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[isabels-entries]

Some Things Never Change

There was a letter that I left for you.

Written in black and blue,

glittery and shining there in your room.

Once you that said I was too good at hiding things from you,

so I left it in the pocket of the coat I once knew.

After I drove away, I wondered if you'd find it.

Some nights I even hoped.

But yesterday,

Someone said that you moved.

I drove back to that house where we had kissed and left our youth.

There on your bed, was the coat that you outgrew.

I reached into the pocket and darling, I should have known.

It's always your name, every word spills out.

Just a brush of fleeting feelings,

meeting each other for a moment.

I wanted more, you wanted to get far.

I never knew what to say so I lied and turned away.

Lying back to back, in the dark,

Now I'm glad you never asked me to stay.

Because now I know,

Some things never change.

I.A.

[isabels-entries]

Do you remember?

"I don't take the long way home anymore.

When I get an invite to a party and I'm tired and content,

I just won't go.

I've been listening to my favorite songs on repeat on the drive home and lately I've been singing along.

I don't really feel the need to disguise and decorate my writing with metaphors and ribbons that you'd like.

Alex,

Do you remember what you said every time I cried?

No? Neither do I.

I pretended I did for a while, filling in the gaps where my memories lacked.

Wet cement and flowers made of plastic.

But nothing ever comes back.

Not in dreams, Not in memories, Not in secret whispers to the stars.

Nothing ever comes back, not anymore,

not for us."

I.A.

[isabels-entries]

An Ode to the Son

I want to understand you. 

I walk down the beach in Borinquen, holding a photo near to my chest, listening as the waves crash and bury my foot prints.

Did you walk here too? 

Run into the water and curse the Father for leaving you to suffer as he empties another bottle?

Is your past buried too?

I go towards the shoreline and that's when I see your face. 

The same eyes, downturned and Jasper.

A smile so tight, it starts to hurt to see.

Did he look through those eyes when he came back in?

Bellowing out his pain in punches and screams.

The ones I caught when you’d been gone too long.

Come home smelling of Tequila and a pretty woman from San Juan.

Did you also shrink down into a corner and pray that you could stay hidden, 

Knowing that if he dared to touch mom, you’d have to step in?

I want to understand why.

I’ve hated my face since thirteen, scared it meant I’d follow along with the white lines on the kitchen counters.

Lean too hard on empty bottles and lay in shattered glass till it was too late to come back.

But you stood up.

I watched you pull out the shards and bandage the places where you believed you could start again.

You kicked off your sandals and left new prints.

I want to know you.

There’s a life where we can share a smile again. 

Something soft and warm, asopao already cooking on the stove.

You apologize and I tell you I understand where your heart is.

You apologize like you wish he did then and remember how you had three little kids,

Gone, yes, but still waiting for a father to step in. 

I.A.