joker-sometimes-wild-blog

[joker-sometimes-wild-blog]

Hannah gives Colette a raised eyebrow. You’ve met Nolan and you dare suggest I’m the one without a sense of humour? I’m insulted. She shakes her head. I thought there was an emergency. Does the emergency involve drinking? She still follows, curious.

Okay, sometimes I crack a joke or two, but you have to have a sense of humor, right? Colette sobers, I guess I’m asking the wrong person. Well, first I’m going to the bar with the Pig, I need a drink if we’re going to be playing follow the leader.

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I hope I’m not speaking out of turn here, but have you met the people who want to rule? Are they really the kind of people you want in charge? No, probably not. I’m not sure the Queen getting bored of you would be a good thing, either. She tends to throw things away when they’re not useful anymore. Have you ever noticed how there aren’t a whole lot of older staff around the palace? I’m just saying, I’d rather have you as a boss than a lot of people who want the job.

Ha. No, I’m not actually, I would much rather just let someone who wants to rule, rule. There is that. Is it bad that I still feel like the weird girl without a court? It is, but I had dreamed it would be a little more along the lines of the queen getting bored with me, not focusing completely on me.

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You’re really not helping your case in any way. I’m not saying you should get better at lying, I’m just saying if you’re gonna keep telling the truth, it’s not gonna go well for you. Hannah considers Alex’s request. That . . . actually sounds like a good idea. C’mon, lead the way. 

What? Like steal a streetcar? But then I’d have to rewire it to change course. Not that it’s like impossible. Just easier to not. An’ I was sneaking the whole way here. I didn’t lie. Alex looked at Hannah with narrowed eyes. Why would a Joker look the other way. They were always getting in the way of looking at stuff, there was no way Hannah would let her. I’m trying to get under Hatter’s from the sewers to see if the air currents had been used in the letter delivery system. Alex huffed and pulled the bag of tools over her shoulder. It doesn’t matter! I’ll just go home. You Jokers won’t even let me look and not touch stuff! There were other Three’s working on the streetcar!

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You’ve somehow found a way. She gives Nolan a pointed look until he works it out. Now that is a pity and a crime. Well, I generally find time to do it at least once or twice a day. She grins. You know, for swimming. She walks a bit then pauses. Why, did you mean something else? Officer Shaw, really, I’m not that kind of girl! She laughs and then tilts his chin to kiss him. I like my partners to preferably have two working hands. And to be able to move around a bit without falling over. She taps the cast. Bet you wished you’d waited for backup.

I’m not sure how you can overkill trying your best. Yeah, you and me both. What else would I use it - oh. I’m not used to considering that as an option anymore. If you find time to take your clothes off, or if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, I’ll find time to be there. 

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No, I’m calling your readers nuts. It’s a subtle distinction, but an important one, I think. Hannah holds up her fingers to the waiter to indicate she wants four rather than two. It doesn’t matter what the details are, it’s just sex. In a swing, upside down, with various objects involved, with more than one person. Blah blah blah. Same nerve endings. It’s sex, Chuck, it’s always entangled. Even when it’s not. How many people fall in love with flowers? And then do something stupid like spend all their money or declare their love from the top of a building, or kidnap them to prove their love? Money just makes it less fun and more like business.

 Hannah snorts. That’s what it says on the bathroom wall. Fine, fine. You’ll like this, it involves lust, love, and sex. Picture the scene: A bed with a body in it. A bed big enough for seven, which is how many people were in it. Only one didn’t come out at the end. I know what you’re thinking, tragic accident, right? Turns out, not so much. It would appear that Brazil nuts are the only nut that’s sexually transmittable, and that one very unlucky gentleman ingested enough of something to give him a full on anaphylactic reaction and killed him. Again, must have been an accident? But no, turns out a certain seven was well aware of this special quality of the nut, and the lawyer he murdered’s allergy. Have to admit, it was a genius murder weapon. Death by blowjob. But unfortunately, he checked out several books on allergic reactions and nut varieties. No one ever remembers the little details. It would appear that the lawyer he murdered was the same one who helped his ex in the divorce. It must have eft a bad taste in his mouth, cuz he decided to return the favour. 

Honey, are you calling me a nut? Because I might actually be offended by that one. So let’s get another, then. Charlotte calls over a waiter.  Two more stiff hookers, dear. More interesting? Apparently you haven’t seen their entire menu. And it’s so much less entangled with emotions. The things people do out of love and lust, I could write several books from those stories alone. Charlotte leans in and lights her cigarette Thanks, doll.  Nonsense. Who else is going to drag me away for a drink in the middle of the day and taunt me with tantalizing tidbits of gruesome murders. News never stops. Neither do I.

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You get what you give, Mr. Ellis. This isn’t bad cop. This is mildly irritated cop. I don’t do bad cop. I generally dislike of slamming people’s heads into the table and threatening them. But I can appreciate the reason why you don’t know the difference. 

She crosses to open the door, holding it and ushering him out with an arm. Good to know. I’ll be sure to put that in my report. 

I cant tell you what I dont know, He shrugs And insulting me usually doesn’t incline me to want to stick out my neck for someone. Especially when that someone wants to bust the balls of a colleague. Just as an fyi for next time. Try the good cop role, for a change, might get you places since bad cop doesnt seem to be doing much.

Oh. Pausing he slings his jacket over his shoulder Its artfully messy Pointing at his hair just in case she forgot her earlier question. if I didn’t shower you would have passed out already.

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Hannah nods. Like I said, I have no proof. Just rumours. She hits back her drink. You’d be nice to her, wouldn’t you? Let her roam free, not expect her to love you just because you were forced to put a ring on her finger? Not that I think she should marry you, I’m pretty suspicious of the whole institution of marriage, and arranged marriage in particular, but if it did happen. I mean, for all I know, you’re a despicable human being. But you freed that little red panda. So I like to think you at least have your limits. 

That’s a plan. 

Jack sits still, listening, his thoughts flying around in a whirlwind. Would she really do that? Marry Sera? There were many far worse options, but Sera? There’s a lot of things he’s feeling at the moment, anger, a healthy dose of distaste for his mother, curiosity and desire to get back to court. He only shrugs. Rumours are rumours. Sounds like her kind of logic though. We’ll see if something come of it.

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Maybe you two are more alike than you know. She eyes him, concerned but also very interested. What do you remember? She takes a step back as he shouts. I’m sure you’re right. He doesn’t strike me as the sort who’d go into that sort of thing willingly. He shakes like a leaf if you speak too loud. Hannah watches him warily until he sits in a chair and then she joins him in the one across. Don’t go back! The violence of her conviction startles her. I mean - if you give in now, she has no reason to let him go. She’ll need to keep him to make sure you stay in line once you come back. She’ll hold it over your head, that she might let him go eventually, but she never will.

No. That’s not normal for him. I’m the one who forgets things. He snaps, starting to pace around. Except right now. Right now I don’t forget anything. Darkly. He shakes his head as she talks but stops when she asks if they’re involved, looking both angry and haunted. No! No no no no no! He’s too good for that, he would’ve told me. She hurts him but not that way, no! Hatter keeps shaking his head violently because now that Hannah’s brought it up he’s remembering, in detail, what she used to do to him, his anger leaking away into despair and he sinks into a chair. Because of us. Because she wants to take him away. She probably wants me back but I can’t….He bites his lip, shuddering and hugging himself, rocking slightly in the chair. 

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Fair point. I’ll fill in that part then, how about that. 

I suppose not. Still, knowing it’s coming isn’t always that much of a comfort. Well, keeping in mind that it’s just a rumour and has in no way been confirmed . . . word is her Maj is thinking about bringing you back into the fold. Figures better to have you inside pissing out than outside pissing in. Of course, she can’t give you back your title, not without looking like she’s backing down. But, if, in the spirit of reconciliation, she married you off to her new heir and made you prince consort, it’d kill two birds with one stone. And you’d get the throne, eventually. Sort of. 

Bitter can be easily arranged for the alcohol, deeply damaged is best avoided if you don’t want to end up blind or half dead from liver damage. 

That’s how she operates, none of this is surprising. Oh now that’s just the worst sort of goading. Tell it all or say nothing. Since you can’t do the latter now, pray tell what is this rumour?

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Thanks for the biology lesson. Fine. You aren’t in a helpful mood. Can you at least give me an idea where I might find him? 

He just grins and shakes his head not dignifying her questions about Cal and the comments on his youth with retorts of his own. To tell the truth he was feeling rather bored, there were other things he could be doing.

“Well I breath in oxygen,  it goes to my lungs from there the bloodstream where it nourishes my cells,  they take the slag back up to the heart and lungs for me to breath it out as carbon dioxide. And I repeat. Pretty ingenious I know but I can’t take credit. So now that we’ve settled that I guess I’ll be seeing you around officer or ,not which is preferable yet unlikely.” He says starting to stand.

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I really don’t know why you say things like that and think it’ll be reassuring for me. Now I’m not sure if you did take the sewers and you’re lying, or you’ve found an even more illegal way to get around. She sighs. Alright, tell me what it is and I’ll decide how willing I am to look the other way. 

I normally carry like this many tools. Well like almost this many.’cept i don’t normally have the brickwork stuff. I promise it won’t be hurting people. An’ I haven’t done anything in the sewers yet! I came here all the way through the streets. I swear! I just gotta figure something out!

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That’s because a certain percentage of the city is bonkers. We need several. Why bother? If I’m sleeping with someone, I want them to wanna sleep with me enough that they’ll do it for free. It’s more interesting that way. Hannah pulls a lighter from her pocket and leans across the table to light Charlotte’s cigarette. Careful or I’ll start to think you’re only my friend so you can get me drunk and pump me for information. 

No one else has problems understanding me or my articles so I find us understanding each other no more or less exciting than normal. So what your saying is we need another drink or several? Honey, if that is lacking you can always go to the Garden. They certainly are a point of interest. With a sigh Charlotte stows the notebook and pencil, pulling out a cigarette instead. You keep adding places to the list, how ever I am supposed to keep track of them all.

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At your fucking birthday party. You dropped it in my drink when you kissed me, you sonuvabitch. And I can only assume you did it to Nolan too, given how relaxed he was afterwards. As for my corroboration, I don’t have to share the details of the investigation with you. Oh really? I didn’t realize you had magic powers, how foolish of me. If you’d only told me you could read minds and know what does and doesn’t matter to people, what things are just things and what are something else, you could’ve saved me so much time and effort. I hate to break it to you, Cal, but whatever you like to think, we both know what you are. Deep down, underneath all the bullshit and charm and wit that you sling around to cover up that you’re just someone who takes and takes and only gives back what he doesn’t mind losing. She looks down at the truncheon and scowls, first at it then at him. No. Not for this.

She hits the dumpster again and curses vehemently for a full minute, Why should you get away with things because I have a conscience and you don’t? You are an utter bastard and swan around the town like you own it and people fawn all over you! You take away the one thing I have, the one thing in the whole world that is mine, that I fought for, and gave up everything for, and you stand there, not even sorry for what you did, cuz why the fuck would you be, you don’t even think you did anything wrong! I’m just a fucking tightass, right?Just need to relax and have a fucking good time, right? Well fuck you, Callum Renard! Fuck your arrogant bullshit and fuck you for thinking you know what I need without so much as fucking asking me first, and most of all fuck you for taking away my right to choose what the fuck I want to do with my body. You’re no better than my father. Actually, you know what? You’re worse. Cuz you do it to everyone, not just your fucking family. She punches him in the face three times in quick succession.

Cal is indeed working a pin into the handcuff locks but he winces when she bangs the dumpster and the vibrations make him drop the pin and clack his teeth together. He glares at her but starts subtly working another pin out of his sleeve. He always keeps several up there just in case he happens to be handcuffed. At what point was this, exactly? You did, did you? So how did I do it exactly, then, since you saw the whole alleged business? I suppose this other apparent victim of mine also witnessed me performing the dastardly deed? If I did take things that didn’t belong to me they would only be things of material value that have no real impact on the actual lives or survival of the people that own them so it seems a minor offense in the grand scheme of things. I disagree. I like to think I take into account everyone’s good time along with my own. I suppose your assumptions and accusations would be enough for you, wouldn’t they? 

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Hannah stares Alex down until she caves. Amateur. Uh huh. Well, shockingly, I’d already guessed that part. Let’s get to the specifics, and why it involves so many tools.

Thanks! She stows the last of the tools back into her bag. I didn’t? I’m like totally sure I did?  Alex stands there fidgeting under Hannah’s gaze for a moment before caving and muttering out. Nothing I’m supposed to be doing.

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Ha, there might be handcuffs involved, but not in a fun way. Though I personally really don’t see the appeal. Every guy asks for them. Some of the women too. Why would I wanna bring my work home with me, I ask you? Maybe that’s the appeal. If he comes to you, he can pretend it’s not real, right? This place is all about fantasy, but the real fantasy is that it’s not just sex. Or whatever you pay for. Yeah, me too. But there was a certain lack of fairy godmothers, handsome princes, noble woodcutters, or handsome soldiers, so I gave up on those. No, none whatsoever, except I’ve determined who didn’t do it, which is completely useless. The Crow claimed that he did it, but what the fuck does that even mean? He could be the next guy who walks in and I wouldn’t know. Hell, it could be you.

Sounds like these two have a similar situation, and would get up to absolutely nothing interesting if you put them in a room together. It’s just unfortunate really, because like you said it would be easy enough for him to find someone to be with without having to come here and pay for it. It all sounds very idealistic and made up to me. I spent enough time trying to daydream my way through life when I was little hoping it would turn out a fairytale. It’s much better to just find the wonderful things about reality. So all in all, sorry I was a little distracted by my thoughts when you came in and seemed spooked. You said you were bringing the knife back? Any closer to figuring out who murdered Mr. Penderghast?

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No, because English isn’t just random words strung together with a lot of winking and eyebrow movement involved. See how we’re understanding each other now? Isn’t that exciting? It is to me. I wouldn’t say upset. Just - there’s more to my life than work. . . I think. There’s alcohol. And my deep abiding hatred for certain individuals. And my sex life, or lack thereof these days. God, I should just stick to brutal bludgeonings. They’re so much less depressing. She eyes the notebook and pencil. Chuck, the bar is off the record. Obey the sacred laws.

I speak English just fine and clearly you understand me. I promise to never call you a bull, Honey. Is that what’s got you so upset? Accused of being good at your job? A murder? Do go on. Charlotte pulls out a notebook and a pencil from behind her ear. 

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Sounds like my taste in men, only you forgot bitter and deeply damaged. 

I’m sure she will. Sera, I mean, Ms. Lennox seemed to indicate as much. Actually . . . well, maybe I shouldn’t tell you, it’s only a rumour. 

Shit, that bad? He signals the bartender over and looks to Hannah. Something strong, and straight, and generous in a large glass. 

From the sounds of things, better than you. But if you want a distraction I’m expecting my dearest mother to pull something now that Miss Lennox has been named Alice. Disregarding completely the clam Miss Pyke has also been granted.