itsjustaxel99

[itsjustaxel99]

“Miraikei Answer” - Ore Monogatari!! - April 9, 2015

[itsjustaxel99]

Long Nights pt2

It’s stormed this past weekend, I spent time with my coworker mostly playing video games at her house and running errands. I think it’s about that time to fall back again because I’m falling into an old hai did a years ago, pouring into someone who wouldn’t do the same for me. I realize that I’ll never find some who loves the way I do, which in actuality is a bit intense because I’m very much an all in person so I’m pretty much fixked either way.

We spend the night together it was nice like very nice, I cooked us dinner and cleaned up as one naturally should. I told her “it feels like not time has lasted at all when I’m with you” she said “ yeah that’s what happens when you’re having fun” oddly enough I told the same thing to my friend and roommate and he said “Time moves fast when you’re with someone you love” or something like that. Maybe I do love or maybe I’m delusional and making up all this in my head and I’m just projecting the love I wish I had on someone who doesn’t and never wanted it… maybe.

Semi unrelated but there isn’t a lot of anime or cartoon characters I could relate deeply to but from this one anime/manga called ‘my love story’ and I relate so much to the MC Takeo Gouda a big guy who’s had many crushes and wasn’t afraid to confess his love to who he was interesting in but never got the romance he gave out. It was so weird for the first time I feel a deep connection to a character, I watch that anime every year and I did end up finishing the mags since the anime never finished he ended up finding love and they ended getting married, funny enough when I tell people about this I’m always hit with the “ you wish that was you huh” and I always reply with “ yes I really do, to find someone who truly loves you and doesn’t give one you even when you feel at your lowest they continue to love and care about you”. What’s wrong with wanting that for oneself.

There will not be a second part sadly, there is you can say or do to make someone change their mind and you should never allow someone to reject you twice.

[itsjustaxel99]

Long Nights pt1.

I work over night for department of transportation, my female coworker and I have this weird relationship where it’s like semi sibling but also semi romantic and we’re trying to beat these allegations of being suspicious of being possible lovers. I’m not against the idea but we’re coworkers, isn’t that taboo but at the same time who cares we work with like 3 other ppl. I’m not sure if it’s because we’re close in age, two of the only other POC on over nights or just because of the sexual tension between us constantly holding hands and becoming really close.

It’s 4:07am right now and she’s playing “be careful by Phyllis Hyman” a very semi romantic song but we’ve been sending songs back and forth for a while. I think it’s very telling about how close we’ve gotten over this past year, we see each other outside of work and I hang out at her home and most times leaving my house in the dead of night to see her and getting food but I know that doesn’t mean anything really so maybe I’m but being delusional and my mind is just showing me things I want to be there.

We’ve gotten close this past year, talking about our childhoods and we’re almost the same. We both have bad dads, grew up not wealthy but talking to her about our youth actually feels good and I know I can’t use her as my therapist but being able to open up and certain aspects of my life feels so freeing. Maybe I’m just being delusional.

I’m trying not to put myself in a position or situation to get hurt but I think she feels the same way like we might go grocery shopping today( we’re both Capricorns) our pride is the death of us but I love sheing her in her soft girl era. We’ll see how this weekend plays out

To be continued…..