johnlockdynamic

[johnlockdynamic]

Any day now

[johnlockdynamic]

my father just looked me in the eyes and said “it’s a dog eat dog world out here and i’ve got a Milkbone up my ass” cheers man i’ve legitimately never heard that one before

[johnlockdynamic]

when people call actor men pandering to me 'just fan service'. of course it's fan service. i'm enjoying it because i'm the fan being serviced. they are jesters in my court. i think they should play it up more.

[johnlockdynamic]

[johnlockdynamic]

[johnlockdynamic]

"this is a crazy group of people to mention all together" um. Clearly they're naming all the men 🙄

and it's important that we as a society remember that some men can be great too! in fact i think we should make men great aga--

[johnlockdynamic]

Happy Pride Month, according to Google AI Achilles is a lesbian 💖😭

[johnlockdynamic]

hey man thanks for inviting me over by the way. oh wow your house has a lot of chintz. yeah this place is just full of the stuff.

[johnlockdynamic]

my dear friend just looked up from the hat she's crocheting for a very large spherical rock we found in the river and said, in a slightly haunted tone that revealed this was the first time she was having this thought, "i should make something for my cousin's real human baby"

[johnlockdynamic]

I could never own a parrot. They are splendid and delightful joyful creatures but I could not match their fucking whimsy. If I woke up at 4:45 am on a tuesday to the sound of some gleeful feather-cloaked varmint doing aerial somersaults all over the house while singing the world's most high-pitched whistle nightcore one-man a capella cover of Funkytown, I'd eat it.

[johnlockdynamic]

I can’t make pasta any more without mumbling to myself, “wet the drys… then dry the wets…”

[johnlockdynamic]

i think any time a politician so much as suggests creating a national public registry of a minority group they should lose their job immediately, and then be shot

[johnlockdynamic]

shine normal like a plain rock

[johnlockdynamic]

[johnlockdynamic]

[johnlockdynamic]

this callout couldve been a block button

[johnlockdynamic]