journallingweeks

[journallingweeks]

how i wanna feel!

I want to feel relaxed, in good humour (everything is light, funny, interesting), sensory-aware - my feet on the ground, soft skin, clean shiny hair. I want to feel girly and light and self-assured. I want to feel giddy in interesting conversation with my friends. I want to take fun pics and get dressed up!!! I want to sleep in with no alarm and no notifications. I want to read anything and it goes over my head - good or bad - neutral - nervous system just completely relaxed!!!!!

[journallingweeks]

positive evidence

+ I've made more so far this year (mid april) than I have in entire years before.

+ There is visible difference in my before-and-afters that I've lost weight off my hips - my boobs feel smaller, my face looks thinner.

+ Even if I lost all my clients in the morning, the worst case scenario would be having to find a remote marketing job (you leave at 5 and never worry again about taxes, when you're off you're off).

+ I have RAVING reviews from my clients.

+ We have a house, extremely affordable rent. We are unaffected by the housing crisis. We could stay here for 10 years or as long as we ever wanted.

+ The pressure is fake and only coming from me. I have EVERY reason to relax and have fun

[journallingweeks]

visualisation and embodiment

Bring back earnestness. I want to read a book about how to embody the *feeling* of what you want. Because ultimately, that's all we actually ever want - we want things because of how we think they'll make us feel. But you have permission to *feel* that whenever you want.

How do I want to feel? I want to feel money is no issue (it isn't), that I am gorgeous (I am), that I am recognised for being talented and valuable (I am!) and that I am on the right track (I am). I want to feel relax, I want to feel ease. I want to walk around barefoot with a glass of wine and think ahhhhh

And like, once you focus your energy on feeling this way, it can come to be. Deep breathing, massaging my feet together, freshly shaved, tanned, hair washed, outfit clean, smelling amazing. Lips blushed, teeth whitened, eyebrows looking class. The cutest airport outfit you've ever seen in your life.

Let's address the main concern: work would flop and I'd have to work again (SO WHAT!!!!) I would likely find a remote job AND in the meantime, jobseekers is fucking loads, and I have LOADS of what I wanted already. I don't even really wish for anything else. THERE IS SO MUCH REASON TO BE RELAXED

[journallingweeks]

MORE EASE!!!

Honest to god it's like I have a stick up my ass the last month. I keep nervously ruminating - even furiously thinking about how all my clients are crazy and takers. The reality of the situation is: it's not that fucking deep, ever - I just need to journal, and maybe to get like a good insta pic.

Reading back on my own entries makes me feel so much better- I often forget how far I've come. I'm en route to make anywhere between 5.5K and 7K this month and I'm going around like a maniac saying that work is quiet. It isn't, I've just gotten greedy. I read back on article from July saying I was DELIGHTED with the money I was making. My lowest month this year so far could be 5.5K - which would still be a 66K salary - literally more than I could've DREAMED of before. All with total control of hours, holidays - I sleep in til 8am/9am most days, get my nails done whenever I want, shop constantly, all meals and snacks from home, loads of time to do whatever I please. This fake rush is literally self-sabotage - at the end of the day - my expenses are BEYOND covered and I wouldn't even really have to worry. I can just ENJOY myself. That is what life is for.

The intention of this entry is to consciously relax. The evidence is there - things are BEYOND good. I have good REASON to feel fucking relaxed. I've made more so far this year than I did in the *entire* year of 2023/2022, my first salary (which was actually, still quite good). I am in SUCH A GOOD POSITION

[journallingweeks]

my vision board + goals for 2025

Okay, to start:

January: Lisbon. February: 75 Hard (2x workouts a day, 3L water, supplements, whole foods diet!). April: Paris!. May: Fitness Buzz, Save, Hire?

They're my plans so far. As an overarching theme: I want to explore what it's like to live in European cities, and have fun as a self-employed 27 year old girl!!! I want to get in the best shape of my life and finally take my health seriously! I want to hire someone and begin to build out a team. I want to become better at my job; more intentional, more results-driven - learning, always! I want to feel more playful and more fun, invite in more ease whilst staying intention - believing life *is* sexy!!!

And IDENTITY work!!! Healthy from the inside out, wardrobe popping off, professionally popping off also. Also, to nurture my more spiritual side - to trust more in the universe, that things work out better that I could've ever imagined (which is a running theme for me!!)

I separated my board into two parts: fun and goals. (which are obviously integral to eachother!) The first side: travelling, girls trips, rimowa!!, focusing on taking care of myself and feeling gorgeous and light, tapas wine evenings and getting dolled. The second is: multicoloured plates, hiring, MOVEMENT!, 75 hard, early nights, wellness routines!! And constantly balancing between the two!!

[journallingweeks]

What a HUGE year.

I started the year in Bangkok. I felt homesick and generally terrible, as my granny had died days before we flew off to begin our journey across South-East Asia, and Bangkok is totally mental.

I am trying to remember how exactly I was feeling. I can remember feeling like I was supposed to be feeling a certain way, but that I wasn't sure what it was.. I remember feeling like I wanted to be having fun for L*ke. I also remember distinctly, feeling an overwhelming feeling to go shopping, to feel immediately better or more normal.

Between Thailand, Vietnam and Bali, it was an incredible experience (a month in each). It was surreal and made me feel really tiny (in the grander scheme of things). I remember reading The Body Keeps the Score, and developing this sick feeling that, no matter what age I was or how long away I was from home, I will have to face my feelings around childhood and my memories in D**rpark, and will probably spend a large portion of my life trying to make sense of those years, and the effects they had. I don't want to think of this as a sad thing, or anything negative in particular - more so, people speak about 'finding themselves' when away for months, and that is a small thing I felt I 'found'.

In a way, I found I learned a lot about myself throughout travelling, some of which are uncomfortable truths - I am a homebird. It's painfully unsexy to admit - I am just happiest in the environment in which I know best - in a routine, tanning, shopping, with everyday luxuries. I felt ALL out of sorts. I know you're supposed to enjoy this, but I found it difficult.

Bali, in particular, stood out to me in terms of that really surreal feeling that life is strange and larger than me. Probably because of the magic mushroom trip we went on, which again, I was mainly faced with memories and images of childhood, wondering and thinking about my parents and also my friendships. While we were experiencing this very intense trip, a cat was giving birth outside.

Alongside this discovery of self, I was also faced with the polar opposite - that there are *PICTURE* perfect girls living in Bali, and I'm not one of them - again! Not even really a bad thing. It just made me realise like, I can't seem to categorise myself into any real extreme. It just made me kind of wonder - what am I *like*?!

Once back on Irish soil, I felt my regular sense of self-assurance and confidence pretty immediately. I organised the purchase of my absolute dream car before I even left Bali - a beautiful beige 500!! Me and L*ke redecorated his place and we moved in together. I felt older and more myself, in the best way. I feel really grounded. I feel like I literally can't believe this is my life.

Work absolutely took off, mainly in the second half of the year. I finished on 59,216! (I am going to round this up mentally to 60K). I was asked to be a board member of women in stem. I launched my own website, and have worked with some dream clients. I underwent two courses of career coaching. I have genuinely treated myself to my absolute dream wishlist, regularly!!!

A huge part of the year was a whirr of working. I genuinely feel like I was living in a bubble of work, and that was all I was thinking about for months, until Christmas.

We had a wedding, which was beautiful and with literally all of our friends, and then I had my favourite Christmas I've had in years, renting an airbnb in C*stlegregory with my entire family. It was really gorgeous.

The year finished out by my first nephew being born today. I was so emotionally moved seeing how tiny and beautiful and new he is. I am exhausted now from it, from the day of it.

But what an insane year. I can't wait for 2025!!!!

[journallingweeks]

I want to reflect on my year

I am so tired, but there's a full moon tonight, Capricorn in new moon! and it's New Years Eve Eve. So I really want to take some time to reflect to bring things into perspective.

[journallingweeks]

[journallingweeks]

things I learned before 27 TBC

Do the identity work. You are exactly who you decide you are.

Learn quickly what will increase your independence (learning to drive, activities that you enjoy to do alone, having savings).

Intentionally design every aspect of your life: your job, your home, your friends, your boyfriend. Make intentional choices.

Pay close attention to how your body reacts to things: what you eat, how you move, how you feel and where - specifically in terms of inflammation.

Learn to self-soothe. Do not look externally for advice or words of comfort.

Do regular clear-outs of your surroundings. Audit what you own.

Develop a personal style - note what makes you feel good. Become clear on what vibe you want to give off and your personal brand.

Be personable. Focus on asking questions rather than talking about yourself. Remember details about people's lives and follow up on them.

Keep your nails short with a block colour. Tan once a week. Thinner brows suit my face better.

Learn what grounds you and find ways to do this anywhere.

The cleaner you are, the better you'll feel.

Consistently work hard. Get it done in the day!

Make sure all your metals match. (Fine gold jewellery that you can get wet).

Do not buy cheap fabrics- learn fabric composition and buy what will last and wear well.

[journallingweeks]

the two best situations to listen to music in are: 1. when you are in a state of limerence 2. when you're running

[journallingweeks]

What are 10 things you're really good at?

1. designing, 2. make-up, 3. creating outfits out of basics, 4. making my surroundings home-y, 5. self-soothing, 6. allowing people to talk about themselves, 7. building client relationships/rapport, 8. working to a deadline, 9. grounding work, 10. learning what does/doesnt suit me.

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2. What are your 3 strongest qualities?

Kindness, 2. Independence, 3. Work-Ethic.

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3. What are 5 physical features you love about yourself?

My face! 2. My hands/wrists. 3. My waist. 4. My collarbones. 5. My arms.

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4. What are you looking forward to this week?

Wednesday - going into town for lunch with my bf and looking to decorate for xmas!

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5. What are things you do regularly that make you feel good about yourself?

My make-up! 2. Going for long walks! 3. Long showers.

[journallingweeks]

My achievements this year:

Becoming sustainably self-employed.

Building consistent clients, solely through word-of-mouth.

Becoming debt-free (paid back a 3.5K loan and cleared my 500e overdraft).

Renovating this beautiful house that feels like home!

Buying my dream car, upfront. (A beautiful beige Fiat 500).

Having my highest paid year ever through self-employment - 46K so far (estimated to fall around 60K by end of year!!).

[journallingweeks]

Ultimately, and I feel I've said this before, feeling beautiful comes down to really simple things. Not holding onto water retention; feeling light/toned - being tanned and hairless. Having a simple, reliable make-up and skincare routine that work for you. Sleeping enough. Having a small collection of versatile, staple pieces, and then bringing in variation on how you style them. For example, my tiny little star earrings with a hairband - so cute! Having your nails/toes done. Layering with block colours. Knowing what kind of 'fit' suits you best (for me it's boxy/cropped fit with a low-rise jean. I have a super short torso. Collarbones and wrists exposed, nearly always).

Something I'm beginning to get into now too is having beautiful pyjamas. Wearing a body spray to bed and sleeping for 10 hours. I'd love to get all VS sets - again, carrying on the sentiment of having fewer things, but all of things are loved and *really* well minded.

How I like to mind my clothes: tags off, strong-smelling cleaning products, lint roller always, durable fabrics, crepe spray for shoes.

[journallingweeks]

Artists of San Francisco Ballet

Act 2 of Giselle

credits: Amy Osborne

[journallingweeks]

It's so interesting to read my previous journal entries. What's a shame is, I only journal when I'm unhappy or anxious.

I feel really good today, and grateful. I'm only journalling because I promised myself I'd do one full day without working, which I haven't done in a long time.

There are a couple of prompts I'd like to do to clear the head. I had such a beautiful head-clearing day, so I'd love to journal to wrap this up.

I spent the day clearing out my things and wardrobe. I am *so* happy in the direction my wardrobe has taken. I feel so confident in what I have - and have made a very strong capsule wardrobe (jeans down, bras down, t shirts, tanks and long sleeves down, coats down, boots down, shoe game *nearly down*, dresses down..!). And the same with my makeup.

Travelling has seriously helped me refine what I love. It's like - you can take a cabin suitcase to a desert island - find out quickly what your favourite things are.

Things feeling compact, durable, beautiful and understated. That is how I like my things to feel!

[journallingweeks]

Massaging my jaw too, I forgot that one. Jaw and general face- sinuses are huge one as well. A strange relief when I do this.

I love noting these experiences because it challenges the belief that I’m disconnected from myself. Sometimes I think: how much more connected do I want to be?!

A thought that grounds me too, is that I’ll always be honest with myself. I’ll never lie to myself, at least not internally. I am my own best friend in so many ways and it feels warm to know I’ll always have myself, and I’ll always have agency and choices

[journallingweeks]

Somatic experiences that resonate with me:

Grounding through my feet and noticing the sensations from them. Rubbing them together, fresh sports socks, exfoliating them, when they’re warm.

Lower back: heat applied to it, having it rubbed or stretched out.

My stomach, particularly lower: heat on it. Incredible. Massaging it. Holding something against it or a pressure on it.

My shoulders/traps area: massaging them. Again, heat is huge for me. Getting knots out….. incredible!!!

Rubbing the backs of my thighs or my hips. I do this out of habit sometimes when sitting down if naked? Something about it just feels kinda grounding