jaijaithejet-blog

[jaijaithejet-blog]

Here’s your answer.

Do you wonder why that person is so closed off? Do you wonder what about them made them put up a big wall? Well here’s my reason...

I have a wall built up but it’s not just one or two not even three I have so many walls to protect myself from so much. Heartbreak, disappointment, and many broken promises. See I’ve been told many times if I just break down my walls maybe things would just be easy, but that’s the thing I have these wall because I’ve been told that and when I attempted to listen I was let down so an additional wall was added plus two more after because it made me skeptical. Now I have so many people say break down your walls just express what you’re feeling, but I’ve been told that so much to the point where I don’t even try. I’ve tried the talking, I’ve tried the walking it off I’ve even done the letting it out at the gym or in a sport. My emotions have been so easy to block at this point it’s gotten easier to just stay quiet.

So the next time you’re wondering why, this might be a reason, but there’s thousands of reasons this is just mine.

[jaijaithejet-blog]

This is truly me! Know that if I keep you in my life you’re important to me, but don’t ever try to control me.

[jaijaithejet-blog]

“Do one thing everyday that scares you”

-Eleanor Roosevelt

[jaijaithejet-blog]

Rough night...

So today started off great but towards the end of my shift at work I got a call. This guy ended up lecturing me the cussing me out and called me a little bitch because the person he wanted to speak to didn’t have their name on the voicemail. Then let’s top that off with another gentleman coming in yelling and cussing because he wasn’t hired for a position he though he deserved. Now when I have shitty days like this day which are very rare I shut down. I never let other people’s words get to me but I must have just listened a little harder than I should’ve and we’ll they dug deep. I went to get my daughter after work and then my wife. Now when I feel like this I don’t want other people around I just want to go crawl in bed, but my wife wanted to have diner with her mom so I sat and stayed as calm and collected as I could. I ignored my wife a few times which I know isn’t right but I was in so much pain inside I felt like I was crumbling but I couldn’t show it. Afterwards we got home finally and my wife and I got in an argument about it all, me making her feel disrespected and me not telling her what happened or how I felt. Well she let it all out now I’m up alone with all of these emotions and tears. I haven’t had to stay quiet while crying in so long and I’ve never had someone else’s words break me down so quick. I haven’t been to this dark place in such a long time. I’m always the confident one the one whose ego seems so big that you think there’s nothing that can bring me down. Well.... here I am alone in the bathroom trying to stay quiet so I don’t bother anyone dying inside. I used to always leave and hit anything and everything until my bloody knuckles couldn’t take it anymore. I can’t let myself do that so I’m writing to help me vent in a healthier way.

[jaijaithejet-blog]

“Even when you have doubts, take that step. Take chances. Mistakes are never a failure - they can be turned into wisdom.

-Cat Cora

[jaijaithejet-blog]

Goood Morning!

Hello everyone or no one! It’s Thursday or Friday jr whichever sounds best for you. Today I’ve been in my mind reflecting on my week so far. It’s been a hard but rewarding week yesterday I met with my trainer well it was a test to see if I want a trainer. I received what I took as good new because he told me I know what I’m doing I just need someone to make sure my form is always good because of course once you start feeling that burn real bad you want to slack on your form. I’ve loved the knowledge I’ve gained in the two sessions I met with him and that’s the profession I want go into but I’m torn because i know the way I train and the way my wife trains are two completely different ways. I know we won’t get a trainer because although I love being pushed hard I love training with my wife. I want to learn how to become a good trainer that you can’t wait to see again so my wife is my first challenge. I can’t wait to learn new ways of training because I know that not everyone learns or trains the same so let’s see where we go from here!

[jaijaithejet-blog]

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.

-Buddha

[jaijaithejet-blog]

Intro

Hey everyone!

My intro hmm let’s see we’ll I’m 27. I’m married to my beautiful crazy wife and we’re in the process of adopting our 7 year old we’ve been fostering. It’s all exciting an exciting and frustrating process but we’re almost there!! I’m weird and I think I’m funny sometimes. I am very sarcastic and I’m going to be starting school to be a personal trainer. Well this is me so far... welcome to my world let’s see where we end up!

[jaijaithejet-blog]

“My moto is: Feel the fear and do it anyway.

-Tamara Mellon