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Another affirmation: Sometimes, by asking someone to help you, you actually make them happy. Because they know that you trust them, that you trust their knowledge and abilities. Because they know you aren't struggling alone.

"People are inherently selfish--" wrong. People crave being helpful. They get sad and feel unfulfilled and unwanted when they're not allowed to be helpful. Especially when it comes to those closest to them.

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adorable dad thing today: watching the man cook

for context, when he was a young college student he worked at a fancy restaurant in the middle of nowhere. From time to time he pulls out his skills from that restaurant whether it's cooking or random waiter things or whatnot. He absolutely loves cooking. He's so good at it too.

And, I don't know, there's just something about it. Him opening the oven to pull out three pans of golden beautiful enchiladas made with such specificity and love. Enough to feed his family for two days and also a couple of young adults who were stopping by for food. The love. Small batch huge heart. So much care.

He used to hate complex foods. He used to be a horrible picky eater who didn't like tomatoes or mushrooms or anything red or anything grown up. (This was before I knew him, but I know stories.) He used to hate cooking. And then, to be a dad, he learned. He learned for work to support his family and then he learned for love to feed his family. And decades later he's still at it. And it's incredible. I cannot fathom food as good as my dad's.

Forget adorable. My dad is precious.

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today's adorable dad thing is:

he made a family Christmas tradition. despite half of his kids being grown adults. he made binge watching Hawkeye before Christmas a Thing We Do ("it's a Christmas movie!" it is a tv show for one and for two you don't usually like this kind of stuff? and for three we never watched tv shows at all before?? but aww it's adorable how excited he gets about it)

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Fun neat fact my original blog name was going to be mydadisadorable and it was going to have short meaningful posts about adorable things my dad does out of pocket and sometimes other people's adorable qualities too. Unfortunately the blog name was taken. I will however attempt to still post adorable things about people because people are adorable!!

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Hm I might be reblogging more these days BUT I HAVE A STORY!

tl;dr #8 on the aforementioned list is fantastic and *NOT just for flirting*

Last year (actually around this time of year) I was in a store looking for plantains (disappointed in what I could find but hey, the store was in Nevada) and while in the checkout line this old man approaches me just a little too fast and goes

"Do you always look like..." and boy howdy I was ready for some awkward way to avoid the conversation BUT THEN HE GOES "...you're up to something?"

And fellas it's been a long day you have no idea how far I drove and how long I'd been in stores that day

and I just

staring dead-eyed at this random old stranger

say

"Yes."

20 Flirty Remarks to Build Romantic Tension Without Being Overbearing

Feeling stuck trying to give your characters a good flirty one-liner that doesn't sound cringe/overdone? Here are 20 ideas/dialogue prompts for you (that I may or may not have stolen from my own books): 

“I must warn you: you have a dangerous effect on my heart rate.” / "You have no idea what you're doing to my heart right now."

"If I said I wasn’t thinking about you, I’d be lying. And I’m a terrible liar."

"You know, I could get lost in those eyes, but I'd probably trip over my words trying to find my way back." (could also double as description/inner monologue).

“I can’t tell if you’re really charming or if I’m just easily charmed.”

“You have a knack for making me forget what I was going to say. It’s kind of impressive/infuriating.”

“I think you owe me a drink. When I saw you, I dropped mine.”

“I’ve been trying to find the perfect excuse to hang out, but I keep forgetting everything when I’m around you.”

“I bet you get away with a lot of trouble with that smile.”

“You must be a magician because every time you walk in, everyone else disappears.” (The right character could pull it off I swear)

"I’ve been trying to think of something clever to say, but all my brain can come up with is how much I want to (kiss) you."

"I saw that little glance—you’re not as sneaky as you think."

"How do you manage to make even the most mundane things sound exciting?"

"You do this cute thing with your hands when you’re nervous, you know?"

“One more word, and I might just have to kiss you.”

"Finally, there's that pretty smile of yours. I've been waiting for it all day."

"You keep staring—should I be flattered?" / "Keep looking at me like that and I might start thinking you have a crush on me."

"Do you have any idea how fun it is to watch you try to keep a straight face?"

"I’m pretty sure you could charm the socks off anyone, but I’d like to keep mine on for now."

"If laughter is the best medicine, then I’m pretty sure you’re my favorite doctor."

"Is it bad that I kind of like the way you’re trying to mess with me?"

Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks? 

Check out the rest of Quillology with Haya; a blog dedicated to writing and publishing tips for authors! Instagram Tiktok

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GUYS GUYS GUYS I NEED YOU TO KNOW THIS

Hating yourself is NOT a contained practice. It ALWAYS impacts other people either directly or indirectly. So LET IT GO because not only is it mean to you, it's harmful to everyone in the environment around you.

There is no way to hate without hurting others. Even if you think it's just yourself.

Hating yourself is harming others. Like, almost always. Even if you don’t mean it to.

Loving yourself enough to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself is what makes you more capable of helping others and doing good.

You’re not going to shame and hate yourself into being a better friend, a better spouse, better parent, better person, better service to the world. That’s done through love and gentleness. I promise.

And I know it’s work! There is no switch to flip that takes you magically from self-hatred, self-denial, insecurity, and depression to self-love, self care, gentleness, and joy! It takes work and, for many people, seeking outside help! But it’s worth it worth it worth it, not just for you, but for everyone around you.

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Some people say that there are no stupid questions, which is blatantly false. Of course there are stupid questions, and if you have one, you had better ask it, before you go and do make a stupider mistake. Stupid questions are more important than intelligent ones. I’m willing to bet more people die because of stupid mistakes than because of intelligent ones.

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goncharov 2: Guacamolotov

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On Writing Trauma

This is more of a personal opinion post, but I always prefer stories involving trauma to be about healing said trauma in the end.

Angst is a wonderful dramatic tool, but especially to the younger writers out there, remember that your writing says something about you as a person. The writer always leaks themself into the writing, the artist always leaks into the art. If your characters are always stuck in pain, agony, death, look at yourself: are you the one that's stuck?

I'm not saying to make all stories light and rainbow filled. I myself use trauma and pain in my writing. But your message must poke through: Is trauma a spectacle that is always preset? Or is it a momentary period that will bring greater meaning in the story (or in your life) in the future to come?

My characters have PTSD nightmares. My characters have parental trauma. My characters have unhealthy attachment issues. My characters mask to hide the damage inside. But all of it is in the work so that people that have the same problems can be seen. My characters will talk about the nightmares and realize that they can feel understood and seen. My characters will find solace in the fact that the other characters also have hard family dynamics. My characters will learn to heal and love in healthy ways.

Your writing is a message. For those that want to hear it, they can heal parts of themselves through it. Pain and trauma healed is one of the most fulfilling experiences in the world, and your art can spread that message.

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im very glad to exist in a world where i can eat cereal

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Belegarth

ok well it has been real but i am going to kill you with a hammer now

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You don't have to know exactly what you're feeling or experiencing. You're allowed to give it your own interpretation or take a best guess. You're allowed to simply leave it undefined. Whatever works best for you.

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we were never meant to be permanent

not in

mortality

so the story behind this, today, is that I got emotionally attached to a class I only have for three months ish. that's college for you.

and we came to the end of our time together today sitting around a table, slamming markers and gatorade down in a game in Portuguese I felt so content even knowing it was coming to an end even with the primal fear of someone aboard a speed train about to reach the end of the track one day, it will be permanent but not in this life I will see you all again on the other side Even if I never see you again in this mortal life

It comes down to the principle of Gatorade. That's what I call it because I remember a time when I was a kid that Gatorades were a prize. You could only obtain them by playing soccer because the other kids' soccer moms would bring Gatorade and CapriSun and all those glorious things your parents didn't get for you. Basically, you can't have one Gatorade forever. Makes sense, right?

But what if you could make a Gatorade last forever? What if you were in that one glorious moment forever? The sun shining off the thick clouds in the late golden hour, illuminating the greens and blues in the mountains around, the wind your best friend so exhilarating, the satisfaction of completing a soccer game you loved not for anything in particular other than the fact that you were outside and alive and proving yourself alive and you have a Gatorade.

Make that moment last forever. Now, what do you lose?

Years from now, you'll be at a movie night with friends. You will be scrunched between two people you love on a couch, or maybe curled cozily into a corner, or marinating in a beanbag with a super soft blanket. The movie is the greatest movie you've ever seen and it's only augmented by being cozy with true friends. One day you will finally achieve that skill you spend years trying to perfect. One day you might even learn to cook. You'll meet someone new a thousand times, then a million times. You'll even get to meet the same person again and again if you try. There will be so many people that come and go in your life. So many hobbies and loves and passions and YouTube recommendations.

You will change as a person and maybe you will be scared to. Maybe you'll long for the comfort and safety and glory of the Gatorade in the fresh air.

But if you remain there forever, you will never meet your best friend. You will never have that cozy movie night and never accomplish that tricky thing. You will never encounter so many things to love. TV show or drawing styles or color palettes or characters or songs. You're going to make an awesome PowerPoint one day. Would you give that up for the Gatorade you've already had?

As mortal beings we are confined to a timeline. Time-bound. Afterwards, though, we'll get to be whole, and let me tell you time isn't a problem for God. We'll get to remember each moment of joy we got to have down here on earth. We'll get to live each of them all at once if we want, and be with everyone we love all at once, forever, and I know I'm a mortal and probably butchering this description of what comes next because heck it I've not been there yet but that's sort of what it'll be like.

It's possible for everything we want to be permanent to be permanent in eternity. That's the point of eternity. That is not the point of mortality. The point of mortality is to do many things, experience many things, keep moving.

(As for the loved ones who stay in your life? They change, too, and that's beautiful.)

We were never meant to be permanent in mortality. The permanence comes later.

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a poem

[Alt description: Three pictures of mountains and moon with a night sky. Together, the words on the three pictures form the short poem "What is it like? / Having a whole sky that is your favorite color?"]

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"I love you guys, but you cannot get that in baking"

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update! i bought spinach because it has iron! next time I have rice we're gonna party but for now i kinda just monch it straight outta the bag like it's potato chips

doing something I hate (making rice) so I can do something I love (delaying my inevitable demise)

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it's okay

oh yeah anyway what I actually came on here to say

we muck up our lives SO MUCH yet never so much that God won't be there for us

it's okay