itsjustlikethatseinfeld

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

The comedian describes the anatomy of his Pop-Tart joke, still a work in progress, and shows his longhand writing process.

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

Rental Cars

JERRY: "I hate rental cars. Nothin' ever works: the window doesn't work, the radio doesn't work... and it smells like a cheap hooker. [pause] Or is that you?"

ELAINE: "Gimme ten bucks and find out."

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

On Revenge

JERRY: "What is the point of all this?"

GEORGE: "Revenge."

JERRY: "You know, the best revenge is living well."

GEORGE: "There's no chance of that."

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

A Mickey Source

GEORGE: "I'm gonna slip him a mickey."

JERRY: "What, in his drink? Are you out of your mind? What are you Peter Lorrie?"

GEORGE: "You don't understand, he's having this party, he's been planning it for months. This is going to destroy the whole thing!"

JERRY: "What if you destroy him?"

GEORGE: "No, no, no, don't worry, I researched it. It's perfectly safe. He'll get a little woozy...he might keel over."

JERRY: "What does that do, big deal."

GEORGE: "This is what they would do in the movies. It's the beautiful thing, it's like a movie. I'm gonna slip him a mickey!"

JERRY: "You've really gone mental. Where are you gonna get this mickey? I can't believe I'm SAYING mickey."

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

Puddy FTW

JERRY: "Have you noticed your boyfriend has developed an annoying little habit?"

ELAINE: "The squinting?"

JERRY: "No."

ELAINE: "The staring?"

JERRY: "No."

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

It's a Breeze

GEORGE: "So Whatley's still Jewish?"

JERRY: "Sure. Without the parents, it's a breeze."

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

"You know if you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life and condense it down into one day...it looks decent!"

George Costanza (Seinfeld - The Muffin Tops)

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

AGREED.

David Puddy was the greatest minor character not named Newman on the show.

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

Man Fur

JERRY: "So Puddy wears a man fur?"

ELAINE: "He was struttin around the coffee shop like Stein Erickson."

JERRY: "And of course, you find fur morally reprehensible."

ELAINE: "Eh, anti-fur. Who has the energy anymore. This is more about hanging off the arm of an idiot."

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

The Hitler Stuff

JERRY: "What's going on?"

GEORGE: "Siege mentality, Jerry. They really want me out of here. They've downgraded me to some kind of a bunker. I'm like Hitler's last days, here."

JERRY: "So are you going to leave?"

GEORGE: "Oh, no. I'm invigorated! They'll never get me out. I'm like a weed, Jerry."

JERRY: "I thought you're like Hitler in the bunker?"

GEORGE: "I'm a weed in Hitler's bunker."

JERRY: "I'm getting a little uncomfortable with the Hitler stuff."

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

Involved

JERRY: "What do you mean, involved?"

KRAMER: "Well I ran out onto the court and threw a hotdog at Reggie Miller. Involved. Then they threw me, Reggie, and Spike out of the game."

ELAINE: "So, that's it?"

KRAMER: "Well I felt pretty bad about the everything. Then the three of us, we went to a strip club."

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

Sweatshop Eggs

KRAMER: "Kurt, taste these eggs."

KURT: "Uh, no. I only eat cage free, farm fresh."

KRAMER: "Yes. These are sweatshop eggs!"

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

I dare you not to laugh. So freaking awkward.

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

"People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax."

Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld)

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

I'll Give Him That

JERRY: "Newman! He's going with Newman!"

GEORGE: "How does Whatley even know Newman?"

JERRY: "Newman's his mailman."

GEORGE: "Who goes to the Superbowl with their mailman?"

JERRY: "Who goes anywhere with Newman?"

GEORGE: "Well...he's merry."

JERRY: "He is merry. I'll give him that."

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

The Glitteratti

KRAMER: "You're dating this woman?"

GEORGE: "Yeah."

KRAMER: "Ooh, George. You're becoming one of the glitteratti."

GEORGE: "What's that?"

KRAMER: "...people who glitter."

[itsjustlikethatseinfeld]

Off With Their Heads

ELAINE: "I'll tell you what, could you tape the rest of the pig men and the women who love them conversation and I'll listen to it the next time I'm here. I gotta go find a moyle."

KRAMER: "You know, Elaine, you should call that off. It's a barbaric ritual!"

ELAINE: "Maybe one day, when the pig men roam free it'll be stopped, Kramer. Until then...off with their heads."