jayeexen

[jayeexen]

I really don’t know you

I really don’t know where you are

But I’m certain that you’re out there

Trying to live as I am

Pleas make it, make it to me

I hope you’re doing fine

I hope you’re grounded on the things you want out of this lifetime

And if ever our path won’t meet

My love see you in the next lifetime

[jayeexen]

Seven point eight billion people

But you’re the one I seek

Amongst the crowds and loud noises

It’s your voice I wish to hear

Your name I wish to speak

Your touch that I crave

But I shouldn’t give it all away

I might not know where you’re hiding

I’m unsure if you’ll stay

But if you’re the one for me

Then I guess all will be okay

-J Yee Xin

[jayeexen]

You never love to hurt

You never remember to forget

You never hold unto something just to let it go

You never open doors just to seal them after

[jayeexen]

When you told me you did like oh how foolish I was to believe that you were sincere of your feeling we went around seeing each other for about 5 months and on the last one I was already too tired and drained to put up with your mistakes telling you it was okay because I wasn't your girlfriend and you only said that we were seeing each other

You still talk to her

Don't lie to me about that

You say you don't want to be with her anymore but your actions say otherwise I wouldn't have tangle up myself fooling myself into thinking that you really loved me

Sure I brought food whenever I cooked

Surely it didn't take up half of my allowance and savings just to get you up in your happy place

But you did

Youve used me

You even used be as a sexual relief to release all you sexual frustrations

Well I for one am tired of coming in second

Making me feel as if I'd never get my equal

I loved you

But where did all yours go

[jayeexen]

Man's greatest fear

Lies in the unknown

It lurks in darkness

Awaiting to be shown

-things we speak in hushed tones

[jayeexen]

Let's have sex on the ceiling

Let's take it to a new high

A foreign way of thinking

It ends up with a grunt, a moan or a sigh

- things we do speak in hushed tones

By Xin

[jayeexen]

Did you ever blame me for all of this

This madness that gobbled us up

And tore us apart

Did you ever regret making me catch your eye

In the midst of unfamiliarity

You pursued and push through

Have you kept your lips sealed

Like you've promised before

[jayeexen]

Lies Till They Become Truth

she gossips

she spreads rumors

poisonous as a snake, slithering

I’d say, she’s toxic

influencing others

with her negative points of view

she talks and talks and talks

about me

she’s telling everybody

lies till they become truth

this is not a game I’ve ever played

guess that’s why I

I’m losing

anxiety rises, come mondays

fearful to be myself

show who I truly am

sometimes I close my eyes

and wish she’d be gone

not sure how we landed here

pretty certain she simply doesn’t like me

nothing I can do about it

this is one of those situations

that cannot be unraveled

it’s too late

so I pick up myself and move on

she’ll still deconstruct me

do her best to tear me down

I’m doing my best

to not pay any attention

to her self-appointed crown

she’s never going to be royalty

she’s not my queen

not your queen

she’s just great at crushing

other people’s dreams

influencing others

I’d say, she’s toxic

poisonous as a snake, slithering

spreading gossip

she tells lies till they become truth

Copyright @followcb | March 23, 2019

[jayeexen]

a skeleton and his lover uniting after the skeleton wars 

how romantic

[jayeexen]

Alleviating Your Demons

The lights were low, you slipped off your dress Showing off everything except your finesse. That night, You taught me, there’s no rules to lust Only passion and it can be so unjust

It once felt like the most wonderful thing I decided to do, Gave my heart, my soul, everything to you My love for you was like the scent of the evening sea drifting in through a quiet window You didn’t have to run or chase or fall to feel it, All you had to do was breathe and seal it.

But you decided to suffocate on the thick mist of darkness And walk over my dead carcass Only to satisfy a carnal thirst, that was mostly infinite. But it takes two to be intimate, so by no means was he innocent

They say things that come apart can be put together again, but never exactly the same I gave you another chance And realised love, made me lame Because no matter how many chances I gave You were always the same knave,

But when it was the time to face your demons, You put forward pleas and said you had your reasons You saw me kicking and screaming Trying to get out my grievance, just to keep me breathing But you were busy elsewhere, trying to alleviate your demons.

[jayeexen]

Love if I could, then without a doubt I already would've. If I could transfer that pain you're feeling right now to me then I would've done that already. I know you've been having sleepless nights, I get why you cry your self to sleep at night while slowly hugging yourself. I can't take away what your feeling but I'm here, let me hold you til the only thing you could focus on is my eyes and you'd forget for a minute that you're hurting. At least for minute or two I can make you forget it's the least I can do. I know things haven't been easy for you lately and there are these thoughts that keep getting in you head. People would say that it's all in your head and that it's up to you, like you have a choice in all this but love I know these thoughts are monsters and they're slowing picking on you one day at a time. I know I can't defeat them for you but I'll help you face the monsters together.

I hope this hasn't been to much but I love you with all my heart please do stay strong

[jayeexen]

I grip unto my phone tighter becauseit was the only thing I had left of you. As I read your recent message

Can we stop this

You said and by then i felt my throat run dry and gulped so this is what I felt on our last date together I do remember hugging you as if it was the last time I'd see you. Turned out it was and you couldn't even say the truth to my face. You owed me that, even the slightest bit of respect I guess. It was the best 86 days of my existence. Everything with you was just perfect, I felt alive and good in a really long time. I'm gonna miss you a lot boo but it has been more than a year and I've got to let you go even if it was the best. It was love I guess but then maybe it just wasn't meant to last long but thank you for holding me close when I felt lost and hurt. Thank you for kissing my scars and holding my hand in silence because you knew all too well that something bad had happened and you were just there enough for me to know. Thank you for singing bon iver songs to me. For reluctantly letting me help to carry your laundry. For entertaining me with your singing while you'd wash the dishes. For at least opening up a bit. You've given me hope that somehow I could've had this kind of happiness but then I guess I was right this stuff isn't for me so thank you for making me feel that way bear even if it was just a glimpse.

[jayeexen]

The thoughts that cripple you are only supposed to mold you into something else, something more. /Sbenoir

[jayeexen]

I may love you enough to take a bullet for you but lord, arrogance & self-entitledment, that is me turning around & let the bullet hit you for who you truly are,

plus why take a bullet for someone who thinks they’re too good for other people?

Jesus, I won’t even ask you to take the wheel no more mate, but I am just so grateful that I have the decency to walk away from my own destruction in the hand of the wrong people I thought I have truly loved.

Thank you, another lesson learned.

Nothing is ever going to be easy, but I guess I’ve been to hell and saw my own demon, dealt with my own demon, that in turn I won’t be a demon at all but simply be the opposite of what that demon is trying to turn me into.

I have loved this newness , sniffed it like a brand new blood.

Darling, it’s time for me to say, it’s your loss, not mine. Though we have known another but it is your denial that now make us become a stranger. Remember it like a tattoo in your skin.

I have no regret, but I hope you do & when that regret is swelling in your body, I hope you know, it was you who sent me away, I bid nothing, not even a farewell.

What a powerful thing, to use it when you truly needed. I take nothing, those I have given, it was given for free, without expectation of return.

Yet again, that hubris, pomposity imperious lordliness of whom you have embodied,

that is what makes me sick to my stomach, that I would spew you in a heartbeat —

-

-

Dolly

29.12.2018

I’m sorry but not sorry that my vibration is too high for anyone who choose to stay below the sewerage. I do like this new me though, to flush whoever that is no longer vibing to my level —

[jayeexen]

I know I've been spending too much time outside but mom I swear I haven't been doing reckless things like before. This time around when I tell you I'm out with my friends I'm usually alone somewhere, in a cafe or just walking around wherever my feet would take me. You're right I don't need friends because I have myself, I have my own company to enjoy but as soon as the darkness lures it reels me into a vaccum of insanity where I can no longer hope for good things for myself. So now every time someone tries to knock on my doorstep I let them in because it's the right thing to do and why should I deprive someone of help but my dear I have only expected the worst. Everytime someone breaks down my walls and sees through my soul I grasp unto something in the anticipation of a terrible scene.

I have learned to trust myself and only myself. Not to let anyone in my sanctuary where I keep all my demons because when they do, it's like a plague. I'll be left to pick up the remaining pieces of it by myself

[jayeexen]

Keep in sync with the music

He says

while slowing locking his hands around my hips

And I just allow him too

Then we slowly sway through it

As the melody dies down he gazes into my eyes

And by then i should've known it wasn't because he wanted to get to know me or to ask me out on a date or so

He just wanted a passage through the night

Oh the cold and devious night

[jayeexen]

JOHAN EGERKRANS  -  https://www.facebook.com/johanegerkranspublic  -  https://johan-egerkrans.blogspot.com.es