jokeronthesofa

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The Crow (2024): Should Have Stayed in Development Hell

I’m back for a moment because someone asked me to sit through this crap. Happy Halloween, watch something else. SUMMARY (Spoilers, but who gives a shit) Eric (Bill Skarsgård) is an addict who has tattoos, because that’s how you convey a rough history in films now. In an involuntary rehab, he meets Shelly (FKA Twigs) who is on the run from a gangster who has Satanic powers named Roeg (Danny…

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Wedding Bell Blurbs - The Office "Niagara"/Schitt's Creek "Happy Ending"

Well, it’s a two-for-one final review before we tie the knot. SUMMARY The Office – “Niagara” – Well, it’s been a few months and Jim and a pregnant Pam are finally tying the knot. Unfortunately, they also invited the entire office, including Michael Scott, who didn’t realize how wedding blocks work, and thus doesn’t have a room at the hotel. Concerned that one of them will reveal Pam’s pregnancy…

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BRIDESMAIDS - Wedding Bell Blurbs

The comedy that made men say “Wow, women can be funny” and women become angry at men saying that. SUMMARY Annie Walker (Kristen Wiig) is having a rough spot in her financial, social, and personal life, aside from her best friend Lillian (Maya Rudolph). When Lillian gets engaged to her boyfriend Dougie (Tim Heidecker), Annie becomes her maid of honor along with the other bridesmaids:…

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When Harry Met Sally… - Wedding Bell Blurbs

You say a great film, I say a great film. PLOT SUMMARY Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) and Sally Albright (Meg Ryan) meet by chance as they agree to drive together from the University of Chicago to New York City. The two end up separating and not speaking for years, only to periodically run into each other for a decade. Over the years, they end up becoming friends, inadvertently connect their best…

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MAMMA MIA! (And briefly Princess Bride) - Wedding Bell Blurbs

Well, we’re back. We’re past the first bridal shower and the last single Thanksgiving, not quite to the last Christmas where we’re single. I mean, we’re not single, but you get the idea. SUMMARY MAMMA MIA! is the jukebox musical of the works of ABBA. It’s probably the most successful jukebox musical, mostly because ABBA is so damned catchy. Sophie (Amanda “I can see your soul” Seyfried) is…

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Father of the Bride - Wedding Bell Blurbs

So we’re doing the next pre-wedding movie, the classic 1991 film Father of the Bride. I had seen this movie and its sequel a lot during my childhood. The Queen of the Couch had never seen it at all, but loves Only Murders in the Building, so getting her to watch a film with Steve Martin and Martin Short wasn’t hard. SUMMARY George (Steve Martin) and Nina Banks (Diane Keaton) are successful…

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Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour -  A Boyfriend's Review

I went to a two-and-a-half hour concert film. Let me tell you how that went. SUMMARY It’s a concert film of Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour. The Eras Tour consists of songs from each of Taylor Swift’s ten albums (not counting re-releases), although they are not ordered chronologically. While they did have to cut five songs out, it’s still longer than almost any of the concerts I’ve been to, and that’s…

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My Best Friend's Wedding - Wedding Bell Blurbs

I know it’s been a while. I’ve been going through stuff, professionally and personally, that has made it difficult to post on here. It’s honestly made it difficult to even enjoy watching most media with the same love that I used to have. Especially the bad media that I used to adore. But, through all of it, the brightest spot in my life is that I have had someone with me that helps to make it all…

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Wednesday: Full of Woe - Netflix Review

Wednesday: Full of Woe – Netflix Review

The latest supernatural teen drama just can’t distinguish itself beyond its leads. About 10 minutes into Wednesday I was already aware that it was not going to have any real connection to the Addams Family beyond sharing names. The Addams Family, who were most successful as a satire of the stereotypical nuclear family, are a property that I really like when it is done right. Admittedly, not all…

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Barbarian (Spoiler-Free): A Horror Masterpiece

I love a movie that keeps you on your toes.

I hadn’t seen this movie before it came to streaming and I may have to rent a theater to watch this on the big screen.  When this movie came out, all I heard was that it was amazing. I had literally nothing spoiled for me about this movie and, honestly, I want to preserve that for everyone reading this, so I will do my best not to ruin anything. A house is involved. The best part of this film…

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BLACK ADAM: Snatching Mediocrity from the Jaws of Greatness

I didn’t think that this would be the movie to bring me back, and it really isn’t, but f*ck it, I have thoughts on this movie. Those thoughts mostly being “HOW IS THIS NOT AMAZING?”

I didn’t think that this would be the movie to bring me back, and it really isn’t, but f*ck it, I have thoughts on this movie. Those thoughts mostly being “HOW IS THIS NOT AMAZING?” I mean, the muscles alone should carry a film. If you’re not familiar with the character of Black Adam from DC comics, he was originally the evil version of Captain Marvel. The one that’s now called SHAZAM, not the…

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CarousHELL 2: Judgment Day

This is the Terminator 2 of living-murderous-magical-carousel-unicorn-based horror films. 

This is the Terminator 2 of living-murderous-magical-carousel-unicorn-based horror films.  I genuinely owe an apology to the creators of this film, as they asked me to review it when I first went on vacation. I thought I would review it for Halloween… of 2021. Since then I’ve been distracted by things. I’ve gotten a dog, gotten engaged, and beaten Stray. Those are not in order of importance. I’m…

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On Vacation

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Free Guy: A Solid Heroic Story (Spoiler-Free)

Free Guy: A Solid Heroic Story (Spoiler-Free) Ryan Reynolds plays a really nice guy in a crapsack world.

Ryan Reynolds plays a really nice guy in a crapsack world. This movie isn’t the first one about a video game character developing sentience, with previous entries ranging from Disney’s Tron (sort-of) to at least one incarnation of Mega Man to the Christopher Lambert vehicle Nirvana. In fact, the craptastic movie Serenity from last year had that plot. However, this movie manages to both update…

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Rick and Mondays - S5E7 “Gotron Jerrysis Rickvangelion”

Rick and Mondays - S5E7 “Gotron Jerrysis Rickvangelion” Rick finally achieves his collection of giant robots and starts a mafia. #RickAndMorty

Rick finally achieves his collection of giant robots and starts a mafia. While Rick and Morty have used a lot of anime references over their run, this is probably the most blatant use of an anime property, doing an entire episode around a thin Voltron parody mixed with a mafia movie. The two aspects occasionally feel like they shouldn’t work together, but the episode manages to mostly pull it…

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Disney’s Jungle Cruise: The Mummy Meets the Rock - Disney+ Review

Disney’s Jungle Cruise: The Mummy Meets the Rock - Disney+ Review It’s the exact right kind of dumb and fun.

It’s the exact right kind of dumb and fun. On some level, this movie seemed like the perfect film for Dwayne Johnson, because much of this movie feels similar to the adventure horror-comedy film The Mummy and Johnson’s first film was The Mummy Returns. Admittedly, he probably wants us to forget that because of the horrible CGI Scorpion King in that movie, but it still feels good to see The Rock…

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Centaurworld: It’s the Cutest Form of Body Horror - Netflix Review

Centaurworld: It’s the Cutest Form of Body Horror - Netflix Review Seriously, this show is like My Little Pony meets Cronenberg.

Seriously, this show is like My Little Pony meets Cronenberg. When you think of a show about a character that jumps from one world into a completely different fantasy setting, you probably always assume that character is going to be human. This show cleverly goes in the exact opposite direction, with the main character being a horse who journeys through a fantastic world trying to find her human…