joyless-somebody

[joyless-somebody]

Queen Fuckuary Day 5

Prompt: Leather

Video shoots were always tedious and slightly embarrassing but this one seemed to be the worst. The production crew had taken the ‘Elvis-inspired’ idea and ran with it, putting them all in tight leather trousers which left very little to the imagination. Especially when it comes to seeing your on-again-off-again friend with benefits dressed head to toe in leather.

Maybe it was going to be a bit more Elvis than they’d first thought.

The first break they had, Freddie practically dragged Brian by the lapel into the nearest toilets and started on un-buttoning his trousers. Brian just stood there smirking and let him get on with it until he turned around, ass out and pushing towards him.

“No pants, babe?” He chuckled as Freddie blindly swatted back at him.

“Ruins the look, now get on with it.” He pushed his ass back and leaned his head against the door as Brian lined himself up and shoved inside him in one move, “Fuck, I forget how big you are.”

“You won’t forget for a while after this, trust me.” Brian held onto his hips and slowly started to pull out before shoving back inside.

The leather rubbed against Freddie’s ass as the pace slowly increased, until the door rattled and Brian hit that perfect spot every time. “You look so good… so fucking good.” Brian pressed small kisses on his shoulder, working up to just behind his ear, “Come on, come on, I’m so close.”

Neither of them could hold their moans as Brian took Freddie’s cock and gave it a few strokes, both so close to cumming, “Go on, baby, come on.”

Brian was first and stifled his noises in Freddie’s shoulder as he pushed in as far as he could, painting his insides with hot cum, then pulled out as soon as he was done. He pulled Freddie’s trousers back up and carried on stroking him, forcing him to cum in his trousers.

He tried to hold back but the feeling of Brian’s cum in his ass and the hand on his cock ripped the orgasm out of Freddie before he could stop it. He came, hard, and immediately Brian’s hand withdrew and buttoned him back up, leaving him using the door as support where his legs nearly gave out.

“Good, you alright?” Brian hooked an arm around his waist as he caught his breath and nodded, “Come on then, they’re probably waiting for us.”

[joyless-somebody]

Queen Fuckuary Day 2

Prompt: Cockwarming

Gentle music echoed around Garden Lodge, filling the space with the calming tinkling of the piano.

Roger knelt underneath the piano, his mouth warm and wet around Freddie’s cock and Freddie’s leg ever so gently rubbing against his own painfully hard cock. He tried his hardest to stay still but the barely-there touch was slowly driving him mad. If he could just move so-

Clunk

Freddie leaned back, looking at the blonde mop of hair in his lap, “Darling, you have to stop moving. You’re making me lose my place.”

No response, only the tiniest swallow.

Freddie weaved his fingers into the blonde locks and gently pulled, forcing Roger off his cock, “I’m sorry. I promise I’ll stay still.”

“One more move and you won’t get another chance, alright?” He felt more than saw Roger’s nod before he let go. Roger gave his tip a kiss then swallowed it halfway, shifting a couple of times to get comfortable again and resting his head on Freddie’s thigh, “Good.”

[joyless-somebody]

Queen Fuckuary 2024 Day 1

Prompt: Sex Swing

“And the bedroom, just to your right. It’s not much but, y’know.” John shoved his hands in his pockets as Brian pushed open the door, leading the four of them in, “We’ve not had time to properly wallpaper it yet but Ronnie’s got some swatches up.”

The three of them took in the room as John stayed on the landing and watched the three of them survey the room. It’s taped-on scraps of wallpaper, holey carpet and wads of blankets on the floor in place of a bed and seemed to impress. Freddie and Roger disappeared behind the door, probably looking at the paper taped up there, and eventually Roger made his way around the whole room.

“Which one you thinking of going with?” Roger pointed at the scraps on the furthest wall and John poked his head past Brian, holding onto the door for stability.

“Uhh, I think that one’s the favourite so far,” he pointed at the blue-green paisley print, “She thinks it’ll brighten up the room but-“ he stopped as the door started pushing back against him.

Brian was covering his mouth with his hand and obviously laughing and looking just the other side of the door. John’s stomach dropped when he realised what Freddie had found and was promptly jumping into, grinning.

Freddie put his legs through the stirrups, shaking his hair out of his face and holding onto the straps, “Comfy. Seems like you’ve got your priorities straight, dear.”

Roger put his hands on Freddie’s waist and wiggled his hips as Freddie stretched out his legs and threw his head back, “Oh yes! I bet this makes it a lot easier.” The three of them giggled as John’s face turned red.

“It, um, it was a joke present. Ron thought it was a storage thing.” He lied and Roger doubled over with laughter, leaving Freddie flailing with one leg stuck in the stirrup.

He managed to kick his way out of it, narrowly missing Roger’s head with his heel, and straightened up his jacket, “Sure, darling. How about you show us the rest of the house?”

“That… that would be good, yep.”

[joyless-somebody]

Queen Fuckuary 2024

This year is a leap year, and what better way to enjoy it than by having a month of prompts that are all naughty? All Queen-related ships are welcome!

🍆 Information

This is an 18+ / NSFW Event All art forms are welcome! Do as many or as few days as you'd like - create to your hearts' content! Tag @queen-fuckuary in your entries Upload to our collection on AO3 (link to be posted) Delete all hate and do not interact

[joyless-somebody]

Happy new year! This year, I’m going to try to write (and maybe post?) more consistently so look forward to that!

In the meantime, shameless smut for you :D

[joyless-somebody]

Good Omentober

1 - Pre-fall

2 - Stars

3 - The Fall

4 - Hell

5 - Heaven

6 - The Bentley

7 - A.Z. Fell & Co.

8 - Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death

9 - Gabriel

10 - Beelzebub

11 - Aziraphale

12 - Crowley

13 - Muriel

14 - Flies

15 - Snakes

16 - Eden

17 - Apples

18 - Books

19 - Wings

20 - Holy Water

21 - Hellfire

22 - Horns

23 - Candles

24 - The Antichrist

25- The Them

26 - Hellhound

27 - Magic

28 - Goats

29 - Zombies

30 - 1947

31 - Outfit Swap

+ an extra! - Party

[joyless-somebody]

Poly Queen Masterlist

Poly!Queen Week 2019

Day 1 - Breathless

Day 2 - Where Are They?

Day 3 - Too Much

Day 4 - The Baby!

Day 5 - What If I Don’t Like Me?

Day 6 - It Screams?!

Day 7 - The Prettiest Angel

[joyless-somebody]

Deacury (John Deacon/Freddie Mercury) Masterlist

One In A Million

Deacury Week 2019

Day 1 - Growing Old Together

Day 2 - Goodbye Old Friend

Day 3 - Sleeping Beauty

Day 4 - Here Comes The Bride

Day 5 - I Can’t Get Sick

[joyless-somebody]

Joger (John Deacon/Roger Taylor) Masterlist

Look At You (For the Fem Queen Weekend 2023)

Queen Through The Seasons Challenge 2021

Love Is Seen But Never Heard (and the original)

Joger Week 2019

Day 1 - Save Me

Day 2 - My New Jacket

Day 3 - Just A Glass

Day 4 - Bad Fashion

Day 5 - Wii Are The Champions

Day 6 - Steven? No, Jerry

Day 7 - Perfect

[joyless-somebody]

Froger (Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor) Masterlist

Froger Week 2020

Day 1 - You Be Me And I’ll Be You

Day 2 - Seven Times?!

Day 3 - Broken Wing

Day 4 - Who Would’ve Thought

Froger Week 2019

Day 1 - It Hurts

Day 2 - Splish Splash

Day 3 - My Human

Day 4 - Good Boy

Day 5 - Are You Ill?

Day 6 - Cutest Bat Around

Day 7 - Surprise!

[joyless-somebody]

Jimercury (Jim/Freddie) Masterlist

Jimercury Week 2020

Day 1 - Bear

Day 2 - Love You All Over Again

Day 3 - A Winter’s Tale

Day 4 - Granny Panties?

Day 5 - Furbabies

Day 6 - Giant Sloths!

[joyless-somebody]

Hey, this is a masterlist!

Find me on AO3!

Daredevil

Devil On My Windowsill

It helps

Too Close For Comfort

We’re Having Soft Tacos Later

Good Omens

Good Omentober

Queen

Joger (John Deacon/Roger Taylor)

Deacury (John Deacon/Freddie Mercury)

Froger (Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor)

Jimercury (Jim Hutton/Freddie Mercury)

Maylor (Brian May/Roger Taylor)

Poly Queen

Miscellaneous - My Angel (also on Wattpad), The Dentist Will See You Now, Queen Oneshots (only on Wattpad)

Spider-Man (and Deadpool)

Spider-Man Vs The Common Cold

Put Me Down!

[joyless-somebody]

Maylor (Brian/Roger) Masterlist

Not Your Ordinary Girl

Mama I’m In Love With A Criminal

Newfangled Gadgets

An Unlikely Pair

Those Three Little Words originally on Wattpad

The Baby Albums originally on Wattpad

Growing Old With You originally on Wattpad

Maylor Week 2019

Day 1 - When I Look, And I Find… No Change

Day 2 - Cold Feet!

Day 3 - What About The Windows?

Day 4 - If The Shoe Fits

Day 5 - Baby It’s Cold Outside

Day 6 - She Is Beauty, She Is Grace

Day 7 - This Is Weird

[joyless-somebody]

Day 15 - Snakes

“My dear, I’m so glad to have you back. Let me make you some tea, sit down.” Aziraphale forced a smile and gestured at the chair when Crowley only stared at him, frowning.

They pulled off their glasses and set them down on the little statue, seeing how Aziraphale avoided looking at them now, “Why are you acting like that? What are you hiding?”

“I’m not hiding anything, why would you think that?” He miracled up a little teacup and saucer and desperately tried to push it into their hands. When they eventually took it, he rushed off towards the back room like his arse was on fire, “Please, sit down. You’ve been away for a while and I’ve- it would be nice to catch up, don’t you think? I’ll be back in a tick.”

“Aziraphale, what have you got back there?”

“Nothing! Would you like some wine as well? I can get it if you want.” He just got to the door when he realised Crowley had followed, teacup still in hand, and they were just waiting for him to open the door.

“Go on, angel. If you’ve got nothing to hide, open it.” They put their hand on the handle and inched the latch open until the door started to move.

Aziraphale looked like a deer in headlights, “Please! No, it’s private! It’s- Crowley!” The door swung open and he attempted to block their view with his body. It was no use, he just ended up stumbling into the room and having to stand right in front of Crowley as they processed what they were seeing.

The room was filled with snakes. Huge, black, snakes. There were seven in total and each had its own little enclosure filled with twigs and rocks and plants, everything a little snake could want.

Crowley stood in the doorway as Aziraphale’s cheeks turned redder than anything, “Uhh angel? What’s all this?”

“It’s nothing! Please, Crowley, this is so demeaning.”

“No, I’d like to know why you’ve got a shitload of snakes in your back room. Is that such a hard question to answer?” Crowley was on the verge of laughter as Aziraphale mumbled something under his breath, eyes locked with the floor, “What was that?”

“I missed you, okay? I got lonely and they remind me of you.”

“Because I’m a snake?”

The angel nodded, cheeks on fire.

Crowley laughed, getting closer to one of the enclosures where the snake was curled up under a heat lamp, “Angel, I was only gone for two weeks!”

“Felt like a very long two weeks.”

[joyless-somebody]

Day 13 - Muriel

As soon as they were assigned the task of going to Earth to suss out about the miracle, she decided to research as much as they could about humans. Eventually, they found that some humans were allowed to monitor other humans if they were dressed as a ‘police officer’ and none of them would find it strange. In fact, it almost seemed to be the police officer’s only job to monitor other humans. So, it was perfect.

“‘Ello ‘ello ‘ello, what’s all this, then?” The human man did a funny little curtsy so Muriel copied, finding herself almost losing balance. She was determined to blend in perfectly and practiced it over and over until they were sure it looked just like the real thing. It was much harder than they’d expected but, in the end, her knees got tired and they decided it looked good enough. Anyway, humans weren’t perfect themselves so a slightly sloppy curtsy shouldn’t stick out.

Now, the only thing missing was the clothes and, as per their research, they miracled up the outfit of an inspector. They were supposedly even more inconspicuous than a regular police officer so it may allow them into the more private areas of the bookshop.

They looked at themself in the reflection and smiled brightly, “They won’t suspect a thing! ‘Ello ‘ello ‘ello,” She practiced the curtsy again, bending slightly at the knee and bobbing back up, “What’s all this, then? Perfect!”

They had no idea how that demon Crowley worked out so quickly they weren’t a real human police officer, she curtsied perfectly!

[joyless-somebody]

Day 7 - A.Z. Fell & Co

“Good morning. Could you tell me where to find a Mr A.Z. Fell?” Crowley held out a small piece of paper to the gentleman who lit up with a smile.

“Mr Fell, the bookseller. He’s just around this corner there.” The gentleman pointed along a fairly quiet street, “I’m not sure if he’s open, mind you, he’s quite unreliable with his hours.”

“Thank you.” Crowley tipped their hat and put on the smallest smile in return before heading in the right direction. It took them all of a minute to find the bookshop but they decided to stand across the street for a short while, just so they could be sure it was their own Mr Fell and not another one. The sign reading ‘A.Z. Fell & Co’ was a pretty obvious clue but they just wanted to be sure.

The curtains were drawn and there was no light or movement from inside but they were sure that it was just to scare off any prospective customers. Aziraphale had talked at length about wanting to own a bookshop but it seemed he wanted more to own a book museum, the way he wanted to preserve everything.

They knocked on the door and stepped back. The door opened slightly and Aziraphale poked his head out, nose still stuck in a book, “I’m terribly sorry, we’re not open-” he looked up and pulled off his reading glasses, “I say, Crowley, what are you doing here?”

“Thought I’d pay you a visit, see if I can thwart all the good you’re doing.” They smiled and tipped their hat as Aziraphale opened the door wider, obviously to let them in.

Crowley stayed, arms crossed and eyebrows raised, at the threshold as Aziraphale prattled on about something. He didn’t even realise Crowley hadn’t followed until he turned and looked awfully confused for a second, “Oh! You can come in, just wipe your feet, will you? These are new rugs.”

They stepped in, closing their eyes and bracing for some invisible force to catapult them across the country which never came. At least, not yet. Maybe it was slightly farther in.

They took off their hat and wiped their feet on the small rug by the door whilst Aziraphale locked the door and peered out of the curtains as if he was doing something scandalous. Well, technically he was but they didn’t mention it.

“Where have you been all this time, Crowley? I haven’t seen you since…” Aziraphale took their coat and top hat, placing them on a coatrack.

“Edinburgh. 1827, I think.” They filled in, “I’ve only just woken up, angel. Nice bookshop, is it new?”

Aziraphale blushed, “Thank you. I’ve sold exactly three books in forty years and my collection is growing by the day.”

“How wonderful.” Crowley looked around, taking in the overflowing shelves and stacks of books on small side tables, as Aziraphale took their arm and walked them around to point out his most prized books.

They attempted to keep their expressions neutral but a small smile graced their lips seeing Aziraphale surrounded by the humanly things he loved and hearing him talk so passionately. It was just… how it was meant to be.

[joyless-somebody]

Day 3 - The Fall

The angel, soon to be named Crowley, was surveying their work as they set the last fledgling star in its place. Their universe was expansive and beautiful and they couldn’t be prouder. Shame it wasn’t going to last, really.

They turned and found themself stopped by a small ball of light, almost making them squint from how bright it was. They thought it was a misplaced star before it spoke, “I am the Voice of God. How has star production been coming along?”

“Lovely, I’ve heard whispers that all this,” they gestured vaguely at the entire universe around them, “is really only intended to sit here and look pretty for the, uh, what are they called?”

“Humans. On Earth.”

“Yes, those. I’m not quite sure why we decided to make it, then. And, really, if it’s only going to be around for a couple thousand years, I might as well have not made it to begin with!” They laughed humourlessly, “Why does the Almighty need such a big universe if none of it is going to be used?”

The ‘voice of God’ suddenly sounded quite aggressive, “Perhaps you shouldn’t have made it, no. But it is what the Almighty planned and who are we to question Him? That being said, your services are no longer required in star production and this… new attitude isn’t becoming of an angel.”

“No- please, can I just talk to the Almighty? I’m sure She will understand-”

“To talk to me is to talk to the Almighty. And He does not appreciate your attitude, either.”

They knew where this conversation was going. They’d seen it time and time again with angels who put even a hair out of line, “Please… I just want to understand!”

“The Great Plan is not to be understood. You, of all of us, should know that.” The Voice of God gently poked them in the chest, “The Almighty has had Her eye on you, in particular, and She has decided your questioning is unacceptable.”

“What?”

It felt as though the floor dropped from underneath them. They screamed, desperately trying to grasp at something as they plummeted further than they ever thought existed. Into the pits of the universe. To where the damned belonged.

They hit the ground. The burning started immediately. They writhed in pain and screamed out for help, hoping, praying, that someone would be around to snap them out of this nightmare. “No… no, no, no!” They sobbed, plucking feather after feather in the hopes that they’d be able to preserve the perfect white. They held them in clasped hands and lifted them to the sky, “Please! No, please!”

They could barely see them through the tears and the pain but, eventually, each feather blackened and fell apart, leaving their clasped hands empty. “What’s… happening to me? Please, I didn’t do anything wrong.”

A grimy, dishevelled looking demon peered over them, “Welcome to Hell. You get used to it after a while.”