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Nonono, Champagne is the city. You’re thinking of Champagne’s Monster.

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I can't stop thinking about this reddit post on soapmaking dude

I cannot express what an insane recipe that is. No one else could grasp it either

Like beeswax doesn't. It kinda just stays as beeswax in the soap. The lye has nowhere to go with it. That liquid seeping out of the soap? The brown and clear drops?? That's lye. That's straight up lye. This mf made the soap equivalent of the Chernobyl elephants foot.

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rubbing my penis

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And remember, engineering graduates. The number one rule of any ship design is make it entirely explode if it gets bumped the wrong way. Like hitting your funny bone.

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I have a live grenade in my pocket and I’m not afraid to

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Someone matched my freak 13 dead 79 injured

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Guy who dries his dishes on a spin cycle like

[horrible cacophony of shattering ceramic and mechanical motors]

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[dumping kerosene on your lawn] Don’t you hate it when people set your house on fire?

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The really fucked up thing about it is the game looks fun based on the demo. That’s a game I want to play. Unfortunately when I download it it’s actually an ad player that occasionally has minigames.

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If you’re there when I die I’m taking you down with me.

i never understood when people say we're all born alone and we'll all die alone.

Never mind that I have a twin,,, who is ever born without a mother?? It's a simple fact of life that we literally can't be born alone??

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Neither of my parents were present for my birth.

i never understood when people say we're all born alone and we'll all die alone.

Never mind that I have a twin,,, who is ever born without a mother?? It's a simple fact of life that we literally can't be born alone??

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“You wouldn’t say that about your sewing machine—”

I command the sewing machine. It caters to my whims. The sewing machine holds no sway over my being as it knows without it I will hand sew as I always have. It knows not the toaster’s pride. You know nothing and will perish come winter.

I don’t even check the toaster settings before I start it. If my toast burns that is between the toaster and God.

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I don’t even check the toaster settings before I start it. If my toast burns that is between the toaster and God.

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Hannibal Lectern.

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(Tags from @/sauntering-vaguely-downwards)

macarons are deeply fascinating to me. it’s such a precise science with so many highly sensitive variables. all to create a pastry that isnt that good

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I love Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland but I loathe how edgy subcultures have turned it into some one dimensional thing associated with psychedelics and other drugs.

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I am not beating the “beating the allegations” allegations.