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17/3 - 7/2. RJAP.

hi jer, how are you? you feel safe down there? i hope you are. i miss you.

its been 2 days since youre gone,

and also since the first time i knew about how it feels to be losing a friend (lost in a real meaning). im sorry for being such a weak, sobber. im sorry, but its just so hard to actually believe that youre not here anymore. its so hard to not being sad and tears up when i remember you. one day i could, one day i failed. im sorry...

but im trying though. i know you dont want me to be like this. thats why i want you to forgive me. youre such a good friend, jer. and by that i mean more than just a good friend. more than that. you would never know how lovely you are to be a friend of someone.

i wasnt really enjoying the day when it happened. i dont know i was just felt so empty and not excited about everything that day that i just wanted to be there beside you, that time when you were still here in the same world as mine, but with your eyes closed. im sorry i was just too selfish to go and having no care about every business i had. im sorry...

until it was too late.

i broke down when i heard the news, jer. yes, i cried. i was just with my bf when i heard it and he tried to handle me bc i couldnt even handle my self. i couldnt handle myself to stop crying. it was just happening. im sorry...

he tried to calmed me by saying “were going there, were going there its okay” about million times. but i was just like sitting there staring at my laptop blankly while he cleaned everything up. and we went to the hospital.

i was half running, i didnt even know what was happening around me jer. all i had in my mind was you. i didnt know if it was just a joke or not. all i knew is that i was so shattered.

we werent arrived at hospital yet when my friend told me to go to your house instead. bc you were already on your way to home.

then we turned around to go to your home.

and we arrived.

but you werent there yet.

we waited quite long until you came......

yes you came, i could see that. but you didnt come alone. and you didnt even come with your car. wheres your car? wheres your bike? why did you come with an ambulance?

i broke down again, jer. im sorry...

to see you lying there in an ambulance having no ability to even move a little made me unable to think clearly. i went to pieces. it also convinced me to the fact that it was all true that you were actually gone.

i know itll be such a waste to say hundred, million times of sorry and thanks but i just want to spill everything out.

you were one of best friends someone could ever ask for, jer. i hope you know that. i love you very very much, thankyou for making me feel that i belong to somewhere. hope youre in peace, hope that Allah SWT forgives all of your sins and put you on His best place.

Thankyou for being my friend though just for a while, thankyou thankyou thankyou.

and now, the only thing i can do to repay your kindness is to pray for you from here.

Salam XXV jer, salam Paskibra Achmad Yani. we love you.

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