jadedblack

[jadedblack]

I want to step away from the art-vs-artist side of the Gaiman issue for a bit, and talk about, well, the rest of it. Because those emotions you're feeling would be the same without the art; the art just adds another layer.

Source: I worked with a guy who turned out to be heavily involved in an international, multi-state sex-slavery/trafficking ring.

He was really nice.

Yeah.

It hits like a dumptruck of shit. You don't feel stable in your world anymore. How could someone you interacted with, liked, also be a truly horrible person? How could your judgement be that bad? How can real people, not stylized cartoon bogeymen, be actually doing this shit?

You have to sit with the fact that you couldn't, or probably couldn't, have known. You should have no guilt as part of this horror — but guilt is almost certainly part of that mess you're feeling, because our brains do this associative thing, and somehow "I liked [the version of] the guy [that I knew]", or his creations, becomes "I made a horrible mistake and should feel guilty."

You didn't, loves, you didn't.

We're human, and we can only go by the information we have. And the information we have is only the smallest glimpse into someone else's life.

I didn't work closely with the guy I knew at work, but we chatted. He wasn't just nice; he was one of the only people outside my tiny department who seemed genuinely nice in a workplace that was rapidly becoming incredibly toxic. He loaned me a bike trainer. Occasionally he'd see me at the bus stop and give me a lift home.

Yup. I was a young woman in my twenties and rode in this guy's car. More than once.

When I tell this story that part usually makes people gasp. "You must feel so scared about what could have happened to you!" "You're so lucky nothing happened!"

No, that's not how it worked. I was never in danger. This guy targeted Korean women with little-to-no English who were coerced and powerless. A white, fluent, US citizen coworker wasn't a potential victim. I got to be a person, not prey.

Y'know that little warning bell that goes off, when you're around someone who might be a danger to you? That animal sense that says "Something is off here, watch out"?

Yeah, that doesn't ping if the preferred prey isn't around.

That's what rattled me the most about this. I liked to think of myself as willing to stand up for people with less power than me. I worked with Japanese exchange students in college and put myself bodily between them and creeps, and I sure as hell got that little alarm when some asian-schoolgirl fetishist schmoozed on them. But we were all there.

I had to learn that the alarm won't go off when the hunter isn't hunting. That it's not the solid indicator I might've thought it was. That sometimes this is what the privilege of not being prey does; it completely masks your ability to detect the horrors that are going on.

A lot of people point out that 'people like that' have amazing charisma and ability to lie and manipulate, and that's true. Anyone who's gotten away with this shit for decades is going to be way smoother than the pathetic little hangers-on I dealt with in university. But it's not just that. I seriously, deeply believe that he saw me as a person, and he did not extend personhood to his victims. We didn't have a fake coworker relationship. We had a real one. And just like I don't know the ins-and-outs of most of my coworkers lives, I had no idea that what he did on his down time was perpetrate horrors.

I know this is getting off the topic, but it's so very important. Especially as a message to cis guys: please understand that you won't recognize a creep the way you might think you will. If you're not the preferred prey, the hind-brain alarm won't go off. You have to listen to victims, not your gut feeling that the person seems perfectly nice and normal. It doesn't mean there's never a false accusation, but face the fact that it's usually real, and you don't have enough information to say otherwise.

So, yeah. It fucking sucks. Writing about this twists my insides into tense knots, and it was almost a decade ago. I was never in danger. No one I knew was hurt!

Just countless, powerless women, horrifically abused by someone who was nice to me.

You don't trust your own judgement quite the same way, after. And as utterly shitty as it is, as twisted up and unstead-in-the-world as I felt the day I found out — I don't actually think that's a bad thing.

I think we all need to question our own judgement. It makes us better people.

I don't see villains around every corner just because I knew one, once. But I do own the fact that I can't know, really know, about anyone except those closest to me. They have their own full lives. They'll go from the pinnacles of kindness to the depths of depravity — and I won't know.

It's not a failing. It's just being human. Something to remember before you slap labels on people, before you condemn them or idolize them. Think about how much you can't know, and how flawed our judgement always is.

Grieve for victims, and the feeling of betrayal. But maybe let yourself off the hook, and be a bit slower to skewer others on it.

[jadedblack]

Somewhere between light and darkness

We've sunken deep

There's love at the bottom of the ocean

[jadedblack]

it's so wild to me that you absolutely cannot force a hyperfixation to happen. like you'll watch the most perfectly tailor-made-for-you content that everyone says you'll love and feel absolutely nothing, and then the thing you watch on a whim to fill time will reach through the screen and put its damn fingers in your brain and start rearranging the neurons right in front of you and every single time you're like THIS??? THIS??????? and this happens like every 6-12 months forever

[jadedblack]

"cringe culture is dead" ok but does that include ppl you find ugly, ppl who are into hobbies or fandoms you find weird, ppl w kinks you find odd, autistic people who dont fit your standards, mentally ill people who dont fit your standards, 12 year olds having fun, 30 year olds having fun, furries, fat ppl who dont fit ur standards, or is it just conventionally attractive alt ppl who fit the beauty standard. answer quick

[jadedblack]

Sorry we can’t cbt our way out of the fact that the earth is becoming observably less habitable with each passing year

[jadedblack]

Surprise! Tumblr just got turned into an epic fantasy RPG, just like [your favorite appropriate media franchise]. And the Tumblr RPG's plot needs to have all of its characters covered, in roles both large and small.

That means that you are assigned to a stereotypical RPG role inside our new fantasy world. Spin this wheel to find out what you are now doing for a living.

[jadedblack]

something i genuinely love about making kink art for people is there's an honesty about them. like someone contacting me to say "can you draw my fursona being pampered and fattened by toriel from undertale" and i say "yeah gimmie like a week to get a wip ready." like its so mundane. but think for a moment that person is confiding with me a deep fantasy they have. something they might not tell a lot of other people about. definitely not family or coworkers or non-furry friends. but they're coming to me, fully exposed. their soul laid bare. naked. about something they feel deep within. and for me it is tuesday. i dunno i feel like i live in a world where a lot of creative works have to focus more and more on keeping up appearances. Marketing themselves, being advertiser friendly, obeying whatever trend or algorithm demands it. A lot of it feels disconnected from people. So having someone come to me personally and request: "draw the avatar of myself being loved exactly the way i want to be loved" or "draw this person who represents my ideal partner" or "draw me loving my body" or hell even "draw me being a nasty bitch" it's honest. it's brave. it's intimate and trusting. i think its beautiful. Hell yeah i'll draw it. Your dream deserves to be given life and i really hope i succeed.

[jadedblack]

don’t be cowards !!! leave kudos and comments on smut too !!!!!

[jadedblack]

[jadedblack]

my phone isn’t charging even though i plugged her innnnn dramatic ass bitch. YOUR PUSSY IS FILLED! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT

[jadedblack]

things that people treat like moral traits when they're not:

hygiene

punctuality

appearance

language

being good at these don't make you a good person, and being bad at these don't make you a bad person.

you can be dirty, messy, late, fat, and you can write with spelling mistakes every two words, and none of this makes you a bad person.

we need to stop treating this as moral failings.

[jadedblack]

[jadedblack]

“The forest kept shrinking, and the trees kept voting for the axe. It was made of wood, so they thought it was one of them.”

Old Turkish Proverb

[jadedblack]

(◡‿◡✿) happy birthday dean!!! January 24th, 1979 (◡‿◡✿)

I got no idea, but what I do have is a GED and a “give ‘em hell” attitude and I’ll figure it out.

[jadedblack]

CLAP AND CHEER FOR THE BIRTHDAY BOY!!!

[jadedblack]

[jadedblack]

Gotta admit the headline is a banger.