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Someone’s gotta teach that boy how to kiss

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The fattest kitten at work hates humans SO MUCH. He doesn’t want to get picked up, he doesn’t want a cuddle. we’re all like, you should have thought about that before you decided to be the fattest little baby in existence. You think we’re not going to pick you up? You think we’re not going to kiss you? You’re so fat

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I painted very round birbs

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When a fic doesn’t fit my head canons but it’s well-written

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Night and day 🌌🏞️

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Guys, let's make a sandwich. I'll start:

Bread

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when the spring evening sunlight hits and you can be productive at six in the evening instead of dissolving into goo. fine. i guess the sunlight is powerful or whatever.

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posting this for no particular reason

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POV: You are a container of food

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The exception is cheesy local commercials. Those should be the only ads. I will listen to someone who runs a store in my city doing an awkward rap. We once had a furniture store with these awful CGI ads and the slogan "where the deals are so low, it's almost criminal!" and then they got shut down, by the cops, because it turned out. It turned out the deals were so low because. You're not going to believe this but the prices were so low it was in fact

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years ago i wrote a poem around a phrase that had been stuck in my head for days and the poem unsettled me so bad i couldn't look at it for long or have it on the same page as other poems. without any logical reason for my fear, mind you, this was a poem ostensibly about a bird. and probably not a good one, though it's hard to recall text i refuse to look at. except for that phrase i wrote it around. it's the most benign thing and yet it consistently evokes a visual in my mind that fills me with prey fear. the chilling, stilling dread of being sighted as living carrion. a corpse in the making. this phrase about a bird repeats in my head and somehow scares me worse than actual horror stories. It makes me feel like a lovecraft-inspired podcast protagonist and lemme tell you it's not a fun sensation.

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Thanks, Anon!

-submit your poll!-

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Imagine romanticizing the grind when you live in a universe that has a large expanse of grasslands and colorful endemic birds

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this is basically a short horror film

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i love when people are like “Oh my god, I couldn’t possibly imagine being asexual, how sad, you’re missing so much…” Bitch!!! You know what’s sad? Being gluten intolerant. If you placed two pills in front of me right now, one which would turn me allosexual and one which would enable me to tear into a freshly-baked oven-warm olive-and-rosemary ciabatta without utterly destroying my body, it would not even be a choice. “hyuhhh-duhhhh aren’t you worried you’ll die alone�� aren’t you worried i’ll just launch myself over the bakery counter in our local grocery store one day and stuff croissants in my mouth like a starving racoon til i die and the whole place has to be closed down as a health risk while they peel my bloated body off the linoleum floor? You should be