itsjayme444

[itsjayme444]

[itsjayme444]

Alex Turner at Sziget Festival, 15/08/2022.

[itsjayme444]

self sabotage

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I think I talk too much

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hell is where I’m from

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love was made to break

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ur rockstar girlfriend

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[itsjayme444]

“Shades Of Cool”

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the big four

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Untitled pe We Heart It.

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burn me down

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tell me pretty lies

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[itsjayme444]

Twin Flame Bruise

(TW: grooming)

They say you have two twin flames in a lifetime, I met my first at fourteen. Him and I met through mutual friends eight months after I moved from one abusive household, to another. He was a quiet and timid boy, eighteen at the time. His lack of confidence somehow made me feel safe, like he would stay and we could build happiness together, we had both never really had that.

Him and I spent every second of every day talking constantly. Fifteen hour phone calls, just so we knew what the other was doing. Silence felt like sanity with him. Suddenly September turned to October, then October to November, and then December. I’ve had a hard time through December since ‘17, Christmas Day to be exact.

It was what felt like love one day,

then it was nothing the next.

The first person in my existence that I cared about so deeply had made me feel like he cared about me the same amount while secretly using my presence to make her jealous enough to want him back and leave me alone with nothing but sadness, loneliness, and a deep rooted fear of abandonment for the next four years to come. My days turned to darkness after the love affair took place.

He stole my sunshine and gave it to her, ironic given her name.

The everlasting pain that came with his absence only got stronger as time went on, ‘17 turned to ‘18, ‘18 turned to ‘19, and so on. They say it gets easier as time goes on, but what about when you count time that goes on as time you’ve spent without him. A backwards healing process. The pain he caused has never gone away, it shaped me into who I am today but still, it lingers within me.

Silence that was once sanity now has the power to drive me insane from time to time.

Soulmate used to be what came to mind when I thought about us. I now realize he was my first twin flame coming to shape my life into what it now is, but the question is, when do I meet the second?