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Woman

I want to tell everyone the real me

Do not become confused as you take this journey along my side because, well, damn, I have done a lot of things considering I'm a Pretty Young Thang

I won't start you from the beginning, the present, at this moment, is far more interesting so, let's start with Mason.

Mason was a man who burst into my life, but only as a fly by, without me realizing, he was all that I wanted

At that exact moment I was in control, within that same moment I made the decision to be, out, of control, with no apologizes, no fear, and let me tell you...he satisfied the physical need my body craved for,

He satisfied the inner freak, he gave me push, he gave me power, he gave me... Leg shaking orgasms that felt like fire

But the mental was fun- to my mental, he triggered a different intellect, after one conversation my entire body was exhausted, he stroked the cells within my brain, he made me gravitate...towards the different woman, in me

He pleased every inch of this flesh

He was a man who yearned for my touch, my voice, my fuck

Although that moment in my life, was short lived, I still have goosebumps thinking about it

A gentle soul, a sweet stroking spirit...exactly why my heart endeared him. He sparked the blue rose that was waiting to bloom in the depths of my seas, he sparked my freedom.

At that moment his spark grew so bright, I began to open my eyes, to wisdom.

I fell in love with that spark of a woman, she was fierce, she was graceful, she was a Queen, she was tasteful, hell.. She was everything I w-a-n-t-e-d to be

So, when that thought came to my mind, I dove into the sea of that woman...that sea shit, was deep, but when I emerged from the water there lied, the wisdom

I accepted that the real me has many layers, which, in return, shifted my vision, to clearly spot, those different woman

All of this wisdom, came from one moment of complete and utter sexual brokenness and mental over stimulation,

To be honest, I thought my spirit would reject his force, I thought my petals to my rose would close and those thorns would become horns

Yet that action actually fed my soul and made my spirit dance, all of this began through 1 spark

If you might be thinking how is that wisdom, stay tuned, there is more to the story it will all come to...

I want to tell My Mason, he holds a special place in my heart, he was special, he was delicate, he saw me, differently, he saw my body as an instrument and my mind as his music...he saw me....as a woman honey!

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High

Have you ever experienced being high...not from weed, not even from life, but a "in the moment high"

I can say, I finally felt that way, I was completely present, I was locked in with my guns loaded, but then I became disarmed with confidence

You know what I mean, for my ladies when he eats your pussy so good you have convulsions and your eyes open, as wide as they can reach while you, try to run up the wall scratching, moaning, yelling, screaming, as those wet and wild flood gates opened

For my fellas, when you meet that new new for the first time and you, slowly tease her, you take in, her curves, no matter how big, or small, when she can't take it anymore you finally slid the tip in and immediately...her pussy feels like a powerful gift

That's what my body did, I drifted off into another land and ceased every puff from that moment, it was, precious, it was like a mother holding life in her arms, it was like the first time, you locked eyes, and two souls began to swirl, as if saying, your the one

It was like taking off your shoes, taking off your pants, taking off your socks...you trace your fingers along your smooth, succulent back...the bra, is unhooked and if we're being honest, the t-shirt is somewhere in this house, but who the fuck cares, it was weighing me down, you have a bubble bath drenched in coconut oil, mingling, with every piece of skin that unfolds to the heat of the water

Its like knowing you love yourself as if yesterday never happened and tomorrow will never come, it's like love took over your heart, you listened so closely, you heard your heart thump

I felt that shit, I felt, present...no phone in my hand, no obscured view through my vision, I flew away into a space so high, weed can't even chase, it

My high held tough, for the rest of the night because in that pure, honest, genuine, sweet, blissful, powerful, but delicate moment...I...was...high...

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Ashley's Blues

There was a woman named Ashley and she was in a relationship with a man who made her feel stupid, she gave him 6 years, 2 kids and a Bentley

Every night she would fight for her life when he decided to smother her with his hands, kiss her blood with his lips and tell her she was a bitch

Every day she had to pick up her kids with a smile on her face to hide the pain she tasted at the hands of a man struggling with his masculinity

She sits in the car, grasps the steering wheel and prays to the heavens that life would be different only to see his face and those devil eyes blocking her prayers from reaching the one person who could save her

She sits real still in the seat as he mouths to her if you try to speak it won't be pretty, with fear overcoming her body what else can she do but sit there and act like she's in love with this fool

Some can say that's what she gets for staying knowing he will never change but it wasn't her choice to take the dick that impregnated her with two beautiful kids

The truth is I can see myself stuck in Ashley's shoes because all though every night he comes home drunk and beats her skin until it's bruised she still chooses to sit there and take the pain because in the end she knows how this man was made

How Ashley feels when she lays down at night with a monster the world created through hate, mistrust and ashes of dust, Is how I feel every time I walk outside and look over my shoulder because my brother always told me that black woman are a target and don't be fooled into thinking a man won't try to bargain with you in hopes of destroying your soul so you can't see pass the bullshit he beholds

Whenever I have to step out of bed knowing it's another day filled with me fighting those who try to keep me quite I know this world will never change in my lifetime and it's a shame that MLK thought the same way

I have seen a black president be the most disrespected and let me not got started on how much stuff you see on the Internet

Most people are ignorant of the fact that while you personally didn't put me in those chains, force me to work on that plantation and do the dishes so my heart couldn't sing out to the masses and tell them everything will be alright in the next chapter, doesn't mean you have not added to the aftermath

Unlike you I didn't have the same opportunities and it wasn't because of the bullshit answers they be feeding me, it was because the people before you claimed to be scared of my people so they had no other choice but to make things unequal

I don't understand, you weren't scared of us when you slung that whip across my daddy's back, forced my mother to bare your child or make me pick cotton until my fingers gave out

You weren't scared when you hung that noose around my great grandaddy's neck in front of the town just to make an example out of his flesh

So why should I believe that bullshit answer when my history shows me you were never sacred of us but what we could possibly be

You forced our eyes away from the sun and the paths that led us to freedom but my auntie Harriet Tubman found a way to free us from the system that was rigged to kill when they decided you could no longer live

If any black person had kids best believe he or she dreamt of a world different then this, except they wouldn't be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character and in 2016 my color remains the number one thing that stops me from reaching my dreams

So why should I try to understand anyone else's point of view when in reality I haven't began to learn of my true history

What can school truly offer me other than a fucked up memory

Your telling me that I'm paying thousands of dollars for a education that doesn't acknowledge the sacrifices and pain my people went through as a genocide or world crises but the moment a little white girl kills her friend because she thought it would be a fun game you barely see her face on the news or even know her name

Don't try to feed me that, let's all be equal and free because it's clear to see from, Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin and Rodney King that freedom was not meant for me

Nor was it meant for a black man walking down the street, a black women learning to love her beauty and femininity or any other brotha or sista who checks that box that says African American on those green sheets

It's funny to me when I hear someone say there life sucks because they didn't get the car they wanted or their parents took away their IPhone because they will never know what life is truly like for those who have to fight

I fight everyday I wake up in a world filled with hate towards the Jews, gays, bisexuals, and black people as a race

So let me ask you something, if your life sucks so bad how come you can still breathe, how come you can still eat and how come when you walk outside you don't have to think about the places you can't go because your scared of what people could do if no one is with you

No, I don't feel sorry for those who have had it easy, I don't feel sorry for those who have had it hard, but I do feel sorry for my people because at one point in time we ruled over kingdoms and our skin was royalty only to be physically and emotionally brung down by people who felt threatened

Now I am lost rummaging around the grounds of America searching for my history, my culture and I'm constantly being silenced by the very same people who claimed they were scared of me back in 1990

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Afro

Damn that shit hit me like a rocket that launched and crushed through my body like I was nothin

I'm black

For so long I've been proud of my smooth and dark skin, flaunting my natural hair because that's the only one I wanted to wear

I blocked out pictures, stigmas and stereotypes that designate my color as something bad because others felt it wasn't right

For a second I was taken back by how so many people look at black and think that it's something to not be proud of

What about if I dare to put my fist in the air as I reminisce about the black panthers you know what I get, looks and side comments that tell me I should be ashamed of what they did

When I look at my blackness I see the color of beauty wrapped around a Nubian Queen and it's sad that the world tries to take that away from me

Are you afraid of the pride I have or nervous that all the hateful words you could say doesn't pierce through my skin and your forced to be more creative in your mission to spread hatred

If you can't tell by now my people do not "fit in" it's not in our nature, we've always been different from the masses I guess that's why you packed so many of us in those boats, or threw us overboard knowing we couldn't float

I wouldn't want to be anything else but black

We are the only ones who have shown time and time again that we are strong and hold our faith like a drunk holds gin

Black people have been removed from our home place because you people saw the beauty in our face and now you pressure me to think I am not beautiful due to my kinky hair, thick thighs and strong mind

You can ask me a thousand times, do you like being black? And my answer will stay,

I love being black

Black is beautiful from the coil of my Afro to the darkness of my knees

Child please,

Who else would I rather be other than the one thing that makes me

ME

I suggest you recognize the color of a queen

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Remain Me

Pain, is a temporary thing is what they tell me, that when I allow myself to feel that's when I begin to heal

Love, is a permanent thing is what they tell me, if I ever experience love, they say, I should hold on for dear life because even something permanent can come with a price

But no one told me how hard it would be to remain me

By not allowing myself to be engulfed by my own love or pain and has anyone stopped to ask, why both of these things seem to describe the present and the past

They say pain is temporary and I disagree, because I feel pain everyday I wake up and think of you

My guardian angel, my heart, my spirit, the one person who said yes when he should have said no, now I can't speak to you because your 6 feet below

My big dad was my soul

He always told me to "stay sweet" but he never acknowledge that this would be hard for me to keep

While the rest of my family walks amongst this aimless population as if nothing has every happened I lay in my bed at night crying like I've just been captured

That's how I feel, that all of this was never real, that you took his soul, told him no you wouldn't let go so he had no choice but to yell

Behold I give my spirit to thee who has granted me life and signed me "free" just so his soul could be released and hopefully find me

I try to remind myself that it was your time but if it was Gods choice to bring you home why the hell did he choose to do it knowing,

I couldn't come

I was left, stuck, in a hospital bed crying in my head trying hard not to scream at everyone around me who were pleading that I stay and just think of sleep

They say pain is temporary and I disagree because I feel pain everyday I think of what he did to me

I loved him more than I loved myself and I gave him all he needed until he cheated, I never knew what love could make someone else do, cheat on you

I guess that's the price I paid for feeling love right

Didn't they say even something permanent can come with a price

Some could even say, suck it up that's just life

But I don't accept any of these answers because no one else sees how broken I can be, how much pain fills my heart and how much love I have to give away free just to remain me

I use to think pain was a beautiful thing that it could, force a human being to change their life for better or worse so who was I to say pain meant hurt

Now, I have a different view, after his death pain scares me and I know it scares you, I still haven't dealt with the pain of losing someone so dear to my world view

Pain is something everyone try's to run from but what about me? One person who battles pain when I breathe

One person who battles pain and sleep, one person who battles love through pain and that snake that tempted eve, let just say it's a price we all had to pay but

Maybe that's why snakes are my favorite animals, because they cause pain rather than feel it and maybe that's why so many people fear them because they know if you get bit, there is no healing it

I loved him more than life itself and he was the apple of my tree, so how can I continue to stand strong

When I cannot hear his voice, feel his touch or stay sweet for long

WHY

Why couldn't my love keep him here on earth, why couldn't my love keep Jayden near the curb and why couldn't love be my peace

So I think it's lies they speak when they say pain is temporary and love is permanent because if you ask me

I no longer love Jayden but my pain from my big dad's death is what causes my grief and forces me to keep one foot in front of the other just to remain me

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Can you hear me

A wound has opened, my insticts have flowen, away from me, my eyes won't stop bleeding pools of water, all I want to do is cry out to the masses as strong, soft, succulent arms wrap around the pain that has awaken within my soul

You know, I thought back then, placing a secure bandaid onto it would suffice or feed the pain, anger and hurt of the wound but it merely created a barrier within my canal waiting to be broken

I cried, have you ever cried for no reason

Have you ever balled your eyes out into a dark room with an instrumental melody echoing in the background as if the music was a butterfly and you have turned back into a caterpillar, chasing resurrection for feelings you knew were missing but somehow forgot they even existed

Have you ever been so oblivious to your pain that when it smacks you in the face you freeze, you cry, you feel every inch of the burning sensation that the bandaids were supposed to protect you from in the first place

And although this quick fix was easy and appealing, in the moment, the adhesive wasn't as strong as I needed it to be, as I went through the fires of life each layer of this adhesive began unraveling so much so that the wound reappeared stronger, brash, and more fearful then previous years

All I did was weep, to my soul about the pain my bones has endured, I thought I could pack away and bury the very thing for which stood tall enough to break me, leaving bread crumbs of my body on the street, hoping and praying someone would see, creep behind me and speak volumes into my ear just so, I could breathe

Although this is how I feel I can't pinpoint the source of the wound to save my life and by now surely I would have gained a clue that hell was going to freeze over and I would be the first Patriot it chooses

Where did this come from, a beautiful weekend filled with cold reminders yet, beaming suns onto my glistening skin, what was so harmful to my spirit that I believed a bandaid could keep the secret or hold it in

I cried out so loud I recognized my shout, a music note that has been absent since news broke of the wound I wanted to diffuse long enough for me to deal with whatever has emerged from deep

A smile cannot fix this, a "I am perfectly ok" can no longer work, but as those arms in the dark held me as if I was a new born child and scooped up every ounce of water dripping from my eyelids I decided to say fuck whatever this is and give in

I cried

I cried so passionately, so angrily, I cried so intensely I felt my heart break, I felt my spirit drop to its knees because whatever I was trying to protect, didn't stay hidden long enough

I tried, I tried to hold back, I tried to give one more day but God when that bandaid ripped off my skin the wound sucked me in like he knew my name, he knew my face, he knew exactly the path to take to get me to scream in sorrow and yell in agony, I tried to make the pain stop but it held on strong until I grabbed ahold and said.... God take me... I can no longer run from this anymore

My nose filled with pain, my body filled with pain, my cry became silent and I drifted away

I can't tell you what this pain is but oh how I wish I knew how to stop it, if only for a minute, it hit me like a ton of bricks blowing my house away and all I could do was cry, cry a river and dip my head under water

The water was freezing, the water bared no waves, the water took all my faith, was this right, was it really nessciary to transpire my fear into range for which, turned into fire and my sweet, safe, water evaporated

Was this what I had to look forward to, for how long or how soon

I have many questions, like why now, why this, it seems like yesterday a pain this strong overcame my spirit and had me stuck in quick sand forcing me to feeeeeeel it

Why am I feeling pain, I finally stood confident within a space of freedom, now the black, masked, gloved hand, whispered... I'm back, do you see me?

I cried out more pain, I cried out more tears, I cried, pleading with fear for a compromise or negotiation, please allow me to feel this happiness a little while longer Satan

I received no answer, I received no clouser, I wish I could say my spirit was revived but then that would be a lie

So now what do I do, I feel weak, I feel violated, and even though I'm alone and submerged under water I feel abused...

So I cried some more, and I cried again, I wept louder, I wept stronger, I wept until I passed out because there was noting left from within to take from

My wound still exposed, my wound, still bleeding, my wound still there... Waiting with no intentions of fleeting

Maybe waiting for another night, another day, another week, another month, another year, another decade, another century, another era in time to drop me to my knees

Have you ever cried for no reason

And although I still don't know and I still can't pin point the source of my pain, the originator of my cry, the base of my tears the neculous of my wound, I still layed there

Under water, drowning in an ocean of my own tears clutching the strong, soft, succulent arm, which after an hour dissapeared, left me lonely, cold, breathless, in fear of my own reality

So I kept crying, alone, drifting in the sea of my bed of tears that ran so deep, still with no answer to the cause of the bandais ripping, my tears or my fear

I cried

I cried

God I cried, and I'm still crying...listen...listen closely...can you hear it or...Is it just me,

Praying someone snatch my arm to safety, open my eyes, and inevitably...

Save me

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Mom

I think about the kind of woman you are and it gives me chills, you gave me more than shelter, love, and a roof over my head, you gave me an example that was so great I strive everyday, to become half of what you emulate

You gave me guidance, you gave me a blueprint, you are the epitome of love in every sense, before life began for me I was wondering this earth free, once life hit I began to realize how significant your blue print became to my path

You exuberted strength and patience, how you did it all still amazes, me, I know parenthood is no easy task but with everyday you handled each situation with grace

I always wondered what made you so great, was it the unconditional love or the sheer strength of life you gained with each hard step endured, you were pure, in every sense of the word, how on earth did you manage to raise me...

Through my struggles and pain you comforted me with every inch of your spirit, you made me feel as though the world was much bigger than what my imagination intended,

You made me feel powerful, forceful, and filled my life with intent, I don't think you understood how significant your sheer being is, although we had ups and downs, I was to immature and naive to see what was standing in front of me, a woman, a woman who had no other choice but to do what she needed to do to make it through, dark paths and deep oceans ony to make sure her kids were well rounded, outspoken, and focused

I can admit I did not appreciate your gift, I thought your tough love was ignorance, now that I am a mother of my own I comprehend the many decisions and sacrifices that comes from the title "mother", you were and are my back bone, never steered me wrong even when my hard head pushed against your wisdom, you remained true to your principles and embraced forgiveness...

I thank you to this day, for making me understand that nothing in life is given, you have to fight and make decisions that you are able to live with, I wrote this poem to thank you for your forgiveness, for the dedication towards raising a strong and independent generation

You are my hero and now I scream that from the roof top, you loved me the best way you knew how and thank God he blessed me with a spirit like your own, I am proud to call you "mom"...

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L.O.V.E

As she stroked the coils of strength flowing through her folicals with soft succulent hands of power, she unknowingly created love

As she slowly gravitated towards her face, she caressed the lines across her membrane, and as she became one with a mirror her essence became clearer, she, was, in love

Her hands, fell to her nose and she could feel the air flowing into her nostrils as it sped across the tip, of her finger

When she finally reached her cheeks a radiation seeped through her veins while  a soft, delicate, being, turned insane, not because her life was swimming in term oil but because she had never felt a wave of love, so impenetrable

Her body whispered, come back to me, come back to life, come back to the only substance that remains pure...love

She understood there was more exploring to do but by the time she reached her lips, she began to remember, how delicious a kiss is

Her neck screamed out, me next, her hands wrapped around her neck as if she was strong enough to have helped to build it, with effortlessness she identified her proper uterus cervix- point to neck

Although her breast didn't sit as high as they use to, this woman embraced each handful of his (point to God) creation, she traced her areolas through a vortex until she hit the nucleus within a beautiful treasure only made for women, her nipples were perky, her nipples, were darker than her skin, but something happened, she began to remember the feeling of love

Her arms stretched out like mountains but the act of caressing each muscle and cut, lied a secret message, she, was love,

She traveled up the mountain and towards the one part of her body that has endured, the most beauty, pain, aspirations and fear, her stomach, filled with the bumps of stretch marks and the silence of the birth of life, she flashed back to the moment, she fell in love,

Now she feels the gift, the one thing that requires a specific kind of energy, it's strong enough to bare waves, oceans... that slow motion, the wet, juicy, powers that can devour a soul, a presence, a man, the Golden plan given to her from a higher power, she was expected to protect it, never let it affect your mind or actions, simply accept the force for which makes you emaculate,

Mmmm, she began to fein as she realized again, she found love, from within,

Then came the, thicker than a snicker, two bones that apart are sweet but together cause cavities, those thighs...big, round, firm, destined to create their on sound, as she walks they provide a sexy barrier to her juices, Mmmm, they enduced her with confidence, with love, with truth, with stories of triumph

Mmmm she's getting close to her end, before she reaches for the ground she takes in the firmness, stability, solidarity of her legs, a hairless plane that when she walks, stands tall with pride, when she sits, they sit with graceful taste,

Now...now she reaches the end, 10 toes, the base, although her body stops here, her feet respresent the hot coil, the struggle, the gravel beneath that once shattered her love, in order to get it back she had to fight, fight for love, fight for her sanity, fight for right to speak freely, fight for her soul,

In the end, this woman searched her entire body from head, to fingers, to toes, she wanted to know what love meant, what it felt like to hold a strong force,

She grew to learn love, is a feeling, that one slips in when they understand themselves, this woman realized the key to love from others, began through the love for herself, loving her body, falling in love with her walk, her voice, her mind, she learned how to fall madly in love

Because she fell madly in love, with her body,

She. Is. Love.

She.Is.Walking.Madly.in.Love