itsjustemmett

[itsjustemmett]

alittlevnsteady​:

“anything for you.” enzo replies, returning emmett’s smile. “of course i do. and i mean every word. you know i wouldn’t lie to you, not about anything. we’ve always been honest with each other.” they point out, looking back at him. “please. you know i have more more space than i need at my place. i have a spare bedroom that’s all yours if you want it, seriously. besides, i’d love the company.” enzo says, taking off their jacket and scarf once they make it to his place, hanging them by the door. “i’m okay, just a little chilly.” and also a little tired, but enzo didn’t want to be a downer. there wasn’t really a good way to talk about his current diagnosis without being a downer, so he pretty much avoided it as much as he could. “”you know where everything is. i’m gonna go find a cozy blanket…you can come join me in my room when you’re ready. there’s plenty of room in my bed for the both of us.” 

   every day he thanked the universe for bringing enzo into his life. he was one of the best people emmett knew, and right now, he was everything emmett needed to ease the pain he felt. emmett was the sunshine to many in his life, but enzo was his. the offer to become roommates with him, well, it was beyond tempting. it was a dream, how could it not be? he was just scared to move in with a friend, especially with how royally he felt he screwed up with his last roommate and he didn’t start off as a friend. the last thing he wanted was for enzo to see every side of him and get fed up with him, he doesn’t really know if he could handle heartbreak coming from enzo of all people. as they enter their place, emmett listens to enzo speak, the offer came popping back into his head. he gave enzo a small smile and nod when the other told him about going to find a blanket, then he goes to the kitchen to set up for some baking later on. and it’s as he’s setting up, pulling out butter to soften, preheating the oven, taking out bowls he’ll need for mixing, it hits him how very much at home he already was. his smile grows a little more as he sets down the last bowl he’ll need later, then heading towards enzo’s room. “hey enzo,” he gently speaks up, leaning against the doorway, looking at his friend underneath the blankets, “i think i’ll take you up on that offer. if you’re really sure you dont’ mind, of course.” he comes over to lay in the end, not hesitating to get underneath the blankets, cuddling up to enzo. “we’ll have to talk rent, of course,” he says, wrapping his arms around them, “but, we can talk about that later. we can talk about all of that later. right now...”he nuzzles his face into enzo’s side, softly sighing, “...i just want to cuddle. “

[itsjustemmett]

candydrippings​:

Sometimes Andrej wondered if he even knew what real love and emotions were. Had his parents fucked him up so badly that he wasn’t even sure how to recognise anything he was feeling? Maybe he didn’t love Emmett or Grayson. Or maybe he loved Emmett more. Maybe he loved someone else. He didn’t know, all he knew was that he hated having to decipher anything he felt. Sometimes the anger and sadness were easier to figure out than the good things. As he watched Emmett and Aristotle together, he’d realised how much he missed that – the innocence and simplicity of it all. Maybe Andrej had fallen in love with Emmett because he’d sat here and watched his dog fall in love with him too. It shouldn’t have hurt so much when he stood up but it DID, yet Andrej could barely bring himself to turn around and face him. Instead he stared at the water. Maybe it would have been easier if he just slid in there and stayed underwater until he could no longer breathe. “It’s stupid but sometimes I wonder if life would have been easier if I never met you or Gray. Then at least that way I wouldn’t know what I’m missing out on.” A sad laugh left his lips. “Hating the world is so much fucking EASIER, you know? Loving people and caring about people just ends up hurting in the end. I don’t expect anything to last with Gray. And I don’t expect you to stick around for much longer either.” He shrugged.

“Maybe I just don’t know what love even is. I’m so fucked up that I probably don’t even know how to love,” he said bitterly. The more he thought about it, the more he was glad that Emmett was being pushed away before Andrej could poison him. Maybe that was why he liked Grayson so much because a part of him was already poisoned, unlike Emmett who was so perfect and pure. “You think it makes sense to me either?” he suddenly snapped back, turning to look at Emmett, his eyes and face now sharp. “I KNOW it doesn’t make sense to love you both but I just do, that’s just the way it worked out. Maybe I’m wrong about the whole thing I don’t love you but right now? Right now, I feel I do love you. And maybe you don’t want to hear that but I’m tired of not saying shit just because other people don’t want to hear it. No one wants to hear the hard shit but that’s half of what I am. People don’t want to know how dark it is in here.” He pointed to his head as he spoke before finally dropping his gaze again. “We were probably never meant to be. Maybe we have love for each other but I would have just torn you apart in the end and left you to deal with the mess.” Suddenly he was beginning to remember why he was never honest with anyone because his truth just caused more pain in the end because it just wasn’t what people wanted to hear. He stood up too but he didn’t take Emmett’s hand, not sure if he could bring himself to. “Okay. Fine. Just because there’s still shit we haven’t said yet.” 

   now it wasn’t very common when this happened, and many people didn’t even realize it could happen, but emmet felt his blood boil at some of the stuff andrej was saying. he was still trying to hold back because he didn’t want aristotle to get overwhelmed with two emotional humans, and he really wanted to have hot chocolate with andrej. but, it was proving to be a hard task to do. he looks down at his hand, sighing a little, bringing it back to tuck snuggly into his jacket pocket. even after andrej had said everything, despite the rising tension within emmett, he still remained as calm as he could muster up to be and let himself process things as much as possible. his mind refused to believe andrej loved him; it just kept telling him that there was no way it was possible, it was all he could do to keep himself from crumbling right now. “andrej,” he finally says after a couple of minutes of silence, letting out another soft sigh, “what more is left to be said?” he pauses in his steps, turning to face the other, “i don’t know what else to say. you’re my best friend, but even you look at me as a weak person. you don’t think i could handle myself if we were together, do you? and no one wants to hear the hard shit? tell me that to my face, andrej. look at me and tell me i pushed you away, and i didn’t listen. tell me that i never wanted to be there through the hard times.” he took an involuntary step forward; his voice was calm though, he wasn’t angry, he was just drained. “i don’t want to hear you love me because, at the same time, i do want to hear it. i love you so, so much.” another sigh leaves his lips, “don’t you see how head over heels i am for you, andrej? i’m..so in love with you; it’s insane. even with how hard everything is, all i want is to pull you close and get lost in you. but i can’t love you. it’s not fair to love you, is it? because your heart isn’t mine, right? i already came between you and grayson once, unintentionally, i don’t want to do it again intentionally this time. if you keep telling me you love me, i’ll keep fighting for you, i’ll never let go.”

   “aren’t i supposed to be letting go?” he questioned out loud, not really realizing he had done so, “for what it’s worth, i am sticking around. i don’t ever break a promise, andrej, and i don’t make one i can’t keep. i meant it when i said i was here for the long run, through thick and thing, and i will stand by that until the end of time. even now, with how dark everything seems, i wouldn’t trade meeting you and grayson for anything in the world. i’ve learned so much from you guys, and i’ve made some of the best memories in that place with each of you. especially aristotle.” he glanced down at the pup giving him a little grin, before looking up to look at andrej again, “i can’t imagine hating the world to be an easier thing to do; that’s so much energy i have to keep feeding; eventually it’ll drain you dry. it just seems like such an impossible task to keep going.” he turns to look ahead for a second, “i don’t know. maybe it’s foolish of me to believe this, but i just can’t believe we would’ve fallen apart as easily as you believe it would’ve happened. if i’m as good as you claim me to be, if i help you stay sober, if i can bring that light into your life that you claim to need, right? that has to count for something.” he looks back to andrej again,  “as chaotic as things may seem, i never stopped loving you once throughout this entire journey. this is the worst i’ve seen you, and maybe it’s not even the worst you’ve been, and i certainly don’t want to see you like this anymore. even if you don’t want it, i want to help get you sober again. if that there was more left to say, i think i’ve said my fair share. in the end, it’s up to you to let me in or keep hating that i want to be let in and continue pushing me away. now, tell me, andrej, what more do you have to say?”

[itsjustemmett]

candydrippings​:

All Andrej wanted to do right now was run the opposite direction – the way he was apparently good at doing – but he knew Aristotle wouldn’t be happy if Andrej took him away from one of his favourite humans once again, so he stayed. Most of the time it really was just easier to run away when things got hard and deep down, he wondered how long it would last with Grayson until he decided he needed to escape again. Right now, he could sense how awkward Emmett felt – he wasn’t stupid. This was weird and awkward for both of them. He was sitting here next to his best friend yet he had no idea what to say. He nodded slowly, not really sure that he believed Emmett when he said he was fine because if anything, he appeared to be the exact opposite. But he was glad that Emmett didn’t ask the same question in return because Andrej didn’t feel like lying right now. He wasn’t fine. Maybe he had Grayson back on his side but he wasn’t okay and he was tired of pretending so it was just easier for him when people didn’t ask. “I’m not expecting you to talk to me. We can sit here in silence if that’s easier… I just think Aristotle wanted to see you, y’know? It’s been hard for me.” It’s been hard for me, Andrej wanted to say, but it was just easier to project everything onto his dog, as stupid as that sounded. 

He hadn’t really been expecting Emmett to say much to him – if anything – so he was surprised at Emmett’s sudden outburst and couldn’t even hide that surprise from his expression. For a second, he remained quiet and just blinked at Emmett before suddenly turning away so he wouldn’t be able to see his face. Honestly, Andrej was just worried that he wouldn’t be able to control his emotions and would end up doing something stupid like crying. In some ways, he preferred it when he just felt empty because then at least he wasn’t feeling too much. “You’re one of the very first people in the world I’ve trusted,” he finally said in a quiet voice. “Of course you fucking mattered, you mattered more to me than anyone else in the world. I loved you, still do, in fact. I know you probably don’t want to hear that but I’m tired of lying about my feelings all the time. My favourite memories are with you. I learned happiness with you. I stayed fucking sober because of you. You don’t even know how many times I almost slipped and didn’t because you were around.” Andrej genuinely hadn’t ever thought he’d be able to experience happiness until Emmett had come along. Grayson too, but Emmett had been different – Emmett had been GOOD for him. “You’re still my best friend. Even if we’re not talking, you’ll still always be my best friend and I’ll still always have love for you. I hate not having you around, I’ve missed you and all the stupid shit we did together.” It was an odd feeling being both heartbroken and in love all at the same time. 

   he didn’t respond to andrej’s comment about aristotle; instead, he reached out to give the pup some well-deserved head scratches. he didn’t see the point in stating the obvious anymore, how he cared for andrej, how hard it had been when he knew that andrej knew how hard it was for him. the last conversation they had, things felt like perhaps they’d go in the direction emmett was hoping for, but as the days followed after it, he quickly began to learn to he was so very wrong. without even thinking about it, emmett rests his head against aristotle’s body, softly sighing. if andrej was okay with sitting in silence, then that’s what emmett would do. at least that’s what he wanted to do after his outburst, but he listened as andrej spoke; he knew he couldn’t run from the other forever. not that he ever had, but right now, he really wanted to. even though andrej’s words were nice to hear, they also hurt more than assuming he didn’t matter to the other. he even, as unintentional as it was, winced hearing the other say he loved him still. suddenly his throat felt thick with an invisible lump, and he tried to swallow it so he could get something out, anything, but he couldn’t. instead, he turned to kiss aristotle on his side, letting out another soft sigh that sounded more like a whimper, before pulling away from the pup and standing up. “you’re still my best friend, too, andrej, you’ll always be one of my best friends, despite how hard things feel right now. and everything you’re saying sounds so good, so nice because it’s everything i want to hear.” he paused, forcing himself to swallow the lump in his throat,  finally looking over at andrej, “ but i just feel like maybe it’s not me you’re in love with, as much as i wish that were true, as much as much heart yearns for that, i can’t stop thinking about how it’s not me in the end.” it was too late to stop himself now, his words just kept tumbling out, not that emmett really cared anymore. he cared, just not at the moment; at the moment, he couldn’t stop his open wound from pouring out the pain he felt. 

   “how can you be in love with me and still not choose me in the end? how does that make sense? these are questions i have also asked myself, andrej, and the only thing i could think of is that while there’s no doubt in my heart that you do love me, i think you’re more in love with the idea of me. it feels good to know that i do matter, though, i can hear it in your voice that you do care, and that’s all i could ever ask of you. i don’t want to stop talking with you; that’s so stupid, it feels like such a high school thing to do, but i also know it hurts a lot right now. it’s an ache i am willing to push through with you if you’d let me, but you can’t keep hurting me. telling me you’re in love with me...that’s so painful to hear. and i am not telling you how you’re feeling, i’m just telling you what it looks like from my end, and, on my end, it looks like you’re in love with grayson. it’s okay. i would never hold your feelings against you. we can’t help how we feel, but we can help how we go about said feelings. maybe we both got lost in the idea of what the other could hold for us, me the idea of running off into the sunset with your best friend, and you, well, i’m not sure why you fell for me. either way, i’d like to have you back in my life as my friend. a proper friend. do you think we could do that?” he asked, hopeful, reaching a hand out for the other to take if he chose to do so. “if we can, do you want to grab some hot chocolate? for old times sake?”

[itsjustemmett]

alittlevnsteady​:

“i’m just a little extra tired these days, but that’s nothing a power nap can’t fix.” enzo says with a soft grin, not really wanting to get into the why of things. the last thing they wanted to be was a downer. “me? you know i don’t take days off, babe. i have a bakery to run!” he chuckles, shaking his head. “i will, however, always clear a day for you. i always have time for you, emmett.” even if their time was limited. everything was still so unknown, still up in the air. enzo didn’t like thinking about it. so instead they turn their attention to their best friend, letting out a sympathetic hum when emmett tells them how they’ve been doing. “i’m sorry, em…that really sucks. but you know it’s totally his loss, right? you’re the best guy i know and you deserve to be with someone who loves and appreciates you for you.” enzo says gently, leaning over to press a kiss to the top of his best friend’s head. “and you’re gonna come live with me. i have the room and you’re welcome to stay with me as long as you want or need. or hell, forever. my door’s always open to you. you’re like, my favorite person. i’m not gonna let you be alone.”  

   emmett returns the soft grin, giving a little nod at his friends response, he understand that feeling too. “hm. what if i asked you to clear three days for me?” he teased, laughing a little bit, his soft grin turning into a smile. his smile and laughter slowly die down as their conversation heads into what’s been going on in his life, but he still manages to keep a weak smile on his lips at enzo’s kind, reassuring words. “thank you, enzo. i appreciate that.” a soft sigh leaves his lips still, his shoulders dropping a little, “i’m sure if i share the same sentiment, i don’t think i’m much of a loss, but i appreciate you thinking that highly of me. i think right now it’s just hard for me to see the light in anything that involves me.” the gentle kiss warmed emmett’s heart, as does the offer to come live him. “oh, enzo! that’s so sweet of you. i couldn’t just come impose on you like that,” he looks up to meet his friends gaze, warmly smiling, “though it sounds like a dream to live with you. living with my best friend? how could it get better than that? and i hope you know my door is also always open for you, wherever that may be.” the way to enzo’s was as cold as the weather tried to make it seem, the world had a way with warming up whenever enzo was around. he made sure to take his shoes off when they arrived so as not to track snow into his place and leave wet footprints. “i can get things set up before crashing on your couch, because, i’m not going to lie, the snow kinda drained me a bit. how are you feeling?”

[itsjustemmett]

alittlevnsteady​:

"you know i have employees to help me clean up, right? you don’t have to!” enzo insists, shaking their head. he’d be back in the morning to get ready for the day and could clean up then, or he could text a couple of his employees to see if they wanted to come in a little early and make a little extra money. either way, he wasn’t about to make his friend clean up after them. “It’s fine. let me just put a few things in the back and then we’re good to go.” enzo insists, dusting his hands off on his apron. “i’ll be back in five.” 

making sure to hang up their apron before returning, stepping out from behind the counter. “let’s go. full warning though, i may need a power nap while whatever you’re planning on dazzling me with is in the oven. i haven’t been feeling too hot lately, you know how it is.” enzo says with a shrug, linking their arm through emmett’s as they walk out of the bakery. “i don’t wanna talk about that though. how’ve you been holding up, my darling? be honest.” 

   “oh, yeah.” emmett lightly laughs, blushing a little, sometimes he did forget his best friend owned an entire bakery. he sets the plate back down still laughing a little at himself, giving enzo a little nod when he tells him he’ll be right back. he watches them walk off to do their last bit of closing up duties, smiling the entire time. he probably shouldn’t have thought this, considering how often he changed careers choices, but the idea of working at the blackberry bakery with his best friends seemed really tempting right about now.  then it hit him. maybe he would sneak enzo into the zoo one night and give him an after hours tours of the place as a thank you for always being so kind with him and giving him free pastries. 

   “a power nap sounds pretty great if you ask me. perhaps i’ll take one with you before i begin the baking process.” he frowns a little when enzo admits to not having felt great lately, his eyebrows knitting together in concern, “when was the last time you took a couple of days off of work to rest, sunshine? i’m going to have to insist you take some self-care days soon, and then i’m going to steal for one of those days and have you join me at the zoo.” he offered his friend an encouraging smile as he walked along side them, happily linked together. “how am i holding up?” he sighed a little, looking away from enzo now, staring straight ahead as they walked, “i’ve been managing to get by, i guess. remember how i was telling you about that andrej guy? it’s...not going to work out with him.  he’s..” he shakes his head, letting out another soft sigh, “...it just wasn’t meant to be is all. which is fine, i’ll be okay, it’s just going to take a little bit of time to recover. what i need to focus on is where the heck i am going to live now. i don’t think poor jai wants me sleeping on his couch forever.”

[itsjustemmett]

shredmytapestry​:

RAVI.

ravi hadn’t spoken to emmett ever since their conversation in his office. they hadn’t even spoken to grayson ever since the night of the picnic. the only person he’d spoken to was andrej and that conversation didn’t bring up all the drama that had occurred. the month had been busy for him with his phd project and he’d dropped the ball with checking in. so when they saw emmett sitting alone they speed walked their way over and offered a smile as they sat down. ‘hi em. could i please? i’m not this prepared even if i lived in the arctic for years.’ they laughed softly but felt the tenseness surrounding them as they took the pocket warmer. ‘don’t beat yourself up, you’re always amazing company. what’s the matter?’ ravi asked, bumping shoulders with emmett to meet his gaze. ‘are you okay? do you want a hug? i missed you, buddy. i should’ve texted you, i’ve just been so busy but that’s no excuse. please tell me if i can make anything better, at least let me try.’

   as nice as it was to hear ravi’s familiar voice, he couldn’t really bring himself to muster up a smile; he just looked up at them and gave a little nod. it did make him feel a little better to see his pocket warmer be taken; it was to be able to bring some warmth to someone in some way these days. he gives a weak smile at the shoulder bump, letting out a soft sigh, “i don’t think i’m going to be okay for a while. even when i move on from this, i don’t think i’ll truly move on. not that i think i’ll be stuck on andrej for the rest of my life, i just...i don’t know if i’ll be able ever fully to let myself fall for someone again.” he looked down to his hands, shaking his head a little, “i’m just so sad, ravi. everything hurt. a lot. i...” he trailed off, tears swelling in his eyes, “...i’ve missed you, too.” he looks over to meet their gaze again, “it’s okay, ravi. the phone works both ways, i should’ve texted too. i’ve just been so caught up in my stupid bubble of sadness that i haven’t really thought of anything else.” he lets out a soft sigh, weakly smiling at the other, “i would love a hug.” without another word, he reaches out to wrap his arms around the other, tightly hugging them. maybe it was how warm ravi felt, or because he hadn’t felt the warmth of another human around him since before christmas, but he felt so overwhelmed that he began to cry softly. “it was never me in the end. ravi. it was always grayson, and i don’t....i’m so tired of not being good enough...”

[itsjustemmett]

forevertouched​:

remy hadn’t expected to see anyone else hanging out at the docks. it was the middle of winter, after all, and nobody was really going out for a sail. not that remy owned a boat. he just liked looking at the water from time to time. it was relaxing. 

with his classes done with for the day, remy had decided to go for a little walk before heading home, not wanting to stay out in the cold for too long. winter weather wasn’t kind to his lungs these days. 

not saying much as he approaches, remy lets emmett speak, nodding slowly at the younger man’s words. “you look cold. are you alright?” he asks, taking a moment to look emmett over, protective dad mode activated. “no need to apologize, really. why don’t we go get some hot chocolate or something, get warmed up?”

   emmett looked up at the other with glazed-over eyes, sadly smiling at him, "that depends on your definition of alright, mister. part of me is alright because i am alive and healthy. another part of me, a part that feels like it's eating me up, is far from alright. that part is very, very damaged and...i don't really know what to do about it anymore." he let his gaze drop to his hands again, letting out a loud, sad sigh. 

   "you know, hot chocolate sounds great." he turns around to get up, looking up to meet the older male's gaze, "i'm not that cold, i just like hot chocolate. i'm not sure what i am right now. i think i stopped physically feeling anything...i don't even know. it feels like a lot longer than it probably has been." he shoves his hands into his pocket, walking along the dock, "i'm emmett. it's nice to meet you, sir. i mean, i know i look a little bit of a mess, but i promise i'm not normally like this. perhaps hot chocolate is exactly what i need to lift up this grey cloud that seems to be following me around." 

[itsjustemmett]

candydrippings​:

It was probably fairly obvious to everyone who knew Andrej that he wasn’t doing his best right now. In fact, on a scale of being okay to being an absolute mess, he was definitely sitting perfectly on the latter option. Things felt almost as bad as they were back when he was a teenager, although he supposed at least this time he somewhat had a bigger support system to keep him going – not that Andrej even WANTED that because it just meant that there were multiple people he was going to let down when they realised that Andrej currently had no intentions of working to get better again. He was pretty sure that the only people who would be able to realise how bad things were was probably his brother, which was why Andrej was keeping away from him. 

It was difficult for him to get out of bed these days, so on the days he could actually manage it, he usually took Aristotle out for a long walk in hopes that the fresh air might actually make him feel slightly better. It was quiet out, which Andrej appreciated, and they were strolling along the boat dock together when suddenly Aristotle made a run for it towards a person who was sitting by the water. He was surprised at first because his dog NEVER did that but when he realised who he’d run towards, Andrej felt his heart sink. Emmett was probably the last person on earth who he wanted to see but his dog had pulled them together. “I… you don’t have to be polite, if you don’t want me to be here I won’t take offence.” But he did slowly sit down, feeling the awkwardness between them already. “Sorry, Ari decided he’d escape to see you. I think he misses you.” Almost as much as Andrej missed him, but he didn’t say that. “So… how are you?” he asked lamely, cringing to himself as he did. 

   it was a strange feeling to tense the moment he felt aristotle’s cold nose on his neck, if only because he knew that meant andrej was near by, but his tension didn’t last long with the pup and he soon reached up to give him a couple of head scratches. he looks up to meet andrej’s face, watching him slowly sit down, “oh, i don’t mind you here.” it wasn’t a lie, not entirely, it did hurt to have andrej here but he didn’t mind. he brings his hand back to play with the pocket warmer, his gaze once again falling to focus on that instead of anything else. the awkwardness was evident, though emmett tried to ignore it. “i miss ari, too.” he admits, his voice soft, continuing to play with the pocket warmer. it was hard but he didn’t let himself add how he missed andrej as well. the question felt almost like a joke, he couldn’t help the laugh that left his lips, not that there was any happiness in it, “i’m fine. i’m doing the best that i can do right now, you know, kinda all i can do.”  rather than asking the same question in return, emmett doesn’t say much for a moment longer, he lets his thoughts consume him for a moment. 

   as hard as it was to be around andrej he was also someone emmett wanted to be around, as in the end, he never wanted the other to forget he still treasured their friendship. he looks up from the pocket warmer in his hands, looking out into the horizon, “i’m not too sure what to say. you seem to be slightly better than the last time i saw you, which is good to see. i’m also too exhausted to try and be chipper, or think about something to talk about.” he looked up at the grey skies now, “the only question i can think of asking is, did i ever matter to you? i know it sounds cruel to ask, and, i don’t ever mean to be that way with you. i hope you know me better than that.” his eyes continue to scan the sky, for nothing in particular, just looking at the grayness of it all. “i just...i keep replaying things in my head. i replay all of our conversations at three in the morning, the ones in the kitchen, our christmas’s, everything down to that kiss we shared. even if we were just friends, i can’t help but think, you don’t do that to a friend. so, i boiled it down to that question, that one simple question, did i ever matter to you? yes or no. i don’t need a deep detailed answered, i don’t need anything deep from anyone, i never did, i only ever wanted a friend in you. it’s not my fault my feelings happened, they just did, and i don’t regret them. i just..i just want to know if i ever mattered.”

[itsjustemmett]

to: anyone! @moorbrookestarters​ location: moorbrooke’s boat docks (or a place similar lol)

   even though it was still chilly outside, emmett made his way to the boat docks. it had finally gotten to the point where emmett could no longer hold a smile on his face or even attempt to act like he was the slightest bit okay. truthfully, he was utterly broken down and worn out. as much as he wanted to smile for andrej and go back to the way things used to be between the two of them, he couldn’t. there was an immense amount of hurt that came now when he thought about andrej, a feeling that stung him harder than the heartbreak he had recently been put through. he wished, god did he wish, things could go back to what they used to be. there wasn’t a night that went by after he left andrej’s place that emmett didn’t miss everything about it, from three am cuddle sessions down to matching christmas sweaters. he missed hearing grayson and andrej bicker about the stupidest of things, though now looking back on it, it felt like they were intensely flirting more than anything, but most of all, he missed his friends. 

   as he walked towards the edge of the dock, emmett’s mind raced to different questions. were they his friends? did friends do what they had done to him? did andrej ever care about him? was he just a weird form of amusement for everyone? letting out a soft sigh, he shakes his head; it was hard not to let his mind continue to race. hearing the sound of someone approaching, emmett continued to mind his business; his sad, glossed-over eyes remained staring at the water. when it seemed like the footsteps were close enough to be within hearing range, em let out another soft sigh; by this point, he had sat down with his legs hanging off the dock, “you can sit if you’d like. i have some pocket hand warmer if you need anything to keep warm,” his voice is soft, sad, but he tries to make it seem as casual as he could, “but, then again, perhaps you have your own pocket warmers.” he takes out one of the pocket warmers, toying around with it in his hand a bit, “i’m afraid i won’t be very good company right now, though, so i’m sorry in advance.”

[itsjustemmett]

alittlevnsteady​:

watching emmett as he tries the dessert, enzo grins, clapping their hands at his reaction. “you really think so? thank you.”  they say, pleased. enzo was always happy to hear that someone was enjoying the bakery’s goods. enzo always trusted emmett to be honest too. they were best friends and they were always honest with each other, no matter what. 

“—hold on, you’ve got some…” trailing off, enzo reaches across the counter, their thumb swiping at the corner of emmett’s mouth lightly. “chocolate. there, all gone.” he hums, shrugging. “that sounds perfect. my kitchen’s pretty stocked at home, so you can find anything you need there, if you wanna do the baking at my place. or you can just come over whenever, you know my door’s always open to you.” the brunette points out, pausing for a minute to check the time on their watch. “if you give me an hour, i can probably call it a day. though you’re welcome to hang here or head over to my place, i don’t mind either way.” 

   the bright, warm smile that came to emmett's face was something he hadn't felt in what felt like years. everything had taken a huge toll on him lately, so much so that it was becoming harder to smile through the pain, it was physically draining to be a ray of sunshine these days, but enzo seemed to be able to bring that out of him effortlessly. "really, really" he happily reassures, giving a little nod. 

   "oh!" em lightly laughs, reaching up to touch the corner of his lips that enzo's thumb had brushed against, "th-thank you." he lets his hand drop back down to his side, trying to ignore how his stomach felt like it was in knots. enzo had always had a way with making him jittery. they were best friends, and while emmett felt entirely comfortable around enzo, there were still times he felt his nerves stir so much when he was around them, and he could never quite pin what it was. taking the last bite out of the pastry enzo had given him, emmett picks up the plate, "let me help you close up! i've got dishes, okay? we can tag team this and then head back to your place for that baking session." 

[itsjustemmett]

alittlevnsteady​:

“mm…yeah, you.” enzo replies, reaching to grab a plate to put whatever emmett wanted on. “i don’t see anyone else in here and i’m not talking about myself, so.” they point out, placing one of the hand pies onto the plate for their friend, pushing it towards him. “this one’s on me. and please, be brutally honest about what you think. i’m trying something new.” life was too short not to, at least that was what enzo told himself. besides, baking brought him joy, and he hoped his baked goods brought joy to other people too. 

pointing a finger at emmett, enzo smiles, waiting for his reaction. “you enjoy. and you know you don’t owe me anything, right? buuuut if you wanted to hang out, you know my door’s always open. you wanna come over later? i can probably wrap up here soonish. could be fun.”

   emmett’s cheeks flush a light shade of pink as he realizes how dumb he probably looked when the place was empty minus the two of them. “oh, right, duh.” he chuckles a little, happily reaching for the offered hand pie, “thank you so much! i bet this is going to be the best pie ever.” without another word he lifts the hand pie to his lips and takes a bite out of it. instantly his eyes close, and his lips curl into a warm, blissful smile as the savory treat melts in his on his tongue. “mmm!” his eyes flutter open after a second, focusing on enzo, “it’s delicious, enzo. really! it practically melts in your mouth! how do you do it?” he takes another bite out of the pie before setting it down on the plate in front of him, happily rocking back and forth on his heels a bit. 

   his eyes widen a little when enzo points his finger at him, but a light giggle escapes his lips. when enzo asks if he wants to hang out later, emmett is a little taken aback, if only because he wasn’t used to people asking him to hang out. plus, why would enzo want to waste their time on him anyway? still, there was no way emmett would pass the offer up. “i’d love to come hang out later, enzo. it’ll be a blast. i’ll even bring you one of my baked goods, and you can give me your honest opinion.” 

[itsjustemmett]

   ever since everything that’s been going on in his life with andrej, he’s been trying to avoid visiting delia’s cafe as much as possible, but he still argued delia’s had the best coffee in town. as a result, he’s been visiting the blackberry bakery more often these days, but if he were honest, he wasn’t entirely going for the baked goods anymore. although emmett was distracted with andrej and everything going on with him, that didn’t stop him from noticing how incredibly attractive the owner of the blackberry bakery was. enzo had caught emmett’s attention from the first time he stepped foot in the bakery and saw that contagious smile of theirs. 

   as usual, whenever anyone gave him even the smallest compliment, emmett’s cheeks flushed a light shade of pink. “me? handsome? you must have me mistaken.” he lightly chuckles, walking up to the counter, a warm smile forming on his lips. honestly, he hadn’t come in here for anything in particular besides to see enzo’s warm, friendly face. that’s all emmett needs right now, some warmth. lately, it had felt like life had just been trying to get him down, and the person who one spread the sunshine no longer had any in his world. “i’m here for something random. i don’t know. surprise me! what do you recommend, sunshine? those chocolate raspberry pies sound pretty delicious, especially if you made them.” he casually leans against the counter a little, letting his smile grow, “when are you going to let me bake you something, hm? you’re always so kind to me. it’s honestly the least i could do.”

closed starter for @itsjustemmett​

Humming along to the music they had playing in the background in the bakery, Enzo takes a tray out of the oven, carefully setting it down to cool. It had been a fairly busy day — not that they were complaining. Enzo loved it. Except for the fact that they got tired more easily these days, but at least they had employees to help out. Enzo loved and appreciated all of them so much.

Hearing the bell on the door ring, they turn to see Emmett walk in, waving him over. “Hey handsome.” Enzo says, grinning softly at their best friend. “What can I getcha today? I just took some chocolate raspberry hand pies out of the oven.” 

[itsjustemmett]

jaiadani​:

the past jai shared with emmett was a bit of a complicated thing, to say the least. the two dated in the past and although they were close, it often times felt more like a friendship than an actual relationship. the two men never even kissed, but jai expected that was because he simply wasn’t ready. despite the obvious romantic tension, things just sort of fizzled. if he was being honest, their feelings never fully went away, but he pretended he was cool with just being friends. if emmett only wanted to be friends, he couldn’t blame him for that. as emmett spoke, jai couldn’t help but laugh at his endorsement of the tragedy. it wasn’t their favorite, but even hipster jai recognized the appeal of the classics. “i guess you might have a point. i get to play mercutio. without a doubt, he’s the best in the entire production. no big deal,” he joked with a small smile. “um, you should come by one of the shows and see me cast ‘a plague on both houses’ and dramatically die,” he said, getting into character for the iconic line before quickly slipping back into regular ol’ jai mode. “i mean, if you aren’t busy? i won’t assume you even, like, want to,” jai said, a bit of their insecurity in the situation coming to the front. oops. jai couldn’t help but silently cringe, yet attempted to brush it off with a smile.

“yes! you’d make an amazing angel. from what i remember, you have quite the stage presence. i fully endorse this audition,” jai exclaimed. it made them happy to see emmett’s eyes light up with excitement, something he missed seeing from him the most. they started off as friends growing up and were extremely close. there was quite possibly next to nobody in the world that made them as happy as emmett. emmett knew about their strained family relations and how hard it was for them to find themselves in the world. “i don’t mind at all. i can text you the audition times. you still have the same number?” he asked, secretly wondering if emmett’s name in their phone still had the pink heart emoji beside it. at emmett’s next remark, jai felt his stomach tighten up. could it be that emmett missed him, too and he had no idea? for a while, he thought he fucked it up by expecting too much from him. “it’s good to see you! i’ve been thinking a lot about those movie nights we used to have at my place. i still haven’t found someone who can put up with me calling out plot holes in every film quite as well as you,” he reminisced with a smile. “other than that, i’ve been pretty good. i adopted a hairless cat, so i’m a dad now,” he laughed. “how about you?”

as much as emmett wanted to deny it, a part of him knew that his past with jai would always linger in the back of his mind. honestly, emmett felt as if he had never given them a chance to fully experience what it would be like to date. his insecurities often plagued his thoughts, preventing him from doing the majority of what he wanted to do with jai. for example, holding his hand in public. he wanted to reach for jai's hand so many times, yet, he never did because he silently felt like he'd embarrass the other. and he never fully felt like he was enough; there was always this nagging feeling like he could be doing more, he could be more like he was holding jai back from experiencing everything from someone. and the more he continued to let himself believe this, the more he began to distance himself and unintentionally throw them both into the friend zone. even if, despite emmett not knowing, things between the two were never really friend-zoned. seeing jai now, watching him light up at the idea of playing mercutio, he felt so much regret having missed out on all the chances he had with jai to do hold his hand. "you know mercutio is my favorite out of the entire cast, so, i'm extra excited to see you plague both houses." he lightheartedly laughs as jai dramatically dies, gently nudging him a bit, "please. make it extremely dramatic when you die. get a fake blood packet, too, and just really get wild with it." he offers jai a warm smile, "i would love to come and see you. it's a date." even if he had said the word 'date' he hadn't noticed that he let the word slip from his lips, the warm smile on his lips only grew. "i hope you're ready for a huge bouquet of roses, too. i'm going to buy you the most obnoxiously huge bouquet for your opening night."

then as they talked about RENT and jai endorsed his audition for angel, it really felt like nothing had changed between the two, like none of the time that passed had even gone by, and it was a feeling that only jai could bring to emmett. he was the only one who could make emmett feel instantly at home; in a way, he probably always would be. "y-yes, it's the same number. you can text me any time," he admits, hoping the other wouldn't ask him to pull out their phones; his mind instantly shot to jai's contact info and how there was still a bunch of emojis with hearts next to his name. he hadn't exactly gone through to delete anything from the other as a part of him really thought the two would end up together again someday, but as time went by he also kind of just forgot to erase things. when he hears jai mention how he's been thinking of the movie nights they used to have, emmett tries to ignore how the idea made his stomach tighten with nerves butterflies, he couldn't quite pin the feeling. he kept as casual of a look on his face as he could, though on the inside, everything was twisting and turning in ways he hadn't expected to feel. "you have?" he lightly asks, looking over at the other, "you know, you're still my favorite movie buddy too. i haven't been able to find someone who can just sit there and watch movies with me until all hours of the night while we laugh at the plot holes. plus, no one quite gets my taste in movies like you do. if i'm honest, i miss that feeling." he figured it didn't hurt to admit that, right? it was innocent enough. but he also didn't look away from jai as he spoke; he wanted to see if there was any sign that maybe he missed him too, though his smile continued not to falter. "aw. congrats on being a kitten dad, jai. i'm so happy for you! i can't wait to see pictures of the little guy and hear updates. i'm kind of a father myself, except aristotle is roommate's pup and not mine."

then andrej came to his mind, and with that thought, so did everything else that had been going on. his smile did falter then, his eyes dropping to look at his hands, he turned to face forward as he answered jai's question, "uh. life..." he felt terrible pouring his feelings out right now, considering he hadn't seen jai in so long, and this was his ex, but things were never the same jai as they were other people, ".... life's been a bit rough. i'm not going to deny that. there's a lot of stuff going on with my roommates. um. i don't know. it's all such a mess, jai." and before he knew it, he went on to talk about the andrej situation, how he and grayson were in an open relationship, how emmett didn't know, the feelings confessed between himself and andrej, and he tried not to tear up but failed by the end of it. "and it's just rough, you know? i wish i would've known he was in an open relationship. i wouldn't have allowed myself to develop feelings, but i didn't, and now it's too late. now i feel like i've ruined someone's relationship, or chances of going forward fully with it, i've ruined my friendship with andrej by moving out, and i have zero idea what i am going to do to fix any of it. i hate myself for all of it. but the bright side?" he lets out a sad laugh, shaking his head a little, turning to look at jai, "at least i finally got my first kiss from a guy."

[itsjustemmett]

lonclyroad​:

plopping himself down onto the couch, zane taking a couple of slices of pizza for himself once emmett returns, offering him a smile. “it’s not silly. it’s okay to be upset.” he says reassuringly, though he doesn’t press the subject too much, not wanting to upset emmett even more. “but we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. work’s been keeping me busy…and i’ve been looking for a second job. who needs sleep, right?” it wasn’t like zane slept much anyways. plus a second income would really do him some good right now. “nothing new and exciting here, unfortunately. i’m still working at delia’s, which is pretty great. everyone there is really nice.” the brunette shrugs, pausing to take a bite of pizza, chewing slowly. “mm, can’t tell you that. if i gave away my secrets, then you wouldn’t wanna have pizza with my anymore! and that would be a damn shame.” 

   "a second job? is the landlord raising you on rent or something?" he was joking, even lightly laughing a little, but then adds, "because, you know, the zoo is hiring. i just got that position as zookeeper, and it would be pretty damn sweet to work alongside you. maybe you could apply as one of the animal caregivers if working with animals catches your attention. because as crazy as it sounds to me that you want two jobs, who does needs sleep?" much like zane, emmett didn't sleep much either. often nights, emmett's mind was spent distracted by thoughts, some about andrej, some about him. he had inner demons that most didn't know about, which kept him at night till all hours of the morning. by this point, he was so used to running on two or three hours of sleep that he has accepted he'll either live a shorter life, according to studies over people who don't sleep often, or he'll have permanent bags under his eyes when he's older. zane's response to his question about the pizza pulls a lighthearted laugh from emmett. He looks over at his friend, smiling fondly at him, "i will never not want to have pizza with you. but! keep your secrets, then." he teased, nudging him a little. at the mention of delia's cafe, his smile falters a little; he turns his attention to the pizza on his plate, "ah. delia's.. that's good, i'm glad. um..." he lets out a soft, "do you...happen to know...." he begins to fidget with his plate a bit, his stomach suddenly in knots, but he's curious, "how andrej is doing? have you seen much of him?"

[itsjustemmett]

[itsjustemmett]

jaiadani​:

the winter season was quickly passing at the roecliffe theatre and jai was still finding remnants of christmas decorations within the building, which was amazing given the fact that it was mid-january. the roecliffe theatre was known to go-all out for the holidays and much to jai’s chagrin, this meant cleanup was a bit of a task.  christmas was probably jai’s least favorite holiday given the family-nature of it all and their very tense relationship with the majority of the adani family. despite the fact that he wasn’t holly nor jolly about the holiday, he did love the plays and the opportunity to play ebenezer scrooge was a big bonus. as the afternoon hit, many of his friends and co-workers headed home after discussing upcoming plays. the hustle and bustle that came with planning had pretty much died out and the theatres auditorium was empty and uncomfortably silent. 

the silence, however, did not last long as he heard the doors of the auditorium open and the sound of a voice that sounded all-too familiar. after picking up a lone snow flake decoration found in the corner, he turned around to face his ex-boyfriend.  “emmett, hey,” he said with a kind smile, walking towards the edge of the stage and taking a seat at the end as the other spoke. “yeah, i’m pretty much always here lately. i even stayed over night a few times in the chairs after a few long rehearsals,” he said with a chuckle. jai’s dark eyes found emmett’s, immediately feeling his stomach fill up with butterflies. given their sudden breakup and him being someone he cared for his entire life, the longing never fully dissipated. at his question, jai perfectly composed himself, almost going into professional mode at the topic of auditions. “so, you missed the auditions for romeo and juliet that we are doing for valentine’s day…. for some reason. it’s quite possibly the saddest choice, but whatever,” he said with a laugh. “however, we are doing RENT and a few cast-written smaller plays in the spring. I– I mean, we, would love to have you on board.” jai grinned happily, ignoring his near slip-up. 

“you definitely didn’t interrupt anything of importance. I don’t mind the company at all.” jai gestured to the man to sit down with a nod. quite frankly, jai missed emmett and the thought of reconnecting with someone who was a big part of his life made him excited. 

   there was an instant sigh of relief when emmett was greeted by jai’s kind smile, his shoulders relaxing a bit more; he couldn’t help the soft smile that formed on his lips. when their eyes met for the first time in a while, or so it felt, emmett tried to ignore the way his stomach tightened a little. he tried not to overthink the feeling, brushing it off as just being nervous because he didn’t want to drive jai away. luckily when the other mentioned the theatre doing romeo and jiuliet for valentine’s day, it distracted emmett, and he couldn’t help but laugh a little, “you know, i dig it. it kind of has a little bit for everyone when you think about it. like the lovebirds who might be in the crowd or cast get their love story,” as he talks, he walks on over to sit in the spot jai had gestured to, “ but also some sprinkled in action and death for the single people.” he pauses, laughing a bit more, “i don’t know. i was just trying to see the bright side to that. it’s an interesting choice for a valentine’s day production, but like i said, i dig it.”

    at the mention of RENT being one of the following plays the theatre was looking into, emmett’s eyes lit up; he instantly got excited at just the thought of the play. “this could be my chance to play angel!” he happily exclaimed, cheeks flushing a little at the next comment jai makes, “you think so? it’s been some time since i’ve been part of the theatre, but..i would love to take part in RENT and help in any possible. that is, if you’re sure it’s okay?” above all things, emmett always wanted to make sure jai would feel comfortable, and if he didn’t, there would be no hard feelings on emmett’s end. he would completely understand if the other wanted him to leave and not return; in fact, he was confused as to why jai was being so kind to him. he honestly didn’t feel like he deserved it. “i’m glad i didn’t interrupt anything, however, because, um..” he clears his throat a little, somehow plucking up the courage to say, “..it’s really nice to see you, jai.” he gives him a soft, warm smile, and finally caves into giving the other a side hug. when the two had dated, emmett was fresh to the dating world; he was self-conscious about everything. he still was. because of this, a lot of the physical affection he gives now was not something he used to give back then. leaning back to give jai their space, he still has a warm smile on his lips, “ how have you been? besides being moorbrooke’s very own broadway star, of course.”

[itsjustemmett]

jacksonledger​:

Jackson half-expected the person he ran into to be some sort of hipster with a bad attitude or one of those people who used not having their daily dose of coffee as an excuse to be an asshole. Luckily for him, the man who he happened to run into had a kind smile and seemed friendly enough. Thank God. It was way too early to get into an argument with a stranger. “You sound like my type of dude,” he said with a hearty chuckle. The cafe was warm and comfortable and he found himself quickly adjusting to the much needed ambiance. “Nice to meet you, Emmett. You know, I think I could be down for that. You just have to promise not to fall in love with me, as hard as that may be,” he joked playfully. His words weren’t intended to be flirtatious, but rather silly.  The line was moving up rather quickly which was a relief, he needed the energy for his job later in the day. Jackson loved tattooing, but sometimes his lack of a proper sleeping schedule made the days drag on far too slowly. “I’m Jackson, by the way. Have you lived here a while? I don’t think I’ve had, like, a proper conversation with ‘ya or anything before.”

   "i'll try not to, but i make no promises," emmett playfully responds, lightly chuckling, offering jackson a friendly grin. "it's a pleasure to meet you, jackson! i've lived in moorbrooke my whole life. you know, it's funny, i was just thinking about how i don't know the people in my hometown as well as i think i do. i don't know. maybe i spend too much time reading books?" he lightly chuckles again, giving a slight shrug. as the line moved up, emmett turned to look at the menu; he began to silently scan the different latte's because he felt like spicing things up today. "have you lived here a while, too, jackson?" he curiously inquires, "because your face seems a smidgen familiar, but, i can't quite tell from where." his eyes suddenly spotted the drink he was going to get, "there it is. the drink of the day." his attention returned to jackson, his warm smile never faltering, "if you're into oat milk, or looking to try something new, i recommend the brown sugar oatmilk espresso from here. that is, assuming you've never tried it." moving up as the line moves, emmett reaches for something in his pants pocket, "and, by the way, this is on me. please. don't even try to fight me. what kind of date would i be if i asked you out and then had you pay?" he laughed, taking another step up, "are you hungry? they have delicious breakfast sandwiches too."