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 “hi welcome to mcdonalds what can i get for you?”

“yeah can i get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?”

“absolutely, do you want the meal or just the sandwich?’

“uuuuuh hold on”

*fishes something out of my pocket*

“mikey what do i do?”

“get the fries. youll need the energy in the coming days”

*stuffs it back in my pocket*

“uhh yes please  the meal would be great”

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can we, as a society, start to realize that having a phone does NOT mean you HAVE TO BE accsessible to anyone and everyone at ALL times??

My mom threw a fit at me for not answering my phone while i was at my friends place. Kinda hypocritical too, given how much she complains that “youth these days spend to much time on their phones”

My boss was very CLEARLY not satisfied that i only got back to his text hours after he sent it. My friend didnt speak to me for weeks once bc she thought we were having a FIGHT??? bc i didnt reply to her message on facebook? till the day after she sent it??

i HAVE a phone, that doesnt mean i HAVE TO BE availiable whenever ANYONE decides they want me to be???

what the fuck

can people stop assuming they are entiteled to my attention 24/7??

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How hard was it to say “pistachio”

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Will Smith went to London and dressed up as a Boots sales assistant to promote Jaden’s new water brand ….. what dimension are we living in

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I’m still laughing like poor Dr. Bruce Banner really could not catch a single break for all of Infinity War….first he crashes into some weird ass wizard hideout….then Hulk decides to be a bitch…..he thought Thor was dead for a whole day, then he thought Tony was dead….he had to get caught up on 2 years worth of drama in like fifteen minutes…Rhodey tricked him into embarrassing himself in front of the fucking king of Wakanda….then a sixteen year old ended his entire life with one polite sentence….he face planted on the battle field and was judged so hard we didn’t see him for like another half hour….not a single one of his degrees could help him with any of these situations so he was probably internally like ‘I drove myself into student debt for this’ half the film…like really….Bruce and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day….

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peter parker in the 2002 movie is fuckin…. incredible. he gets bitten by a fuckin jacked red blue spider and he doesnt say “hey someone should take me to the hospital mayhaps?” he just goes home. then the bite swells to the size of a fuckin jawbreaker but he’s like “nah i just need a nap.” then he wakes up the next day and discovers that he DOESN’T NEED HIS GLASSES ANYMORE and he has a fuckin six pack. does he flip his entire Fuck? no. he says, “cool.” iconic.

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The Joe Keery mirror routine™

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I changed my Grindr profile pic to a selfie I took with my brother’s bearded dragon and it led to possibly the best conversation I’ve ever had on Grindr

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Wasn’t iCarly that guy with the wax wings that flew into the sun and fucking got rest because same

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Today my girlfriend said to me “I can’t wait to watch you succeed” with the biggest grin on her face and man if that isn’t just like the most loving, supportive thing anyone could ever say idk what is

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me: im not gonna rush things ill get around to dating eventually its not at all indicative of my self worth also me: who here is attracted to me please raise your hand

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The actual smell of rain comes from plants. When plants are in drought they produce oils in replacement for waters. When the time comes and it finally starts raining the plants get their needed water and they release these oils in the air and the smell of that oil is what we call smell of rain

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heteros explain this

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fucking incredible