jgraceb

[jgraceb]

If you were looking for a sign... Don't worry, I gotchu. https://www.instagram.com/p/By-niNAjhzO/?igshid=1eiq9rppv6jwi

[jgraceb]

#gethairyfebruary y'all. #smashthepatriarchy #effthebeautystandards #defineyourownfemininity #doyouboo https://www.instagram.com/p/BtZI_PqDr0T/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ltukuj7efz8b

[jgraceb]

Mon mari. by Logan Corry and @kevpsych #peanutbutlerandjanelly #blackbride #naturalhairbride #Davidsbridal #stlouis #towergrovepark #interracialcouple (at Tower Grove Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/BrQuu9nDM40/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=2sqvgvxlu4j1

[jgraceb]

Self Sabotage

I want to reinvent myself every time I see weakness. I was falling apart in the first place because I started pulling on a lose thread. Self sabotage until the garment is laying on the ground like silly string.

I am trying to balance all the parts of managing my life and I feel that I can’t do it “well enough”. As soon as I feel pain in my physical or emotional body I blame myself. I look for rules to follow so I can control the feelings of blame. The control helps me punish myself less. Let’s be honest, I’m not in control and I never will be but I trick myself into thinking my self punishment will motivate me to change so then I can feel good about myself and in control again. It might help?….but really mostly it cultivates conditional love. I spend so much time trying to aline my life with living in and giving myself to love but I extend only a cap full of grace to myself.

Was it Jesus that said a house divided against itself can’t stand? I need to stop pulling my threads, comparing, creating rules, diagnosing, harboring past, measuring my success, burning my house down………..

What’s a better way to live?

Do the problem solving you need to do today. A forever growing, changing, living thing is going to experience pain. That’s life. Don’t punish yourself. Life punishes enough. Instead wake up and love yourself and ask yourself, “Where does wholeness reside in what today has given me?”

I’m not in control but I am responsible to find balance and care for what life has given me.

Dude, don’t break your legs when you aren’t walking straight. Maybe just sit down for a while. 

[jgraceb]