isee-monsters

[isee-monsters]

It's spooky season, y'all

Time to get your wolf on

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[isee-monsters]

explain your gender in 10 words or less without using boring words like “male”, “female”, “nonbinary”, “masculine”, “feminine” or “androgynous”.

go!

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There's something hilarious about how so much subsequent media has positioned Vampires and Werewolves as, like, binary opposite entities, and then you read Dracula (1897) and realize that wolves are that guy's preferred solution to every problem. You'd say something to Dracula about "ah yes, werewolves, vampires' great eternal enemies," and he'd just be like "you mean my subcontractors?"

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Can’t believe we’re discussing predatory muppets and leaving out the literal vampire.

Is big bird an apex predator

not at all! as we can tell from his general behavior and repeated comments about how delicious birdseed is, Big Bird is a megafauna herbivore and a keystone of the Sesame Street ecosystem!

Big Bird is too large to be challenged by the predatory muppets, so he can browse where he pleases, and in doing so he opens up spaces and opportunities for the smaller muppets, both predatory and non-predatory alike!

[isee-monsters]

An excellent example of a grey area in monster hunting that has nothing to do with the kind of monster but rather the actions they take. Belogarth is a functioning member of society while the cult leader has a bounty on its head that you can claim on floor 5 by the cafeteria.

Demons and monsters that torture people because they feed on human suffering are so dumb. People are suffering everywhere my guy go literally any place and take a deep whiff.

[isee-monsters]

reblog to make ur blog smell like crispy autumn air, graveyards, carved pumpkin guts, moon water, and a damp cave full of bats 

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Well now I feel like I have to add something to this. And I don’t even drink tea.

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Yes, pornbots are on the kill on sight list. I think this one is self explanatory.

[isee-monsters]

Is it a body dump? Probably not. Is it tree roots? Almost certainly. But there is also a non-zero chance that it’s a fairy ring and you’re gonna get kidnapped. So maybe take OP’s advise and keep walking, just to be safe.

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As there has been some confusion lately, I’m going to make a clarification here. When you take a selkie job, the goal is not to kill the selkie. The goal is to retrieve the selkie’s seal skin and help them return to the ocean. This is a relocation job, not a hunt. As for the bastard that stole the coat in the first place, they do not fall under our jurisdiction. On an unrelated note, anyone who is having trouble filling out their collateral damage forms properly, just come see me and I’ll get you squared away. I’ve filled out quite a few in my time.

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Dragons are quite commonly asked about by glory seeking hunters. Everyone knows the stories of how the greatest of hunters have to have slain at least one dragon to truly qualify for the title, and so of course anyone wanting to go down in history as a hunter wants to take one down too. But as of late, dragons have been in the public view so little, if at all, that many believe they have gone extinct. Well, I can assure you that dragons are still around and have become even deadlier and tougher to kill than ever. This is due the species as a whole realizing it was much easier and less risky to gain vast hoards of wealth through mercantilism rather than raiding. Having become thoroughly integrated in society and excelling at capitalism in a way no human could, even if you did make it past the dragons modern defense systems and actually manage to kill the epitome of an apex predator, the dragons legal team would ensure you never saw a glimmer of fame for the act.

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Usually not the kind of content I put on my blog, but I had to respond to the question about bows in space. With what I know of how a bow and arrow works, I think they would be even more effective in space than on earth. Guns don’t work because there’s no oxygen to ignite the gunpowder, but an arrow just needs kinetic force from the wood of the bow bending back, which it would still do in space. And it wouldn’t loose momentum from air friction or drop from gravity so theoretically you’re range is now infinite. Given I am not an expert in archery or space physics, so this is just a guess, but I’m like 95% confident on this.

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Buddy do I have good news for you. We’ve got a new division being made up for just this sort of issue, er I mean, situation and could use some volunteers. I can get the paperwork ready for you real quick if you’re interested.

Bard, to Warlock: "Cosmic horror" this "cosmic horror" that. What about cosmic romance. What if the otherworldly being beyond your comprehension has a crush on you

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Nothing even vaguely concerning the SCP foundation falls under our jurisdiction. We tried to get into a legal battle with them at one point over jurisdiction and all records about the event have been redacted. Upper management simply refers to it as “the incident”.

[isee-monsters]

Remember when you are looking up hunting necessities before going out on an assignment, that most of these techniques are centuries old and do not account for modern technology or conveniences. If you are hunting a monster and the manual claims you need “purest salt of the sea” literally just grab a box of table salt from the grocery store, it’s just as effective and a lot cheaper. The main exception to this rule is iron. For some reason steel doesn’t count in spite of the fact that is just iron with added carbon. The folks in our research division have explained it to me a few times but it still just seems like some pedantic nonsense to me.

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Thoughts on gargoyles?

Officially gargoyles fall on the no kill list and actually have very good relations with hunters as our lines of work have a lot of overlap. Personally I think they could tone it down on holy crusade attitude they’ve got, but I guess that’s what you get from hanging on the side of a church for 600 years. Fun little fact about gargoyles though, it is considered a polite gesture to knock on a gargoyle to get their attention before speaking. This practice came into tradition because apparently gargoyles have just as much trouble differentiating between the live variety and the statue as people do.

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Alright, a lot of you newbies have been asking about American cryptids and if they count as monsters. Well, as stated on your first day here, we have a legal definition of what a monster is and a long list of kill and no kill entities, but I can spend a few minutes on it. Honestly the most basic premise of what counts as a monster that we have to deal with comes down whether or not it is doing any harm. Some cryptids do, some don’t. The Jersey devil for instance has killed multiple people and we still have hunters dedicating their entire careers to bringing it down. Bigfoot on the other hand hasn’t hurt anyone, on record at least, and so we leave them alone. But as always there are grey areas. Mothman has been at the scene of multiple calamities that have cost hundreds of people their lives, but it is still debated whether or not mothman caused these events or was simply there as an omen. Personally I don’t think we should hunt mothman, not because I think he’s innocent, quite the contrary actually, but because the public outrage that would ensue if we did kill him would put our entire organization in the dirt.