jayellcee12

[jayellcee12]

100 Dates Challenge: 91-100

I've spent too much time and effort for these to not be seen by someone

100 Dates Challenge, starring the cast of I Love Your Boyfriend (my musical that's almost 8 years in the making)

Each challenge is in the image's description :)

The Bucket List original list can be found as a scratch-off poster here: https://www.giftrepublic.com/Product.aspx?ProdID=100DATESBUCKETLIST

[jayellcee12]

100 Dates Challenge: 81-90

I've spent too much time and effort for these to not be seen by someone

100 Dates Challenge, starring the cast of I Love Your Boyfriend (my musical that's almost 8 years in the making)

Each challenge is in the image's description :)

The Bucket List original list can be found as a scratch-off poster here: https://www.giftrepublic.com/Product.aspx?ProdID=100DATESBUCKETLIST

[jayellcee12]

100 Dates Challenge: 71-80

I've spent too much time and effort for these to not be seen by someone

100 Dates Challenge, starring the cast of I Love Your Boyfriend (my musical that's almost 8 years in the making)

Each challenge is in the image's description :)

The Bucket List original list can be found as a scratch-off poster here: https://www.giftrepublic.com/Product.aspx?ProdID=100DATESBUCKETLIST

[jayellcee12]

100 Dates Challenge: 61-70

I've spent too much time and effort for these to not be seen by someone

100 Dates Challenge, starring the cast of I Love Your Boyfriend (my musical that's almost 8 years in the making)

Each challenge is in the image's description :)

The Bucket List original list can be found as a scratch-off poster here: https://www.giftrepublic.com/Product.aspx?ProdID=100DATESBUCKETLIST

[jayellcee12]

100 Dates Challenge: 51-60

I've spent too much time and effort for these to not be seen by someone

100 Dates Challenge, starring the cast of I Love Your Boyfriend (my musical that's almost 8 years in the making)

Each challenge is in the image's description :)

The Bucket List original list can be found as a scratch-off poster here: https://www.giftrepublic.com/Product.aspx?ProdID=100DATESBUCKETLIST

[jayellcee12]

100 Dates Challenge: 41-50

I've spent too much time and effort for these to not be seen by someone

100 Dates Challenge, starring the cast of I Love Your Boyfriend (my musical that's almost 8 years in the making)

Each challenge is in the image's description :)

The Bucket List original list can be found as a scratch-off poster here: https://www.giftrepublic.com/Product.aspx?ProdID=100DATESBUCKETLIST

[jayellcee12]

100 Dates Challenge: 31-40

I've spent too much time and effort for these to not be seen by someone

100 Dates Challenge, starring the cast of I Love Your Boyfriend (my musical that's almost 8 years in the making)

Each challenge is in the image's description :)

The Bucket List original list can be found as a scratch-off poster here: https://www.giftrepublic.com/Product.aspx?ProdID=100DATESBUCKETLIST

[jayellcee12]

100 Dates Challenge: 21-30

I've spent too much time and effort for these to not be seen by someone

100 Dates Challenge, starring the cast of I Love Your Boyfriend (my musical that's almost 8 years in the making)

Each challenge is in the image's description :)

The Bucket List original list can be found as a scratch-off poster here: https://www.giftrepublic.com/Product.aspx?ProdID=100DATESBUCKETLIST

[jayellcee12]

100 Dates Challenge: 11-20

I've spent too much time and effort for these to not be seen by someone

100 Dates Challenge, starring the cast of I Love Your Boyfriend (my musical that's almost 8 years in the making)

Each challenge is in the image's description :)

The Bucket List original list can be found as a scratch-off poster here: https://www.giftrepublic.com/Product.aspx?ProdID=100DATESBUCKETLIST

[jayellcee12]

100 Dates Challenge: 1-10

I've spent too much time and effort for these to not be seen by someone

100 Dates Challenge, starring the cast of I Love Your Boyfriend (my musical that's almost 8 years in the making)

Each challenge is in the image's description :)

The Bucket List original list can be found as a scratch-off poster here: https://www.giftrepublic.com/Product.aspx?ProdID=100DATESBUCKETLIST

[jayellcee12]

I don't know where I can write free-form so it's here

I absolutely hate how I look.

I'm so fat, I'm so spotty, I'm so short, my body is misshapen.

Even before the pandemic, I've let my body go, and I'll always regret not staying in shape. I don't think I can ever get my body back again.

Why can't I go on a crazy crash course diet and exercise routine where I lose a shocking amount of weight? I wouldn't even know what I'd look like if I lost the weight - where does the flab go, does it just hang? Once my skin and fat has expanded once, it can't go back again. I'll never be as thin as I once was.

Why am I still so SPOTTY. There was a time when all my spots cleared, and my skin actually wasn't red! Why are they all coming back, and why am I getting stupid big spots on my neck and shoulders? Never-ending spots on my nose and my cheeks and my chin.

I hate my boobs so much. They are just sacks of fat on my chest, and they're an absolute waste. I can't do a single thing with them. And because I haven't worn a proper bra in 4 years, they now sag halfway down my torso. Even if I bind, I'll never be fully flat.

I want to punch my stomach in so much. It's just round and protruding. It's a beer belly, and I've never drank beer in my life. All I do is wobble everywhere, and I can't get rid of the belly pooch just wobbling and hanging over my pelvis.

I try to hide my fat, but I can never hide it fully unless I get a full body sock that sucks every single part in. At this point, I don't even care if it hurts.

I've gained a double chin, and it's just disgusting. How on earth could i have let myself go like this? The only way I can look thin is if I'm looking at myself from a low height.

I'm not pretty anymore, if I ever was. If I was ever to start T, I'd just be uglier. Trans men are the handsomest men out there, but because i was never really handsome in the first place, I'd just look worse.

I can't even do anything to help it. PCOS can't be cured. There's nothing to take for it.

I wish I had an enormous paper bag with eye-holes that I could hide under, until I look better.

I'm sick of being in public, on show, every day. Even if people aren't looking at me, I feel them looking at me. Waiting for the bus, on the bus, walking to work, at my desk, in the canteen. I just hate it.

Can I hibernate and just come back when I'm looking better?

I'm glad I got my feelings off my chest, because I'm not getting anything else off any time soon

[jayellcee12]

hardest thing to learn during recovery is….. some of your misery is your own fault. you have to actively choose to stop wallowing in your own pain & start to recover. that means stop being self deprecating, start taking care of yourself, start eating healthy, start taking your hygiene seriously, even if it’s hard. & it is hard! but you must.

[jayellcee12]

I don’t look for trouble, I do not accept blame. I’ve a good and a bad side, But they’re one and the same.

Falsettos: Whizzer in Act 1

[jayellcee12]

Timothée Chalamet TIFF 2018 @ Jake Chessum

[jayellcee12]

Timothée Chalamet i-D Magazine @ Mario Sorrenti

[jayellcee12]

H: It’s not a straight line for sure… Couple of things for you… The last couple of years have been nuts. How are you finding it? Are you having fun? T: Dude, I feel so much gratitude. I say it to my dad a lot and he makes fun of me because I never used to talk like this but I see people our age and how invigorated they are for the world and it inspires me. Three years ago, I was nervous because people talked about social media affecting attention spans and how nobody could sit down anymore, and art and film were relics. But I actually feel like this stuff is urgent. And for whatever fucking reason I have an ability now to choose what to bring life to. Right now, I’m working on Little Women in Boston with Greta Gerwig, Saoirse Ronan and Emma Watson and I just pinch myself that I get to be this fly on the wall for this legendary narrative.

[jayellcee12]

Timothée Chalamet Hollywood Film Awards Santa Monica, CA | November 4, 2018