irontony-ask

[irontony-ask]

Itsy Bitsy Spider - an irondad fic

THIS ONES FOR YOU @losingmymindtonight!!!! Im so sorry it took so long and I love you!!!!! Here’s the sleepwalking fic!!!

It’s a cold and blustery Autumn night at the Avengers compound.

The perfect time for Tony to enjoy a cup of his favorite dark roasted coffee, while the other night owls of the team sip steaming mugs full of hot cocoa and munch on bags of kettle corn.

A few tree limbs smack against the giant windows beside the couches as the wind whips around the building.

Peter was sent off to bed hours earlier, much to his dismay.

“School night.”

It was all Tony had to say to bring a roaring protest from the teenager as he dragged and shuffled his feet down the hall towards the elevator. The kid was downright exhausted, anyway; and the millionaire picked up on it long before Peter had.

Truthfully, Tony wasn’t thrilled with the suspenseful sci-fi movie the team had voted on anyway.

For both he and Peter, Titan still crept just beneath the surface…lying in wait, like a beast, for a chance to spring without warning. The last thing he needed was his charge having a panic attack the night before a test.

The millionaire closes his eyes when an alien planet comes in to view on the big screen, taking nervous gulps of his brew until he feels Pepper’s hand squeezing his bicep. “Breathe,” she whispers, catching the warning signs from his body language.

Distraction… Distraction…He needs one right now.

“Uh, Tones,” Rhodey whispers with a mouthful of kettle corn, gesturing up to the top of the glass wall, nearly four stories high. “Does…Peter normally…do that when he sleepwalks?”

Tony’s gaze snaps upward, his subconscious relishing the diversion…though ‘dad mode’ wasn’t exactly the sweet relief he was looking for. “Uh, nope…This is new.”

Why hadn’t F.R.I.D.A.Y informed him?

Peter’s lean frame crawls slowly along the glass panels, lit up by the lamp lights on the outside of the building. Bare feet climb with sluggish ease as fleece pajama bottoms swish around with his movements.

Everyone stares in awe at the makeshift web hovering between the glass and the balcony on the other side of the room, its white strands glistening even in the shadows.

“Want me to get the broom?” Clint giggles, slapping Tony’s shoulder.

The older man tilts his head towards his comrade and glares before moving to stand directly below his Spiderkid, mulling over his options in handling such a thing.

“Kiddo,” he calls with a softness only used for sleepwalking Peter.

At first, Tony’s convinces himself that the twitch and turn that follows is a reaction to his voice…and then he spots where the boy is headed next.

“No-no-no. Not towards the fan,” he says, watching the teenager slink closer and closer towards the spinning blades.

He knows Peter’s spider senses should alert him of the danger.

He knows!

But parental instincts override all the facts in the moment and he’s just about ready to suit up when Rhodey raises his hands up, as if somehow, he can brace the boy from where he’s at.

“Whoa, whoa. Here he comes,” he warns, “Tony- “

“I got him. I got him.” the millionaire replies, adjusting his legs in the hopes that he can catch the kid in his arms.

Peter slowly lowers himself until he’s face to face with his mentor, staring upside down at him with half lidded eyes. His loose tank top slips down, bunching at his chin, exposing his belly button and the elastic band of his colorful Avengers boxers. The web shooters on his wrist look more like play things without the rest of the ensemble. Putting it simply, Peter looks about ten years younger in his current state.

A few muffled laughs from the team follow behind Tony.

Pepper presses her lips together, palms lying over her chest.

Not a single person in the room could deny that the scene tugged at the heartstrings.

Tony sniffs and crosses his arms, curiosity keeping him from pulling down the boy the rest of the way. “Hi, buddy,” he says, “We’re even patrolling in our sleep, now, hm?”

“…’m guarding,” Peter slurs, his brow furrowing a few times. “…guarding you.”

“Oh yeah?” Tony replies warmly, jutting his chin towards the giant web. “That your stake out up there?”

He waits a moment longer, but when Peter continues to hang there in his dormant state, he reaches behind the teen to grab a fist full of shirt at his shoulder blades.

The moment Peter senses the garment being pulled, he climbs back up and away towards the ceiling again.

“Hey-hey-stop-Pete,” Tony says in hushed frustration, grabbing for air as his charge makes it back up to the top.

For the first time ever, the millionaire honestly regrets his decision to design such high and elaborate walls for the compound.

“Should’ve squished it when ya had the chance, man,” Clint snickers, “Never hesitate with a spider…especially one that’s over five feet tall.”

“You done?” Tony asks.

“I think so?” Clint says with shoulder’s shaking, “No promises.”

The older man rubs at his temples, “Alright, everybody. Hate to cut movie night short, but-“

A loud ‘thwip’ echoes down the halls, followed by a cry of alarm as Tony’s body is snatched and flying backwards up to Peter’s haphazard creation.

Everyone gasps; some even take a fighting stance before they can register what’s happening.

They can see Tony’s limbs struggling against the sticky webbing and it looks no different than a fly caught in the ones outside by the streetlamps.

“Honey, are you okay?” Pepper calls, more than a little disturbed when she sees their very own human spider advancing onto the web towards his mentor.

“Uh…I think?” Tony replies, noticing that all that’s holding him up is elaborate threadwork, never mind the fact that Peter’s vacant face inches closer and closer towards his feet. “Hey-hey-hey…I swear if you go Shelob on me, kid,” he says.

Rhodey shudders, but he can’t stop the huge grin on his face as Clint hunches down to clutch his stomach, waves of silent laughter wracking his frame.

Instead of wrapping up his catch, Peter climbs over Tony’s legs and burrows himself into the man’s side, gripping tightly around his torso.

Now its Tony’s turn to stifle laughter. He’s got himself into many a sticky situation in the past, but this one would certainly take the cake.

“Phew,” he wheezes with tears forming in his eyes, “Hey, just FYI, I am never letting you live this one down, Spiderbaby.”

Peter only pushes closer in response. “M’ser St’rk.”

Tony wants to give the boy a squeeze, but the webs hold his arms back, so he slumps backwards in surrender.

“No more churros before bed,” he murmurs, nuzzling his cheek against Peter’s forehead. “We are definitely adding that to the rules of the house.”

He turns his gaze to the blackened ceiling and listens to the rain beating on the roof. The scenario is surprisingly relaxing.

“You want a blanket?” Rhodey calls in a shouted whisper and Tony actually considers the offer for a moment.

“Nah, I’ve got this, guys. Just make sure I’m still alive in the morning,” he replies.

Pepper is the last one to leave, making sure that Tony’s not just pulling another self-sacrifice before she’s content enough to head off to bed.

He could wake the kid up…

He could break out of this web in no time at all. It would take seconds…

But he’s content…

Is it weird? He’s pretty sure its weird, but he’d rather let the kid sleep and cherish Peter’s shocked expression when he wakes up in the morning…

Tony’s never been one to tear down spider webs anyway. Even as a child he would sit down to study them well in to the night, wearing his muddy, yellow rain boots and holding up an oversized flashlight. He had always admired their work ethic…never stopping even when he had to take a break to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or head off to school. Progress was always made when he came back to check on them.

And then there was Howard…always there to give him a taste of reality.

“Daddy, Wait! Stop! You’ll destroy her web. She’s been working on it for days!”

“They’re a menace, Tony. Good grief, could you be more soft!?”

Tony had begged his father to let him take the spider away at the very least, but Howard still ended up crushing it under his boot, leaving his son clutching his knees and sobbing as he gathered up what remained of the web with a small twig.

A heavy sigh leaves the millionaire and his heart swells when Peter does the same.

Man, he loves this kid.

My best distraction…always rescuing me…

As the wind continues to howl outside, he finds himself humming the Itsy Bitsy Spider until he drifts off in dreams with Peter snuggled beneath his chin.

[irontony-ask]

My muse has a cold and keeps coughing. Send a 🍵 to give my muse a cup of hot tea to help soothe their throat.

[irontony-ask]

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Tony is terrified of ending up being like Howard so he tells Morgan he loves her all. the. time. so she won't grow up with the same doubts he had. One day after he's said it again Morgan gives him a little fake-exasperated eyeroll and goes "I know, Dad" (at which point Tony definitely gets a little teary-eyed and gives her a big hug).

Tony knows how damaging it can be to never hear a parent say the words “I love you,” so he’d rather his daughter think that he’s being overbearing and annoying than neglectful.

He models his parenting style after his mother’s. Maria was always patient with him, always showed how delighted she was at everything he did growing up. She always told Tony she was proud of him, and she never left the house without telling Tony she loved him.

So Tony constantly tells Morgan that he loves her, makes sure she grows up knowing that his love for her is unconditional. He doesn’t go a day without saying it.

In the mornings before Morgan leaves for school, Tony hands his baby her backpack and says, “Have a good day, honey. Love you.”

Morgan hugs him before leaving. She always says, “Love you too daddy!” before skipping out the door with Happy.

When he’s sitting with Morgan while she’s doing her homework, and he watches her solve a math problem that other kids her age would have trouble figuring out, Tony tells her, “Good job, honey. I’m so proud of you.”

Morgan grins at him, tells him, “Thank you daddy!” and goes back to her work.

The first time Morgan gets in trouble at school for getting involved in a tussle with another kid, Tony stops her before getting in the car and says, “You shouldn’t have done that, but I know you’ll learn from this. I love you.”

Morgan sniffles and asks Tony to pick her up and carry her to the car. “I’m sorry daddy,” she mumbles into his neck. “I love you too.”

Even when Morgan goes through her too-cool-for-her-parents teenager phase, and she makes Tony drop her off a block away from her high school instead of in front of the gates, he leans over the car’s center console and kisses her forehead, says, “Try not to make too many teachers cry today. Love you kiddo.”

Morgan rolls her eyes, tries not to smile but fails, and replies, “Can’t promise anything. See you at home, love you.”

When Morgan comes home in tears after her first breakup, Tony drops everything he’s doing and holds her in his arms, tells her, “You’re still young, you’ll find someone. But know that no matter what, you’ll always have me.”

Morgan pulls back, gets ice cream to share, and after a while, in between spoonfuls, she says, “I’m really glad to have you as my dad.”

The day Morgan puts on a suit and goes out into battle without telling Tony first, he yells at her for being reckless and irresponsible. When he calms down, he deflates a little and apologizes, “I’m sorry for yelling. You really scared me, but you did a good job. You’re going to be a great hero.”

Morgan gives him a small smile. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know how to tell you. Will you help me improve my suit?”

Even when Morgan goes off to college, Tony lets her know that he’s thinking of her. They talk on the phone regularly enough, and when they don’t he texts her. Sometimes it’s just quick updates on what he and Pepper are up to. Other times it’s a picture of something cute he comes across that day with the caption, “thought of you. miss you, love you :)”

All through her life, Morgan never, ever doubts that Tony loves her.

[irontony-ask]

<3

Live, and grow, and do your best.

I would say “I’d die for Tony Stark” but if I did that he would carry the guilt like a two ton weight so instead I’m deciding to live for Tony Stark. I think he’d like it better that way.

[irontony-ask]

50 Random Questions

1. What movie have you watched the most?

2. What’s your favorite color?

3. What’s your favorite animal?

4. If you could be anywhere, where would you be?

5. What’s your favorite movie?

6. What’s your sexuality?

7. What’s your gender?

8. What’s your favorite drink?

9. Who’s your best friend?

10. When’s your birthday?

11. How much sleep do you  get, on average?

12. If you don’t sleep, what are you doing in your free time?

13. What is something that makes you happy, no matter what? 

14. What’s your favorite book?

15. What is your greatest accomplishment? 

16. List some (at least three) things that make you happy.

17. What brightens your day? 

18. Pick the team you’d have for a zombie apocalypse/alien invasion (at least three to five people, at most seven)

19. What character are you in the horror movie? 

20. If you had to be one animal for the rest of your life, what would you be? 

21. What’s your Hogwarts House?

22. What’s your favorite book/movie genre?

23. What is your favorite way to spend your weekend? 

24. What’s your least favorite movie?

25. What’s your least favorite song? 

26. What is something you’re looking forward to? 

27. How much different was everything a year ago? Would you want to go back to that time?

28. How do you normally start your day?

29. Why did you choose to work where you are now, if you’re working? 

30. What’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to you?

31. What’s the best compliment you’ve received? 

32. What are the two types of people in the world? 

33. Who is your most interesting friend?

34. What are some things that impacted who you are today? 

35. What scar has the best story behind it?

36. If someone were to write a biography about you, what would you want it to be called? 

37. Who is someone (or multiple people) that you happened to meet by chance and changed your life? 

38. What’s your favorite article of clothing?

39. What’s your favorite quote? 

40. What keeps you awake at night?

41. What’s something about your childhood that you’re embarrassed about?

42. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change?

43. What’s your favorite thing about yourself? 

44. Single or taken?

45. If you’re taken/in a relationship, what’s your favorite thing about your partner(s)? 

46. What’s the most illegal thing you’ve ever done? 

47. What’s your favorite joke/kind of joke?

48. What’s something you’re worried about?

49. What’s a book/movie that’s made you think the hardest?

50. What song(s) do you feel describe you?

[irontony-ask]

Sorry, I'm dead.

jk.

but I'm in the middle of job hunting and daydreaming about possibly starting an Etsy store. idk. stuff's changing and i don't like change (itaat? /s). I'll be back more consistently when things stop that shit. For now... please check out my totally awesome very first ever popup cards! woo.

... the tops touch when the paper is flat. I'll have to actually make it out of cardstock to see if the final product would lay flat enough to touch. Where I put the bases might be affecting it too. This project might actually require a protractor. Go figure.

No pun intended.

[irontony-ask]

Autumn “This or That” Asks

“Autumn” or “Fall?

Pumpkin Carving or Apple Picking?

Halloween or Thanksgiving?

Cashmere or Flannel?

Cool and Crisp or Warm and Foggy?

Yankee Candles or Roaring Fireplace?

Scarves or Berets?

Cinnamon or Nutmeg?

Reading a Book or Watching a Movie?

Halloweentown or Nightmare Before Christmas?

Hot Chocolate or Apple Cider?

Wool Socks or Slippers?

Trick or Treat?

Marshmallows or Whipped Cream?

Jack or Sally?

Goosebumps or Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Plaid or Neutrals?

Coffee or Tea?

Studyblr or Halloween Blog?

Red or Gold?

Blankets or Pillows?

Cabins or Cottages?

Scary or Spoopy?

Sweaters or Boots?

Caramel Apples or Candy Apples?

Hay Rides or Leaf Peeking?

[irontony-ask]

M!A List (compiled from many other lists)

There are plenty of Magic Anon lists going around, but I decided to make my own anyway. None of these are mine, I just put them together. Fun, cool, and non-sexual M!As for everyone.

Hate: For 6 hours, your muse will do nothing but spout hateful comments to everyone. Whether they liked them originally or not.

Doctor Who: Muse has just come across a vacant blue box that’s bigger on the inside and look! There’s directions on how to work this “TARDIS.” They’ve decided to give it a try, but they have to take someone (anyone who replies to the open). The TARDIS stays in their possession for three days.

Trading Places: Mun and Muse(s) swap roles for (Anon decides)

A Change of Heart: Muse turns into an evil version of him/herself for (Anon decides) (If Muse is already evil, Muse turns nice.)

Not Yourself: Muse has the personality of a character of anon’s choice.

Double Trouble: Muse has an exact copy of themself to deal with. Only the copy secretly wants to kill them.

Babysit: Muse has to take care of a child. Lasts a day.

That’s Not Punny: Muse feels inclined to make a pun about almost everything.

Dory: Muse has short term memory loss for (anon specifies time)

Sufferin’ Succotash!: Muse develops a lisp.

Freeze!: Muse freezes up for a few seconds whenever a certain word is said. Anon may choose the word.

Happy Days: Muse is forced to keep a permanent smile.

Shut the Blinds: Muse becomes allergic to the sun.

Spirit Animal: Muse is turned into an animal (Anon decides what) for 12 hours.

Fear in Your Eyes: Muse is deathly afraid of _______ (Anon specifies fear). Lasts 12 hours.

Say You’ll Haunt Me: Muse is a ghost, whom can only be seen if they want to be. Lasts 24 hours.

Pure: Sex? What’s that? Muse suddenly has the mentality of a three year old, and can’t understand anything ‘adult’. Anon decides the duration.

Silence: Muse cannot speak, lasts for a day

Noise: Muse will say everything they think, lasts for a day

Aimless: Muse is drunk/disoriented/easily confused for - Anon decides

Aglet: The muse will spew little-known facts for ___.

Wings:You can fly! Muse sprouts wings for up to a maximum of two weeks. Anon gets to choose how big they are( chicken wings anyone?)

Secret: Muse cannot speak the truth for 24 hours, thinking they’ll let slip an important secret! Hide the documents!

Memory: Dude where’s my….who am I again? Muse loses their memory and can’t remember anything at all. Anon decides the duration.

Bed: Muse now has narcolepsy and falls asleep at random for three days.

Paranoia: Muse becomes extremely paranoid about (Anon specifies what and for how long)

Hallucination: Muse sees things for (Anon decides)

I Crush Everything: Muse has super strength, but can’t control it and ends up breaking things for (anon decides).

Dare You to Move: Muse lies on the ground and has no desire to get up and do anything for 24 hours, or until somebody convinces them to get up.

This Means War: For the next _______, your muse is easily offended by anything someone says to them.

Switch: Muse has to switch bodies with (Anon decides, but muns have to agree) for (Anon decides how long)

Everybody Wants To Be A Cat: Your muse is a fancy feline for 4 hours.

[irontony-ask]

Updated Magic Anon List!

❣ – VISITOR – A creature has paid a visit to your muse, and they show little signs of being a benevolent soul.

♚ – STARVED – Your muse suddenly becomes very hungry for power, willing to do anything to reach the top and claim glory.

☠ – TOXIC – Your muse has lost any faith in life and humanity and decide to take action, and may deal with that as they may.

☒ – CENSORED – Your muse can no longer tell the truth, and they only speak in lies.

✒ – REVEALING – Your muse cannot lie, and can only speak the truth, whether they know it is true or not.

⇺ – REVERSE – We see an event from your muse’s past, played out in full, as specified by the asker.

웃 – IDENTITY – Your muse must switch bodies with another muse, as specified by the asker (with permission from other blog).

℺ – MEDULA – Your muse will switch personalities with another muse (with permission from another blog) or adopt the personality of another muse of the asker’s choice.

✁ – PERSONA – Your muse will lose a trait of their personality, specified by the asker.

☻ – DECEIT – Your muse will act as their polar opposite.

✷ – KIN – All asks will  be directed towards a family member of your muse.

❥ – STARCROSSED – Your muse will fall in love with another muse of the asker’s choice.

† – HOLY – Your muse will become an angel or demon, as specified by the asker.

❇ – MUTATION – Your muse will transform into some kind of monster or animal, specified either by asker or left to mun’s imagination.

⊛ – WITHIN – Muse becomes their spirit animal.

π – TECHNOLOGICAL – Your muse has become an automaton.

☢ – DISEASED – Your muse has now fallen incredibly ill with a mysterious disease and must be taken care of.

⌚ – CLOCKWORK – Your muse is now older or younger, as specified by the asker.

♘ – PURITY – Your muse wants nothing more than to help others and see to their well-being.

✾ – INHABITATION – Your muse has become possessed by another, foreign entity.

¿ – ALTERNATIVE – Your muse is now part of an alternate universe (crossovers included) of the asker’s choosing.

ᵜ – ANIMALIA – Your muse is now a half-animal being (animal is specified by asker).

☐ – LAME – Your muse loses one of their senses, specified by asker.

✷ – MAGICA – Your muse develops magical powers, as specified by asker or left to mun’s imagination.

◌ – ABSENT – Your muse has amnesia and cannot remember anything about themselves.

♔ – OBEDIENCE – Your muse must obey any commend given to them, or any command given to them by a specified Master.

♡ – LIBIDO – Your muse’s sex drive has gone overactive, and they will lust after anyone they see or after a specific person, as specified by the asker.

☿ – PRONOUN – Your muse is now of the opposite sex or gender. If they are transgender, they have the body they aspire to have. If they are nonbinary, the mun can decide what this will mean.

☯ – SEPARATED – Your muse will be split into two opposing halves based on their personality.

の – NEGATORY – Your muse will only be able to deny things and say no, no matter what is being asked of them.

☣ – INTOXICATION – Your muse is very high on a particular intoxicant/drug, as specified by the asker.

▨ – TRANSPARENCY – Your muse is now a ghost separated from their body and cannot be easily seen, heard, or felt by any living person.

☤ – MISFORTUNE – Your muse has a terrible accident and barely survives.

♛ – HIGHNESS – Your muse becomes that of royalty and/or high status.

[irontony-ask]

Want to know me better? Send me any number!

[irontony-ask]

tony installs heelys in peters suit for his birthday despite bitching about the ridiculousness of it to rhodey

the next sighting of iron man in public was… peculiar, and described by an eyewitness as “zooming past us and pulling that spiderman dude by his web behind him, and i SWEAR spiderman was gliding down the road at 200mph in fucking heelys as he was towed by tony fucking stark, why does no one believe me”

[irontony-ask]

finally finished some pepperony and dum-e :)

 inspired by the sweet fic  Dummy’s Shrine  by rebelmeg

[irontony-ask]

evolutte:

 *   AVENGERS   :   INFINITY   WAR   SENTENCE   STARTERS   .

 warning   !   this   post   contains   quotes   from   the   movie   &.   thus   contains   spoilers   !   don’t   reblog   if   you   haven’t   seen   it   &.   don’t   want   it   spoiled   .   (   feel   free   to   change   pronouns   ,   etc   .   this   is   not   in   chronological   order   )   .

did you do it ?

what did it cost ?

what exactly is it that they do ?

oh , screw you , i’ll do it myself !

you will never be a god .

what did you imagine ?

this does put a smile on my face .

what’s the matter with you , kids ? you’ve never seen a spaceship before ?

oh , we’re using our made-up names ? in that case , i’m _____ .

let’s talk about this plan of yours . i think it’s good , except it sucks .

i swore off dairy , but then ben & jerry’s named a flavor after me .

evacuate the city ! engage all defenses !

you should have gone for the head .

i assure you , the sun will shine on us again .

in time , you will know what it’s like to lose .

dread it . run from it . destiny still arrives .

i’m sorry … i’m sorry .

you’re invited to my wedding .

don’t forget this might be dangerous , so let’s put on our mean faces .

death follows him like a shadow .

you have my respect . 

i hope they remember you .

you kill and torture and you call it mercy .

you failed .

did we just lose ?

who the hell are you guys ?

today we don’t fight for any life … we fight for all of them .

so this is it ? it’s all been leading to this .

it’s alright .

you could never hurt me .

no resurrections this time .

how is it you know this place so well ?

i do have a bit of experience in that arena .

i lost more than you could know .

but now is no time to mourn .

wake him up .

you really are the worst .

i saved you .

what master do you serve ?

what master do i serve ? what am i supposed to say , jesus ?

dude , you’re embarrassing me in front of wizards .

i don’t want another single pop culture reference out of you for the rest of the trip . you understand ?

all this , just for a drop of blood .

where’s your other friend ?

you will have nothing but dust , and blood .

we have blood to spare .

i should’ve stayed on the bus !

congratulations , you’re a prophet .

i’m a survivor .

you’re trespassing in this city and on this planet .

it means get lost squidward !

i got you . i got you .

he did it .

what is this ? what the hell is happening ?

i will take it off your corpse .

he’ll die alone , as will you .

i  need you to create a diversion .

we’re all gonna die !

i thought you might be hungry .

you were supposed to protect us .

what did you do ?

you’re a total d-hole .

i know what it’s like to lose .

you should have killed me !

i don’t want to go , please , i don’t want to go .

this is no place to die .

i told you … that you would die for that .

we’re in the endgame now .

it was the only way .

motherf-

[irontony-ask]

Unconscious/Unsteady Sentence Starters

“Woah, are you okay?”

“Get up!” 

“W-what happened?” 

“Steady now.” 

“What happened to you?” 

“I got you, don’t worry.” 

“You look like you’re going to tip over at any second.” 

“Why am I on the ground?”

“Hey, wake up.” 

“Please tell me you aren’t dead…” 

“Please groan if you’re awake.” 

“I… I need to sit down…” 

“I have you, it’s okay.” 

“Can you make it to that chair?” 

“Do you need to sit down?” 

“You’re looking awfully pale.” 

“Hey now, take it easy…” 

“Don’t sit up so fast.” 

“Do you need a hand…?” 

“This is no place to take a nap.” 

“Why is there a body out here?” 

“I’ll catch you if you keel over.” 

Send 🛌+ a sentence of your own!

[irontony-ask]

hospital themed starters

“ stop messing with your IV. ”

“ hey there - you gave me quite a scare. ”

“ this IV itches. ”

“ i think my nurse is trying to kill me. ”

“ i don’t want to have another surgery. ”

“ i’m tired of laying here in this stupid bed. ”

“ this medicine makes me feel so out of it. ”

“ i just want to go home. ”

“ i’m not leaving this room. ”

“ i feel so tired all the time. ”

“ i’m pretty sure this place is haunted. ”

“ i keep telling them i’m fine. i can go home! ”

“ you’re not fine. you need to rest. ”

“ it’s just a few more days, then i’ll take you home. ”

“ will you stop playing with the bed settings? ”

“ they said i might need another surgery. ”

“ the doctor said it could be worse. ”

“ the doctors are still running some tests. ”

[irontony-ask]

Terrible First Meeting Starters

For breaking the ice in the worst possible way, featuring themes including: kidnapping, murder, stalking, injury, monsters, and just general meanness. [Brackets] indicate spaces to include your own words to personalize your ask!

“Wh-who are you? Where are we? Why are we tied up together?!” “You almost killed me, so no, it’s not nice to meet you.” “Oh my god, are you okay? Should I call an ambulance?” “I wondered when you were going to wake up. You almost didn’t survive.” “Get out of my way before I move you myself.” “Please, let me out of here!” “You’re staring like you’ve never seen a [monster/vampire/demon/etc] before.” “Hey. Pretend you were waiting for me. You’re being followed.” “You don’t know me, but something terrible is going to happen.” “You’re in the wrong place at the wrong time.” “Please, someone help!” “You shouldn’t be out here all by yourself this late at night.” “Stop shining that flashlight on me! I’m not a damn ghost!” “I’m sorry if I hurt you.” “Shh, don’t scream! I’m not trying to attack you!” “I’ve never seen anything like you before.” “Stand right there and don’t get any closer!” “Now that you’ve seen this, I can’t let you leave and just tell anyone.” “Ugh, my head. What happened to us?” “Is there a reason you’ve been following me for an hour?” “If you come near me, I will scream at the top of my lungs.” “Holy shit. What have you done?!” “Is that blood? Is that YOUR blood?” “Don’t panic, I can explain!” “I promise you, this isn’t what it looks like.” “I won’t hurt you if you just keep your mouth shut.” “Who are you? Where are you taking me?!” “This is for your own safety. I’ll explain later.” “What the hell was that thing back there?!” “There’s something wrong with me. I need your help!” “Please, someone, there’s been an emergency!” “You can’t leave. You’re a witness and now you’ve involved.” “I’m being hunted, and now they’ve seen you too.” “If you believe in any god, I suggest praying to them now.” “Shh! Hide here, and don’t move a muscle.” “Can I walk with you? I think I’m being followed.” “I’m so sorry. I don’t like tricking people, but I had to lure you here.” “Fuck off, this is private property!” “I’ve seen some weird shit, but you’re something else.” “Oh my god. Are you a [monster/demon/angel/etc]?” “Don’t look at me like that, with those eyes.” “That isn’t your blood. What did you do?” “I promise not to tell anyone, just let me go!” “Come with me. I want to show you something.” “You’re not going to eat me, are you?” “You should never have approached me. You don’t know who you’re dealing with.” “Go away, I’m not looking for a conversation.” “You don’t just follow people to their homes! I’m calling the police.” “Please, I’ll do anything, just untie me!” “I’m sorry if I scared you.” “I had to tie you up. You didn’t leave me any other choice.” “I don’t even know you. What do you mean, I ‘have’ to go with you?” “We almost died back there. Maybe we should introduce ourselves.” “Let go of me!” “I’m hurt. Please, I need you to call an ambulance for me.” “You have to come with me, something bad is about to happen!” “I’m not leaving until you tell me why you’ve been following me!” “Seeing as we may not survive, I should tell you my name. It’s [name].”

[irontony-ask]

I'm not sure Wrex has a firm grasp on people regardless of calling most of them "bitch".

At least I get a name, I suppose I shouldn't complain. Despite the part where it isn't my name.

ONLY WAYS I PRONUNCIATIN' YALLS LASS NAME IS 'BITCH'

Does that not make it difficult to tell People apart?