jonah-lee-poetry

[jonah-lee-poetry]

her- jonah

I hurt so much inside why do i feel like this again

I hurt so much

Why does my pain not matter

Is it because I'm hurting on the inside where nobody can see??

Why am i not taken seriously

“You're lazy”

“You're not depressed”

“Have you tried going outside”

“Just live laugh love”

I'm not lazy

I am depressed

Going outside won't help

And live laugh love isn't something i can do anymore

I can't live with my trauma

But i can't live without it

Just because i have past trauma doesn't mean I can't live laugh love

It's just harder to live laugh and love

I barely keep myself alive, i only laugh to hide my pain

And i cant love myself when i think its my fault it happened to me

I hurt

So much

And nobody

Sees it

I'm not tired i'm depressed

I'm not sleeping because every thought i think

Is harmful to myself

I shouldn't be thinking about that but i am

It hurts so much to think there was something i could have done to keep her here and living

But i couldn't

I couldn't stop thinking about that day

1st mod

“She's gone”

I could have stayed with her

I could have held her close

I could have…

I could do something to keep her but i didn't

I couldn't

I didn't know

Because she never said

And now she's gone

“Sleeping pills”

“Too many antidepressants”

She was numb and hurting at the same time

And i was too blind to notice

She was falling and falling and i couldn't do anything but watch as she fell into the abyss

The deep dark abyss

Why couldn't i have just stayed

She hugged me

“I love you” she said

I hope she's home now with no pain in her heart

No soul to be broken

Why didn't she tell me

Now it's my fault

I should have stayed

I hurt inside

To think there was something I could have done and didn't do it

Would she still be here if i stayed

Or would she die after

“Please stay, skip this one class and stay with me”

And i told her i couldn't

“Pleaseee”

Hugged her and walked off

I barely heard her I love you

God i wish i had more time with her

So many memories

So many dreams

Im sorry lizzie

I couldn't be there to help

Why can't i just accept it

And move on

I feel like its all my fault

Even when it wasn't

I didn't get to say goodbye

I don't even know where she's buried

I can never say goodbye

It turns out she took them before I got there

Her last dying breath was to tell me she loved me

And i barely heard it

And i don't think i said it back

And that's the worst part is i didn't say it back

Why can't i deal with this

Why can't i just breathe

Why didn't she tell me

I hurt so much inside

She hurt worse

And didn't tell me

I want to move on but i can't because every thought i think is her

Because i told her i couldn't be there

Why won't she leave

I can really see her and interact with her

But

Shes

Not

Real

Shes

Not

There

Why did she do it and why cant she just be here

I need her here more than ever

“In the school bathroom”

They covered it up

this is my original work