jellyflushedjellyfish

[jellyflushedjellyfish]

couldn't make it any harder

'I was easier than I am now, would've folded, but I can't now'

Carmen Berzatto x Female Reader

summary: a quiet moment between two people shifts unexpectedly, leaving one of them wondering what it all means.

tags: slowburn, slight angst, pining/yearning, no established relationship, realistic cannon carmen berzatto, pastry chef reader

She works late one night, putting the finishing touches on the desserts for the next day. The rest of the kitchen is quiet, everyone else having left hours ago, but she doesn’t mind the solitude. In fact, she’s glad to have the kitchen to herself, able to work in peace without the hustle and bustle of the kitchen. She’s so focused on her work that she doesn't even notice the sound of footsteps until they come up behind her. She startles slightly at the sound, jumping a little in her place. She turns around to see Carmy standing there, watching her with an unreadable expression on his face. She takes a deep breath, feeling a rush of heat rising to her cheeks.

“Hey,” she manages to say, her voice a little shaky. He nods in greeting, his eyes roaming over the array of desserts that are laid out beside her.

"You're still here?" He asks, his tone gruff as usual. She glances down at her creations, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"Yeah, just finishing up. They won't frost themselves, you know." She replies, trying to sound casual, trying to ignore the way her heart stutters in her chest at the sight of him.

He hums in response, stepping closer to get a better look at the desserts. His eyes scrutinize them, his gaze critical and intense as usual, but there’s less venom in it now.

She watches him stare at the desserts, feeling a rush of nerves. She feels oddly self-conscious under his gaze, like she’s waiting for a verdict. He takes a step closer, scrutinizing the desserts even more closely.

He reaches out, his fingers brushing away a small smudge of icing on the side of one of the pastries. “Clean your edges. It’s messy.” He mutters, his finger tracing the edge of the pastry.

She nods, her cheeks burning as he points out the flaw. She hadn’t even noticed it before, but now that he’s pointed it out, she can’t help but notice the sloppy job she’s done. She glances away, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment and something else.

“Sorry.” She mutters, her voice low and soft.

He just grunts in reply, but there’s no bite to his words, just a subtle gentleness that was usually only directed at her. He pauses, his gaze roaming over the desserts once more, examining them with a critical eye. He’s strangely silent, his expression contemplative. She waits with bated breath, feeling her heart pounding in her chest. Finally, after what feels like an eternity, he speaks.

“Good job.”

She’s surprised at the praise, her heart skipping a beat at the sound of it. She looks away, trying to hide the small smile that is tugging at her lips, but she can’t help the rush of pride that fills her chest.

“Thanks.” She finally manages, her voice just above a whisper. He nods, still standing next to her, his gaze fixed on the desserts.

A few moments of silence pass, their proximity to one another growing more and more obvious with each passing second. The tension in the room starts to feel heavier, electric even. His eyes finally move away from the pastries, shifting to look at her. He studies her for a moment, his gaze intense and almost unreadable. He notices her flushed cheeks, her trembling hands, her eyes averted. The sight of it all causes a strange feeling in his chest, something that he can’t quite identify.

He feels compelled to say something, but his usual gruff nature holds his tongue. Instead, he mutters out. “Clean up. I’ll lock up.”

She nods again, her cheeks still flushed, her breathing still shaky. She starts packing up the desserts, her hands fumbling a little, still distracted by his gaze. She tries her best to concentrate on cleaning, but she can’t stop the way her heart skips a beat every time she feels his eyes on her. He comes back into the kitchen, noticing that she’s finished packing up the desserts. His eyes roam over the kitchen, noticing the way the place is spotless. He approaches her, noticing her packing up her things.

“You good to head out?”

She looks up at him, her heart still pounding in her chest, and nods once more. She slings her bag over her shoulder. “Uh, yeah. Yeah I’m good.” She manages to spit out

He nods, still staring at her. He’s trying to keep his gaze stoic, trying to keep his expression stoic, but there’s something in his gaze that gives him away, and it’s making her heart flutter faster in her chest. He clears his throat, his eyes still locked with hers.

“I’ll walk you out.”

She nods, her head feeling light, her heart still pounding in her chest. She can’t look away from his gaze, unable to tear her eyes away from him. She follows him out of the kitchen, every step she takes feeling like she’s floating, like she’s walking on air. He leads her out the kitchen door to the back of the building. The night air is cool, and she shivers a little, her jacket not doing much against the chill. He notices this, his gaze flickering over her briefly.

He’s silent for a moment, just watching her shiver. “You cold?”

She nods, her teeth chattering slightly. She tries to shrug it off, trying to seem unaffected, but it’s a lost cause.

“Just a little… I guess I should have worn a thicker jacket.”

He notices the way she’s trying to play it off, her teeth chattering giving her away. He huffs, his expression still stoic, but his eyes betraying something different. He takes a step closer to her, shrugging out of his jacket and putting it on her shoulders before she can protest.

She’s surprised by his gesture, feeling the warmth of his jacket surround her and his scent filling her nose. She glances up at him, her cheeks flushed again and her heart fluttering even faster in her chest.

“Oh, um.. You didn’t have to-“

“Just take it.” He mutters gruffly, his voice gruff but not unkind.

He shoves is hands in his pockets, looking off to the side.He can’t meet her gaze, his own cheeks slightly flushed, but he tries his damn best to hide it.

She nods, pulling the jacket tighter around her, feeling the warmth of his body heat still lingering in the fabric. She’s overwhelmed by his scent, his proximity, his sudden closeness. She steals a glance at him, his gaze averted, his jaw clenched, his expression still stoic, but there’s something different about it, something almost soft. Her heart flutters in her chest, and she feels like she’s drowning in it, drowning in him

He notices her staring, sees the way her gaze roams over him, sees the flush on her cheeks. He’s suddenly all too aware of her proximity, of the way she’s wrapped in his jacket, and it sets something off in his chest. He feels almost dizzy, like his whole world suddenly pivoted. He tears his gaze away from her and clears his throat, his voice gruff as usual, but a little unsteady

“You uh, need a ride?”

She seems to snap back to sobriety at his question and shakes her head, her cheeks still flushed, her heart still racing.

“Oh no, I can just… “ She trails off, not quite sure how to finish that sentence. She’s still dizzy from the fact that she’s wearing his jacket, that she’s just so close to him, that he’s asking to drive her home He notices her hesitation, her fluster.

He sees the way her cheeks are still flushed, the way her eyes still linger, the way her heart is still beating rapidly. It sets something off in his chest again, and he almost wants to make her ride with him just to be close to her, but he knows that it would be crossing a line, so he just nods and mutters

“Alright, whatever. Just be careful.”

She nods, her words almost a whisper “Yeah. Yeah, I will.”

He nods, his gaze still averted, his jaw clenched. He sees the disappointment in her eyes, but he tries to ignore it, tries to ignore the way it sets something off in his chest.

He clears his throat, his voice gruff again. “See you tomorrow.”

She nods, mumbling out a soft “yeah” as she pulls his jacket tighter around her. As she walks away, his jacket wrapped around her body and his scent surrounding her, she wishes that he would say something, anything, to keep her from leaving. She wishes he’d run after her, pull her back, anything. But he just stands there, watching her go, his gaze steady, his expression stoic.

She steals one last glance at him over her shoulder, seeing him still watching her, before disappearing down the alley.

She walks to the train station in a daze, his jacket wrapped around her like a security blanket. She’s still dizzy from that moment, his proximity, his gesture. She still feels his scent and his warmth surrounding her, like a ghost of him still remains.

Even on the train, she feels strangely numb, his scent filling her nose, consuming her, and it’s like the world has suddenly paused, and the world is just a dream that she’s not quite apart of.