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bhfhffhhh
i hate thinking about things god fhfiuckk. we dont wanna leave colorado at fucking all. we are infinitely happier here and even the thought of going back to texas is enough to make us feel like sobbing. here we actually fucking do things. this is the most consistently we’ve eaten ever in our memories. we’ve showered more than we usually do and we absolutely fucking brush our teeth more. hell, we didnt even take our toothbrush out of our fucking travel bag in between the last trip to colorado and this one. we’re just in general so much fucking happier. it feels like we’re just constantly miserable in texas, other than going skating maybe. all we fucking do is lay in bed. we dont have the energy to do shit, we cant even manage to get ourselves to play video games or watch movies. it feels like the only other thing we ever do with our free time there is driving to different stores and spending all of our damn money. we’ve realized we would rather live in colorado without our dog than in texas with her. it feels awful putting that into words. we love her so, so fucking much but we also cannot stand that fucking city anymore. its not like we even do much with her there. we feel so fucking guilty about it but there are days where we don’t interact with her at all because we just cant get ourselves to do anything in general. it just sucks there so much. the entire time we’re in texas we’re just painfully waiting until we have the next opportunity to go to colorado
#random side note#our mom was telling us how bentley has been sleeping in the bed we usually do at our moms house#and how they’ve both slept so much better#which. does not help with us feeling like bothing but an inconvenience
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intrusive thoughts pretty bad currently. we feel like it deserves so so much better than us. bfbhrjegdhgbfhdk wish brain would stop saying shit like “Hey. The only solution to this is death!”
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what the fuckhhkd. emotions are so strong and we cant shake the feeling that they dont truly want us or will soon grow tired of us. no matter how much we scroll through his account, seeing all the things about us, we cannot help but think that feelings for us somehow completely changed in a moment. we feel guilty for feeling this way because if he does truly love and care about us as much as he says, then how does he feel about us struggling to believe that? we try so, so fucking hard to believe we are loved and a lot of the time we do but sometimes it just feels impossible that someone could feel that way about us and. grahgdgg fuck
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