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req'd by @confused-they

the confidence i'm trying to exude

text: My tits are worth more than 25 cents

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Cheers, I'll drink to that

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Lovely

hello tiny friends i keep in my pocket. tell me something I will find humorous but vaguely annoying

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So how's it going

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 i tried to be funny and it backfired miserably

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Debating learning Morse code. Just to see if that's something I'm capable of. Heaven knows I failed Spanish, but I can probably learn a new alphabet much easier.

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Theft

It hurts when it goes 😪

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in these trying times remember to ask yourself: do i need to sit down and eat a sandwich?

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I love talking with neurotypical people about my executive dysfunction because I'm like "yeah there's this invisible wall in my head that I'm incapable of getting past no matter what I do and it stops me from doing things" and they're like what the actual fuck

Meanwhile other neurodivergents are like

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I mean this in the kindest way possible but how are you not dead from malnutrition

Also have you considered that sometimes despite it being painful or uncomfortable we must indeed eat better in order to eventually feel better? I feel less like shit than I did a few months ago and all I really did was stop drinking so much caffeine and switched it for Kirkland Signature Sport Drink (tm) and BLTs with eggs and cheese

ever get the dope feeling of barely ate yesterday and only had a twix and three monsters today and every time you stand you almost fall down again but like staring in the fridge or deciding on what to eat makes you feel sick? thats how it feels to drive a ford f250. ford. built tough.

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Goodluck Pikachu

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This and the "raw milk" people- have y'all ever been up close to a cow? They are not something you want to get close to, or at least not without washing your hands throuroughly afterwards

req'd by @largerthanaveragearmadillo

i wholly approve of this action :>

text: I am going to gently kiss the cow on the nose.

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Also if romance novels have taught me anything its that some people are interested in that kind of thing (not them and their clone, but the two of the person and them, if you know what I mean.)

i hate it when clones die

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Hoptal

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Should I try it

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I work at my local grocery store and I don’t want her as my coworker :(

its okay we all have shitty coworkers. but the solution! is to blend them like paste

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Some idiot: "Why are you reading your own fic, that's shallow and stupid"

All fanfic writers and writers everywhere: "Who the fuck do you think I wrote it for?!"