake.

Leo: Anyway, don't you think it's pretty late? When were you planning to get up?

Pisces: Hey, you don't know anything about me.

Pisces: What I live or what happens to me.